DIY Wedding Forum

Drink tokens?

My FI and I are talking about having an open bar at the wedding, the only problem is there are specific guests who don't handle themselves well when heavily intoxicated, but may not outwardly appear to be too drunk. Our plan was to create special "drink tokens," where everyone gets them, but specific people get specifically colored tokens that identify them as limited alcohol content/drink quantities. Basically:

Guest arrives, receives bag of drink tokens with their name on them. Regular guests get 10, "special exception" guests get 8 (i.e. persons who are 20 and are nearing their 21st birthday. For example, my MOH's birthday is September, and our wedding may be in September. If it was a situation where she was still 20 and her 21st birthday was shortly after the wedding, she would rate "special exception"), and limited drinkers (angry, destructive, reckless) get 6 in a designated color. You present the token with your name on it to the bartender, and it can be redeemed for one alcoholic drink (you don't need them for soda and water). When you are out of tokens, find the bride/groom. They will determine if you can continue drinking or if you need to stop. If you can continue, there will be a special token created called the "Bride/Groom's Promise" token, where you can redeem it for another drink.

The bartender still reserves the right to cut you off, for limited drinkers, the strength of your limited drinks is at the bartender's discretion, and getting ugly is grounds to be kicked out just like it would be anywhere else. If you have the same name as someone (for example, I have a cousin named Taylor who can handle her liquor and a friend named Taylor who can't), the last initial will be used.

Is this tacky or is it acceptable, considering we're paying for the venue and the alcohol being consumed? I'm also concerned with the limited drinkers feeling singled out because they're of age and being barred from the bar, and this is my way of letting them feel included in a way that barring them from the drinks as a whole would not. We also felt it was better than wristbands because we can limit intake the way we can't with a wristband, whereas with a drink token with your name on it that's laminated, you can't forge it or steal/ask for someone else's.
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Re: Drink tokens?

  • edited July 2015
    My FI and I are talking about having an open bar at the wedding, the only problem is there are specific guests who don't handle themselves well when heavily intoxicated, but may not outwardly appear to be too drunk. Our plan was to create special "drink tokens," where everyone gets them, but specific people get specifically colored tokens that identify them as limited alcohol content/drink quantities. Basically:

    Guest arrives, receives bag of drink tokens with their name on them. Regular guests get 10, "special exception" guests get 8 (i.e. persons who are 20 and are nearing their 21st birthday. For example, my MOH's birthday is September, and our wedding may be in September. If it was a situation where she was still 20 and her 21st birthday was shortly after the wedding, she would rate "special exception"), and limited drinkers (angry, destructive, reckless) get 6 in a designated color. You present the token with your name on it to the bartender, and it can be redeemed for one alcoholic drink (you don't need them for soda and water). When you are out of tokens, find the bride/groom. They will determine if you can continue drinking or if you need to stop. If you can continue, there will be a special token created called the "Bride/Groom's Promise" token, where you can redeem it for another drink.

    The bartender still reserves the right to cut you off, for limited drinkers, the strength of your limited drinks is at the bartender's discretion, and getting ugly is grounds to be kicked out just like it would be anywhere else. If you have the same name as someone (for example, I have a cousin named Taylor who can handle her liquor and a friend named Taylor who can't), the last initial will be used.

    Is this tacky or is it acceptable, considering we're paying for the venue and the alcohol being consumed? I'm also concerned with the limited drinkers feeling singled out because they're of age and being barred from the bar, and this is my way of letting them feel included in a way that barring them from the drinks as a whole would not. We also felt it was better than wristbands because we can limit intake the way we can't with a wristband, whereas with a drink token with your name on it that's laminated, you can't forge it or steal/ask for someone else's.
    I am hoping you are kidding with all of this.

    Or are a troll.

    Either way, I can't respond well to this nonsense.
    Unfortunately, I'm completely serious. We have that many idiots who can't control themselves and get upset about literally everything that this is the only way we can think of not to be an asshole, and if you have a better idea, please let us know. We love the idiots and we want them there and having a good time, but we don't want them to feel left out or hear their mouths about not being allowed to drink when they're old enough to.
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  • Guests that will be drinking are adults, let them be adults. It's not your place to say that Billy Bob doesn't handle his drinks well so we will limit him, but Sally Sue is a hoot when she drinks so give her all the drinks. 

    That's all I've got, this seems ridiculous and I agree with Maggie

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Unfortunately, I'm completely serious. We have that many idiots who can't control themselves and get upset about literally everything that this is the only way we can think of not to be an asshole, and if you have a better idea, please let us know.
    It is not your right to control how people behave.  Have security on hand to escort anyone out who may act up, but to have colored tokens or wrist bands is laughable.

    Or just have a dry wedding, then you don't have to worry about it at all.

  • Unfortunately, I'm completely serious. We have that many idiots who can't control themselves and get upset about literally everything that this is the only way we can think of not to be an asshole, and if you have a better idea, please let us know.
    It is not your right to control how people behave.  Have security on hand to escort anyone out who may act up, but to have colored tokens or wrist bands is laughable.

    Or just have a dry wedding, then you don't have to worry about it at all.
    If we're paying for the liquor and not charging them at all, we don't reserve the right to say "you act like an idiot and break things when you get too drunk, so you can't have too many?" I figured "You can only have a few, don't get too crazy" is better than letting them get crazy and throwing them out.
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  • Unfortunately, I'm completely serious. We have that many idiots who can't control themselves and get upset about literally everything that this is the only way we can think of not to be an asshole, and if you have a better idea, please let us know.
    It is not your right to control how people behave.  Have security on hand to escort anyone out who may act up, but to have colored tokens or wrist bands is laughable.

    Or just have a dry wedding, then you don't have to worry about it at all.
    THIS.. And, please explain to me HOW this will actually work, is the bartender supposed to have a sheet with all names/photos so they KNOW that the person is who the chip says they are? Your guests are not a kindergarten class where each kid gets one juice box, they are ADULTS, you can't control what they choose to do and if you are trying to then you are doing it wrong. I would be 100% insulted if I got a "limited" drink color, it would show me how much you actually thought of me and how irresponsible you really think I am. Then we would no longer be friends and I would be completely uncomfortable hanging out with you or ordering a beer in front of you.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Unfortunately, I'm completely serious. We have that many idiots who can't control themselves and get upset about literally everything that this is the only way we can think of not to be an asshole, and if you have a better idea, please let us know.
    It is not your right to control how people behave.  Have security on hand to escort anyone out who may act up, but to have colored tokens or wrist bands is laughable.

    Or just have a dry wedding, then you don't have to worry about it at all.
    THIS.. And, please explain to me HOW this will actually work, is the bartender supposed to have a sheet with all names/photos so they KNOW that the person is who the chip says they are? Your guests are not a kindergarten class where each kid gets one juice box, they are ADULTS, you can't control what they choose to do and if you are trying to then you are doing it wrong. I would be 100% insulted if I got a "limited" drink color, it would show me how much you actually thought of me and how irresponsible you really think I am. Then we would no longer be friends and I would be completely uncomfortable hanging out with you or ordering a beer in front of you.
    I'm not going to refuse alcohol to everyone because onesies and twosies don't know how to act right, so please enlighten me on the best course of action to take. I don't want my friends chucked out by security, and it's easier to give them a limited number (maybe not in a diffferent color in restrospect) than to let them get stupid and kick them out. Wristbands were never even on the table for that reason.
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  • Unfortunately, I'm completely serious. We have that many idiots who can't control themselves and get upset about literally everything that this is the only way we can think of not to be an asshole, and if you have a better idea, please let us know.
    It is not your right to control how people behave.  Have security on hand to escort anyone out who may act up, but to have colored tokens or wrist bands is laughable.

    Or just have a dry wedding, then you don't have to worry about it at all.
    If we're paying for the liquor and not charging them at all, we don't reserve the right to say "you act like an idiot and break things when you get too drunk, so you can't have too many?" I figured "You can only have a few, don't get too crazy" is better than letting them get crazy and throwing them out.
    It is the bartenders responsibility to manage who gets cut off.  Not you.  You have no right (even when you are paying) to say that these people can have rum, but these people can't.  That is incredibly rude, how can you not see that?  These people are adults, not children, so you can't control what they can and cannot drink if you choose to have an open bar.  The only way you can control what someone drinks is by controlling what you offer to everyone.  But know that if you offer alcohol of any kind people can and will get drunk.  So you have to rely on your bartenders to do their job.  And, if you are truly concerned, have security on hand to remove anyone acting out.  Other then that you have to trust that people will behave themselves because they are adults.

  • Unfortunately, I'm completely serious. We have that many idiots who can't control themselves and get upset about literally everything that this is the only way we can think of not to be an asshole, and if you have a better idea, please let us know.
    It is not your right to control how people behave.  Have security on hand to escort anyone out who may act up, but to have colored tokens or wrist bands is laughable.

    Or just have a dry wedding, then you don't have to worry about it at all.
    THIS.. And, please explain to me HOW this will actually work, is the bartender supposed to have a sheet with all names/photos so they KNOW that the person is who the chip says they are? Your guests are not a kindergarten class where each kid gets one juice box, they are ADULTS, you can't control what they choose to do and if you are trying to then you are doing it wrong. I would be 100% insulted if I got a "limited" drink color, it would show me how much you actually thought of me and how irresponsible you really think I am. Then we would no longer be friends and I would be completely uncomfortable hanging out with you or ordering a beer in front of you.
    I'm not going to refuse alcohol to everyone because onesies and twosies don't know how to act right, so please enlighten me on the best course of action to take. I don't want my friends chucked out by security, and it's easier to give them a limited number (maybe not in a diffferent color in restrospect) than to let them get stupid and kick them out. Wristbands were never even on the table for that reason.
    If your friends can't control themselves and act like assholes then they deserve to be chucked out.  Period.  You can't control people so don't try, because then that just makes you look like a crazy person.

  • Unfortunately, I'm completely serious. We have that many idiots who can't control themselves and get upset about literally everything that this is the only way we can think of not to be an asshole, and if you have a better idea, please let us know.
    It is not your right to control how people behave.  Have security on hand to escort anyone out who may act up, but to have colored tokens or wrist bands is laughable.

    Or just have a dry wedding, then you don't have to worry about it at all.
    If we're paying for the liquor and not charging them at all, we don't reserve the right to say "you act like an idiot and break things when you get too drunk, so you can't have too many?" I figured "You can only have a few, don't get too crazy" is better than letting them get crazy and throwing them out.
    It is the bartenders responsibility to manage who gets cut off.  Not you.  You have no right (even when you are paying) to say that these people can have rum, but these people can't.  That is incredibly rude, how can you not see that?  These people are adults, not children, so you can't control what they can and cannot drink if you choose to have an open bar.  The only way you can control what someone drinks is by controlling what you offer to everyone.  But know that if you offer alcohol of any kind people can and will get drunk.  So you have to rely on your bartenders to do their job.  And, if you are truly concerned, have security on hand to remove anyone acting out.  Other then that you have to trust that people will behave themselves because they are adults.
    I figured I was making life easier for the bartender too, considering people tend to flock to bars, and there are some people who can be ridiculously drunk but not outwardly appear completely wasted. But its seeming like trusting the bartender is the least rude option. I wasn't trying to hurt feelings or be an ass or anything, I'd just really rather not have my venue trashed and be left with the awkward "let it slide because I provided alcohol or  make you pay for damages" dilemma for bringing good friends who make stupid choices.
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  • Unfortunately, I'm completely serious. We have that many idiots who can't control themselves and get upset about literally everything that this is the only way we can think of not to be an asshole, and if you have a better idea, please let us know.
    It is not your right to control how people behave.  Have security on hand to escort anyone out who may act up, but to have colored tokens or wrist bands is laughable.

    Or just have a dry wedding, then you don't have to worry about it at all.
    THIS.. And, please explain to me HOW this will actually work, is the bartender supposed to have a sheet with all names/photos so they KNOW that the person is who the chip says they are? Your guests are not a kindergarten class where each kid gets one juice box, they are ADULTS, you can't control what they choose to do and if you are trying to then you are doing it wrong. I would be 100% insulted if I got a "limited" drink color, it would show me how much you actually thought of me and how irresponsible you really think I am. Then we would no longer be friends and I would be completely uncomfortable hanging out with you or ordering a beer in front of you.
    I'm not going to refuse alcohol to everyone because onesies and twosies don't know how to act right, so please enlighten me on the best course of action to take. I don't want my friends chucked out by security, and it's easier to give them a limited number (maybe not in a diffferent color in restrospect) than to let them get stupid and kick them out. Wristbands were never even on the table for that reason.
    The best course of action is to let it go and let the bartenders do their job. It's not your responsibility and really you CAN'T control it.. there is no way to know how many drinks anyone has even with the tokens, one person who you gave open range to may only want one and then just give the tokens to the other person, if they can't go up and get them themselves someone else can get them and hand them over at the table. See what I'm saying here? It's rude, as your guest I would be highly offended, and there is absolutely no way you can control how many drinks 10 out of 100 people have.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • AddieCake said:
    You want to let the "almost 21" people be allowed to drink as well? What?
    I think I missed this a long the way.

  • Unfortunately, I'm completely serious. We have that many idiots who can't control themselves and get upset about literally everything that this is the only way we can think of not to be an asshole, and if you have a better idea, please let us know.
    It is not your right to control how people behave.  Have security on hand to escort anyone out who may act up, but to have colored tokens or wrist bands is laughable.

    Or just have a dry wedding, then you don't have to worry about it at all.
    If we're paying for the liquor and not charging them at all, we don't reserve the right to say "you act like an idiot and break things when you get too drunk, so you can't have too many?" I figured "You can only have a few, don't get too crazy" is better than letting them get crazy and throwing them out.
    It is the bartenders responsibility to manage who gets cut off.  Not you.  You have no right (even when you are paying) to say that these people can have rum, but these people can't.  That is incredibly rude, how can you not see that?  These people are adults, not children, so you can't control what they can and cannot drink if you choose to have an open bar.  The only way you can control what someone drinks is by controlling what you offer to everyone.  But know that if you offer alcohol of any kind people can and will get drunk.  So you have to rely on your bartenders to do their job.  And, if you are truly concerned, have security on hand to remove anyone acting out.  Other then that you have to trust that people will behave themselves because they are adults.
    I figured I was making life easier for the bartender too, considering people tend to flock to bars, and there are some people who can be ridiculously drunk but not outwardly appear completely wasted. But its seeming like trusting the bartender is the least rude option. I wasn't trying to hurt feelings or be an ass or anything, I'd just really rather not have my venue trashed and be left with the awkward "let it slide because I provided alcohol or  make you pay for damages" dilemma for bringing good friends who make stupid choices.
    Well you could always not invite these lovely friends of yours who can't control themselves from acting out and trashing places.

  • AddieCake said:
    Hey, law breaking on someone's special day is ok. Don't you guys know anything?

    So, wait, you're telling me that when I was flower girl at 5 I could have had a real drink instead of that bullshit Shirley Temple? 
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  • redoryx said:
    AddieCake said:
    Hey, law breaking on someone's special day is ok. Don't you guys know anything?

    So, wait, you're telling me that when I was flower girl at 5 I could have had a real drink instead of that bullshit Shirley Temple? 
    Yup.  I mean it is a wedding so everyone needs to get drunk.  Just not too drunk.  Or at least only to the drunk level that the couple is cool with.

  • PPs have it covered, this is not a good idea and is definitely not proper etiquette.  You cannot try to police your guests or control adults.  You must either accept their behavior or not invite them.  Also, providing limited drink tokens to a 20 year old is a bonehead move.  Do I think it's ridiculous that a 20 year old can't drink in public 1 week before his/her bday?  Yes.  Would I actively encourage breaking the law b/c of that?  NFW.  

    Like everyone who comes on here with a bad idea and tries to justify it with "special circumstances",you won't be able get the validation you are looking for to do this with further explanation.  You're implying that your idiots are worse than any other idiots we all had at our weddings or weddings to come.  Yet we did not/will not do that to our guests.

    DH refers to a certain group of his friends as "the idiots".  Two have been arrested for stealing a golfcart during a Nascar race weekend, one keeps an extra cc in his car b/c he frequently gets drunk, passes out downtown, and gets his wallet stolen.  We called him one day to go to brunch and a homeless person living under a bridge by the river answered his phone (and very nicely returned it to us) and still another friend set his car on fire a few weeks later.  

    My mom was manic at times with apprehension leading up to the wedding that this band of idiots were going to wreak havoc on our reception.  She wound up LOVING them, dancing with them, and at the end of the night walking arm & arm with one of them as we all went to the after party.  
    My point is, we all have idiot friends.  We love our idiots just as much as you do - we may not even respect their judgement - but we would not try to control their behavior at our wedding.  Ever.  It's just wrong.  
  • redoryx said:
    AddieCake said:
    Hey, law breaking on someone's special day is ok. Don't you guys know anything?

    So, wait, you're telling me that when I was flower girl at 5 I could have had a real drink instead of that bullshit Shirley Temple? 

    Well, yeah. And more than one because WEDDING PARTY, man. You surely would have gotten more drinks than just the regular guests.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • My FI and I are talking about having an open bar at the wedding, the only problem is there are specific guests who don't handle themselves well when heavily intoxicated, but may not outwardly appear to be too drunk. Our plan was to create special "drink tokens," where everyone gets them, but specific people get specifically colored tokens that identify them as limited alcohol content/drink quantities. Basically:

    Guest arrives, receives bag of drink tokens with their name on them. Regular guests get 10, "special exception" guests get 8 (i.e. persons who are 20 and are nearing their 21st birthday. For example, my MOH's birthday is September, and our wedding may be in September. If it was a situation where she was still 20 and her 21st birthday was shortly after the wedding, she would rate "special exception"), and limited drinkers (angry, destructive, reckless) get 6 in a designated color. You present the token with your name on it to the bartender, and it can be redeemed for one alcoholic drink (you don't need them for soda and water). When you are out of tokens, find the bride/groom. They will determine if you can continue drinking or if you need to stop. If you can continue, there will be a special token created called the "Bride/Groom's Promise" token, where you can redeem it for another drink.

    The bartender still reserves the right to cut you off, for limited drinkers, the strength of your limited drinks is at the bartender's discretion, and getting ugly is grounds to be kicked out just like it would be anywhere else. If you have the same name as someone (for example, I have a cousin named Taylor who can handle her liquor and a friend named Taylor who can't), the last initial will be used.

    Is this tacky or is it acceptable, considering we're paying for the venue and the alcohol being consumed? I'm also concerned with the limited drinkers feeling singled out because they're of age and being barred from the bar, and this is my way of letting them feel included in a way that barring them from the drinks as a whole would not. We also felt it was better than wristbands because we can limit intake the way we can't with a wristband, whereas with a drink token with your name on it that's laminated, you can't forge it or steal/ask for someone else's.
    There is not such thing as a special exemption.       You are either 21 or you not.  Period.  I'm NOT losing my license by serving an underage person.  Even if that underage person is only 5 days away.

    How the hell am I going to know if the right person has the right token?  Card them?  What is to stop the ones you are limiting drinks from getting someone else's token?   And I would be PISSED if I saw that Jane has 10 blue tokens and I only have 8.     


    I think your heart is in the right place, but it's just not going to work.   You should not be limited people's drinking.  It's not your place to give underage guests special exemptions.  Let the bartenders do their jobs.







    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • AddieCake said:
    redoryx said:
    AddieCake said:
    Hey, law breaking on someone's special day is ok. Don't you guys know anything?

    So, wait, you're telling me that when I was flower girl at 5 I could have had a real drink instead of that bullshit Shirley Temple? 

    Well, yeah. And more than one because WEDDING PARTY, man. You surely would have gotten more drinks than just the regular guests.
    Because a five year old and a twenty year old who turns 21 in a week are the same thing. Totally gonna give liquor to a kindergartner because I'm edgy as fuck and can't differentiate.
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  • FYI - as the couple you are fucking busy.    Having to hand out more tokens later in the night is not what you will want to be doing.      It's almost laughable that you think it's a task you would even want to take on.

    And who are you do decide if someone is allowed another drink or not?   Let's leave that to the professionals okay?






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • AddieCake said:
    redoryx said:
    AddieCake said:
    Hey, law breaking on someone's special day is ok. Don't you guys know anything?

    So, wait, you're telling me that when I was flower girl at 5 I could have had a real drink instead of that bullshit Shirley Temple? 

    Well, yeah. And more than one because WEDDING PARTY, man. You surely would have gotten more drinks than just the regular guests.
    Because a five year old and a twenty year old who turns 21 in a week are the same thing. Totally gonna give liquor to a kindergartner because I'm edgy as fuck and can't differentiate.

    It's just a joke, and in the eyes of the law, yeah, it's the same thing. It's ILLEGAL to serve minors alcohol, and that includes those just a few days shy.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • AddieCake said:
    redoryx said:
    AddieCake said:
    Hey, law breaking on someone's special day is ok. Don't you guys know anything?

    So, wait, you're telling me that when I was flower girl at 5 I could have had a real drink instead of that bullshit Shirley Temple? 

    Well, yeah. And more than one because WEDDING PARTY, man. You surely would have gotten more drinks than just the regular guests.
    Because a five year old and a twenty year old who turns 21 in a week are the same thing. Totally gonna give liquor to a kindergartner because I'm edgy as fuck and can't differentiate.
    In the eyes of the law it is.. 20 and 5 are BOTH not legally able to drink, and if you are handing out tokens to someone underage whether it's 20 or 5 YOU have officially contributed to a minor and I'm not thinking handcuffs will go well with that pretty dress on your wedding night. We are trying to give you good advice, and in this case you should take it and avoid legal repercussions. 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • AddieCake said:
    redoryx said:
    AddieCake said:
    Hey, law breaking on someone's special day is ok. Don't you guys know anything?

    So, wait, you're telling me that when I was flower girl at 5 I could have had a real drink instead of that bullshit Shirley Temple? 

    Well, yeah. And more than one because WEDDING PARTY, man. You surely would have gotten more drinks than just the regular guests.
    Because a five year old and a twenty year old who turns 21 in a week are the same thing. Totally gonna give liquor to a kindergartner because I'm edgy as fuck and can't differentiate.
    They are in the eyes of the law in regards to drinking.

  • Honestly, if I were that worried, I'd have a dry wedding. 

    How many people are we talking, here?  Because one of my pet peeves is when there's some kind of issue at work, school, wherever, and rather than address directly it with the offender(s), someone creates this whole elaborate new policy that makes life difficult for the 95% of people who already know how to handle themselves.  And not surprisingly, it never seems to "fix" the troublemakers--if they were that impressed by rules and norms, they wouldn't be causing problems in the first place.

    I think your choices are dry wedding, or roll with it.  If they're the kind of people who get drunk and set fires, maybe don't invite them (and consider not being friends with them).  If they're just loud and obnoxious, welcome to humanity.  Hiring security is also an option, but let me tell you, if someone is such a problem that I think I need professional security to manage them, then they're probably not getting an invite.
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