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PrettyGirlLost · June 2015

TrixieJess said:

Knottie95884654 said:

TrixieJess said:
It's none of your brother and your SIL's business who your best friend is sleeping with unless they are required to share a room.

Their bigotry is not your problem.

Repeat after me: not my monkeys, not my circus. Rinse, repeat.

I get what you're saying and it makes sense. However- I feel like they ARE my monkeys- I'm marrying into the family. and it is my circus- its my wedding. If I know there is a chance of them acting badly, wouldn't it be my responsibility to make sure it doesn't happen?

Nope, give your friend a heads up. You cannot control another person's behaviour. If you are so concerned, don't invite them. Family is not always blood and boundaries are your friend.

This. He's the only one who needs a warning, as in Danger Will Robinson! My FILs are bigotted assholes, so who knows WTF they are going to say or how they are going to act.

Just because you are marrying into a family, doesn't mean you have to accept responsibility for other people's issues and then pander to them. "Not my circus, not my monkeys" means other adults' issues and behaviors are not your problems or responsibilities.

PrettyGirlLost · June 2015

TheCheeseWench said:

That is perhaps why a convo with FMIL might be helpful. She might be able to help deliver the message in a diplomatic yet clear manner. This is just borrowing trouble before anyone's planes have even landed in Hawaii. It's not necessary. There are gay people in this world, her FILs have to learn how to deal with that fact gracefully, and if they can't, then they can be told to GTFO- whether they are asked to leave a restaurant becuase they are acting like asses or asked to leave their brother's wedding because they are acting like asses. She knows (Hell, raised) one of these charmers. I am sure she as much as anyone would prefer NOT to see one of her children threaten the happiness at the wedding of another. Maybe your FI can help?

I am trying to figure out how to explain to Fi's (religious) family that one of my BFFs (non-religious and a woman) will be officiating ours in a likely non-religious manner. You don't. Again, this is borrowing trouble. Just because they are religious does not mean that their beliefs super cede the beliefs of everyone around them. If they try and get high and mighty on you on the day of, just have your FI remind them that Jesus was famous for telling people to mind their own damn business and for telling them not to judge other people. if they still don't get the message, he can also remind them that Jesus was also famous for flipping tables and whipping people. . . They wanted us to drag their Baptist minister down to TX, and we attempted to compromise by asking both FFIL and FBIL to do the ceremony. They both declined (FFIL turned FBIL down 10 years ago and now doesn't want to offend him & FSIL, & FBIL doesn't feel that he is "spiritually qualified". I'm sure they'll love the qualifications of my snarky beer brewing buddy. I feel lucky compared to your sitch! :-0 Best of luck!!!

IceQueenSupreme94 · July 2015

As a lesbian myself, I understand where your coming from. I'm going to be completely blunt:

It I really not necessary to tell your SIL about your friends sexuality. Its none of their busness. I am a feminine lesbian and most people do not know I am gay until they see me with my fiancé or I feel comfortable to tell them. I also let my friends know no to tell their families I am aware how they feel about gay people.

On the other hand, my fiancé is a very masculine lesbian and people quickly assume her sexuality because of their stereotypical thinking. If your friend can be "assumed" to be gay based on her looks (people still think like bigot idiots) then I would either not invite your SIL and husband or I would let them know that your friend is gay and it would be appreciated that they still show respect an keep their thoughts to themselves.

alexandducky412 · July 2015

Your friend's safety is paramount over the indulging of two bigots. I got the same advice for my friends who act stupid when they're drunk and break shit; you can't control their behavior, you can only hope they act like adults and if they can't, you tell them to leave. The only other option is to tell them to stay home if they can't sit quietly at the big kids table for a couple of hours.

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