resolved

[Deleted User] · July 2015

I have taken all your advice, thank you!

Jen4948 · July 2015

Yes.

You can probably ask her to remove her nose ring, but it would be rude to ask her to cover her tattoos with makeup. If you want them not to show, choose a dress that covers them up (that works with everyone's budget).

Maggie0829 · July 2015

When you ask someone to be in your wedding you accept them for how they are. You don't try to change them. Would you ask this friend to change her appearance at any other time? No, because she is your friend and even if you don't agree with her getting tattoos or piercings you should accept that that is how she is and how she likes to express herself. So either accept your friend how she is or don't ask her to be a BM.

banana468 · July 2015

[Deleted User] said:

I have a college friend who I am considering to be a bridesmaid but every time I turn around she is altering her body. She now has around 7 visible large tattoos on her arms and neck, got a nose piercing that looks like a bull ring, and just cut her hair into a bowl cut/ mowhawk thing. I know the hair won't be a big deal, it can probably be styled into an updo and it will grow out by my wedding date of **Removed** but would it be rude for me to ask her to cover her tattoos up with make up and take out her nose ring if she were to be a bridesmaid?

Yes. Those are part of who she is. They're her skin. If she had freckles would you try to make them go away? Or would you try to ask your friends all to get air brush tanning so their skin was the same? No (I hope no anyway!).

You can pick a dress that would cover those tattoos or you can give your BM's shawls to wear for the ceremony.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

Thank you everyone for the advise, I really appreciate it!

southernbelle0915 · July 2015

[Deleted User] said:

I have a college friend who I am considering to be a bridesmaid but every time I turn around she is altering her body. She now has around 7 visible large tattoos on her arms and neck, got a nose piercing that looks like a bull ring, and just cut her hair into a bowl cut/ mowhawk thing. I know the hair won't be a big deal, it can probably be styled into an updo and it will grow out by my wedding date of **Removed** but would it be rude for me to ask her to cover her tattoos up with make up and take out her nose ring if she were to be a bridesmaid?

Either she's a good enough friend that you accept her as is and ask her to stand up for you....or you don't. Those are your only options.

You do not have the option of asking her to cover up tattoos, remove piercings, or style her hair a certain way because WEDDING PHOTOS!!!! No.

Can you imagine how insulted you would be if someone told you to lose some weight, get rid of your ugly hair cut, and that you had to wear making up to cover up your freckles if you wanted to be in their wedding? Just imagine that for a minute. You'd be insulted right?

Well her hair, tattoos and piercings are a part of who she is. You either accept that, or you don't. But do NOT ask her to stand up for you and then change who she is.

ShesSoCold · July 2015

I agree with PPs. There's no nice way to ask someone to change their appearance.

I love when I get to tell this story.

I was a BM in my brother's wedding and bride had a friend with some large (really pretty) tattoos. Bride told friend she loved her but that her tattoos would ruin the pictures and because of that, she was not asked to be a bridesmaid. Tattooed friend happened to be a makeup artist and Bride asked her to do the makeup for the bridal party. Friend agreed. Day of the wedding, like 8 people are waiting to get their makeup done, friend doesn't show up. She was so hurt by bride that she purposely no-showed on the wedding day.

Don't be that guy.

Maggie0829 · July 2015

ShesSoCold said:

I agree with PPs. There's no nice way to ask someone to change their appearance.

I love when I get to tell this story.

I was a BM in my brother's wedding and bride had a friend with some large (really pretty) tattoos. Bride told friend she loved her but that her tattoos would ruin the pictures and because of that, she was not asked to be a bridesmaid. Tattooed friend happened to be a makeup artist and Bride asked her to do the makeup for the bridal party. Friend agreed. Day of the wedding, like 8 people are waiting to get their makeup done, friend doesn't show up. She was so hurt by bride that she purposely no-showed on the wedding day.

Don't be that guy.

Holy hell! I don't think I have heard that story before. Wow. Karma is a bitch I tell ya!

mrscomposer · July 2015

[Deleted User] said:

I have a college friend who I am considering to be a bridesmaid but every time I turn around she is altering her body. She now has around 7 visible large tattoos on her arms and neck, got a nose piercing that looks like a bull ring, and just cut her hair into a bowl cut/ mowhawk thing. I know the hair won't be a big deal, it can probably be styled into an updo and it will grow out by my wedding date of **Removed** but would it be rude for me to ask her to cover her tattoos up with make up and take out her nose ring if she were to be a bridesmaid?

Even your issue with her hair is bothering me right now. "Well, I don't like it... but by the time I want her to look pretty, someone'll be able to do something with it to make it acceptable, even if that's not how she wants her hair to be done."

Relationships are based on more than looks. Your friend is more than her appearance. And your wedding is more than your pictures.

thespeshulestsnowflake · July 2015

[Deleted User] said:

I have a college friend who I am considering to be a bridesmaid but every time I turn around she is altering her body. She now has around 7 visible large tattoos on her arms and neck, got a nose piercing that looks like a bull ring, and just cut her hair into a bowl cut/ mowhawk thing. I know the hair won't be a big deal, it can probably be styled into an updo and it will grow out by my wedding date of **Removed** but would it be rude for me to ask her to cover her tattoos up with make up and take out her nose ring if she were to be a bridesmaid?

Yes, very rude. What she looks like is irrelevant to her being a BM.

CMGragain · July 2015

It is very simple. If you want her to be your bridesmaid, then you accept the hair, the nose ring and the tattoos. If these really bother you so much, don't ask her to be a bridesmaid. Just invite her as a guest. I wouldn't talk about this with anyone else, if I were you. You are likely to get a lot of negative feedback.

AddieCake · July 2015

What if she has no intentions of growing her hair out before your wedding?

Viczaesar · July 2015

Deleting your post is rude, [Deleted User]. Also pointless, since you were quoted.

Maggie0829 · July 2015

I would like to know how you resolved this? Did you ask her to be a BM and realize that you were being ridiculous about worrying over your friends appearance? Or did you put your vision before your friend?

thespeshulestsnowflake · July 2015

resolved

Re: resolved

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