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Do we invite the attendants' SOs to the rehearsal dinner?

aedawson13aedawson13
First Comment
in Wedding Party
We are trying to figure out who gets invited to the rehearsal dinner. We each have 6 attendants and most of them are traveling over for our wedding and bringing their significant others. I feel like it would be rude of us not to invite the SOs to the rehearsal dinner as I'm not quite sure what they will do while their boyfriend/girlfriend is rehearsing and having dinner with us. Some of them might not know anyone or have never been to Montana and won't have transportation or a way to go do something while we're rehearsing. At the same time inviting the dates of 12 people is going to make for a huge and expensive rehearsal dinner so we're a little worried about that. What do you think? Who are you inviting?
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Re: Do we invite the attendants' SOs to the rehearsal dinner?

  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Yes, in our circle, SOs are always invited to the RD
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • CTGirl30CTGirl30
    First Comment
    The polite thing to do is to invite the SO's. I will be inviting the SOs of all attendants' in our wedding party and it will be up to them to accept or decline.

    The SO's can meet at the resteraunt after the rehersal so they're not standing around during the rehearsal part.
     If transpo is an issue for OOT people then I'm guessing they can wait around for the half hour or so the rehearsal would take? It could be boring, yes, but if they are to attend the dinner and are coming from OOT with only one rental vehicle or dependent on locals for a ride...not much else they can do aside from decline and stay at the hotel??

    You could always consider scaling back the RD so it's less expensive - they are typically more casual then the wedding that follows anyway so this is the time you can do a BBQ or something more laid back (read: less expensive) if you need to accomodate more guests.
    The Bump ate my signature. DD - Apr 2011 DS - expected June 2013
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    The appropriate thing is to invite the SO everyone at the rehearsal.   This means that the wedding party (MOH, BM, BM, GM and ushers), readers, parents, the officiant and anyone doing something at the ceremony not paid is invited with his/her significant other or with parents if you have a young person in the wedding.

    Yes, it can be pricey, but you can find ways to have a RD that isn't too expensive.

    Not inviting the SOs just isn't an option though. 
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  • splint00splint00 member
    First Comment
    Yes, absolutely they should be invited with their SO's. We were able to find a very affordable tapas place for all 48 people invited to the rehearsal dinner for around $1600. It would be very impolite not to invite them. If you are unable to afford something more pricey, you should consider downgrading it, maybe just have it catered at home or something, that way they can be invited without you and FI worrying about the cost. 
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  • noodle_oonoodle_oo member
    First Comment
    Yes, absolutely. I would also add that it would be nice to invite the SO to the actual rehearsal as well, especially if they are traveling from out of town.  The logistics of transportation when you split up the couple for the rehearsal can be a pain for them to work out. 

    My FI was asked to be a GM in our friends wedding (several years ago), he flew in from NJ for the weekend.  The couple did invite me to the RD, but specifically did not want me at the rehearsal itself (bride said she didn't want anyone not in the wedding there, to "ruin the suprise").  I was really hurt and it was a pain in the butt to get there by myself (no car at the time).  I just didn't understand what the big deal would have been for me sit quietly in a pew in the back during the rehearsal. 

    Can you tell I'm still mad about that?  JK!  The couple is actually our closest friends and both are in our WP, but yeah, that was weird.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_invite-attendants-sos-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2b944daf-35f8-416e-8eb1-74a715e7dc54Post:5f3a78af-4984-4643-a777-bd14a2afec5c">Re: Do we invite the attendants' SOs to the rehearsal dinner?</a>:
    [QUOTE] The couple did invite me to the RD, but specifically did not want me at the rehearsal itself (bride said she didn't want anyone not in the wedding there, to "ruin the suprise"). 
    Posted by noodle_oo[/QUOTE]

    <div>"Ruin the surprise"?  Like, what, exactly was the big reveal?  "Surprise, this isn't actually a wedding!" is the only thing I can come up with that would have been an actual surprise.  Was she always nuts?</div>
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  • noodle_oonoodle_oo member
    First Comment
    She went a little crazy for the wedding.  Otherwise she's always been perfectly sweet!  But yeah, I was pretty annoyed at her during the whole wedding process.  (At the time, I had no idea we'd still be friends after college, let alone as close as we are now).  I actually was really hurt by it.  My FI (BF at the time) were going through really hard times doing the long distance thing.  He paid a ton to fly up for the wedding, but because of her rules, we barely saw each other most of the weekend.  I remember after the ceremony, I caught a minute with FI and just bawled in his arms.  He felt SO bad.  At least she did sit us together at the reception.  :)
    wedding planning guide
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Aw, I'm so sorry!  That sucks!  Shows what the "my day" mentality can do to other people.  And for no reason other than "this is what I want", not because she actually needed to do it.
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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  • megk8ozmegk8oz member
    First Comment
    Yes, you invite the SOs ... well, you invite them if you don't want to be rude.

    I only had 17 (+a baby) people at my RD ... which we held at Five Guys. We only invited our parents, our BP (Which all of our siblings were included in) and their SOs if they had one. My 2 sisters are single, and my younger sister did have a date for the wedding, but he was just a friend-so we did not include him. Our Best Man's FI was in OH the night of the RD (We held it 2 days before the wedding), so she was not present-had she been in state, she was welcome ... and the other GMs brought their SOs.


    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
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  • Mrs.B.RadMrs.B.Rad member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Yes, you do need to invite SOs to the rehearsal dinner.

    My FI was a groomsman in a friends wedding and even though we were engaged I wasn't invited to any of the pre-wedding celebrations (Engagement party, rehearsal dinner) and then the icing on the cake was that I was not sat with FI  at the reception even though everyone else in the BP was sat with their SO. Really hurt my feelings and made it uncomfortable to have to explain to all the single guests I was sitting with that Yes I was engaged but no I was not sitting with him.
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