Homophobe guest

Re: Homophobe guest

• CMGragain member

  

  July 2015 edited July 2015

  This jerk (Excuse me, I meant "Your friend")  is responsible his own behavior.  If he starts spouting anti-gay rhetoric at your reception, I'm sure there will be some nice gay people who will be happy to firmly escort him outside.
  

  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  July 2015

  I'd invite him and hope for the best, but plan for the worst and have security on hand to escort him out if he says one word about anyone else's sexual orientation or otherwise behaves inappropriately to the point that he needs to be kicked out.

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• randomslove member

  

  July 2015

  Yikes. I would not have felt comfortable inviting him. Has he officially been told yes? If so... then you'll just have to tell him to leave if he acts out and otherwise hope for the best.
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

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• fyrchk member

  

  July 2015

  He invited himself. I neither confirmed nor denied. But, our other friend is coming and I don't know if they've talked about my wedding. Other friend is definitely invited and knows it.

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• JellyBean52513 member

  

  July 2015

  I'm probably going to be the unpopular opinion here, but I would say something to the friend. It's an event that I'm hosting and I would want to prevent this guy from bringing his attitude into my party. I would send him a text or Facebook msg (whatever method is appropriate for your friendship) and say "Hey, I've been reading a lot of the FB posts you've been putting up about gay people and I want you know that I have a lot of friends and even family who are gay, so if you're going to act like this at my wedding, you won't be welcome. I love you as a friend but it's really difficult for me to read the things you have to say about other people I really love. Everyone's certainly entitled to their opinion, but I just want to make it clear that I expect you to keep these opinions to yourself on my wedding day because every single one of my guests deserves to be treated with respect. Cool?"
  
  Personally, as somebody with a transgender brother and many very close gay friends, I wouldn't even be friends with someone like this. I can't imagine being even tolerant of someone so hateful, but, I don't want to judge you/make you feel bad for being friends with this guy. I just would at least make sure he knows where I stand on this, if I were in your position

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• DarthV8r member

  

  July 2015

  I would DE friend him on facebook. Also not invite to the wedding. I can't stand people who think horrible things, about people I love.

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  July 2015

  fyrchk said:

  I hope I am posting this in the right place. I wasn't sure where else would be appropriate.

  I have a friend who I served in the military with who I was planning on inviting to the wedding. (Actually, he invited himself and I was okay with it but didn't give him a yes or no, just left it alone.) Anyway, he has been posting a ton of anti-gay rhetoric on Facebook lately. My issue is that my brother is gay (I don't think friend knows that. He's met my brother once and I don't think who he was sleeping with came up in conversation) and my brother-in-law (brother's partner) is officiating my wedding. I also have MANY gay friends who will be in attendance.

  Do I say something to this friend? Not invite him? Hope for the best? His posts are getting more extreme and I'm just imagining him standing up at my wedding and calling people "sinners" or something.

  Edited for clarity.

  
  

  fyrchk said:

  He invited himself. I neither confirmed nor denied. But, our other friend is coming and I don't know if they've talked about my wedding. Other friend is definitely invited and knows it.

  I wouldn't invite him and I'd be inclined to tell him why.  It would also be done in the same breath of me not wanting to be friends with him anymore.  Ditch the loser from your life.  

  

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• Fosmoh member

  

  July 2015

  Honestly i wouldn't invite him.

  if you no longer work with him etc, i wouldn't even bother with him.
  
  Like others have said, i'd even delete him off facebook.  at the very least i would put him on the most limited and restricted list ever on facebook and not post anything wedding related on facebook 

  
  

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• Fosmoh member

  

  July 2015

  OliveOilsMom said:

  I wouldn't invite him and I'd be inclined to tell him why.  It would also be done in the same breath of me not wanting to be friends with him anymore.  Ditch the loser from your life.  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  yup, exactly.
  Look at it this way, what matters more to you? maintaining a friendship with this guy, or loving and respecting your brother and other loved ones who he could potentially REALLY hurt (let it be emotionally or whatever else)  what if this guy gets drunk and starts ranting on etc.  i dunno man, just doesn't sound like a good call... cut him out, you have enough friends and loved ones in your life.. you don't need him 

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• justsie member

  

  July 2015

  I wouldn't invite him, and I would tell him why. I also wouldn't be friends with someone like that.  

  

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• fyrchk member

  

  July 2015

  Thanks everyone. I honestly had no idea he felt so strongly about this. He became a born-again Christian (nothing wrong with that) but since then has been spewing all kinds of things. It's like the person I knew and loved all those years ago has disappeared and been replaced with the entirety of Westboro Baptist Church.
  

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• JellyBean52513 member

  

  July 2015

  fyrchk said:

  Thanks everyone. I honestly had no idea he felt so strongly about this. He became a born-again Christian (nothing wrong with that) but since then has been spewing all kinds of things. It's like the person I knew and loved all those years ago has disappeared and been replaced with the entirety of Westboro Baptist Church.
  

  Real Christians know that there is only one who can pass judgement and it damn well isn't them.

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• kmmssg mod

  

  July 2015

  I'm a born again Christian and JellyBean52513 is right.  Real Christians know that there is only one who can pass judgement and it damn well isn't them.  (Good line, bears repeating!)

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• downtondiva member

  

  July 2015

  It sounds like this "friend" has the potential to upset many of your guests...or even worse, make them feel unsafe. He invited himself, which is rude anyway, and you never directly told him he was invited, so I don't see a breach of etiquette here if you choose not to invite him. And even if there is one, the comfort and safety of your family and friends needs to come first.
  

  
  

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• SP29 member

  

  July 2015

  I'm wondering how close you are to this guy? Is he actually a current friend of yours? Do you want to keep a strong relationship with him??
  
  It sounds like you really aren't that close and he's a guy you "used to be friends with".
  
  If you're not that close with him, I wouldn't invite him. Doesn't mean you cannot continue your current relationship as it is.
  
  If you ARE close with him and you want him there, I would invite him and I agree that I think it's appropriate to have a talk with him. He's been pretty open about his feelings, posting them so publicy on facebook, so I think it's fair game that these opinions can be openly discussed. "Hey friend, I've noticed a lot of the posts you've made lately in FB. While everyone has a right to their own opinions, these posts make me uncomfortable. I would like to invite you to my wedding but I want you to know that I have many gay friends and family members and the expression of any sort of opinions that you've been sharing on FB about the topic will not be welcome".
  

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• AlexisA01 member

  

  July 2015

  I also wouldn't invite him and I would defriend him.

  Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

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• LD1970 member

  

  July 2015

  This issue would resolve itself when I ended the friendship.

  You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
  

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• thisismynickname2 member

  

  July 2015

  I agree with what JellyBean said if you must invite him, but I also don't think you're under any obligation to invite him. Block him from seeing any wedding-related posts and simply don't send him an invitation. 

  
  

  FWIW, DH has an uncle whom I've heard spout some homophobic things; inviting him was non-negotiable. Another member of his family is a lesbian and one of my good friends, also invited, is gay. Uncle kept his mouth shut at the wedding and there were zero concerns or issues. This falls under the "hope people act like mature adults" concept and he did. Kind of like the concept of "don't discuss religion and politics in polite company." 

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