Who do you invite when you are the one paying

nhultberg461 · July 2015

I'm trying to dwindle out list down to under 50 people. We started at almost 150, I have it down to about 85. But I need to get it under 50. What do you use to determine who to invite and who to not invite?
We are paying for this wedding ourselves.
I took out some of our friends as they haven't been a part of our lives in the last year, and same with family members, plus friends or family that would cause some drama that is not needed.
What are some other ways to help get the list down to where we need it to be.
Thank you

AddieCake · July 2015

Cut out kids?

Jen4948 · July 2015

Well, you can not give plus-ones to unattached singles. Note: This is not the same as inviting people in relationships, whether married, engaged, living together, or dating for however long without their partners, which is highly rude.

You can also not invite work colleagues (especially if you don't socialize with them outside the office or work situations), group members who you don't see outside the group, and children (be careful with this; don't split up minor siblings by inviting some but not all of them). Get your FI to go through his side of the list to see if there are any people in these categories.

Note: If you sent save-the-dates to anyone or told them you were inviting them, you can't scratch those people off the guest list but must invite them.

nhultberg461 · July 2015

We've eliminated kids already. The only ones we are including are my two which are also in the wedding party.

What if FI wants to only invite certain neices but not his nephews if they are part of the same family. They don't live with the parents anymore.

Maggie0829 · July 2015

nhultberg461 said:

We've eliminated kids already. The only ones we are including are my two which are also in the wedding party.

What if FI wants to only invite certain neices but not his nephews if they are part of the same family. They don't live with the parents anymore.

If they are adults then you can certainly invite a niece and not the nephew. But just keep in mind that this can be a slippery slope and can lead to hurt feelings.

Have you thought about just starting your guest list over? Print out a sheet with 50 spots and start filling them in. Typically the people who come first to your mind are the one's you want there the most.

And your 50 person guest list, is that due to budget reasons? Can you not afford more then 50 people? If so, remember that 50 needs to also include you and your FI and also your vendors since you need to feed them as well.

nhultberg461 · July 2015

Maggie0829 said:

nhultberg461 said:

We've eliminated kids already. The only ones we are including are my two which are also in the wedding party.

What if FI wants to only invite certain neices but not his nephews if they are part of the same family. They don't live with the parents anymore.

If they are adults then you can certainly invite a niece and not the nephew. But just keep in mind that this can be a slippery slope and can lead to hurt feelings.

Have you thought about just starting your guest list over? Print out a sheet with 50 spots and start filling them in. Typically the people who come first to your mind are the one's you want there the most.

And your 50 person guest list, is that due to budget reasons? Can you not afford more then 50 people? If so, remember that 50 needs to also include you and your FI and also your vendors since you need to feed them as well.

I hadn't even thought about the vendors, we are using one place as both ceremony and reception. Budget is a big issue for us, and FI doesn't want a big wedding, just something small. I knew that it included us and the wedding party.

I'll try the starting of the list over again and see if that helps.

CMGragain · July 2015

It sounds like you have planned your wedding backwards.

1. Start with your budget! Don't do anything else until you have done this.

2. Make up your guest list. It sounds like you have done this = 85.

3. Now you decide what you can afford to feed these people within your budget. A morning ceremony with a brunch reception is half the cost of a dinner reception, and it can be formal and elegant. Casual venues include city parks, community centers, clubs like VFW, Elks, Moose Lodges.
If your budget is really tight, the most traditional wedding is in the afternoon, with a cake and punch reception. No dancing. My own wedding was like this.

nhultberg461 · July 2015

We have a budget. And honestly I want to keep under that amount. We don't want anything big or outlandish. Just simple.
I had heard that morning ceremony's were less expensive, and actually I was leaning towards that, but then I also thought an evening ceremony would be beautiful.
.

julieanne912 · July 2015

nhultberg461 said:

We have a budget. And honestly I want to keep under that amount. We don't want anything big or outlandish. Just simple.
I had heard that morning ceremony's were less expensive, and actually I was leaning towards that, but then I also thought an evening ceremony would be beautiful.
.

Morning/lunch weddings are definitely less expensive. My mother did an early afternoon lunch reception with catered italian food (pastas and salad and bread) They also didn't have alcohol and just did sheet cakes vs fancy decorated cakes. It was a perfectly lovely wedding and the whole thing, including decor, her dress, etc, was under $4,000. having it at their church helped a lot with costs. I think it was around 40-50 but may have been more.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

Or you can do what they did years ago. Have the small wedding and in the church basement or small hall Punch and Cake you could even through in small sandwiches if you wanted.

CMGragain · July 2015

Daughter's brunch buffet reception was in a country club. Menu included carved roast beef, salmon, eggs, sausages, bacon, hashbrowns, asperagus, fruit, bagels and danishes. The food was terrific! Guys loved the sausages. The cost per guest was about $34, before taxes. This was for food only. It was in the very expensive Washington, DC suburbs.

nhultberg461 · July 2015

We just looked at a venue and they would do everything for $5500 ceremony and reception for up to 50 people.

The only problem, I felt really pressured rather then let me work with you. I like the venue a lot, the outside spot is beautiful. But I'm feeling that we can probably find a spot less expensive.

And we got our list under 50. We started a new list and it worked.

Who do you invite when you are the one paying

Re: Who do you invite when you are the one paying

Choose Another Board

Search Boards