Biggest etiquette blunder of 2015?

Knottie67868874 · July 2015

Went to a wedding this summer where I had to fly plus drive two hours, where my fiancé, a groomsman, was seated at the head table and I was not able to sit with him. They also had a four hour gap, and had the excluded groomsmens dates to help with setup and other chores. Honestly I was surprised it was an open bar.

switSwoo00 · July 2015

Attended a wedding last year, engagement was announced at a friend's birthday party who was going through a bad time (and it TOTALLY hijacked the party). Actual wedding was a tiered affair, very obvious that we were second best. One free drink then a cash bar. Nice.

madamerwin · July 2015

I went to a PPD with a money dance earlier this year. They also had a honeymoon registry.

And for thank you cards... We went to a wedding on 6/27/14, and got their thank you card in May 2015. And I am pretty sure they only sent it to explain why they RSVP'd no to our wedding; the card thanked us for the gift, and then went on to explain why they couldn't come to our wedding. It was just... weird. I WAS judging them for not sending a thank you, but sending one 11 months after the fact still makes me judgy.

madamerwin · July 2015

Knottie67868874 said:

Went to a wedding this summer where I had to fly plus drive two hours, where my fiancé, a groomsman, was seated at the head table and I was not able to sit with him. They also had a four hour gap, and had the excluded groomsmens dates to help with setup and other chores. Honestly I was surprised it was an open bar.

Ok, I don't know where etiquette falls on head tables, but I am currently trying to convince my sister (who's getting married in 2 weeks and is working on her seating chart) that it's totally not cool... I explained that it's kind of crappy not to let people sit with their spouse/date/family/whatever, especially if the half of the couple that's not in the wedding party doesn't know many people. FBIL's groomsmen all have wives/girlfriends, and they don't all know each other, so that could make for an awkward time for them.

H is also not thrilled with the thought of not sitting together - a few of my family members do not shut up, and he often gets into situations where I have to rescue him from chatty relatives. Not to mention, our two other sisters (also bridesmaids) have young kids, and not letting them sit with their husbands and kids will be a pain in the ass for everyone...

My sister said she was texting everyone to see what they thought of a head table, and I told her that that's great, but not everyone is likely to tell you they don't like the idea, even if they don't. Apparently FBIL texted his groomsmen about it, and they all responded with something along the lines of "whatever you want." Somehow I doubt they all checked with their SO's (who will be sitting alone) before saying they were cool with it.

Oh, and the thing that got me: My sister's main reason was "Well, we have been to two weddings recently where they had head tables, and it seemed to work out ok." Not weddings they were IN, just weddings they went to. I am pretty sure she just thinks it looks cool, or something. I'm really hoping our other sisters told her they don't like the idea, because I would really like to sit with my husband.

Sorry, /rant.

CharmedPam · July 2015

varner2b2015 said:

Oh goodness...I am torn between the wedding with the dessert reception that was held over the dinner hour where guests had to wait for two hours for the bridal party to return from pictures and during that time the punch ran out or the wedding where the bride and groom put out cups for guests to put money in with the winner (it was the bride) being able to smash cake in the other one's face during the cake cutting.

No words. Unless you consider those words.....

CharmedPam · July 2015

tfmrserwin said:

Knottie67868874 said:

Went to a wedding this summer where I had to fly plus drive two hours, where my fiancé, a groomsman, was seated at the head table and I was not able to sit with him. They also had a four hour gap, and had the excluded groomsmens dates to help with setup and other chores. Honestly I was surprised it was an open bar.

Ok, I don't know where etiquette falls on head tables, but I am currently trying to convince my sister (who's getting married in 2 weeks and is working on her seating chart) that it's totally not cool... I explained that it's kind of crappy not to let people sit with their spouse/date/family/whatever, especially if the half of the couple that's not in the wedding party doesn't know many people. FBIL's groomsmen all have wives/girlfriends, and they don't all know each other, so that could make for an awkward time for them.

H is also not thrilled with the thought of not sitting together - a few of my family members do not shut up, and he often gets into situations where I have to rescue him from chatty relatives. Not to mention, our two other sisters (also bridesmaids) have young kids, and not letting them sit with their husbands and kids will be a pain in the ass for everyone...

My sister said she was texting everyone to see what they thought of a head table, and I told her that that's great, but not everyone is likely to tell you they don't like the idea, even if they don't. Apparently FBIL texted his groomsmen about it, and they all responded with something along the lines of "whatever you want." Somehow I doubt they all checked with their SO's (who will be sitting alone) before saying they were cool with it.

Oh, and the thing that got me: My sister's main reason was "Well, we have been to two weddings recently where they had head tables, and it seemed to work out ok." Not weddings they were IN, just weddings they went to. I am pretty sure she just thinks it looks cool, or something. I'm really hoping our other sisters told her they don't like the idea, because I would really like to sit with my husband.

Sorry, /rant.

Not cool indeed. My brother got married last year with a headtable, wedding party only. One of his friends was a groomsman and his girlfriend who knew nobody in the room had to sit alone. I felt bad for her. And pretty much every single person up there who had dates. I am going to make sure not to do that at mine.

Belle2188 · July 2015

The biggest blunder I saw this year was the bride's step mother wearing a long ivory dress with a train.

Then there was my wedding where like 10 of my husband's friends came without so much as a card, but I don't think that's technically against etiquette despite definitely being odd and a little shitty. Not that I should be surprised since one of those couples got married a few years back and had more etiquette fails than I could count (head table, honeymoon jar, SO's excluded, etc.).

aurianna · July 2015

Personally I think even mentioning one gift by name would have been good; "we've already used XYZ" "we can't wait to cook blah so we can use abc."
It's nice to know that they actually knew what your gift was and appreciated it vs just writing a bunch of generic notes, possibly before they even received the gifts.
But... it's also easy enough to give them the benefit of the doubt and probably not something to worry about too much. I agree that if that was OPs worst wedding thing so far, it's been pretty tame this year.

This has actually been a pretty tame wedding season for me as well.
Second biggest "offense" was at a wedding with a guestbook attendant. This was not an etiquette slight against me personally... but the attendant was loud and aggressive. She was on a mission to make everyone sign. She was sort of annoying. And when people still didn't sign she looked really sad, like she'd let the couple down even after they gave her such an "honor."

Our biggest issue was the wedding we went to, that halfway through the wedding, started charging for soda (not beer. just soda). Not only was that tacky but it also defies reason.

QueridaSara · July 2015

mmm... I attended a wedding this summer as the FI of the best man. (it was his brother's wedding, otherwise, certainly either we wouldn't have agreed to go, or would have left after the rehearsal dinner).

There was a 2.5 - 3 hr unhosted gap (in like 26 C / 79 F) day, in a venue with no fans or AC, where even water was charged for, while the B + G went with the BM + BM for drinks at a bar. I finally texted my FI at the 2.5 hour mark, because folks were getting restless.

Well - the whole wedding was mostly unhosted, except for wine on the tables. But, the venue was so hot, that the wine actually warmed a bit, and didn't taste very good (it was pretty good wine; my fiance picked it out, but the hall was so darn hot!)

MobKaz · July 2015

MesmrEwe said:

thisismynickname said:

Where I'm from gaps are very common. If I declined on principle I'd never witness another wedding. One recent wedding had a gap and insufficient seating for the reception, but at least the others were spot-free.
Later this year I'm going to be seated at a head table without DH. Sigh.

That's the case here too - primarily because a lot of them in our family are at Catholic Churches which dictate what time the ceremony can be, not really the couple's "choice" of time because of Vigil Mass on Saturday evenings. Others it's because there's at least a half-hour of travel between the ceremony and the reception site (small towns are limited on what's available)..

Choice is the operative word. I have attended many Catholic weddings, my daughter's included, that did NOT have a gap. Yes, the time of ceremony is often dictated by the church because of their Vigil Mass. But the starting time of the reception is completely and utterly a CHOICE of the bride and groom. If there is a gap, it is because the couple put their "vision and dream" reception ahead of the hospitality of their guests. If a short gap is necessary, the simple solution is to host something for your guests.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

Experienced my first PPD this year, one of my good friends, and I didn't even find out until it drunkenly slipped out while at the hotel bar after the reception. It came up when she said something about her actual anniversary date... She claimed it was her H's idea "for tax purposes" and he arranged for it to happen on short notice a few months prior to the wedding.

The wedding was out of town in February after a snowstorm, and we got a flat tire on our way there and cut it super close to get roadside assistance/a tow (apparently my car didn't come with a spare and it was shredded) and make it to the hotel to get changed. Luckily we left early to have some spare time, but wish I would have known it was a PPD, wouldn't have made the effort to go!

Last year attended an outdoor October wedding. Had freakishly weird and cold weather, and even some sleet earlier in the day (when I was recruited to help set up.. Was for my best friend's sister). No backup plan for indoor or coverage, but was on her dad's land so they started bonfires. Still didn't change the fact it was like 40 degrees. Barely made it through dinner before we left.

hashtag43016 · July 2015

@aurianna it definitely has been a tame season compared to some of these other stories. Haha, I can't believe the choices people make! But why on Earth would soda be a cost but not beer. That makes absolute no sense at all!

ShesSoCold · July 2015

I've only been to one wedding this year. It was a DW on a beach in Florida. It was nice, kind of generic but nice. It was approximately 1,000 degrees on the beach during the ceremony, but it was Florida in May. They didn't do a receiving line or table visits. That's it I think.

kiwicat1417 · July 2015

I've been to a couple of weddings but this is one I didn't go to. My boyfriend's cousin got married two months ago. Right after she got married, she started her new job as a real estate agent. Last week, my boyfriends mother received a note in the mail from this cousin. She was expecting it to be a thank you note but it actually ended up being a very scripted advertisement about her job and several business cards. We both found this rude because if she can sit down and write a note promoting her job, she can write a thank you note for a wedding gift. She's had two months. She spends a lot of time posting selfies on Facebook so we know she has time to write thank you notes.

mrscomposer · July 2015

My friend is having a shotgun wedding at the end of August. I got the FB shower invite AND the email wedding invite today. My BFF is the bridesmaid/florist, so I look forward to consistent updates (we're moving that weekend and can't go).

This was the info for the shower: "Feel free to bring the kids but leave the men at home, this is a ladies only party. Gifts are not expected or necessary and since (bride) and (groom) don't need much, contributions to their survival fund will be always appreciated".

Wegl13 · July 2015

Contributions to their survival fund makes them sound like preppers. Get them a bunch of dehydrated food and a hand crank flashlight.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

Wegl13 said:

Contributions to their survival fund makes them sound like preppers. Get them a bunch of dehydrated food and a hand crank flashlight.

That's exactly what I was thinking. Except that I am trying to be a zombie prepper and would laugh giddyly if I got a box of dehydrated food. (Already have a hand crank flashlight.)

BouxRadley · July 2015

PamelaMartin2016 said:

tfmrserwin said:

Knottie67868874 said:

Went to a wedding this summer where I had to fly plus drive two hours, where my fiancé, a groomsman, was seated at the head table and I was not able to sit with him. They also had a four hour gap, and had the excluded groomsmens dates to help with setup and other chores. Honestly I was surprised it was an open bar.

Ok, I don't know where etiquette falls on head tables, but I am currently trying to convince my sister (who's getting married in 2 weeks and is working on her seating chart) that it's totally not cool... I explained that it's kind of crappy not to let people sit with their spouse/date/family/whatever, especially if the half of the couple that's not in the wedding party doesn't know many people. FBIL's groomsmen all have wives/girlfriends, and they don't all know each other, so that could make for an awkward time for them.

H is also not thrilled with the thought of not sitting together - a few of my family members do not shut up, and he often gets into situations where I have to rescue him from chatty relatives. Not to mention, our two other sisters (also bridesmaids) have young kids, and not letting them sit with their husbands and kids will be a pain in the ass for everyone...

Not cool indeed. My brother got married last year with a headtable, wedding party only. One of his friends was a groomsman and his girlfriend who knew nobody in the room had to sit alone. I felt bad for her. And pretty much every single person up there who had dates. I am going to make sure not to do that at mine.

tfmrserwin I find head tables to be rude and extremely inconsiderate. I had to fly cross country for FBIL's wedding, FI was the BM. They sat at the head table with the rest of the WP and I, who knew no one except a few of FI's family members, got to sit over at the rejects table in the corner. I wasn't even allowed to sit at the family table. "We just sat her with some of our friends. Figured she'd make friends." Exact quote from FBIL. Pissed me off to no end.

But over all, fight as hard against it as you're willing. A head table is totally fine as long as SO's aren't excluded. It's been said here time and again, you can't ask people to come celebrate your relationship while simultaneously shitting on theirs.

madamerwin · July 2015

BouxRadley tfmrserwin I find head tables to be rude and extremely inconsiderate. I had to fly cross country for FBIL's wedding, FI was the BM. They sat at the head table with the rest of the WP and I, who knew no one except a few of FI's family members, got to sit over at the rejects table in the corner. I wasn't even allowed to sit at the family table. "We just sat her with some of our friends. Figured she'd make friends." Exact quote from FBIL. Pissed me off to no end.
But over all, fight as hard against it as you're willing. A head table is totally fine as long as SO's aren't excluded. It's been said here time and again, you can't ask people to come celebrate your relationship while simultaneously shitting on theirs.
---BOX---

I should really just send my sister over here to read all the reasons people don't like head tables... I did suggest having a head table with room for everyone's SO's (a king's table?), so fingers crossed she does that. I told her that I was going to keep rallying against the head table until she makes her decision, but if she still decides to do it, I will shut my mouth. But I know I won't be the only person in the BP who thinks it's lame.

BouxRadley · July 2015

tfmrserwin said:

BouxRadley said:
tfmrserwin I find head tables to be rude and extremely inconsiderate. I had to fly cross country for FBIL's wedding, FI was the BM. They sat at the head table with the rest of the WP and I, who knew no one except a few of FI's family members, got to sit over at the rejects table in the corner. I wasn't even allowed to sit at the family table. "We just sat her with some of our friends. Figured she'd make friends." Exact quote from FBIL. Pissed me off to no end.

But over all, fight as hard against it as you're willing. A head table is totally fine as long as SO's aren't excluded. It's been said here time and again, you can't ask people to come celebrate your relationship while simultaneously shitting on theirs. ---BOX---I should really just send my sister over here to read all the reasons people don't like head tables... I did suggest having a head table with room for everyone's SO's (a king's table?), so fingers crossed she does that. I told her that I was going to keep rallying against the head table until she makes her decision, but if she still decides to do it, I will shut my mouth. But I know I won't be the only person in the BP who thinks it's lame.

I send people over here for so many reasons.

MobKaz · July 2015

tfmrserwin said:

BouxRadley said:
tfmrserwin I find head tables to be rude and extremely inconsiderate. I had to fly cross country for FBIL's wedding, FI was the BM. They sat at the head table with the rest of the WP and I, who knew no one except a few of FI's family members, got to sit over at the rejects table in the corner. I wasn't even allowed to sit at the family table. "We just sat her with some of our friends. Figured she'd make friends." Exact quote from FBIL. Pissed me off to no end.

But over all, fight as hard against it as you're willing. A head table is totally fine as long as SO's aren't excluded. It's been said here time and again, you can't ask people to come celebrate your relationship while simultaneously shitting on theirs.

---BOX---

I should really just send my sister over here to read all the reasons people don't like head tables... I did suggest having a head table with room for everyone's SO's (a king's table?), so fingers crossed she does that. I told her that I was going to keep rallying against the head table until she makes her decision, but if she still decides to do it, I will shut my mouth. But I know I won't be the only person in the BP who thinks it's lame.

--------BOX--------

No one wants to make waves, and I understand why you would drop the subject. However, the cycle will never die unless more people speak up and out against this "needs to die" tradition.

***Lurkers......when you make decisions for yourself that involve the comfort of your guests, please DO NOT justify it by thinking, "Well, no one said anything, so that must mean they are OK with it". They are more than likely NOT OK with it. They are just choosing to not be as rude as you with your choice(s). Acknowledge their diplomacy by being a considerate host.

bizzy592 · July 2015

The wedding hasn't happened yet (we're skipping it), but I've been invited to a wedding in mid-October. Invite arrived in May. RSVPs due July 31st. Website includes a honeyfund and a dress code.

thespeshulestsnowflake · July 2015

bizzy592 said:

The wedding hasn't happened yet (we're skipping it), but I've been invited to a wedding in mid-October. Invite arrived in May. RSVPs due July 31st. Website includes a honeyfund and a dress code.

What's the dress code? Modern Rustic Semi-Formal?

banana468 · July 2015

tfmrserwin said:

BouxRadley said:
tfmrserwin I find head tables to be rude and extremely inconsiderate. I had to fly cross country for FBIL's wedding, FI was the BM. They sat at the head table with the rest of the WP and I, who knew no one except a few of FI's family members, got to sit over at the rejects table in the corner. I wasn't even allowed to sit at the family table. "We just sat her with some of our friends. Figured she'd make friends." Exact quote from FBIL. Pissed me off to no end.

But over all, fight as hard against it as you're willing. A head table is totally fine as long as SO's aren't excluded. It's been said here time and again, you can't ask people to come celebrate your relationship while simultaneously shitting on theirs.

---BOX---

I should really just send my sister over here to read all the reasons people don't like head tables... I did suggest having a head table with room for everyone's SO's (a king's table?), so fingers crossed she does that. I told her that I was going to keep rallying against the head table until she makes her decision, but if she still decides to do it, I will shut my mouth. But I know I won't be the only person in the BP who thinks it's lame.

I'd probably tell her that if she does it, I'm either bringing my SO's plate up to the table to snuggle in next to me or she shouldn't expect me to spend a ton of time at that head table.

novella1186 · July 2015

This is by far the year of rude weddings for me.

Couple #1 invited me to their DW via text, just said "call our travel agent, cost is $XXXXX"

This same couple later invited me to their PPD that was a full-on reenactment for which they registered. I did not attend either event.

Couple #2 invited us to their wedding and then uninvited us at the last minute because they did not have enough space for us at their venue.

Couple #3 had a cash shower, but no actual shower. Groom's mom sent us an invite that basically said "send me cash and gift cards to give to the bride and groom." No.

This same couple is having a cash bar at their wedding. Their invite was sent 3 months early, with a reply time of 2 months early, the hotel block already closed (wedding is at the end of September), invite included a registry card, and they didn't give hotel info to some of the guests because there's only one hotel in that town and they didn't want the "less important people" taking up rooms.

Couple #4 only put my name on the invite, not H's name. They have met him, they know perfectly well that he is my husband (we got married in May), but he is not invited. Also included a registry card with the invite.

I haven't been invited to any other weddings this year besides these 4 rude ones. The previous two H and I were invited to were his friends and also disgustingly rude (well beyond what I typed above). I'm seriously beginning to wonder what the fuck is going on in this world. I would love love love love love to be invited to a properly hosted, etiquette friendly event.

aurianna · July 2015

novella1186 said:

This is by far the year of rude weddings for me.

Couple #1 invited me to their DW via text, just said "call our travel agent, cost is $XXXXX"
This same couple later invited me to their PPD that was a full-on reenactment for which they registered. I did not attend either event.

Couple #2 invited us to their wedding and then uninvited us at the last minute because they did not have enough space for us at their venue.

Couple #3 had a cash shower, but no actual shower. Groom's mom sent us an invite that basically said "send me cash and gift cards to give to the bride and groom." No.

This same couple is having a cash bar at their wedding. Their invite was sent 3 months early, with a reply time of 2 months early, the hotel block already closed (wedding is at the end of September), invite included a registry card, and they didn't give hotel info to some of the guests because there's only one hotel in that town and they didn't want the "less important people" taking up rooms.

Couple #4 only put my name on the invite, not H's name. They have met him, they know perfectly well that he is my husband (we got married in May), but he is not invited. Also included a registry card with the invite.

I haven't been invited to any other weddings this year besides these 4 rude ones. The previous two H and I were invited to were his friends and also disgustingly rude (well beyond what I typed above). I'm seriously beginning to wonder what the fuck is going on in this world. I would love love love love love to be invited to a properly hosted, etiquette friendly event.

Maybe it's the morning sickness... but I don't think that can be the only reason I want to throw up so badly right now. I'm trying to decide which is the worst. I think #2... But it's a toss up.

julieanne912 · July 2015

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

bizzy592 said:

The wedding hasn't happened yet (we're skipping it), but I've been invited to a wedding in mid-October. Invite arrived in May. RSVPs due July 31st. Website includes a honeyfund and a dress code.

What's the dress code? Modern Rustic Semi-Formal?

Equestrian Chic.

bizzy592 · July 2015

julieanne912 said:

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

bizzy592 said:

The wedding hasn't happened yet (we're skipping it), but I've been invited to a wedding in mid-October. Invite arrived in May. RSVPs due July 31st. Website includes a honeyfund and a dress code.

What's the dress code? Modern Rustic Semi-Formal?

Equestrian Chic.

Close. It's a 'dressy comfortable barn wedding'.

thespeshulestsnowflake · July 2015

bizzy592 said:

julieanne912 said:

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

bizzy592 said:

The wedding hasn't happened yet (we're skipping it), but I've been invited to a wedding in mid-October. Invite arrived in May. RSVPs due July 31st. Website includes a honeyfund and a dress code.

What's the dress code? Modern Rustic Semi-Formal?

Equestrian Chic.

Close. It's a 'dressy comfortable barn wedding'.

An epitome of why people should not make up dress codes. It makes no sense.

TrixieJess · July 2015

bizzy592 said:

julieanne912 said:

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

bizzy592 said:

The wedding hasn't happened yet (we're skipping it), but I've been invited to a wedding in mid-October. Invite arrived in May. RSVPs due July 31st. Website includes a honeyfund and a dress code.

What's the dress code? Modern Rustic Semi-Formal?

Equestrian Chic.

Close. It's a 'dressy comfortable barn wedding'.

This means my "good" jeans, mucking boots, and sweater. What the actual fuck? Have these people been in a barn before?

Biggest etiquette blunder of 2015?

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