Cocktail or Dinner Reception??

thatgirl2 · July 2015

I've spent hours looking for an affordable caterer. My fiance and I also don't want dancing. Primarily, I want us to enjoy drinks, dessert, and watch the sunset (gorgeous view from the reception area).

I realized a cocktail reception might fit better: no dancing and no catering headaches; just mingling, drinks and dessert. We'd save easily $3K. I suggested it to my fiance and he didn't say much, which probably means he wants the dinner. I also know he doesn't want to to first look photos...and I told him pre wedding photos would be easier if we did the cocktail reception.

If we did this, I'd use this rough timeline:
6:30PM ceremony begins
7PM reception starts/bridal photos finish (assuming we did most of the photos pre-wedding)
7:30PM bridal party arrives at reception
7:45PM toasts and cake cutting
8:00PM mingling while the sun starts to set (officially goes down about 9PM)

Any thoughts, suggestions or experiences? Has anyone done a cocktail reception?

ShesSoCold · July 2015

thatgirl2 said:

I've spent hours looking for an affordable caterer. My fiance and I also don't want dancing. Primarily, I want us to enjoy drinks, dessert, and watch the sunset (gorgeous view from the reception area).

I realized a cocktail reception might fit better: no dancing and no catering headaches; just mingling, drinks and dessert. We'd save easily $3K. I suggested it to my fiance and he didn't say much, which probably means he wants the dinner. I also know he doesn't want to to first look photos...and I told him pre wedding photos would be easier if we did the cocktail reception.

If we did this, I'd use this rough timeline:
6:30PM ceremony begins
7PM reception starts/bridal photos finish (assuming we did most of the photos pre-wedding)
7:30PM bridal party arrives at reception
7:45PM toasts and cake cutting
8:00PM mingling while the sun starts to set (officially goes down about 9PM)

Any thoughts, suggestions or experiences? Has anyone done a cocktail reception?

That is too early to do a non-meal reception. You'd have to start at like 8 (or like 2 PM) to be able to do a non-meal.

It wasn't to save money, and actually ended up a lot more expensive, but I had a cocktail style reception, but it was a full meal. We didn't want dancing either and we thought that if we had a regular buffet or sit down dinner, everyone would look around after dinner and go, "now what?". So we got a TON of apps and a few buffet choices and had them out all night. It turned out really well for us, but like I said, definitely wasn't a money-saver.

You could have the ceremony at 8:00 pm (and get those nice pre-sunset sky pictures during the ceremony itself) and then go right into the dessert/apps reception from there.

jacques27 · July 2015

Keep in mind that for those people to be at your 6:30 ceremony, most people are going to want to be a little early and not rushing in the doors as you're going down the aisle. So they'll get there at 6:15.

Let's assume an average of 30 minutes for driving + parking + getting situated in the church, assuming you are somewhere where everyone is local with convenient parking and you don't have a crap-ton of construction going on right now like I do - where somwhere that is usually a 12 minute drive took me 35 minutes today with no traffic, just detours. So, now they are leaving their houses at 5:45.

Those people are probably going to want to get dressed up a bit, shower, freshen up, etc. For me to shower, put on a dress, hose, do my hair and make-up it's a minimum of 45 minutes and that's probably an underestimate. So now we're at 5:00.

This also assumes that I am the only member in my household going to your wedding, so I don't need to share the bathroom with my date or also get my kids ready, or that I don't have to go pick up my date so we can go together, etc. So, let's just tack on another 45 minute on for incidentals. We're at 4:15. You're asking people to eat dinner at 3:45/4:00 prior to your apps and cake wedding and reception.

You need to either start later (8pm) or much earlier.

Also, before I had a number of food sensitivities and allergies, I would have said cocktail all the way. I can make a meal of apps. But now that I have to deal with it myself, I'm more sensitive to that issue and it's really hard to do a cocktail party if you have a major dietary restriction. For me with gluten, most apps try to be totally composed bites and usually incorporate a grain of some sort. The last wedding I went to, out of her 15 apps at her heavy hors d'oeurves in place of dinner reception there were exactly two things I could eat, one of which ran out very quickly and I was stuck trying to sustain myself with a cheese cube and piece of fruit skewered on a toothpick. With composed meals catering to a dietary restriction, at least they get a full meal to sustain themselves.

MesmrEwe · July 2015

It's perfectly fine to have a "Cake & Punch" reception, but as the PP have mentioned, if you're going to do so, you need to start much later than 6:30. 4:30-7:45 is still dinner hours for most of your guests. You know that your FI really wants the meal, have one. Your meal choices and number of guests determine your catering budget. All caterers offer a "budget friendly" option, but don't shop based on price alone because you really need to ask what you get for the money. There's one restaurant here that has "meal for 4" and the portions are INSANELY tiny (think <2x2" slice of lasagna, 1c. side salad per person, one breadstick and calls it a full meal)... So that's where doing some shopping around is a good idea. Buffet vs. plated can also make a difference in pricing. Do your homework together and then decide. Also, ask about what the caterers do in cases of dietary restrictions!! You want someone who's willing to accommodate these!!!

thatgirl2 · July 2015

Thank you all for your input. I'm sure we'll do the traditional dinner. I'm so stubborn.
I am a yo-yo right now. One minute I'm like we can do this (financially) and the next I'm like omg! we have to cut something huge.

You guys brought up a huge thing that I've wondered about: dietary stuff. I've had periods in my life where I couldn't have certain things. It was so frustrating when people didn't ask or didn't have options. I'm asking on the RSVP card. So far caterers seem to have a list of gluten or diabetic friendly foods. So, I can accommodate for dinner via the caterer.

I'm DIY bar and dessert. I'll have a gluten free and diabetic friendly dessert (and drinks if possible). I've heard cider and most wine is gluten free. The winery I'm using has awesome cider and I'll have a lot of wines to try.

Viczaesar · July 2015

thatgirl2 said:

I've spent hours looking for an affordable caterer. My fiance and I also don't want dancing. Primarily, I want us to enjoy drinks, dessert, and watch the sunset (gorgeous view from the reception area).

I realized a cocktail reception might fit better: no dancing and no catering headaches; just mingling, drinks and dessert. We'd save easily $3K. I suggested it to my fiance and he didn't say much, which probably means he wants the dinner. I also know he doesn't want to to first look photos...and I told him pre wedding photos would be easier if we did the cocktail reception.

If we did this, I'd use this rough timeline:
6:30PM ceremony begins
7PM reception starts/bridal photos finish (assuming we did most of the photos pre-wedding)
7:30PM bridal party arrives at reception
7:45PM toasts and cake cutting
8:00PM mingling while the sun starts to set (officially goes down about 9PM)

Any thoughts, suggestions or experiences? Has anyone done a cocktail reception?

If you have your wedding over a meal time (11-2, 5-8) you need to serve a meal or enough heavy appetizers to equal a meal, and that many heavy appetizers is almost always significantly more expensive than a meal would be because of the time it takes to make them.

CMGragain · July 2015

There is no such thing as a cocktail wedding reception. You must feed your guests. There is a dessert reception, which must be held either in the afternoon, or late in the evening.
As an alternative, how about a late morning ceremony with a brunch reception? My daughter did this. It can be very elegant, and it costs half of what a dinner reception costs. Mimosas and bloody marys cost less than an open bar, too.

STARMOON44 · July 2015

CMGragain said:
There is no such thing as a cocktail wedding reception. You must feed your guests. There is a dessert reception, which must be held either in the afternoon, or late in the evening.
As an alternative, how about a late morning ceremony with a brunch reception? My daughter did this. It can be very elegant, and it costs half of what a dinner reception costs. Mimosas and bloody marys cost less than an open bar, too.

I think there could be? 3:30 ceremony, cocktails and hors d'oeurves from 4-6? Or 8 pm and later. It would be fine in my book to serve either sweets (cake and punch style) or savory (cocktails and hors d'oeurves) in either of those non meal times.

CMGragain · July 2015

STARMOON44 said:

There is no such thing as a cocktail wedding reception. You must feed your guests. There is a dessert reception, which must be held either in the afternoon, or late in the evening.
As an alternative, how about a late morning ceremony with a brunch reception? My daughter did this. It can be very elegant, and it costs half of what a dinner reception costs. Mimosas and bloody marys cost less than an open bar, too.
I think there could be? 3:30 ceremony, cocktails and hors d'oeurves from 4-6? Or 8 pm and later. It would be fine in my book to serve either sweets (cake and punch style) or savory (cocktails and hors d'oeurves) in either of those non meal times.

Any reception that starts as late as 4:00 PM should have more substantial food - like dinner. Alcohol is expensive, and optional. If the OP wants to cut expenses, she should cut the alcohol (cocktails), not the food.
Of course, there is often a cocktail hour that precedes dinner, but it is not enough by itself. Mid-afternoon weddings (2:00 PM) can have a cake and punch, or dessert reception..
I would be a very grumpy guest if I was only served drinks and hors d'oeuvres when it's almost dinnertime. What am I supposed to do- go to MacDonalds after the reception?

Viczaesar · July 2015

CMGragain said:

STARMOON44 said:

There is no such thing as a cocktail wedding reception. You must feed your guests. There is a dessert reception, which must be held either in the afternoon, or late in the evening.
As an alternative, how about a late morning ceremony with a brunch reception? My daughter did this. It can be very elegant, and it costs half of what a dinner reception costs. Mimosas and bloody marys cost less than an open bar, too.
I think there could be? 3:30 ceremony, cocktails and hors d'oeurves from 4-6? Or 8 pm and later. It would be fine in my book to serve either sweets (cake and punch style) or savory (cocktails and hors d'oeurves) in either of those non meal times.

Any reception that starts as late as 4:00 PM should have more substantial food - like dinner. Alcohol is expensive, and optional. If the OP wants to cut expenses, she should cut the alcohol (cocktails), not the food.
Of course, there is often a cocktail hour that precedes dinner, but it is not enough by itself. Mid-afternoon weddings (2:00 PM) can have a cake and punch, or dessert reception..
I would be a very grumpy guest if I was only served drinks and hors d'oeuvres when it's almost dinnertime. What am I supposed to do- go to MacDonalds after the reception?

5 pm yes, but not 4 pm. 2-5 and 8+ pm are fine times for either a dessert reception or a cocktail reception. Yes, you'll be responsible for figuring out your own dinner after the reception is over, which is fine as long as it ends by 5 pm.

STARMOON44 · July 2015

Nah I totally disagree. Idk why you'd be annoyed at being served cocktails and hors d'oeurves right before dinner. That's when they are typically served. And yes, you are then responsible for getting your own dinner after. Just like you would be if you were served cake and punch.

If you are in some frightful part of the country where 4-6 is dinner time, obviously that won't work, but being grumpy because you are being served snacks when, by your own admission, it is almost but not yet meal time is absurd. And you only have to go to McDonald's after if you want to. You could also make a reservation at a nice restaurant, bring a picnic dinner, just go home.

I get that people eat at different times, but adults can figure out how to survive being served savory treats and having their preferred dinner time shifted slightly.

thatgirl2 · July 2015

Food is just a monster for the budget, but I'm going to suck it up and have the dinner. It's weird because alcohol isn't costing me much. Just doing wine and beer (cheap beer that my family to be happens to love) and cheap wine from a near by winery that I love.

Soooo! I have a new question! I don't like the traditional wedding reception timelines I've read. We're doing a lakeside reception at a friend's house with about 70 friends/family. I'm thinking of a time like more like this (at least roughly). And, I'd provide a timeline for guests to ensure they know the cake cutting doesn't mean they have to leave.

4-4:30PM Ceremony (less than a mile to reception area)
4:30PM    Bridal Photos/Cocktail hour starts
5:30PM    Bride Groom arrive at reception
5:45PM    Bride/Groom dance; Groom/Mother dance; No father daughter dance (deceased)
6PM         Dinner starts
6:30PM    Toasts (expecting 3-4 toasts)
7PM         Dinner ends
7:15PM    Cake cutting & thank you speech from bride/groom
7:30PM    Mingle Time and Buffer space (in case something runs over, etc. The caterer will breakdown at 8PM)
8PM         Sunset starts (and I want everyone to see it...even on cloudy days it's so pretty there)

So any thoughts or suggestions on a timeline like this?

STARMOON44 · July 2015

If you don't want dancing, I think people will eat their cake, drink their coffee, and start heading out. Can you shift everything an hour or so later? I'm not hanging out for a sunset, and I'd def take the caterer starting clean up as a sign that the party is over.

Oh and also if you don't want your guests dancing (which I thought was the case from your initial post) then no spotlight dances! If you want to dance, everyone else also gets to. And dancing under a sunset from 8-9 or 10 sounds pretty awesome to me.

ShesSoCold · July 2015

STARMOON44 said:

If you don't want dancing, I think people will eat their cake, drink their coffee, and start heading out. Can you shift everything an hour or so later? I'm not hanging out for a sunset, and I'd def take the caterer starting clean up as a sign that the party is over. Oh and also if you don't want your guests dancing (which I thought was the case from your initial post) then no spotlight dances! If you want to dance, everyone else also gets to. And dancing under a sunset from 8-9 or 10 sounds pretty awesome to me.

This. All this. I think it's odd and kind of tacky to have spotlight dances if no one else is encouraged to dance.

southernbelle0915 · July 2015

I would be super confused if the B&G danced but then didn't want anyone else to dance...especially at an evening wedding.

If you don't want dancing, don't have a space to dance or any spotlight dances.

Jen4948 · July 2015

CMGragain said:

STARMOON44 said:

There is no such thing as a cocktail wedding reception. You must feed your guests. There is a dessert reception, which must be held either in the afternoon, or late in the evening.
As an alternative, how about a late morning ceremony with a brunch reception? My daughter did this. It can be very elegant, and it costs half of what a dinner reception costs. Mimosas and bloody marys cost less than an open bar, too.
I think there could be? 3:30 ceremony, cocktails and hors d'oeurves from 4-6? Or 8 pm and later. It would be fine in my book to serve either sweets (cake and punch style) or savory (cocktails and hors d'oeurves) in either of those non meal times.

Any reception that starts as late as 4:00 PM should have more substantial food - like dinner. Alcohol is expensive, and optional. If the OP wants to cut expenses, she should cut the alcohol (cocktails), not the food.
Of course, there is often a cocktail hour that precedes dinner, but it is not enough by itself. Mid-afternoon weddings (2:00 PM) can have a cake and punch, or dessert reception..
I would be a very grumpy guest if I was only served drinks and hors d'oeuvres when it's almost dinnertime. What am I supposed to do- go to MacDonalds after the reception?

I disagree. Cocktails and hors d'oeuvres are perfectly fine between 4pm and 6pm. If that's not enough for you, going to McDonald's and being grumpy would be extremely rude of you. Expecting more at a time of the day that isn't dinner is rude of you. 4pm for dinner is waaaaaaaaaaaay too early!

Jen4948 · July 2015

thatgirl2 said:

Food is just a monster for the budget, but I'm going to suck it up and have the dinner. It's weird because alcohol isn't costing me much. Just doing wine and beer (cheap beer that my family to be happens to love) and cheap wine from a near by winery that I love.

Soooo! I have a new question! I don't like the traditional wedding reception timelines I've read. We're doing a lakeside reception at a friend's house with about 70 friends/family. I'm thinking of a time like more like this (at least roughly). And, I'd provide a timeline for guests to ensure they know the cake cutting doesn't mean they have to leave.

4-4:30PM Ceremony (less than a mile to reception area)
4:30PM    Bridal Photos/Cocktail hour starts
5:30PM    Bride Groom arrive at reception
5:45PM    Bride/Groom dance; Groom/Mother dance; No father daughter dance (deceased)
6PM         Dinner starts
6:30PM    Toasts (expecting 3-4 toasts)
7PM         Dinner ends
7:15PM    Cake cutting & thank you speech from bride/groom
7:30PM    Mingle Time and Buffer space (in case something runs over, etc. The caterer will breakdown at 8PM)
8PM         Sunset starts (and I want everyone to see it...even on cloudy days it's so pretty there)

So any thoughts or suggestions on a timeline like this?

Skip the spotlight dances if the guests aren't going to be allowed to dance. Having spotlight dances at all suggests to guests that they'll be allowed to dance, and then not being allowed to do so will leave very bad tastes in their mouths about you and your wedding.

MandyMost · July 2015

That looks like a pretty standard wedding timeline to me, only a typical reception would add dancing from 7:30-10pm.

As others said, don't do spotlight dances if you don't want dancing at your wedding. If you keep the spotlight dances, I would expect people to start dancing at 7:30 on the dance floor. Keep the music to slow dances if all you don't want is a big dance party.

The other issues I see with your time line is that the cake cutting is the first piece, and then it takes a little while for the caterer to cut the rest of the cake. And what do you mean by "the caterer will break down"? If people see stuff being packed up, they're going to leave, in general. If it's a plated meal then the guests shouldn't see anything being packed up or even notice if the caterer leaves; if it's a buffet you'll want to replace the dinner food with the dessert food. Either way, if the caterer is involved with dessert you're not actually giving anyone time to eat it if they have to be done before 8pm!

Also, what do you plan to do after 8pm? What do you expect your guests to do? It's not your problem, but it is definitely something to consider. Are you going to bed at 8:30? Just going to spend alone time with your new husband? That's fine, but it will get awkward if you don't have it planned...people will be standing around liek "Now what? Anyone want to go do something?"

thatgirl2 · July 2015

So, maybe this will clarify some stuff. And seriously-- huge thanks to all of the input! I'm so lost in a lot of this planning stuff. DIY has been much harder than I expected.

- I hope to get an idea from the owner of the house when she'd like 'last call.' I'll note that on the timeline that will be displayed and/or included in the program.
- Also, dinner will be in a tent in the side yard and entertainment (yard games, music/no 'designated' dance space, bar, guest book, signs to the beach, etc) will be in the backyard facing the sunset. I don't see this crowd dancing...maybe, but I imagine everyone will end up drinking and chatting.
- The caterer will be set up inside the house. So I don't expect people to notice the caterer leaving.

- As for the dance, I actually thought it was odd, but I saw that set up on a lot of timelines online. Bride/Groom enter, bride/groom dance, you eat dinner, then dancing resumes starting with father/daughter dance and cake cutting at some point.
- And, part of why I want cake cutting early is I'll have several older family members that will probably be ready to go home by 8-9.
- After 8PM, I expect by then the younger crowd (including myself and the groom) will be just getting started and will continue having a good time on their own with the aid of wine and beer lol! And again, we'll have music, just not expecting dancing due to the crowd. And, who knows maybe myself and the groom will end up dancing before the night is over. He hates dancing and I like to dance...with my girlfriends in gaudy trashy clothes in a dark club with laser lights (not wedding appropriate).

And, as a little background, we've had parties at this same house before and everyone just hangs out, talks and drinks. I think the added music (even without the dance floor) will be sufficient for this crowd.

STARMOON44 · July 2015

I think you are way overvaluing seeing the sunset. People aren't going to eat dinner and then go and stand in a different area and watch it. Will there be chairs there? A guest book and signs to the beach aren't entertainment. Why can't their be a dance floor in the tent? Or a designated space? Where will you be dancing?

There's no problem with having your first dances before the meal and cutting the cake early, it just seems like you're planning the entire event around a meteorological phenomenon that happens every day instead of your guests comfort and fun.

marie2785 · July 2015

I agree with others on the sunset. I've been to a few events now where the hosts tried to force people to watch the sunset, something on a lake, some adorable short movie, etc. After every single one people gripe, although usually not to the hosts due to politeness. I love sunsets, but I know many people who aren't very impressed by even the prettiest of them.

If the sunset were occurring WHILE mingling is happening, it'll work out nice. But it shouldn't be it's own event that you force people to watch. It'll stop the momentum of everything else, and possibly cause people to leave early. So just mingle, and look over, see the sunset, and move on to your yard games.

Maggie0829 · July 2015

marie2785 said:

I agree with others on the sunset. I've been to a few events now where the hosts tried to force people to watch the sunset, something on a lake, some adorable short movie, etc. After every single one people gripe, although usually not to the hosts due to politeness. I love sunsets, but I know many people who aren't very impressed by even the prettiest of them.

If the sunset were occurring WHILE mingling is happening, it'll work out nice. But it shouldn't be it's own event that you force people to watch. It'll stop the momentum of everything else, and possibly cause people to leave early. So just mingle, and look over, see the sunset, and move on to your yard games.

H and I went to Key West for our HM. We did a sunset cruise because everyone was like "ZOMG the sunset down their is amazeballs!!!" It was the perfect evening to watch the sunset while on a boat. Was it pretty? Yes. But honestly, I had more fun talking with H and drinking my margaritas the I was with how impressing the sunset was. I mean, it was sunset. One that I have seen hundreds of times before.

lyndausvi · July 2015

Maggie0829 said:

marie2785 said:

I agree with others on the sunset. I've been to a few events now where the hosts tried to force people to watch the sunset, something on a lake, some adorable short movie, etc. After every single one people gripe, although usually not to the hosts due to politeness. I love sunsets, but I know many people who aren't very impressed by even the prettiest of them.

If the sunset were occurring WHILE mingling is happening, it'll work out nice. But it shouldn't be it's own event that you force people to watch. It'll stop the momentum of everything else, and possibly cause people to leave early. So just mingle, and look over, see the sunset, and move on to your yard games.

H and I went to Key West for our HM. We did a sunset cruise because everyone was like "ZOMG the sunset down their is amazeballs!!!" It was the perfect evening to watch the sunset while on a boat. Was it pretty? Yes. But honestly, I had more fun talking with H and drinking my margaritas the I was with how impressing the sunset was. I mean, it was sunset. One that I have seen hundreds of times before.

I worked on sailboats for years. We did a sunset sail 4 nights away. Over half of the guests were so busy drinking and talking they missed the actual sunset.

I find the sunset here in the mountains better than in the islands. I do stop and look once in a while.

Maggie0829 · July 2015

lyndausvi said:

Maggie0829 said:

marie2785 said:

I agree with others on the sunset. I've been to a few events now where the hosts tried to force people to watch the sunset, something on a lake, some adorable short movie, etc. After every single one people gripe, although usually not to the hosts due to politeness. I love sunsets, but I know many people who aren't very impressed by even the prettiest of them.

If the sunset were occurring WHILE mingling is happening, it'll work out nice. But it shouldn't be it's own event that you force people to watch. It'll stop the momentum of everything else, and possibly cause people to leave early. So just mingle, and look over, see the sunset, and move on to your yard games.

H and I went to Key West for our HM. We did a sunset cruise because everyone was like "ZOMG the sunset down their is amazeballs!!!" It was the perfect evening to watch the sunset while on a boat. Was it pretty? Yes. But honestly, I had more fun talking with H and drinking my margaritas the I was with how impressing the sunset was. I mean, it was sunset. One that I have seen hundreds of times before.

I worked on sailboats for years. We did a sunset sail 4 nights away. Over half of the guests were so busy drinking and talking they missed the actual sunset.

I find the sunset here in the mountains better than in the islands. I do stop and look once in a while.

And a brief look is all you need. 30 seconds and then I am on to something else. I mean how long OP do you expect people to stand there and watch the sunset?

AddieCake · July 2015

definitely nix the spotlight dances if the guests are not also welcome to dance, and put me in the camp of not being interested in feeling forced to stop and "watch" a sunset. It will be happening while I'm chatting. I can manage to notice it for as long as I care to without it being part of the itinerary.

CMGragain · July 2015

oeuvres

Jen4948 said:

CMGragain said:

STARMOON44 said:

There is no such thing as a cocktail wedding reception. You must feed your guests. There is a dessert reception, which must be held either in the afternoon, or late in the evening.
As an alternative, how about a late morning ceremony with a brunch reception? My daughter did this. It can be very elegant, and it costs half of what a dinner reception costs. Mimosas and bloody marys cost less than an open bar, too.
I think there could be? 3:30 ceremony, cocktails and hors d'oeurves from 4-6? Or 8 pm and later. It would be fine in my book to serve either sweets (cake and punch style) or savory (cocktails and hors d'oeurves) in either of those non meal times.

Any reception that starts as late as 4:00 PM should have more substantial food - like dinner. Alcohol is expensive, and optional. If the OP wants to cut expenses, she should cut the alcohol (cocktails), not the food.
Of course, there is often a cocktail hour that precedes dinner, but it is not enough by itself. Mid-afternoon weddings (2:00 PM) can have a cake and punch, or dessert reception..
I would be a very grumpy guest if I was only served drinks and hors d'oeuvres when it's almost dinnertime. What am I supposed to do- go to MacDonalds after the reception?

I disagree. Cocktails and hors d'oeuvres are perfectly fine between 4pm and 6pm. If that's not enough for you, going to McDonald's and being grumpy would be extremely rude of you. Expecting more at a time of the day that isn't dinner is rude of you. 4pm for dinner is waaaaaaaaaaaay too early!

The OP is proposing to have a 6:30 PM ceremony, followed by a cocktail and hors d'oeuvres reception. That is quite different from a 4:00 PM reception.
My point is, you need to feed people appropriately for the time of day, not to suit your budget. There is nothing wrong with a cake and punch afternoon reception. Perhaps I should amend my post to say receptions beginning after 5:00 PM.
Not everybody drinks alcohol. A cocktail reception is a disappointment for those who don't. Cocktails are what you serve before dinner. Give me a plate of pasta and a glass of wine, instead!

lc07 · July 2015

You have received great advice! My $.02 is not to do toasts halfway through dinner. I would find it rude to continue eating my dinner while someone was offering a toast to you. I'd want to pause, put my knife and fork down and pay attention. While doing so my food would be growing cold. Unless you know your toasts are very quick and literal toasts instead of the speeches that so many wedding toasts have become, I'd wait until dinner was finished to have them.

Viczaesar · July 2015

CMGragain said:

oeuvres

Jen4948 said:

CMGragain said:

STARMOON44 said:

There is no such thing as a cocktail wedding reception. You must feed your guests. There is a dessert reception, which must be held either in the afternoon, or late in the evening.
As an alternative, how about a late morning ceremony with a brunch reception? My daughter did this. It can be very elegant, and it costs half of what a dinner reception costs. Mimosas and bloody marys cost less than an open bar, too.
I think there could be? 3:30 ceremony, cocktails and hors d'oeurves from 4-6? Or 8 pm and later. It would be fine in my book to serve either sweets (cake and punch style) or savory (cocktails and hors d'oeurves) in either of those non meal times.

Any reception that starts as late as 4:00 PM should have more substantial food - like dinner. Alcohol is expensive, and optional. If the OP wants to cut expenses, she should cut the alcohol (cocktails), not the food.
Of course, there is often a cocktail hour that precedes dinner, but it is not enough by itself. Mid-afternoon weddings (2:00 PM) can have a cake and punch, or dessert reception..
I would be a very grumpy guest if I was only served drinks and hors d'oeuvres when it's almost dinnertime. What am I supposed to do- go to MacDonalds after the reception?

I disagree. Cocktails and hors d'oeuvres are perfectly fine between 4pm and 6pm. If that's not enough for you, going to McDonald's and being grumpy would be extremely rude of you. Expecting more at a time of the day that isn't dinner is rude of you. 4pm for dinner is waaaaaaaaaaaay too early!

The OP is proposing to have a 6:30 PM ceremony, followed by a cocktail and hors d'oeuvres reception. That is quite different from a 4:00 PM reception.
My point is, you need to feed people appropriately for the time of day, not to suit your budget. There is nothing wrong with a cake and punch afternoon reception. Perhaps I should amend my post to say receptions beginning after 5:00 PM.
Not everybody drinks alcohol. A cocktail reception is a disappointment for those who don't. Cocktails are what you serve before dinner. Give me a plate of pasta and a glass of wine, instead!

That's not what you said. What you said was:

There is no such thing as a cocktail wedding reception. You must feed your guests. There is a dessert reception, which must be held either in the afternoon, or late in the evening.

There is, indeed, such a thing as a cocktail reception, which is similar to a dessert reception but has hors d'oeuvres rather than dessert. Both are perfectly fine as long as they are at a meal time, which is what everyone said. Cocktail reception does not mean you just serve cocktails and no food. It means that you serve finger foods and drinks.

STARMOON44 · August 2015

You no more need to cater to people who don't drink alcohol and might be disappointed to have to content themselves with non-alcoholic options and savory snacks than you do to people who hate punch and would be disappointed to not have a glass of wine. That is absurd. You need to serve a meal if you're having a wedding at a meal time. If you're not there nothing wrong with serving cake, cheese, whole roasted pig etc. The entire reason cake and punch is ok is because you're having a reception at a time when no one needs food. It is a bonus.

banana468 · August 2015

STARMOON44 said:
You no more need to cater to people who don't drink alcohol and might be disappointed to have to content themselves with non-alcoholic options and savory snacks than you do to people who hate punch and would be disappointed to not have a glass of wine. That is absurd. You need to serve a meal if you're having a wedding at a meal time. If you're not there nothing wrong with serving cake, cheese, whole roasted pig etc. The entire reason cake and punch is ok is because you're having a reception at a time when no one needs food. It is a bonus.

Not completely true. BUT, if you opt to not serve a meal at mealtime then you need way more apps/stations to equal a meal.

snowywinter · August 2015

OP, I agree with other posters and it seems you see where they're coming from. May I add that even with an evening ceremony/reception, you can still serve a brunch-type meal that will be a lot more budget friendly than a dinner meal. One of my friends did this. Her reception was around 4:30 p.m. and she had an omelet station, crepe/pancake station, and plated meals, like eggs, potatoes, waffles, fruit and yogurt, etc, along with finger sandwiches, veggies with dip, and various cheese platters. It turned out to be a lot more elegant than I thought it would be and was half the cost of a multi-course dinner meal.

Cocktail or Dinner Reception??

Re: Cocktail or Dinner Reception??

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