Hi all - I've got up the guts to share our intended ceremony script and am open to your ideas for improvements. Looking forward to some collective wisdom here. For reference, we are having an outdoor wedding, not religious, and with my brother as officiant. I will wear a wedding band, but my guy will not be wearing one.
Please be seated.
Good afternoon, family and friends. We have come here today to celebrate the wedding of Bride and Groom. If any of you have not met me, I am Bride’s brother Joe and it is my great honor to preside over the marriage of my sister to the man she loves. I want to thank Bride and Groom for asking me to be a part of their wedding.
You were invited here to share in this formal commitment they make to one another, to offer your love and support to this union, and to allow Bride and Groom to start their married life together surrounded by the people dearest and most important to them. On behalf of Bride and Groom and our families, welcome and thank you for joining us.
Bride and Groom want to be sure we acknowledge the effort everyone has taken to be here today - with loved ones joining from four continents and seven countries. It's appropriate we have all traveled to get here, as these two are usually on the move. While it may be difficult at times for us as family and friends to have them so far away, we know now that dealing with the time zone differences and holidays spent apart has been worthwhile. If not for the distance we felt, these two would not have come together.
With a common sense of adventure and wanderlust Bride and Groom found each other. And through adventures together they found love, companionship, passion, and partnership.
I can see in my sister the steadiness and patience that Groom brings out in her -- even when he is helping her to push her boundaries and to be more daring. His influence is at once calming and emboldening.
In return, Bride has brought groom stability. She has given him an outlet for tenderness. And he has found that love itself can be its own adventure sport.
[READING 1]
We now invite Groom’s sister Sally to read a letter from John Steinbeck, written to his teenage son Thom, that should remind us all of the magic and glory in love.
New York
November 10, 1958
Dear Thom:
We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.
First -- if you are in love -- that's a good thing -- that's about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don't let anyone make it small or light to you.
Second -- There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you -- of kindness and consideration and respect -- not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn't know you had.
You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply -- of course it isn't puppy love.
But I don't think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it -- and that I can tell you.
Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.
The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.
If you love someone -- there is no possible harm in saying so -- only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.
Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.
It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another -- but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.
Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I'm glad you have it.
We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.
And don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens -- The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.
Love,
Father
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Groom, Bride...I hope that Steinbeck's words resonate for you today. You know which type of love you have found -- let it bring an outpouring of the good in you. Kindness, consideration, and respect. Look to one another for strength, courage, and wisdom.
Growing up in our family, special occasions were often marked with an Irish blessing, offered by Bubba, which is what we called our mother’s father, or our Grandpa Smith. In keeping with this tradition, our brother Larry will offer a traditional Irish handfasting blessing.
[reading 2]
"In times past it was believed that the human soul shared characteristics with all things divine. It is this belief which assigned virtues to the cardinal directions; East, South, West and North. It is in this tradition that a blessing is offered in support of this ceremony.
Blessed be this union with the gifts of the East.
Communication of the heart, mind, and body
Fresh beginnings with the rising of each Sun.
The knowledge of the growth found in the sharing of silences.
Blessed be this union with the gifts of the South.
Warmth of hearth and home
The heat of the heart's passion
The light created by both to illuminate the darkest of times.
Blessed be this union with the gifts of the West.
The deep commitments of the lake
The swift excitement of the river
The refreshing cleansing of the rain
The all encompassing passion of the sea.
Blessed be this union with the gifts of the North
Firm foundation on which to build
Fertility of the fields to enrich your lives
A stable home to which you may always return.
Each of these blessings emphasizes those things which will help you build a happy and successful union.
Yet they are only tools.
Tools which you must use together in order to create what you seek in this union.”
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Thank you, Larry.
Bride and Groom asked that I read an excerpt that describes the significance of marriage for its role as an institution with deep social and personal roots. This reading comes from the Massachusetts Supreme Court Decision upholding the right of same sex couples to marry.
"Marriage [also] bestows enormous private and social advantages on those who choose to marry. Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family. It is an association that promotes a way of life, not causes; a harmony in living, not political faiths; a bilateral loyalty, not commercial or social projects. Because it fulfils yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution, and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life's momentous acts of self-definition."
[DECLARATION OF CONSENT]
Bride and Groom, we will now hear from each of you as confirm that you have chosen each other.
Do you, Groom, welcome Bride as your wife, offering her your love and encouragement, your trust and respect, as together you create your future?
GROOM: I do.
Do you, Bride welcome Groom as your husband, offering him your love and encouragement, your trust and respect, as together you create your future?
BRIDE: I do.
[VOWS]
You have also prepared your own vows to speak to one another today. Your vows are the intention and vision that will define and shape your marriage. I know you have thought about them on and off for months now, and I know that you will think back upon them for the years to come.
Bride, you may now say your vows.
BRIDE: vows (TBD).
Groom, before say your vows, place the ring on Bride's finger as a sign of your marriage and commitment.
You may now say your vows:
GROOM: vows (TBD)
[DECLARATION OF MARRIAGE]
Bride and Groom, with the promises you have made to one another today, this is the start of your next great journey and adventure. May your lives together be more beautiful than even the most serene island beach and more exhilarating than Groom’s steepest mountain biking trail. Together with these witnesses, I wish you the blessings of a happy and enduring marriage. Having heard your vows to one another, it’s my privilege to pronounce you husband and wife. You may seal your vows with a good luck kiss.