Pre-wedding Parties

What should we expect? Post wedding brunch...

My FSIL gets married in a couple weeks and just invited us to a post wedding brunch at a restaurant. Invite was casual via email but there was a request for an RSVP and reservations made at their favorite restaurant (which is pretty spendy).  My FI and I obviously will RSVP and go but I just don't know what to expect.  Is this a formal invite and we can expect them to host the brunch or should we plan on paying for anything we eat and drink?  This makes me anxious and am completely not comfortable asking the B&G what to expect and apparently neither is my FH.  $$ is tight for us as we are planning our own wedding and already have spent a mint on their wedding...  any words of wisdom?
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Re: What should we expect? Post wedding brunch...

  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    My FSIL gets married in a couple weeks and just invited us to a post wedding brunch at a restaurant. Invite was casual via email but there was a request for an RSVP and reservations made at their favorite restaurant (which is pretty spendy).  My FI and I obviously will RSVP and go but I just don't know what to expect.  Is this a formal invite and we can expect them to host the brunch or should we plan on paying for anything we eat and drink?  This makes me anxious and am completely not comfortable asking the B&G what to expect and apparently neither is my FH.  $$ is tight for us as we are planning our own wedding and already have spent a mint on their wedding...  any words of wisdom?


    They should be hosting.

    These people are about to be family, cant you just as them if they are hosting it?

    BabyFruit Ticker
    Maggie0829
  • If they sent a formal invite (in this case, I'd consider the e-vite formal) and they asked for RSVPs, they really should be paying. If it's your FSIL, can you just ask? Or ask whoever is directly related to the B&G?

    If you're not comfortable asking and money is tight for y'all, just go in prepared for them not to pick up the tab. That way, it's not a hardship if you're paying your own bill and it's extra money if they pay. Or decline all together.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • Thank you all for the advice!  We really aren't comfortable asking directly because it could kick up some drama and I have absolutely no energy for that.  We could try asking their parents but I doubt they would know since they don't seem to know much about the wedding details.  Our main thing is we would buy them a nicer gift if we don't have to pay for brunch so knowing ahead of time would be nice.  I know it sounds terrible that the gift budget goes down if we have to pay for brunch its just that you can't pull money out of thin air lol wouldn't that be amazing!?

    Thank you though for sharing the etiquette piece with me.  I didn't know if this would fall in line with "word of mouth" get togethers that people have so they don't have to host, so thank you for the clarification :)  The couple is pretty much in line with etiquette as far as I know so I don't see why they wouldn't be here.  So that makes me feel a bit better :)  I will still try and have my FH ask questions to other family members :)
    image
  • You could always wait to send them a gift until after the wedding.   They don't need to know that you're doing this.  
    [Deleted User]southernbelle0915
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    Thank you all for the advice!  We really aren't comfortable asking directly because it could kick up some drama and I have absolutely no energy for that.  We could try asking their parents but I doubt they would know since they don't seem to know much about the wedding details.  Our main thing is we would buy them a nicer gift if we don't have to pay for brunch so knowing ahead of time would be nice.  I know it sounds terrible that the gift budget goes down if we have to pay for brunch its just that you can't pull money out of thin air lol wouldn't that be amazing!?

    Thank you though for sharing the etiquette piece with me.  I didn't know if this would fall in line with "word of mouth" get togethers that people have so they don't have to host, so thank you for the clarification :)  The couple is pretty much in line with etiquette as far as I know so I don't see why they wouldn't be here.  So that makes me feel a bit better :)  I will still try and have my FH ask questions to other family members :)
    Seriously?  Asking "Hey just seeing if you are hosting the brunch or not?  It is cool either way, we just weren't sure and wanted to check so we can be prepared.  Thanks." would cause drama?

    [Deleted User]
  • Why not ask her?  Are you comfortable doing that?   I know the day after our wedding we're planning to go for breakfast.  We are welcoming people to join us (not using the work invite) at that location where we're having breakfast with our parents.    We don't plan to pay for people, which is why we are just mentioning to people we'll be there and they can stop by if they want.   We don't plan to do a formal invite, more of work of mouth and maybe text messages. 
  • I would ask other people that are attending if they have an idea or ask someone closer to the bride and groom. I would hope that if you needed to fork out money they would let you know. For my rehearsal dinner we cant afford to do open bar so at the bottom of the invite we put "cash bar" this way people have an idea that they either don't drink alcohol or they have to pay.
  • I would ask other people that are attending if they have an idea or ask someone closer to the bride and groom. I would hope that if you needed to fork out money they would let you know. For my rehearsal dinner we cant afford to do open bar so at the bottom of the invite we put "cash bar" this way people have an idea that they either don't drink alcohol or they have to pay.
    Gross.
    HeffalumpInLoveInQueensspeakeasy14lnixon8
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    I would ask other people that are attending if they have an idea or ask someone closer to the bride and groom. I would hope that if you needed to fork out money they would let you know. For my rehearsal dinner we cant afford to do open bar so at the bottom of the invite we put "cash bar" this way people have an idea that they either don't drink alcohol or they have to pay.
    @mzelizabethlynn, please stop giving out bad etiquette advice.



    Heffalumpthespeshulestsnowflake[Deleted User]speakeasy14
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member

    I would ask other people that are attending if they have an idea or ask someone closer to the bride and groom. I would hope that if you needed to fork out money they would let you know. For my rehearsal dinner we cant afford to do open bar so at the bottom of the invite we put "cash bar" this way people have an idea that they either don't drink alcohol or they have to pay.

    This is so tacky. Please don't give etiquette advice.

    Heffalumpthespeshulestsnowflake[Deleted User]
  • Woman in these boards can be so rude...I'm completely turned off from coming to this forum again. I'm simply giving ideas and all you woman do is criticize.

  • Woman in these boards can be so rude...I'm completely turned off from coming to this forum again. I'm simply giving ideas and all you woman do is criticize.

    Bye, Felicia!
    thespeshulestsnowflakeInLoveInQueenslnixon8adwks
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