Biggest etiquette blunder of 2015?

vivelepunk · August 2015

OllisaurusRex said:

Coworker had a "delightful" event. Invite was posted on the communal message board at work. Always a good start. As such, we skipped. But from others, the reports were epic. Wedding was outside. In late June. It was predictably hot and humid. With no shade. Or chairs. Dinner was bring your own grub for the grill. The bride had a fit until she got a buttercream iced cake. Which sat outside, in the heat. Yup, it melted. Only registry was a Honeyfund. Gee. I'm sad we missed it. I think we sat at home that night drinking beer and eating quacamole for dinner.

DYING. If I went to a wedding and was told it was "bring my own grub for the grill" I'm ashamed to say that I would not be able to keep a straight face.

OllisaurusRex · August 2015

Yeah, I missed the entertainment of that train wreck. Had it not been disgusting and vile outside, I might have gone for the entertainment. And brought some squirrel or opossum for the grill. Because really, if I can't have fun, why bother.

But it was hot and nasty. Thus we stayed home.

[Deleted User] · August 2015

Jax43615 said: novella1186 said: Jax43615 said: *New to weddings here!*I haven't given any thought at all to the whole registry thing at all, but it seems like a common practice for the couple to register at a store or 2 for items to help build a home, so to speak, together. Is it now mostly thought of as rude and greedy to do this? I'm a little confused. My brother and SIL did a registry and had a head table. I didn't think either were rude or offensive. I am not married, however, and attended with my boyfriend who sat with a group of people he did not know. He was not offended by this decision either; it was maybe 30 minutes we didn't sit together and we spent the rest of the night together dancing and having fun. The head table did not seem to be an issue. They did not put in a registry card with their invites, though. Is that the taboo thing here?I got engaged July 4th of this year to the same boyfriend and we are planning on having a DW Spring 2017. We haven't done much of anything yet except start our research on resorts and talk about it with our family and friends. Registering is not rude at all. However, including a registry card with the invitation is rude (and tacky IMO) because it implies that you're expecting people to buy you a gift. You should never expect gifts.
Ah, ok. I was thinking it was including the card that was frowned upon. Do most people just include a link on their wedding website? What if you don't have a website?
------------------------
I just wanted to add, including registry invitation on a shower invite is perfectly acceptable, as the intention of a shower is for it to be a gift-giving event.

I think registering at 1-2 places is perfectly fine, and 3 is the absolute maximum.

marie2785 · August 2015

KittenMittens84 said:

Went to a wedding about 2-3 years ago for FI's best friend (we will call him Bob) as he was the best man.I like Bob, Bob is an awesome person This was the worst wedding I have ever been to and I detest Bob's wife because of this and other encounters.

So...pet peeve here--blaming the bride for poor wedding planning. Yes, often brides do much of the planning, but the groom at the end of the day is just as responsible in many cases. It seems like you have more of a history here with the woman, but the blaming still sets me off a little.

I was at a pretty bad wedding a few years ago (3 hour gap, dinner was delayed by an hour for a football game, toasts lasted 30 min followed by a 25 min slideshow of the bride and groom growing up, and thank you cards were a picture of the bride and groom with 0 personalizing)...and you know what? The GROOM was the one who pushed all of that. When speaking to him I asked about scheduling, the cards, etc and he said "people should be grateful we even invited them and gave them food, I don't see why anyone complained". The bride was not happy (she's usually incredibly thoughtful), but went along with his plan.

And if anyone wants to complain about my wedding after-the-fact, they should be aware the only reason we aren't b-listing guests or doing a cash bar, SO's got invited, and the wedding party is drinking and eating the same things as everyone else vs having a "special stash" is the bride. My FI is all for those things.

banana468 · August 2015

marie2785 said:

KittenMittens84 said:

Went to a wedding about 2-3 years ago for FI's best friend (we will call him Bob) as he was the best man.I like Bob, Bob is an awesome person This was the worst wedding I have ever been to and I detest Bob's wife because of this and other encounters.

So...pet peeve here--blaming the bride for poor wedding planning. Yes, often brides do much of the planning, but the groom at the end of the day is just as responsible in many cases. It seems like you have more of a history here with the woman, but the blaming still sets me off a little.

I was at a pretty bad wedding a few years ago (3 hour gap, dinner was delayed by an hour for a football game, toasts lasted 30 min followed by a 25 min slideshow of the bride and groom growing up, and thank you cards were a picture of the bride and groom with 0 personalizing)...and you know what? The GROOM was the one who pushed all of that. When speaking to him I asked about scheduling, the cards, etc and he said "people should be grateful we even invited them and gave them food, I don't see why anyone complained". The bride was not happy (she's usually incredibly thoughtful), but went along with his plan.

And if anyone wants to complain about my wedding after-the-fact, they should be aware the only reason we aren't b-listing guests or doing a cash bar, SO's got invited, and the wedding party is drinking and eating the same things as everyone else vs having a "special stash" is the bride. My FI is all for those things.

I agree worth you there. When a cousin got married my "liberated" aunt was miffed that his wife didn't send timely TY notes because they were the wife's job. She never met our side of the family and the groom was the one who knew us but somehow they were her fault.

JediElizabeth · August 2015

marie2785 said:

I was at a pretty bad wedding a few years ago (3 hour gap, dinner was delayed by an hour for a football game, toasts lasted 30 min followed by a 25 min slideshow of the bride and groom growing up, and thank you cards were a picture of the bride and groom with 0 personalizing)...and you know what? The GROOM was the one who pushed all of that. When speaking to him I asked about scheduling, the cards, etc and he said "people should be grateful we even invited them and gave them food, I don't see why anyone complained". The bride was not happy (she's usually incredibly thoughtful), but went along with his plan.

Sorry for getting on a tangent, but I'm curious:

I know that all thank you cards have to be personalized inside (of course!), but is there a problem with using one of the professional images of the B&G on the outside?

We actually ordered our Thank You notes as part of a set that match our invites & RSVPs, so it's not going to be an issue for us, but I've received notes like this before, and I didn't know it was an issue.

KittenMittens84 · August 2015

marie2785 said:

KittenMittens84 said:

Went to a wedding about 2-3 years ago for FI's best friend (we will call him Bob) as he was the best man.I like Bob, Bob is an awesome person This was the worst wedding I have ever been to and I detest Bob's wife because of this and other encounters.

So...pet peeve here--blaming the bride for poor wedding planning. Yes, often brides do much of the planning, but the groom at the end of the day is just as responsible in many cases. It seems like you have more of a history here with the woman, but the blaming still sets me off a little.

I was at a pretty bad wedding a few years ago (3 hour gap, dinner was delayed by an hour for a football game, toasts lasted 30 min followed by a 25 min slideshow of the bride and groom growing up, and thank you cards were a picture of the bride and groom with 0 personalizing)...and you know what? The GROOM was the one who pushed all of that. When speaking to him I asked about scheduling, the cards, etc and he said "people should be grateful we even invited them and gave them food, I don't see why anyone complained". The bride was not happy (she's usually incredibly thoughtful), but went along with his plan.

And if anyone wants to complain about my wedding after-the-fact, they should be aware the only reason we aren't b-listing guests or doing a cash bar, SO's got invited, and the wedding party is drinking and eating the same things as everyone else vs having a "special stash" is the bride. My FI is all for those things.

You're correct, I am just blaming the wife which is wrong. I don't believe he had any involvment in the planning which is his own fault as well. The history only started after that first meeting with her on the weekend of the wedding and its been downhill from there.

[Deleted User] · August 2015

Knottie25841876 said:

marie2785 said:

I was at a pretty bad wedding a few years ago (3 hour gap, dinner was delayed by an hour for a football game, toasts lasted 30 min followed by a 25 min slideshow of the bride and groom growing up, and thank you cards were a picture of the bride and groom with 0 personalizing)...and you know what? The GROOM was the one who pushed all of that. When speaking to him I asked about scheduling, the cards, etc and he said "people should be grateful we even invited them and gave them food, I don't see why anyone complained". The bride was not happy (she's usually incredibly thoughtful), but went along with his plan.

Sorry for getting on a tangent, but I'm curious:
I know that all thank you cards have to be personalized inside (of course!), but is there a problem with using one of the professional images of the B&G on the outside?

We actually ordered our Thank You notes as part of a set that match our invites & RSVPs, so it's not going to be an issue for us, but I've received notes like this before, and I didn't know it was an issue.

The problem is not with the photo. The problem is that it takes 6-8 weeks for TY cards to be made with the professional photo when the TY notes should have already been mailed by then. AND then if they don't even bother to say inside, "thanks for the crockpot" versus picture frames versus towels versus camping tent, it's just extra rude that they're not even personalizing my super late thank you note.

JediElizabeth · August 2015

adk19 said:

Knottie25841876 said:

marie2785 said:

I was at a pretty bad wedding a few years ago (3 hour gap, dinner was delayed by an hour for a football game, toasts lasted 30 min followed by a 25 min slideshow of the bride and groom growing up, and thank you cards were a picture of the bride and groom with 0 personalizing)...and you know what? The GROOM was the one who pushed all of that. When speaking to him I asked about scheduling, the cards, etc and he said "people should be grateful we even invited them and gave them food, I don't see why anyone complained". The bride was not happy (she's usually incredibly thoughtful), but went along with his plan.

Sorry for getting on a tangent, but I'm curious:
I know that all thank you cards have to be personalized inside (of course!), but is there a problem with using one of the professional images of the B&G on the outside?

We actually ordered our Thank You notes as part of a set that match our invites & RSVPs, so it's not going to be an issue for us, but I've received notes like this before, and I didn't know it was an issue.

The problem is not with the photo. The problem is that it takes 6-8 weeks for TY cards to be made with the professional photo when the TY notes should have already been mailed by then. AND then if they don't even bother to say inside, "thanks for the crockpot" versus picture frames versus towels versus camping tent, it's just extra rude that they're not even personalizing my super late thank you note.

Thank you! I didn't understand the logistics there.

julieanne912 · August 2015

Knottie25841876 said:

marie2785 said:

I was at a pretty bad wedding a few years ago (3 hour gap, dinner was delayed by an hour for a football game, toasts lasted 30 min followed by a 25 min slideshow of the bride and groom growing up, and thank you cards were a picture of the bride and groom with 0 personalizing)...and you know what? The GROOM was the one who pushed all of that. When speaking to him I asked about scheduling, the cards, etc and he said "people should be grateful we even invited them and gave them food, I don't see why anyone complained". The bride was not happy (she's usually incredibly thoughtful), but went along with his plan.

Sorry for getting on a tangent, but I'm curious:
I know that all thank you cards have to be personalized inside (of course!), but is there a problem with using one of the professional images of the B&G on the outside?

We actually ordered our Thank You notes as part of a set that match our invites & RSVPs, so it's not going to be an issue for us, but I've received notes like this before, and I didn't know it was an issue.

Agreed that it's the logistics of it. I ordered thank you cards with our engagement picture (we held up a thank you sign) a month ago and they still haven't arrived. I thought they'd be here before my shower, but I still haven't received them (shower was Saturday and thank yous are already in the mail), so I just ended up using regular thank you cards for my shower gifts. I'll probably end up with a ton of extras of our photo thank you card, even after the wedding. Also agreed that even if you use a card like that, you still need to write a heartfelt note on the inside thanking them for whatever it was they gave you.

PamBeesly524 · August 2015

banana468 said:

KittenMittens84 said:

Went to a wedding about 2-3 years ago for FI's best friend (we will call him Bob) as he was the best man.I like Bob, Bob is an awesome person This was the worst wedding I have ever been to and I detest Bob's wife because of this and other encounters.

So...pet peeve here--blaming the bride for poor wedding planning. Yes, often brides do much of the planning, but the groom at the end of the day is just as responsible in many cases. It seems like you have more of a history here with the woman, but the blaming still sets me off a little.

BOXES

YES! Believe it or not one of my guests overheard our DJ telling the bartender that "The bride had a really strict playlist"... I was offended for several reasons (we literally had only 4 or 4 DNP artists and no choreographed dances) but the biggest reason was that FI and I went to all of the DJ meetings and made all of the decisions together, yet it was the BRIDE who was being "strict".

Still irritates me 3 months later haha.

Knottie67868874 · August 2015

kikilamp said:

banana468 said:

marie2785 said:

KittenMittens84 said:

Went to a wedding about 2-3 years ago for FI's best friend (we will call him Bob) as he was the best man.I like Bob, Bob is an awesome person This was the worst wedding I have ever been to and I detest Bob's wife because of this and other encounters.

So...pet peeve here--blaming the bride for poor wedding planning. Yes, often brides do much of the planning, but the groom at the end of the day is just as responsible in many cases. It seems like you have more of a history here with the woman, but the blaming still sets me off a little.

BOXES

YES! Believe it or not one of my guests overheard our DJ telling the bartender that "The bride had a really strict playlist"... I was offended for several reasons (we literally had only 4 or 4 DNP artists and no choreographed dances) but the biggest reason was that FI and I went to all of the DJ meetings and made all of the decisions together, yet it was the BRIDE who was being "strict".

Still irritates me 3 months later haha.

Totally! That's infuriating! I attended a wedding where guests were gossiping passive aggressively behind the brides back about how she had a wedding day schedule down to the minute. I mean isn't that exactly what a wedding planner does to make the day go by smoothly and cause LESS stress? Yet somehow the bride comes off as anal at her own wedding

also the most rude wedding I alluded to earlier - the head table was the groom's idea and he didn't even take care of the delivery for it and left it all to the bride. Ugh.

simcal18 · August 2015

We have a wedding in late September that I'm dreading. As an initial matter, there was no formal invitation that was ever sent--only an informational postcard that directed us to their wedding website. Although the wedding is not until late September, they bugged us for an RSVP last week--while we were on our honeymoon.

The reason that they needed our RSVP is that this wedding is in the middle of bumble nowhere, and guests are expected to stay in cabins for the weekend. The cabins have no electricity and no running water. Awesome.

While B & G will be hosting beer and wine, in place of hard liquor they are hosting a "walking cocktail tour" of the cabins. So we are supposed to come up with some sort of cocktail to share with people. (How many people? I don't know. And apparently this cocktail will need to not be served over ice, since I have no idea how we will have access to ice if there's no running water.)

Do we at least get cake for sitting through this atrocity? No. Instead we are supposed to contribute a pie to a pie buffet. I freaking hate pie and love cake. And I have no idea how we or anybody else is supposed to keep a pie at a safe temperature with no electricity or refrigeration.

I would be pushing really hard to decline this monstrosity but this is a really really good friend of DH's, so he feels like we have to go. I'm not happy about it though.

Rudest guest move this year: a friend of mine RSVPed for my wedding for "Friend and Guest." She is really truly single and was not invited with a guest. I decided not to say anything to her or to push the issue for the sake of harmony, texted her to let her know she could bring a guest and asked who it was for place setting/escort card purposes. It took her three weeks to let me know who her guest was . . . it was her sister. And then they both no-showed. Friend texted two of my bridesmaids that day to let them know they weren't coming but she's not said a word to me in almost three weeks. No card sent and certainly no gift. File under "ways to kill a friendship."

OllisaurusRex · August 2015

Oh and we have committed the awful blunder of a neutral thank you card. What did FI's aunt want as a thank you card for a Victoria Secret gift card? FI sent a very neutral card promptly, mentioned looking forward to seeing her this summer and thanking her for her generous gift.

My only issue might be he didn't mention the wedding, but it's a ways off and meh. I didn't write the dang note so I do not care. It was written, it was written timely and sent out timely.

Aunt is tiffed I didn't write it. Hey, his family, not mine. Furthermore, he used the card for "floor lingerie" vs anything remotely practical. I didn't pick anything.

She's more upset it was a generic note. Seriously? I couldn't help the facepalm that occurred. Does she want a note about FI promptly removing said floor lingerie and shredding one? Would she like evidence of the shredded material?

I'm not sending a second, detailed card. No matter what she thinks.

CharmedPam · August 2015

bostonbride2015, just wow! The idea of the walking cocktail tour is a cute idea if

a) the cabins had electricity and water

b) wasn't for the wedding. Day before "ice breaker" maybe since it sounds like a lot of OOT's who will be spending the night before too......

sparklepants41 · August 2015

bostonbride2015 said:

We have a wedding in late September that I'm dreading. As an initial matter, there was no formal invitation that was ever sent--only an informational postcard that directed us to their wedding website. Although the wedding is not until late September, they bugged us for an RSVP last week--while we were on our honeymoon.

The reason that they needed our RSVP is that this wedding is in the middle of bumble nowhere, and guests are expected to stay in cabins for the weekend. The cabins have no electricity and no running water. Awesome.

While B & G will be hosting beer and wine, in place of hard liquor they are hosting a "walking cocktail tour" of the cabins. So we are supposed to come up with some sort of cocktail to share with people. (How many people? I don't know. And apparently this cocktail will need to not be served over ice, since I have no idea how we will have access to ice if there's no running water.)

Do we at least get cake for sitting through this atrocity? No. Instead we are supposed to contribute a pie to a pie buffet. I freaking hate pie and love cake. And I have no idea how we or anybody else is supposed to keep a pie at a safe temperature with no electricity or refrigeration.

I would be pushing really hard to decline this monstrosity but this is a really really good friend of DH's, so he feels like we have to go. I'm not happy about it though.

Rudest guest move this year: a friend of mine RSVPed for my wedding for "Friend and Guest." She is really truly single and was not invited with a guest. I decided not to say anything to her or to push the issue for the sake of harmony, texted her to let her know she could bring a guest and asked who it was for place setting/escort card purposes. It took her three weeks to let me know who her guest was . . . it was her sister. And then they both no-showed. Friend texted two of my bridesmaids that day to let them know they weren't coming but she's not said a word to me in almost three weeks. No card sent and certainly no gift. File under "ways to kill a friendship."

You have GOT to be f*&%ing kidding me. I would decline this so fast.

ShesSoCold · August 2015

bostonbride2015 said:

We have a wedding in late September that I'm dreading. As an initial matter, there was no formal invitation that was ever sent--only an informational postcard that directed us to their wedding website. Although the wedding is not until late September, they bugged us for an RSVP last week--while we were on our honeymoon.

The reason that they needed our RSVP is that this wedding is in the middle of bumble nowhere, and guests are expected to stay in cabins for the weekend. The cabins have no electricity and no running water. Awesome.

While B & G will be hosting beer and wine, in place of hard liquor they are hosting a "walking cocktail tour" of the cabins. So we are supposed to come up with some sort of cocktail to share with people. (How many people? I don't know. And apparently this cocktail will need to not be served over ice, since I have no idea how we will have access to ice if there's no running water.)

Do we at least get cake for sitting through this atrocity? No. Instead we are supposed to contribute a pie to a pie buffet. I freaking hate pie and love cake. And I have no idea how we or anybody else is supposed to keep a pie at a safe temperature with no electricity or refrigeration.

I would be pushing really hard to decline this monstrosity but this is a really really good friend of DH's, so he feels like we have to go. I'm not happy about it though.

Rudest guest move this year: a friend of mine RSVPed for my wedding for "Friend and Guest." She is really truly single and was not invited with a guest. I decided not to say anything to her or to push the issue for the sake of harmony, texted her to let her know she could bring a guest and asked who it was for place setting/escort card purposes. It took her three weeks to let me know who her guest was . . . it was her sister. And then they both no-showed. Friend texted two of my bridesmaids that day to let them know they weren't coming but she's not said a word to me in almost three weeks. No card sent and certainly no gift. File under "ways to kill a friendship."

I actually really love this idea.

........For happy hour at my sister's vacation trailer park.

simcal18 · August 2015

ShesSoCold said:

bostonbride2015 said:

We have a wedding in late September that I'm dreading. As an initial matter, there was no formal invitation that was ever sent--only an informational postcard that directed us to their wedding website. Although the wedding is not until late September, they bugged us for an RSVP last week--while we were on our honeymoon.

The reason that they needed our RSVP is that this wedding is in the middle of bumble nowhere, and guests are expected to stay in cabins for the weekend. The cabins have no electricity and no running water. Awesome.

While B & G will be hosting beer and wine, in place of hard liquor they are hosting a "walking cocktail tour" of the cabins. So we are supposed to come up with some sort of cocktail to share with people. (How many people? I don't know. And apparently this cocktail will need to not be served over ice, since I have no idea how we will have access to ice if there's no running water.)

Do we at least get cake for sitting through this atrocity? No. Instead we are supposed to contribute a pie to a pie buffet. I freaking hate pie and love cake. And I have no idea how we or anybody else is supposed to keep a pie at a safe temperature with no electricity or refrigeration.

I would be pushing really hard to decline this monstrosity but this is a really really good friend of DH's, so he feels like we have to go. I'm not happy about it though.

Rudest guest move this year: a friend of mine RSVPed for my wedding for "Friend and Guest." She is really truly single and was not invited with a guest. I decided not to say anything to her or to push the issue for the sake of harmony, texted her to let her know she could bring a guest and asked who it was for place setting/escort card purposes. It took her three weeks to let me know who her guest was . . . it was her sister. And then they both no-showed. Friend texted two of my bridesmaids that day to let them know they weren't coming but she's not said a word to me in almost three weeks. No card sent and certainly no gift. File under "ways to kill a friendship."

I actually really love this idea.

........For happy hour at my sister's vacation trailer park.

Yes. I love cocktails and love the idea of a walking cocktail tour in theory. But not at a wedding where I am supposed to be thanked for traveling out to the middle of bumble nowhere to watch these people take vows, and not in cabins that have fewer modern amenities than the Amish do.

If it were other circumstances I would be perusing drink recipes to try and come up with the most kickass cocktail possible. But instead I'm going to just find something to mix with the 7/8 full bottle of Absolut Wild Tea that's been sitting in our liquor cabinet for 3 years (I don't like it) and call it a day.

bluebell42 · August 2015

A few weeks ago I went to the potluck wedding I posted about a few months ago (when I was trying to figure out whether to bring a separate gift or not). So the biggest wedding etiquette issue was probably the fact that it was a potluck, but there were other smaller issues with as well: the reception space was divided in half, so the dishes for the potluck buffet were as well, meaning that many people weren't seated in the room where the food they had brought was being served. It also felt weird being separated from half the guests, especially since they had intentionally separated groups of friends at different tables so people could "make new friends"... Which I'm not sure is against etiquette but it would have been nice to be seated with people we knew.

The formality of this event also wasn't communicated properly -- the invites were via email and in person the couple described it as a fun/outdoorsy/barn wedding (not to mention that potluck doesn't scream formal) but then the bridal party was in floor length gowns/tuxes and the reception venue was pretty fancy. I was glad I'd erred on the side of being overdressed, but there were definitely a few people who looked way too casual for the event.

While the potluck might be the biggest etiquette blunder, the most hurtful thing I've encountered this summer was not being invited to a wedding in which my boyfriend was a groomsman. He was "required" to spend four nights in a hotel over a holiday weekend for the duration of the wedding activities. He had to awkwardly ask the couple if I was invited when we were making travel arrangements, only to be told that they were only inviting SOs who were engaged or married because their budget was so tight they couldn't invite any extra guests... But my boyfriend was told later on that the cost per person was more than $350, so I assume there may have been things they could scale back on to invite their groomsmen's SOs.

Actually, now that I think about it, zero out of the combined five weddings we've been invited to this summer have properly indicated whether we were invited together or not -- all have involved us having to clarify with the couple.

[Deleted User] · August 2015

bluebella99 said:

A few weeks ago I went to the potluck wedding I posted about a few months ago (when I was trying to figure out whether to bring a separate gift or not). So the biggest wedding etiquette issue was probably the fact that it was a potluck, but there were other smaller issues with as well: the reception space was divided in half, so the dishes for the potluck buffet were as well, meaning that many people weren't seated in the room where the food they had brought was being served. It also felt weird being separated from half the guests, especially since they had intentionally separated groups of friends at different tables so people could "make new friends"... Which I'm not sure is against etiquette but it would have been nice to be seated with people we knew.

The formality of this event also wasn't communicated properly -- the invites were via email and in person the couple described it as a fun/outdoorsy/barn wedding (not to mention that potluck doesn't scream formal) but then the bridal party was in floor length gowns/tuxes and the reception venue was pretty fancy. I was glad I'd erred on the side of being overdressed, but there were definitely a few people who looked way too casual for the event.

While the potluck might be the biggest etiquette blunder, the most hurtful thing I've encountered this summer was not being invited to a wedding in which my boyfriend was a groomsman. He was "required" to spend four nights in a hotel over a holiday weekend for the duration of the wedding activities. He had to awkwardly ask the couple if I was invited when we were making travel arrangements, only to be told that they were only inviting SOs who were engaged or married because their budget was so tight they couldn't invite any extra guests... But my boyfriend was told later on that the cost per person was more than $350, so I assume there may have been things they could scale back on to invite their groomsmen's SOs.

Actually, now that I think about it, zero out of the combined five weddings we've been invited to this summer have properly indicated whether we were invited together or not -- all have involved us having to clarify with the couple.

God. You win. Both of these suck ass.

ShesSoCold · August 2015

bluebella99 said:

A few weeks ago I went to the potluck wedding I posted about a few months ago (when I was trying to figure out whether to bring a separate gift or not). So the biggest wedding etiquette issue was probably the fact that it was a potluck, but there were other smaller issues with as well: the reception space was divided in half, so the dishes for the potluck buffet were as well, meaning that many people weren't seated in the room where the food they had brought was being served. It also felt weird being separated from half the guests, especially since they had intentionally separated groups of friends at different tables so people could "make new friends"... Which I'm not sure is against etiquette but it would have been nice to be seated with people we knew.

The formality of this event also wasn't communicated properly -- the invites were via email and in person the couple described it as a fun/outdoorsy/barn wedding (not to mention that potluck doesn't scream formal) but then the bridal party was in floor length gowns/tuxes and the reception venue was pretty fancy. I was glad I'd erred on the side of being overdressed, but there were definitely a few people who looked way too casual for the event.

While the potluck might be the biggest etiquette blunder, the most hurtful thing I've encountered this summer was not being invited to a wedding in which my boyfriend was a groomsman. He was "required" to spend four nights in a hotel over a holiday weekend for the duration of the wedding activities. He had to awkwardly ask the couple if I was invited when we were making travel arrangements, only to be told that they were only inviting SOs who were engaged or married because their budget was so tight they couldn't invite any extra guests... But my boyfriend was told later on that the cost per person was more than $350, so I assume there may have been things they could scale back on to invite their groomsmen's SOs.

Actually, now that I think about it, zero out of the combined five weddings we've been invited to this summer have properly indicated whether we were invited together or not -- all have involved us having to clarify with the couple.

This is all I can picture right now.

mollybarker11 · August 2015

bostonbride2015 said:

While B & G will be hosting beer and wine, in place of hard liquor they are hosting a "walking cocktail tour" of the cabins. So we are supposed to come up with some sort of cocktail to share with people. (How many people? I don't know. And apparently this cocktail will need to not be served over ice, since I have no idea how we will have access to ice if there's no running water.)

W H A T

This does not sound like hosting, this sounds like the bride & groom telling their guests, "Bring your own liquor + also bring enough for all the other guests + also bring mix." That's hideous.

I agree a cocktail tour is a cute idea if a group of friends were getting together to go RVing or as neighbourhood thing around the holidays. But the key to that would be everyone deciding together that it's a cute idea. Not being told to do it at someone else's event.

EatDrinkBeWoods · August 2015

RachelLee83 said:

Oh another I thought of. I am a member of a FB group for my area... there are ALWAYS questions about how do you invite people to the dance only because they can't afford to feed everyone. People give them legit ideas and heaven for bid you say it's rude. If someone did this to me my response to them would be to Kick rocks.

@RachelLee83, I am apart of one of those groups too, I hold myself back so many times. I just want to scream "THAT'S NOT OKAY!"

charcoalandblush · August 2015

A while back we got an invite for a wedding in October. RSVP deadline is mid-August (I suspect they're b-listing). Plus a 2.5 hour gap, which would be less shitty if the end of the gap didn't coincide with hotel check in. I side-eye a gap WAY less if I have a hotel room to sit and drink with my friends in, but this gap ends right at check-in, so WTF are we going to do for 2.5 hours? Also, registry information printed ON THE INVITATION... not even an insert or a card. Actually ON the invite.

I will bet you one trillion dollars that there's a partial cash bar and a head table with no SOs.

perdonami · August 2015

I got invited to a wedding that included registry information with the invitation and on their website they said to wear garden attire.

That was back in June and I still yet to receive a thank you note.

thefanciestbeckler · August 2015

FI and I went to a wedding a few months ago where the ceremony and reception areas were combined (guests sat at round tables during the ceremony). This would have been fine if they hadn't been short about 7 or 8 tables short. People proceeded to get folding metal chairs out of a closet DURING the ceremony, which was very loud and distracting. Reception time rolls around and they had a table with a few light finger foods (it was lunch time, mind you, and they did not mention there would be no meal served) and a candy bar. The food ran out long before everybody could get any. OH and at one point the wedding was cancelled. They sent out texts 2 weeks before saying it was "back on".

Biggest etiquette blunder of 2015?

Re: Biggest etiquette blunder of 2015?

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