Help! Reserved tables for family only?

MsHeatherNW · August 2015

Our reception is in just over two weeks, and we still can't figure out what to do about where the Bride & Groom will sit! It's a very small reception, only 43 people, so we're not doing a seating chart. However, we have "Mr. & Mrs." signs for our chairs that we'll be putting at one table for us. There will be 6 tables that each seat a max of 8 people (leaving 6 spots at ours), but we have 6 members of the Bride's family coming, and 6 members of the Groom's family coming, so we can't just sit with our families. We could have a Bride's family table and a Groom's family table reserved, but then where do we sit without upsetting one group?? My husband (we had a destination ceremony 1 month ago) is adamantly against being on display, so we can't do a sweetheart table to solve the problem. Any ideas? here is how the family members break out:

Bride's: Mom, Dad, Brother, Aunt, Uncle, Cousin

Groom's: Mom, Dad, Aunt, Brother, Sister, Nephew

His parents are divorced and civil but not friendly, so I feel like it would be too awkward to have just us and our parents at a table. Any ideas? Is a sweetheart table really the only way around this? He's going to hate that so much...

snowywinter · August 2015

Are you having a wedding party? I'd do a table with you, your husband, your MOH and BM and their significant others.

MsHeatherNW · August 2015

No, we got married a month ago in a private ceremony (just the two of us), so there is no wedding party. I thought about doing that with the people who would have been our MoH and BM if we'd had a wedding party, but that would include 3 kids to keep the family together (my would-be MoH is married with 3 kids), and I don't like children so don't want to sit with 3 of them at my reception.

We could just put the Mr & Mrs signs at a table and then have it be free-for-all, and whoever sits there, sits there! :P But I think that might upset some people. It's looking more and more like a sweetheart table is the only solution.

MsHeatherNW · August 2015

On the other hand...would it be weird to squish two round tables right next to each other into a big head table, with the Bride hosting a table and the Groom hosting a table, but have the Bride and Groom right next to each other? That might be a good solution. We would then have 14 people total needing to sit at 2 round tables that would hold 16, so the "extra spots" could be where the tables are pushed together. That's my best idea, but not sure if it would look/seem odd.

lyndausvi · August 2015

You have 43 people. 12 of which you feel the need to have to assign a table to sit. I would do assigned tables for everyone. 12 people is almost 30% of you guests list. I think it's odd to reserve tables for that many and not the other 31 people.

MsHeatherNW · August 2015

But isn't it weird to have assigned seating for such a small group? I'm happy to do all assigned tables if that makes it easier, but I thought people would be surprised to have assigned tables with such a tiny reception. Everything I've read says that for a buffet under 50 guests, you don't have assigned seats.

lyndausvi · August 2015

Nope. I've seen assigned tables or seats for small groups before. Even 10 person events.

You do not need assigned tables, but since you do want to assigned at least 12 of them, 14 if you include yourselves, it's strange not to do them all.

For 43 people I would just have full open seating (including yourselves) or all assigned table.

AddieCake · August 2015

Assign tables for everyone.

Jen4948 · August 2015

AddieCake said:
Assign tables for everyone.

Cosigned.

Maggie0829 · August 2015

MsHeatherNW said:

But isn't it weird to have assigned seating for such a small group? I'm happy to do all assigned tables if that makes it easier, but I thought people would be surprised to have assigned tables with such a tiny reception. Everything I've read says that for a buffet under 50 guests, you don't have assigned seats.

Yeah, this isn't right. You can assign seats or just tables even for a very small event. Hell I have been to a dinner party for 15 people and we all had assigned seats.

Just make up a seating chart and you will be surprised at how the stress will just disappear.

MyNameIsNot · August 2015

Maggie0829 said:

MsHeatherNW said:

But isn't it weird to have assigned seating for such a small group? I'm happy to do all assigned tables if that makes it easier, but I thought people would be surprised to have assigned tables with such a tiny reception. Everything I've read says that for a buffet under 50 guests, you don't have assigned seats.

Yeah, this isn't right. You can assign seats or just tables even for a very small event. Hell I have been to a dinner party for 15 people and we all had assigned seats.

Just make up a seating chart and you will be surprised at how the stress will just disappear.

Yep. We assign seating for the 20 people at Thanksgiving every year.

I would personally do a sweetheart table, but that isn't for everyone. Outside of the sweetheart table, I'd probably sit with our closest friends or siblings, and put our parents to "host" their own tables.

I agree though that if you're assigning for 12, you need to assign for all 43. As a guest, I would feel second rate if I found that 1/3 of the guests were given priority seating while I was left with general admission.

Jen4948 · August 2015

MsHeatherNW said:

But isn't it weird to have assigned seating for such a small group? I'm happy to do all assigned tables if that makes it easier, but I thought people would be surprised to have assigned tables with such a tiny reception. Everything I've read says that for a buffet under 50 guests, you don't have assigned seats.

I don't know where you read that, but it's wrong. Even for buffets under 50 people, tables should be assigned so no one has to go looking for a seat-especially if they're carrying a heavy tray of food.

MsHeatherNW · August 2015

Thanks for your input, everyone! My husband and I talked it over with our wedding coordinator yesterday, and we're just going to have one reserved table for us and our parents, and have the rest be open seating. We're really trying to keep a casual vibe, and assigned tables would have been way too stuffy and formal for our crew (who are not used to ever being told where to sit).

Maggie0829 · August 2015

Jen4948 said:

MsHeatherNW said:

But isn't it weird to have assigned seating for such a small group? I'm happy to do all assigned tables if that makes it easier, but I thought people would be surprised to have assigned tables with such a tiny reception. Everything I've read says that for a buffet under 50 guests, you don't have assigned seats.

I don't know where you read that, but it's wrong. Even for buffets under 50 people, tables should be assigned so no one has to go looking for a seat-especially if they're carrying a heavy tray of food.

See I never understand this way of thinking. Whenever I have gone to a wedding we found our seats and placed our belongings at those seats before we ever got up to get food. It wasn't like we walked into the reception space, went directly to the buffet line with all of our personal crap still in our hands, and then had to walk around searching for our table/seats.

[Deleted User] · August 2015

Maggie0829 said:

Jen4948 said:

MsHeatherNW said:

But isn't it weird to have assigned seating for such a small group? I'm happy to do all assigned tables if that makes it easier, but I thought people would be surprised to have assigned tables with such a tiny reception. Everything I've read says that for a buffet under 50 guests, you don't have assigned seats.

I don't know where you read that, but it's wrong. Even for buffets under 50 people, tables should be assigned so no one has to go looking for a seat-especially if they're carrying a heavy tray of food.

See I never understand this way of thinking. Whenever I have gone to a wedding we found our seats and placed our belongings at those seats before we ever got up to get food. It wasn't like we walked into the reception space, went directly to the buffet line with all of our personal crap still in our hands, and then had to walk around searching for our table/seats.

Yes, but occasionally and if open seating isn't done well this turns into an issue. For example, FH and I walk in, he puts his suit coat on the back of one chair, I put my camera/bag down on the seat of another chair and we both walk to the bar. We get drinks and a small plate of apps and walk back to our stuff. Someone has moved my bag from my chair and put it on the chair with FH's coat and all the rest of the seats at the table are taken. So now we have a drink, a plate of apps, a bag/camera, and a suit coat and have to find a different place to sit. We find two seats together at another table, sit down and eat and drink through cocktail hour. At some point the other people at the table have come over with their apps/drinks and ask us very nicely if we don't mind moving to another table because they have friends who would like to sit with them and all the other chairs at the table are taken. So we, again, get up and go find somewhere else to sit. We end up sitting with groom's boss and bride's great aunt and a younger girl who the bride used to babysit who only knows the bride and her mother at this wedding; none of whom we have anything in common with.

Thank you but I prefer assigned tables.

Jen4948 · August 2015

Not to mention, I prefer to keep my things with me.

Once my dad lost his camera at a wedding. He put the camera down, got up from his seat, and came back to find it stolen. He never got it back.

I don't think anyone else wants to put their things down to "reserve" a seat only to find them moved or disappeared.

Oh, my stuff is not "crap."

Maggie0829 · August 2015

adk19 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Jen4948 said:

MsHeatherNW said:

But isn't it weird to have assigned seating for such a small group? I'm happy to do all assigned tables if that makes it easier, but I thought people would be surprised to have assigned tables with such a tiny reception. Everything I've read says that for a buffet under 50 guests, you don't have assigned seats.

I don't know where you read that, but it's wrong. Even for buffets under 50 people, tables should be assigned so no one has to go looking for a seat-especially if they're carrying a heavy tray of food.

See I never understand this way of thinking. Whenever I have gone to a wedding we found our seats and placed our belongings at those seats before we ever got up to get food. It wasn't like we walked into the reception space, went directly to the buffet line with all of our personal crap still in our hands, and then had to walk around searching for our table/seats.

Yes, but occasionally and if open seating isn't done well this turns into an issue. For example, FH and I walk in, he puts his suit coat on the back of one chair, I put my camera/bag down on the seat of another chair and we both walk to the bar. We get drinks and a small plate of apps and walk back to our stuff. Someone has moved my bag from my chair and put it on the chair with FH's coat and all the rest of the seats at the table are taken. So now we have a drink, a plate of apps, a bag/camera, and a suit coat and have to find a different place to sit. We find two seats together at another table, sit down and eat and drink through cocktail hour. At some point the other people at the table have come over with their apps/drinks and ask us very nicely if we don't mind moving to another table because they have friends who would like to sit with them and all the other chairs at the table are taken. So we, again, get up and go find somewhere else to sit. We end up sitting with groom's boss and bride's great aunt and a younger girl who the bride used to babysit who only knows the bride and her mother at this wedding; none of whom we have anything in common with.

Thank you but I prefer assigned tables.

First bolded - This is when you say "Excuse me these were our seats. Can you please move."

Second bolded - "Oh I am sorry but we aren't going to move."

When it comes to open seating I am not going to be pushed around by people taking my seat that I grabbed or asking me to move because they don't want to sit without their friends. There is a thing about being nice and then there is just being a pushover.

Maggie0829 · August 2015

Jen4948 said:

Not to mention, I prefer to keep my things with me. Once my dad lost his camera at a wedding. He put the camera down, got up from his seat, and came back to find it stolen. He never got it back. I don't think anyone else wants to put their things down to "reserve" a seat only to find them moved or disappeared. Oh, my stuff is not "crap."

Oh FFS!

Maggie0829 · August 2015

And yes, I prefer assigned tables, but not assigning tables is not wrong or against etiquette.

Jen4948 · August 2015

Maggie0829 said:

Jen4948 said:

Not to mention, I prefer to keep my things with me. Once my dad lost his camera at a wedding. He put the camera down, got up from his seat, and came back to find it stolen. He never got it back. I don't think anyone else wants to put their things down to "reserve" a seat only to find them moved or disappeared. Oh, my stuff is not "crap."

Oh FFS!

You were the one calling me "snotty" in another thread. Pot, meet kettle!

I am not going to leave my stuff (which is valuable) at a table for someone to move or take.

Maggie0829 · August 2015

Jen4948 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Jen4948 said:

Not to mention, I prefer to keep my things with me. Once my dad lost his camera at a wedding. He put the camera down, got up from his seat, and came back to find it stolen. He never got it back. I don't think anyone else wants to put their things down to "reserve" a seat only to find them moved or disappeared. Oh, my stuff is not "crap."

Oh FFS!

You were the one calling me "snotty" in another thread. Pot, meet kettle!
I am not going to leave my stuff (which is valuable) at a table for someone to move or take.

Well first off I never called your stuff crap. I was talking about my stuff. So not really sure why you made the comment in the first place. And I don't mean it as literal crap, I just mean all that random stuff people carry. Are you really telling me that you are offended because I am saying that I would not carry around all my crap? Really?

And it is completely up to you to decide whether or not to carry all of your stuff with you. But that is your choice so don't complain if a couple decides to have open seating because that couple is well within their rights etiquettely to do so. And does it really matter in the end if they have open seating or not when it comes to people having buffets or you getting up to go to the bar or getting groovy on the dance floor? Because even if you have an assigned seat you apparently don't want to leave your stuff just lying around because someone may take it so you would be carrying it around with you regardless right? So what is the big deal if a wedding is open seating or not in regards to this argument?

Jen4948 · August 2015

Maggie0829 said:

Jen4948 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Jen4948 said:

Not to mention, I prefer to keep my things with me. Once my dad lost his camera at a wedding. He put the camera down, got up from his seat, and came back to find it stolen. He never got it back. I don't think anyone else wants to put their things down to "reserve" a seat only to find them moved or disappeared. Oh, my stuff is not "crap."

Oh FFS!

You were the one calling me "snotty" in another thread. Pot, meet kettle!
I am not going to leave my stuff (which is valuable) at a table for someone to move or take.

Well first off I never called your stuff crap. I was talking about my stuff. So not really sure why you made the comment in the first place. And I don't mean it as literal crap, I just mean all that random stuff people carry. Are you really telling me that you are offended because I am saying that I would not carry around all my crap? Really?

And it is completely up to you to decide whether or not to carry all of your stuff with you. But that is your choice so don't complain if a couple decides to have open seating because that couple is well within their rights etiquettely to do so. And does it really matter in the end if they have open seating or not when it comes to people having buffets or you getting up to go to the bar or getting groovy on the dance floor? Because even if you have an assigned seat you apparently don't want to leave your stuff just lying around because someone may take it so you would be carrying it around with you regardless right? So what is the big deal if a wedding is open seating or not in regards to this argument?

If you consider your stuff crap, that's your concern. If you don't, that's also your concern. Me, I don't feel like putting mine down, leaving the table for whatever reason, and then coming back only to find that someone else took my seat (and maybe my things too).

The big deal is that making your guests figure out for themselves where to sit when other people prevent them from sitting down is bad hosting, so no, I disagree that that couple is "well within their rights etiquettely to do so. There is nothing "well within anyone's rights etiquettely" to invite people and be a bad host.

And figuring out where to seat people isn't as hard as you or anyone else is making it out to be. It is part of being a good host and seeing to everyone's comfort and needs. Part of good hosting is making sure nobody has to go looking for a seat because other people "reserve" them and even taking into consideration whom they know and get along with at the wedding. And when you have to carry a heavy tray on top of that, it's being even more considerate of the fact that when even when you don't have to carry other things besides that, nobody wants to go walking around, carrying that tray, looking for an "unreserved" seat simply because the hosts were too damned lazy or whatever to come up with a seating arrangement.

Help! Reserved tables for family only?

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