Flaky People Are the Worst

Re: Flaky People Are the Worst

• *Barbie* member

  

  August 2015

  mrsgomez721 said:

  I've read through a few other posts about their wedding heartbreak and well mine is not as bad as others. Nonetheless I am feeling the typical wedding woes and feel that writing about it may help me to feel better. 

  
  

  Let me just start by saying, my fiance and I really did choose our bridal party carefully but sometimes you just have to deal with the unexpected. Today, my fiance and his best man got in the biggest fight they have ever had. It started when our best man became very distant. He just didn't care to make time to be a part of anything for my fiance. This has been extremely frustrating as I have seen my fiance hurt and disappointed many times. 

  
  

  On top of it all, the best man has been the one who has complained the most. We had all of the guys buy their suits for the wedding which only cost $110. Since the best man waited to the last minute to get his alterations (plus he wanted the suit perfectly fitted to him) they charged him another $70. He was the last one to get his suit from the store. After he paid for it, he proceeded to text me fiance about how expensive it was and gave him serious attitude for it.

  
  

  The bachelor party is another story. My brothers from out of town is one of the groomsmen and was excited to come in for the bachelor party. He works weekends so it had to be planned a few weeks ahead of time for him to ask off. The best man had it planned for the beginning of the month and the week of, changed it to the same weekend as the bachelorette party. Since the best man was complaining about costs, he couldn't afford to take the guys to a hotel. He kicked my maid of honor's plans to the curb and we had to get a hotel for the weekend. 

  
  

  On top of all of that, I have a few bridesmaids who are just disinterested in the wedding as a whole. They say that they are there to help but then don't come through when things need to be done. One bridesmaid in particular, who I chose because she was a close friend has been very distant. She had planned to take me lingerie shopping with another bridesmaid and backed out, without notice, because she had gotten home from the dentist and took a nap. It normally wouldn't have bothered me if she would've at least text me the next day. I never heard from her until I ran into her at church a week later.

  
  

  Point blank, bridal parties are no joke. If you are in one, which I have been a few times, be all in or step down. Your future bride and groom are a nervous wreck and need all of the love and support they can get. It just hurts when the people who are closest to you in one of the biggest seasons of your entire life distance themselves from you so much.

  
  

  Thank you all for listening to my rant about bridal parties. Let me just mention that most of our party is amazing! I have just chosen to focus on them and enjoy the support they are giving us.

  
  

  Any advice or stories that are like mine are greatly appreciated.

  
  

  The only requirements of being in a bridal party are showing up on time for the wedding (reasonably sober) in the agreed-upon outfit and standing up with the bride and groom for the ceremony. That's it. Bachelor/Bachelorette parties are fun and all, but not required. Neither is shelling out hundreds of dollars on hosting them/booking hotels/renting limos/etc. He already spent almost $200 to buy a suit specifically for your wedding (and of course he chose to have it tailored - who would buy a suit that didn't fit correctly?)

  
  

  Why does it take 3 people to go lingerie shopping? How is that even related to the wedding? Maybe I'm alone in this - but that doesn't strike me as a group event. If I need/want to buy lingerie, I go by myself. 

  
  

  I would venture to say that these people are distancing themselves because your expectations are unreasonable and they don't want to fight with you about it. You choose people to be in your bridal party because they are close friends and family members that you enjoy spending time with. It's supposed to be an honor - not some sort of forced labor detail. 

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• NowIamMrsKlein member

  

  August 2015

  mrsgomez721 said:

  I've read through a few other posts about their wedding heartbreak and well mine is not as bad as others. Nonetheless I am feeling the typical wedding woes and feel that writing about it may help me to feel better. 

  
  

  Let me just start by saying, my fiance and I really did choose our bridal party carefully but sometimes you just have to deal with the unexpected. Today, my fiance and his best man got in the biggest fight they have ever had. It started when our best man became very distant. He just didn't care to make time to be a part of anything for my fiance. This has been extremely frustrating as I have seen my fiance hurt and disappointed many times. 

  
  

  On top of it all, the best man has been the one who has complained the most. We had all of the guys buy their suits for the wedding which only cost $110. Since the best man waited to the last minute to get his alterations (plus he wanted the suit perfectly fitted to him) they charged him another $70. He was the last one to get his suit from the store. After he paid for it, he proceeded to text me fiance about how expensive it was and gave him serious attitude for it.

  
  

  The bachelor party is another story. My brothers from out of town is one of the groomsmen and was excited to come in for the bachelor party. He works weekends so it had to be planned a few weeks ahead of time for him to ask off. The best man had it planned for the beginning of the month and the week of, changed it to the same weekend as the bachelorette party. Since the best man was complaining about costs, he couldn't afford to take the guys to a hotel. He kicked my maid of honor's plans to the curb and we had to get a hotel for the weekend. 

  
  

  On top of all of that, I have a few bridesmaids who are just disinterested in the wedding as a whole. They say that they are there to help but then don't come through when things need to be done. One bridesmaid in particular, who I chose because she was a close friend has been very distant. She had planned to take me lingerie shopping with another bridesmaid and backed out, without notice, because she had gotten home from the dentist and took a nap. It normally wouldn't have bothered me if she would've at least text me the next day. I never heard from her until I ran into her at church a week later.

  
  

  Point blank, bridal parties are no joke. If you are in one, which I have been a few times, be all in or step down. Your future bride and groom are a nervous wreck and need all of the love and support they can get. It just hurts when the people who are closest to you in one of the biggest seasons of your entire life distance themselves from you so much.

  
  

  Thank you all for listening to my rant about bridal parties. Let me just mention that most of our party is amazing! I have just chosen to focus on them and enjoy the support they are giving us.

  
  

  Any advice or stories that are like mine are greatly appreciated.

  
  

  To the Bolded: Please don't generalize how brides and grooms are feeling. Because I'm sorry but if you are a nervous wreck and need all the love and support you can get from people other than your FI, then perhaps you shouldnt be getting married. My wedding is in 3 weeks. Not once have I been a nervous wreck. I get to marry my best friend. Its super awesome. I never understand people who come on here saying they need love and support for their wedding. You need love and support through hard, trying times. A wedding is not a tragedy that you need people to lean on to 'get through' and even if it were, your FI is the one to be supporting you. Not your bridal party.

  
  

  I'm sorry that your bridal party is not living up to your expectations, but at the end of the day the parties only responsibility is to show up, day of, in outfit of choice. I don't say this to be mean. Everything will just go a lot smoother for you if you just let go of all the bridal industry 'rules for bridal parties'
  
  

  

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• MobKaz member

  

  August 2015

  @mrsgomez721 said, "Point blank, bridal parties are no joke. If you are in one, which I have been a few times, be all in or step down. Your future bride and groom are a nervous wreck and need all of the love and support they can get. It just hurts when the people who are closest to you in one of the biggest seasons of your entire life distance themselves from you so much."
  
  
  To "be all in", a wedding party member needs to purchase attire and attend the wedding.  It is the bride and groom that need to be "all in", no one else.
  
  If you and your FI are in such a bad state of mind that you need "all the love and support you can get", then perhaps you and your FI need to rethink what you are doing and why.
  

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• TheCheeseWench member

  

  August 2015

  *Barbie* said:

  mrsgomez721 said:

  I've read through a few other posts about their wedding heartbreak and well mine is not as bad as others. Nonetheless I am feeling the typical wedding woes and feel that writing about it may help me to feel better. 

  
  

  Let me just start by saying, my fiance and I really did choose our bridal party carefully but sometimes you just have to deal with the unexpected. Today, my fiance and his best man got in the biggest fight they have ever had. It started when our best man became very distant. He just didn't care to make time to be a part of anything for my fiance. This has been extremely frustrating as I have seen my fiance hurt and disappointed many times. 

  
  

  On top of it all, the best man has been the one who has complained the most. We had all of the guys buy their suits for the wedding which only cost $110. Since the best man waited to the last minute to get his alterations (plus he wanted the suit perfectly fitted to him) they charged him another $70. He was the last one to get his suit from the store. After he paid for it, he proceeded to text me fiance about how expensive it was and gave him serious attitude for it.

  
  

  The bachelor party is another story. My brothers from out of town is one of the groomsmen and was excited to come in for the bachelor party. He works weekends so it had to be planned a few weeks ahead of time for him to ask off. The best man had it planned for the beginning of the month and the week of, changed it to the same weekend as the bachelorette party. Since the best man was complaining about costs, he couldn't afford to take the guys to a hotel. He kicked my maid of honor's plans to the curb and we had to get a hotel for the weekend. 

  
  

  On top of all of that, I have a few bridesmaids who are just disinterested in the wedding as a whole. They say that they are there to help but then don't come through when things need to be done. One bridesmaid in particular, who I chose because she was a close friend has been very distant. She had planned to take me lingerie shopping with another bridesmaid and backed out, without notice, because she had gotten home from the dentist and took a nap. It normally wouldn't have bothered me if she would've at least text me the next day. I never heard from her until I ran into her at church a week later.

  
  

  Point blank, bridal parties are no joke. If you are in one, which I have been a few times, be all in or step down. Your future bride and groom are a nervous wreck and need all of the love and support they can get. It just hurts when the people who are closest to you in one of the biggest seasons of your entire life distance themselves from you so much.

  
  

  Thank you all for listening to my rant about bridal parties. Let me just mention that most of our party is amazing! I have just chosen to focus on them and enjoy the support they are giving us.

  
  

  Any advice or stories that are like mine are greatly appreciated.

  
  

  The only requirements of being in a bridal party are showing up on time for the wedding (reasonably sober) in the agreed-upon outfit and standing up with the bride and groom for the ceremony. That's it. Bachelor/Bachelorette parties are fun and all, but not required. Neither is shelling out hundreds of dollars on hosting them/booking hotels/renting limos/etc. He already spent almost $200 to buy a suit specifically for your wedding (and of course he chose to have it tailored - who would buy a suit that didn't fit correctly?)

  
  

  Why does it take 3 people to go lingerie shopping? How is that even related to the wedding? Maybe I'm alone in this - but that doesn't strike me as a group event. If I need/want to buy lingerie, I go by myself. 

  
  

  I would venture to say that these people are distancing themselves because your expectations are unreasonable and they don't want to fight with you about it. You choose people to be in your bridal party because they are close friends and family members that you enjoy spending time with. It's supposed to be an honor - not some sort of forced labor detail. 

  ^^^THIS.
  
  Also 
  "Point blank, bridal parties are no joke. If you are in one, which I have been a few times, be all in or step down. Your future bride and groom are a nervous wreck and need all of the love and support they can get. It just hurts when the people who are closest to you in one of the biggest seasons of your entire life distance themselves from you so much."
  
  No sweetie, POINT BLANK just because this "season" is big to YOU, doesn't mean it is big to THEM. It is a day they will stand next to you in a dress of your choosing and show their support for your marriage. Nothing else is required of them. Expecting otherwise makes you the unreasonable friend, not them. I'd avoid you too, for fear of having more crap that "needs to be done" shoved on me. You have a wedding party to honor and thank them for their friendship. Crap that comes with planning a wedding is no one's job but yours and your FI's.
  

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• frenchiekin member

  

  August 2015

  SoontobeMrsKlein said:

  mrsgomez721 said:

  I've read through a few other posts about their wedding heartbreak and well mine is not as bad as others. Nonetheless I am feeling the typical wedding woes and feel that writing about it may help me to feel better. 

  
  

  Let me just start by saying, my fiance and I really did choose our bridal party carefully but sometimes you just have to deal with the unexpected. Today, my fiance and his best man got in the biggest fight they have ever had. It started when our best man became very distant. He just didn't care to make time to be a part of anything for my fiance. This has been extremely frustrating as I have seen my fiance hurt and disappointed many times. 

  
  

  On top of it all, the best man has been the one who has complained the most. We had all of the guys buy their suits for the wedding which only cost $110. Since the best man waited to the last minute to get his alterations (plus he wanted the suit perfectly fitted to him) they charged him another $70. He was the last one to get his suit from the store. After he paid for it, he proceeded to text me fiance about how expensive it was and gave him serious attitude for it.

  
  

  The bachelor party is another story. My brothers from out of town is one of the groomsmen and was excited to come in for the bachelor party. He works weekends so it had to be planned a few weeks ahead of time for him to ask off. The best man had it planned for the beginning of the month and the week of, changed it to the same weekend as the bachelorette party. Since the best man was complaining about costs, he couldn't afford to take the guys to a hotel. He kicked my maid of honor's plans to the curb and we had to get a hotel for the weekend. 

  
  

  On top of all of that, I have a few bridesmaids who are just disinterested in the wedding as a whole. They say that they are there to help but then don't come through when things need to be done. One bridesmaid in particular, who I chose because she was a close friend has been very distant. She had planned to take me lingerie shopping with another bridesmaid and backed out, without notice, because she had gotten home from the dentist and took a nap. It normally wouldn't have bothered me if she would've at least text me the next day. I never heard from her until I ran into her at church a week later.

  
  

  Point blank, bridal parties are no joke. If you are in one, which I have been a few times, be all in or step down. Your future bride and groom are a nervous wreck and need all of the love and support they can get. It just hurts when the people who are closest to you in one of the biggest seasons of your entire life distance themselves from you so much.

  
  

  Thank you all for listening to my rant about bridal parties. Let me just mention that most of our party is amazing! I have just chosen to focus on them and enjoy the support they are giving us.

  
  

  Any advice or stories that are like mine are greatly appreciated.

  
  

  To the Bolded: Please don't generalize how brides and grooms are feeling. Because I'm sorry but if you are a nervous wreck and need all the love and support you can get from people other than your FI, then perhaps you shouldnt be getting married. My wedding is in 3 weeks. Not once have I been a nervous wreck. I get to marry my best friend. Its super awesome. I never understand people who come on here saying they need love and support for their wedding. You need love and support through hard, trying times. A wedding is not a tragedy that you need people to lean on to 'get through' and even if it were, your FI is the one to be supporting you. Not your bridal party.

  
  

  I'm sorry that your bridal party is not living up to your expectations, but at the end of the day the parties only responsibility is to show up, day of, in outfit of choice. I don't say this to be mean. Everything will just go a lot smoother for you if you just let go of all the bridal industry 'rules for bridal parties'
  
  

  This.  We are almost 6 weeks out, and things are peachy.  Every day I get giddy when I think about getting to marry my FI in a few weeks.  There are things in the planning process that have been annoying, but I've never been a nervous wreck.  That seems like an odd way to describe what is supposed to be one of the happiest times of your life.  The one period of time I was super stressed was a year and a half ago when our venue search was NOT going well.  I may have vented to family and friends or asked them for advice, but the person supporting me was my FI, and we worked through it together.  After that, I learned to let things roll off my back because this is a HAPPY occasion, not a tragedy as PP put it.  If you are truly a nervous wreck, I think you need to think long and hard about why that is and what you can do to change it.  (Spoiler: the answer is not to demand more from your WP).

  
  

  I think you need to give them a break.  Also, your FI should have asked for your best man's budget for the suit before picking one out.  If he didn't, your best man has every right to be pissed about the expense (whether he expressed it in a mature/constructive way or not).

  
  

  
  

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• Pupatella member

  

  August 2015

  I agree with the PP's.  Budget's should always be discussed with your WP.  My FH was a groomsman in a recent wedding and was PISSED when not only he had to spend $200 on a suit, and about $400 to travel for the bachelor party, but then the groom demanded that we stay in the hotel the night of the wedding (instead of driving home), and it was $249/night (without tax).  We did stay at the hotel (it was my FH's choice), but now there are some hurt feelings because the groom has still not thanked my FH, or sent my FH a groomsman gift.  Not that we are expecting either, but his feelings are hurt, and it's been almost 2 months with pretty much zero communication.

  
  

  Please respect that your WP has their own schedules, and their own budgets.  Keep the communication open, and don't take it personally if they can't attend all pre wedding events.  They agreed to be a part of your day because they truly do care about you.

  
  

  I'm sharing the above, because it was a good experience for me, and made me very aware of how I am treating my WP.  i.e. WP gifts have already been purchased, we are giving them welcome bags upon their arrival, and we are covering all of the expenses for their hair and makeup.  I also just gave my BM's a certain color their dress needs to be, but am allowing them to chose whatever dress they want that is in their budget.  In addition, if they are busy for a pre wedding event and can't come, I don't take it personally.  As long as they show up on time for my wedding, that's all that matters!!

  
  

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• AddieCake member

  

  August 2015

  I was not at all a nervous wreck, and my now husband didn't seem to be, either, and he hadn't even finished buying all of his clothes until the Thursday before we got married. I don't understand why you had to get a hotel room or how the bachelorette party got kicked to the curb. Your bridal party isn't responsible for helping you with anything, and I think it's odd that you wanted a group outing for lingerie shopping. You say the suits were "only" $110. That's a lot of money for some people, and your fiancé should have made sure that price worked for everyone. You need to dial back your expectations. Weddings and wedding parties and all their trimmings don't usually imitate the movies.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• *Barbie* member

  

  August 2015

  I didn't get the whole nervous wreck thing either. What's there to be nervous about? You're throwing a party, not performing brain surgery. If you're nervous about the marriage itself, maybe you should be talking to a counselor or reconsider getting married. 

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• NOLABridesmaid member

  

  August 2015

  You know this is a life lesson that you will be able to learn, sooner rather than later.

  There will ALWAYS be flaky people. Flaky people in your family, job, friends, etc. It is what it is. You regroup and keep it moving. Yes, roll your eyes, but what can ya do.

  

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• VarunaTT member

  

  August 2015

  Doesn't this sound like someone writing for their blog?  Am I the only one who wants to yell VENDOR!!!   It just reads very odd.

  
  

  oh and it's bad advice too.

  �

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• GBCK member

  

  August 2015

  I just read it and say "yup, I'm the worst.  But I'm only flaky sometimes."

  
  And then it made me want properly flaky baked goods.  like a good daish.

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• hmonkey member

  

  August 2015 edited August 2015

  mrsgomez721 said:

  Your future bride and groom are a nervous wreck and need all of the love and support they can get. 
  

  
  

  Any advice or stories that are like mine are greatly appreciated.

  
  

  advice: cut your friends the same slack that you expect them to cut you.

  

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• lembaslover member

  

  August 2015

  If I was told I was going to have to go lingerie shopping with other people I'd find a reason to miss that too! Lingerie is personal I don't want anyone but my FI to know what's in my lingerie closet and I don't want to know what's in anyone else's.

  
  

  Also I don't see why his plans changing made your bachelorette party change. If someone tried to mess up any plan I already had that didn't involve them I'd just be like nope not happening you figure your own shit out. 

  
  

  Finally I don't get why you're a nervous wreck. I'm super excited for my wedding. Sure I've still got last minute details to figure out. I'm sure I'll be making phone calls for people who don't RSVP but if I'm going to need support it's coming from my FI. We are each other's support system.

  

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• onefootinthebayou member

  

  August 2015

  Ditto all PPs.  If you're a nervous wreck because of your impending wedding, it may be time to seek professional help or reevaluate your relationship (not being snarky).  It's normal to feel stressed about finishing up details, managing vendors, making sure guests are all properly hosted but it's not normal to be a "nervous wreck" and require your WP to lift you up and "support" you through this "trying time".  You're throwing a party to celebrate your marriage, and it is the responsibility of you and your FI only to do so.  

  
  

  You do also realize that your WP are guests of honor, right?  They are not props or free labor as your OP seems to imply. 

  
  

  Like all PPs, I was the farthest thing from a nervous wreck and wasn't making pleas for all the love and support I could get.  I endured periods of stress but nothing that a bitch session to Fi and a martini couldn't get me through.  

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• Knottie80779227 member

  

  August 2015

  OP, like you said, the overall big picture is that you don't stress the small stuff. You can't control other people and what they do or don't do. I can agree with your statement where you said bridal parties are no joke, but unfortunately as many people will quote on here is that "your wedding will never be as important to anyone else but you". If you keep repeating this to yourself then you'll be golden.
  
  My situation is not exactly the same but I have a FSIL bridesmaid who changes her mind every month whether she wants to be in the wedding party or not. She has purchased her dress (she has yet to pick it up, but since it's paid for, it's not really any of my concern as to when she picks it up as long as it's on her for the wedding). She originally was like yessss I can't wait, then she said she quit by texting me at 2am after a long night of drinking, then she told everyone in her family she was in it (minus me or FH, her brother), then she reiterated she just does not have time even after she paid for her dress (we only asked her to be at the rehearsal dinner the evening before and the wedding and at this point I don't care if she's at the rehearsal), then she wanted back in and did call to tell me so, then we can basically put this story on repeat for about 9 months with constant back and forth of yes I want to be there or no, I'm not feeling it today. Add in about a month ago she called to tell me she is going to a mutual friends wedding in a few weeks and can't wait for it because this girl is like a sister to her and went on and on about how excited she was. Then I asked myself "like a sister, and in your bro's wedding who you are actually a sister". It would've been nice to hear her say she was excited for my wedding at any point during this process too, but I will never hear it. I was told at the beginning set your expectations low, but at this point I am nervous she won't even be able to do the few things a bridesmaid should do (show up on time to the wedding and be sober). Nonetheless, we will proceed with all of our plans and in the end, me and FH will be married and that's all that really matters to us.
  
  And let me end with: Inhale. "Your wedding will never be as important to anyone else but you". Exhale.
  

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• *Barbie* member

  

  August 2015 edited August 2015

  Flaky people be like: 

  
  

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• snowywinter member

  

  August 2015 edited August 2015

  engagedhamstermom said:

  
  

  Finally I don't get why you're a nervous wreck. I'm super excited for my wedding. Sure I've still got last minute details to figure out. I'm sure I'll be making phone calls for people who don't RSVP but if I'm going to need support it's coming from my FI. We are each other's support system.

  That's all fine and great, but you shouldn't assume that everyone feels the same emotions when getting married. Yes, people get nervous. Some get nervous about any big party or anytime they're in the spotlight (even right here on TK). It's perfectly normal and I would hate for the OP to feel like she's some freak or that she needs professional help just because many people didn't feel what she feels. Also, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a support system that extends beyond your Fi. Obviously, your Fi should be the most important person in your life and your biggest support, but there is nothing abnormal about wanting support from family or close friends. And no, support isn't just for the bad times. It extends to the good times too.
  
  That said, OP, you should never assume that $110 is "only" $110 for anyone. That $110 could have been a lot of money to him. I don't see how his behavior implies he's flaky honestly.
  

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• ShesSoCold mod

  

  August 2015

  Ya know what's worse than flaky people? People who are so self absorbed that they're too blind to see the message when their friends are sick of their shit.

  
  

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• themosthappy91 member

  

  August 2015 edited August 2015

  Whaaaaaat? Count me as one who would have been seriously pumping the breaks if I was a nervous wreck leading up to my wedding! I definitely did not feel I needed extra love or support... for goodness sake, I was getting ready to marry my best friend! I never felt more loved or supported, because I was literally entering into a contract that dictates that someone is going to be there to love and support me for the rest of my life.

  
  

  I don't know if you're having doubts about getting married OP, and if you are you can definitely come back and talk about it and I promise you will get tons of support here. But if you're nervous over anything other than making the decision to commit to your FI, you should rethink your wedding and eliminate whatever it is that's making you "a nervous wreck." A wedding doesn't have to be anything more than you and FI at the courthouse, and though many brides and grooms do experience some extra stress leading up to the event, it's a big red flag if you are THIS distressed about it.

  
  

  ETA: Damn it, I just realized this thread is over a week old and the OP is not coming back.

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