NWR: Choosing a Parish

Re: NWR: Choosing a Parish

• agapecarrie member

  

  August 2015

  Well, first-- think about what exactly you expect to happen? 

  
  

  Then, ask yourself whether those expectations are fair, or even in line with who God is, or your idea of what God should be (doing).

  
  

  Then, I wouldn't expect any grace to be flowing if you're not in the state of grace/serious sin. Pray. Do an examination of conscience, make a sincere confession, before receiving communion. 

  
  

  Regarding parish preferences: I'd want the priest to preach church teaching, not watered down stuff. I'd look for my particular strengths in activities. preferences of music is important to a lot of people. 

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• singalleluia member

  

  August 2015

  It's definitely difficult to find a good parish! There are a few parishes that I attend mass at depending on my schedule and generally I look for decent music (for me it could be any style as long as it's *good* and not cheesy or just off-key), a priest who is engaging and has direct, meaningful homilies (not too long though haha), and reverence for the Eucharist. 

  
  

  I've found churches to attend using the website Masstimes.org to see what churches are close by, and then checking out their website because you can usually get a general feel for the parish based on what they have on their site or by looking at the bulletin. 

  
  

  I think that it's beautiful and wonderful that you're feeling the pull to return to practicing your faith. Finding the right parish is also something that you can take to prayer, and I absolutely believe that you'll be lead to the right place for you, even if it isn't perfect. 

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• primafaba15 member

  

  August 2015 edited August 2015

  Music preference has always been a major factor for me -- remembering, of course, that at some parishes the music will vary widely between mass times! 

  
  

  I also look for at least one good homilist (so maybe the deacon is awful but Monsignor's homilies are awesome! that I can handle). And while I don't always end up choosing a parish this way, I feel better in my decision if there is a good confessor on staff. 

  
  

  Community is also important. You want a mixed community, but I've also found it hard to 'belong' if there aren't at least some people in the same stage of life. While we'll probably soon fit the family mold, before our wedding I would have loved to find a parish that had a place for people like me -- too old for youth group, too young for family ministries -- or at least evidence that some newlyweds and/or young professionals were there. 

  
  

  Finally, I think the general tone of a parish matters too, and what "tone" means might vary for you. For example, I once attended a parish that, for our annual giving campaign, asked people to raise their hands to receive a giving envelope (letting everyone know who was giving and who wasn't) and cancelled the homily so that time could be devoted instead to walking the congregation through filling out their credit card information. This was something that personally drove me nuts, and was not out of character for a congregation with many poor immigrants that nevertheless took 2-3 collections every week. I was happy to move to a parish where the exact same campaign was conducted without public humiliation of those who could not give, without sacrificing the homily, etc.,and still emphasizing importance of the campaign's mission. 

  
  

  In general it's discouraged to church hunt TOO too much, but I think it's important to find a spiritual home (and my faith has suffered when I've settled). I'll second the recommendation for Masstimes.org (they even have an app now!) to find local parishes. I'll also note that there is no shame in waiting to register just yet. It's hard to know anything about a parish until you have attended a few times. At my last parish, I don't think I registered until I'd been attending for 2-3 months, but by then I knew I'd found a good spot. In most places, you can attend as a visitor for awhile. 

  
  

  And I'll just add that finding a good parish definitely IS very difficult, and I wish you all the best of luck! H and I moved just after the wedding, and I can already tell we are going to have trouble finding a parish we loved as much as the last one. 

  
  

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• MesmrEwe member

  

  August 2015

  Masstimes .org is a great resource as it can help you find additional parishes in the area.  We have quite a hike to drive to our home parish.  Sad as it sounds, before we did our marriage prep we went "church shopping".   Then we spent a couple months going between the churches that had that sense that we could call a parish "home" we finally decided where to seek out marriage prep.  We also didn't officially register with the parish until around the time of our daughter starting Religious Education. Remember to keep an open mind, you never know when you're going to be at the mass with the vacationing Priest or the Missionary who speaks very broken English/Spanish/Latin, those are special events and not often reminiscent of what the parish is on a church home level.  The parish we ultimately chose is very traditional and not "touchy feely" that some parishes in our direct area are.  When we go to mass, it feels like we've attended mass and not a revival, there's no squishiness when it comes to the homilies or how the parish is run on a financial level, it's awesome to attend mass there! 

  IMO, it's more important to have a parish that you can develop and strengthen your personal connection with God than limiting yourself because of distance.  It's not like the "olden days" where one's nationality or geography really determined which parish you attended (the stories coming out of small towns about why a town of less than 7,000 had three different Catholic Churches are interesting unto themselves - the "Irish Catholic" church in town had a rule of "Never walk under the choir loft" and priests saying "I don't want anything to do with them __(nationality)___ here!")... 

  Good luck to you!!

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