Budget Weddings Forum

Planning a wedding out of state

My fiancé and I just got engaged! We are planning a wedding in St Louis, Missouri this coming June 2016. I really don't know where to start with the planning. Is it realistic to set our budget at $15,000 with 100-150 guests for the reception?? We are planning it out of state, but his family lives there. The only time we will be there is this coming December and a month before the wedding. I didn't realize that venues are so pricey! One venue had a price of $5,000 with a food and beverage minimum at $10,000. I thought that was too much! Do you guys have any advice on how to have our wedding within our budget??? 

Thanks! 


Re: Planning a wedding out of state

  • Congratulations on your engagement! It looks like you've established a budget and a rough guest list. This is great, you're doing things in the right order. It is possible to plan long distance, especially if you have family in the area that is willing to help (IF they are willing. You can't force anyone to want to be involved). At this point, you need look for venues that fit your budget and your guest count, and be open to different possibilities. As far as specifics, this is an international board and we might not be able to help much, but if you try your local board, you might get some better insight!

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  • You need to set the budget according to what you can afford. If you can only afford, say, $10,000 then you need to find a venue that accommodates this. There are all kinds of ways to trim the costs, but no one can help you with that until we know what your budget is.

    Who's paying for the wedding? If it's you and your fiance, then figure out how much you have now and how much you can REALISTICALLY save between now and then. If it's your parents, then ask them before doing anything else how much they're willing to spend.

    Next, think about what season you want to get married in, then remember that some seasons are way more expensive than others. If you want to get married in June and July, you're going to be paying a lot more than if you decided to get married in February or March. If you want a Saturday wedding, you're going to be paying a lot more than if you had a Friday evening or Sunday afternoon wedding. If you decide to have an evening wedding and serve dinner, you'll be paying way more than if you had an afternoon wedding and did brunch instead.

    There are a lot of tips and tricks, but before any of them can be applied, you need a realistic budget.
  • I'd recommend posting this to the St. Louis/Missouri board for recommendations and ideas.  The only thing you really need to get married is the two of you, a license, and an officiant to sign the paperwork.  Everything above that is window dressing.  That said, there are tons of venues down in that area that will easily fit your budget and what you're wanting in a venue, you just need to seek it out.  Think outside of the box and realize that not all venues advertise and those that do often have to pay for that level of advertising somehow.  Also, remember that you don't have to spend to or over your budget, you can come in below it by spending your money wisely and not going overboard.  While the venue with the skyline view of the Arch is wonderful, if they want more than you can afford, it's not worth it.  The energy that the two of you bring to the day is what will drive things the most.

    Next, cut corners without sacrificing quality.  There are times to DIY and there are times that DIY costs you more than hiring something out to the highest charging vendor.  That's not to say DIY is bad, but you do need to be realistic about it and most of all the value of your time..  The week of your wedding is not the time to be doing tons of DIY especially while out of state..  Also, you don't need to have a fancy reception site in order to have a beautiful reception.  It's what you bring for energy that makes the day grand! 

  • Utilize the family for help. Ask them for recommendations for venues that are in the area you are looking at where they may have attended events at or heard good things about. They may know of some great options that aren't showing up on venue lists when you check the vendor lists on TK or weddingwire. Also do the same for other vendors you will need to deal with. I'm sure they have been to weddings where they loved or hated the flowers, DJ, food, etc. and they can find out from people "Hey, my son is getting married next year, who was that DJ you used for your daughter's wedding" . Then once you get a list of places you can start comparing the prices and what each venue includes in their pricing. Like does the per person price include linens, the cake, booze, and whatever extras they offer. Then once you get a list of things down, take a day or two to schedule appointments to see venues and vendors when you go down in September. It will be a crazy 1-2 days meeting with vendors, but you can get a lot done in a short period of time. Also once you start contacting venues to see them, ask them who their preferred vendors are (dj, florist,etc), because those vendors will be familiar with the venue set up. Then start checking out reviews online of the different venue and vendors you get. It won't be easy, but I think if you let his family get info for you, you can pull this off in your budget and have a fairly stress free wedding.

  • Definitely utilize his family and local boards for advice on best prices/quality in the area.  I am having my wedding 2 1/2 hours from home (where the groom is from) because the prices there are about half the price of what they are in my home area.  I live in between three large tourist areas so things are pricey!  Plus, his parents own a wedding venue, so that is free, and the catering options, photographers, DJ's, and other vendors definitely charge less where he is from.  I can't get up there all that often, so I have been doing a lot of e-mails and phone calls with our vendors.  It can seem stressful at times, but take advantage of the time you have.  Let your vendors know when you are available to meet with them early on, and keep up good contact with them via phone and internet options.  Good luck!

  • It's the reality that lower budget weddings is really a relative term.  You really need to cut down your list.  just have closet family and friends.  get your list down to 75 to 80.  thousands will come off your bill.  go cheaper on flowers.  you do need good food and music, so don't skimp on that.  you could set up a cash bar with drinks and offer unlimited wine, beer and soda.  get your invites from Vistaprint.com and limit your bridal party to no more than 4.  Do an adult-invite only event because children have to pay just as much as adults per plate (usually).  Look for smaller hotels that do weddings (the larger resorts will be pricey) - a nice local hotel in that area should be able to accommodate you.  You may also look into good restaurants that have a private party room which is usually much cheaper than your standard wedding hall.  You could opt for brunch instead of a night wedding or have an event on a thursday night and not a friday or saturday night, which is also cheaper.  Good luck!
  • It's the reality that lower budget weddings is really a relative term.  You really need to cut down your list.  just have closet family and friends.  get your list down to 75 to 80.  thousands will come off your bill.  go cheaper on flowers.  you do need good food and music, so don't skimp on that.  you could set up a cash bar with drinks and offer unlimited wine, beer and soda.  get your invites from Vistaprint.com and limit your bridal party to no more than 4.  Do an adult-invite only event because children have to pay just as much as adults per plate (usually).  Look for smaller hotels that do weddings (the larger resorts will be pricey) - a nice local hotel in that area should be able to accommodate you.  You may also look into good restaurants that have a private party room which is usually much cheaper than your standard wedding hall.  You could opt for brunch instead of a night wedding or have an event on a thursday night and not a friday or saturday night, which is also cheaper.  Good luck!
    Reasonably decent advice, I suppose, except for the damn Cash Bar.  NO CASH BAR!!!!!  Never, ever, ever, ever!!!!!!
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited September 2015
    I helped plan daughter's wedding in Maryland, and I live in Colorado.  The internet was a big help.  I flew in for 4 days to venue shop and dress shop.  Your budget was about what her wedding cost.  135 guests, including wedding party and us.

    She had a late morning church wedding, followed by a brunch reception at a nearby country club.  Brunch costs half of what dinner costs.  There was an elegant buffet of carved roast beef, salmon, asparagus with hollandaise, eggs benedict, fruit, sausages and pastries.  Drinks were mimosas and bloody marys.  I think we spent more on sodas.
    The club took care of everything.  Tablecloths, glassware, china and silver were provided.  Daughter brought in her centerpieces, which were minimal, and lovely.  We didn't have to do much for the reception at all.  This was in the pricey Washington, DC, area in 2011.
    Many people were pleased that they could drive home in the late afternoon, and not have to spend the night in a hotel.  Younger people liked the idea that they weren't giving up their Saturday night plans to attend a wedding.
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  • It's the reality that lower budget weddings is really a relative term.  You really need to cut down your list.  just have closet family and friends.  get your list down to 75 to 80.  thousands will come off your bill.  go cheaper on flowers.  you do need good food and music, so don't skimp on that.  you could set up a cash bar with drinks and offer unlimited wine, beer and soda.  get your invites from Vistaprint.com and limit your bridal party to no more than 4.  Do an adult-invite only event because children have to pay just as much as adults per plate (usually).  Look for smaller hotels that do weddings (the larger resorts will be pricey) - a nice local hotel in that area should be able to accommodate you.  You may also look into good restaurants that have a private party room which is usually much cheaper than your standard wedding hall.  You could opt for brunch instead of a night wedding or have an event on a thursday night and not a friday or saturday night, which is also cheaper.  Good luck!
    Is this really a normal thing? I went to my friends wedding a few years ago and beer was free (until the kegs run out, which I think some did) and it was a cash bar for hard liquor. 
    Not a beer drinker, and also not one to carry cash with me. Like ever.   So annoying!  I knew for my wedding I was not going to be like that.  Even before I read these boards here on TK.

  • This is absolutely doable.Figure out what your priorities are. That doesn't necessarily mean cut the guest list in half or make it no kids allowed... but if you want elegant, multi course meal with sushi and top shelf drinks, vera wang gown then that may be an option.  Even more importantly figure out what doesn't matter to you. For me that was flowers, my dress, linens/centerpieces and invitations. I had all of these but they were (relatively) inexpensive: sams club flowers, davids sale dress, ikea lanterns, oyster shells and "standard" tablecloths, david bridals bundle invites (didn't have to diy plus less than vista print!!!)


    The place you mention in the original post apaprently leaves you no money for a dress, flowers, gifts for your bridal party, hair/makeup, transportation, rehearsal dinner etc. so that sounds like too much for YOU and your budget. That being said don't caught up in having the most original wedding either, just treat your guests right (no cash bar) and don't go into debt over one day.


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