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Ugghhh surprise wedding AND a honeyfund

madamerwinmadamerwin member
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in Snarky Brides
Some old neighbors, who have since moved out of state, had a surprise wedding a few weeks back... They had planned an engagement party and then SURPRISE! It's really a wedding. We're not close enough to them anymore to have been invited or for us to care personally, but man, do I think surprise weddings are lame. But whatever, not something to spend energy being annoyed at.

BUT THEN! Today, on Facebook, one of them posts something saying thank you to everyone who attended the surprise wedding, and if you're itching to see photos or contribute to our honeymoon fund, here's a link.

Now, these women are super sweet and probably just not well versed in etiquette, but c'mon now. Talking about an event on FB that not everyone was invited to (or attended, since they didn't actually know it was a wedding), and linking to your honeymoon registry just made me stabby.

What's making you stabby today?
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Re: Ugghhh surprise wedding AND a honeyfund

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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    I have three blisters- one is particularly bad. It is making me stabby. I want to lop my toe off!

    Nothing etiquette wise or wedding related is pissing me off today...
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    thefanciestbecklerthefanciestbeckler member
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    I don't have anything etiquette wise to snark about (at least not today), but I feel all stabby because I scratched my chin over the weekend while I was fixing my hair. I have no idea how that happened. but it is all red and annoying AND I'm getting married Sunday. That sucker had better be gone.

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    thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
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    tfmrserwin said:
    Some old neighbors, who have since moved out of state, had a surprise wedding a few weeks back... They had planned an engagement party and then SURPRISE! It's really a wedding. We're not close enough to them anymore to have been invited or for us to care personally, but man, do I think surprise weddings are lame. But whatever, not something to spend energy being annoyed at.

    BUT THEN! Today, on Facebook, one of them posts something saying thank you to everyone who attended the surprise wedding, and if you're itching to see photos or contribute to our honeymoon fund, here's a link.

    Now, these women are super sweet and probably just not well versed in etiquette, but c'mon now. Talking about an event on FB that not everyone was invited to (or attended, since they didn't actually know it was a wedding), and linking to your honeymoon registry just made me stabby.

    What's making you stabby today?
    I think I'm in the minority that I don't mind a surprise wedding. One of my coworkers did that. I wasn't on the invite list, but I was one of the few people she told in advance. She and her now-husband did it because they were getting a lot of extended family pushiness and drama over the wedding planning process. So, only their parents were in on the surprise. They had an engagement party (maybe 100 people?) at a beautiful hotel and halfway through she changed into a gown... surprise! 
    Honestly I thought it was a cool idea, but I do get why people get annoyed with them. 
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    frenchiekinfrenchiekin member
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    I am particularly stabby today because FI and I both have awful colds and we are 2.5 weeks out.  Mine tend to hang around FOREVER so I am trying my best to kick it and praying to science it will be gone before the wedding week.  Sick brain combined with wedding brain is making me pretty non-functional.  I can barely form sentences.

    Also, late RSVPs.  Or non-RSVPs.  A couple of FIs more distant family members who tend to not show up/not respond to things (surprise surprise).  And the fact that FI is just like - "don't worry about it, they're not going to come" and I'm all like "I NEED A DEFINITIVE ANSWER WHAT IF THEY JUST SHOW UP BECAUSE FOOD AND SEATS"

    Ugh.  Regarding OP, surprise weddings don't bother me either as long as they are hosted correctly, but the Honeyfund on FB thing is gross.


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    MegEn1MegEn1 member
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    Turns out Pret's pumpkin spice latte uses sugar free sweetener -- I can tell from the very unhappy vomity feeling I've had all morning. 

    That and though we're a week out from RSVP due dates FMIL is freaking out, wants to start calling people now, etc. She's already said she wants to call 'her' people (her friends that I don't know) but I feel like that's super rude. These people are coming to FI and I's wedding, one of us should be able to call them and speak to them. But at this point FMIL is the keeper of the phone numbers so yeah ... expect a rant from me next week about that. 

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    madamerwinmadamerwin member
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    @frenchiekin I hope you feel better soon! H came down with a nasty bug a few weeks before our wedding too. Luckily he was 100% better by one week out! I hope you both feel better soon!

    And I side-eyed the surprise wedding only a little bit, but the FB honeyfund announcement really pissed me off and sent me over the edge.
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    frenchiekinfrenchiekin member
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    tfmrserwin said:
    @frenchiekin I hope you feel better soon! H came down with a nasty bug a few weeks before our wedding too. Luckily he was 100% better by one week out! I hope you both feel better soon!

    And I side-eyed the surprise wedding only a little bit, but the FB honeyfund announcement really pissed me off and sent me over the edge.
    Thank you!!  I know it's better to be sick now than come down with it week-of - but it still sucks when we have so much left to do.  Glad your H got over it in time - my FI seems to be on the upswing as well!
    MegEn1 said:
    Turns out Pret's pumpkin spice latte uses sugar free sweetener -- I can tell from the very unhappy vomity feeling I've had all morning. 

    That and though we're a week out from RSVP due dates FMIL is freaking out, wants to start calling people now, etc. She's already said she wants to call 'her' people (her friends that I don't know) but I feel like that's super rude. These people are coming to FI and I's wedding, one of us should be able to call them and speak to them. But at this point FMIL is the keeper of the phone numbers so yeah ... expect a rant from me next week about that. 
    My mom started that shit about 2 weeks before our deadline.  I had to beg her not to start harassing people until a couple days after the deadline had passed... like, it's a deadline for a reason.  Also, if your experience is anything like ours, you will get a ton in the mail the last couple days before the due date.  GL with FMIL!


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    lembasloverlembaslover member
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    I'm kind of stabby today because I have this chronic cough that has come and gone over the last 2 years and when I have it, it lasts for a couple months. I've been to the doctor and specialists many times and been treated for asthma, bronchitis, mono, flu, stuff related to my thyroid cancer, etc... So it's frustrating as I'm on about week 5 and still no relief from doctors just waiting on my next specialist appt at the end of the month. 

    Not a reason to be stabby today except that co-workers haven't really bothered me about it since the first week and then today I had people start asking me "do you think it'll be gone by the wedding?" Like oh well let me check my crystal ball. Then they start saying things like oh my uncle had bronchitis and it sounds like that do you think that's your issue? My friend had a cough and stopped eating cheese and that helped have you examined your diet? Sorry if multiple specialists haven't solved the issue yet I don't think your story is going to fix it.
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    ryanandjoe4ryanandjoe4 member
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    SO I have a friend that posts updates about her wedding.. like it is over a year away, and it is all "got this, this, this done! only so long to go!!" and tags the groom.. well the problem is they only have like 4000 (no that is not an extra 0 in there that is 4000 people combined as friends on facebook...

    I believe the only wedding stuff I have posted were things I was tagged in.. I do have a PRIVATE group with my bridesmaids, mother, and MIL.. but that is it..

    I felt like commenting "Anxiously awaiting my invite or I can just show up since I will get all the details on facebook?" (sidenote: I am aware I will not be invited to this wedding)
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    laurad75laurad75 member
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    edited September 2015
    ryanandjoe4 said:
    SO I have a friend that posts updates about her wedding.. like it is over a year away, and it is all "got this, this, this done! only so long to go!!" and tags the groom.. well the problem is they only have like 4000 (no that is not an extra 0 in there that is 4000 people combined as friends on facebook...

    I believe the only wedding stuff I have posted were things I was tagged in.. I do have a PRIVATE group with my bridesmaids, mother, and MIL.. but that is it..

    I felt like commenting "Anxiously awaiting my invite or I can just show up since I will get all the details on facebook?" (sidenote: I am aware I will not be invited to this wedding)
    This is exactly why I started hanging out in the knot forums.  I'm so excited about planning the wedding and love talking about it but I am aware enough to know that no one else cares and my FB community certainly doesn't give a shit.  

    edited bc I don't know how to reply
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    thefanciestbecklerthefanciestbeckler member
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    ryanandjoe4 said:
    SO I have a friend that posts updates about her wedding.. like it is over a year away, and it is all "got this, this, this done! only so long to go!!" and tags the groom.. well the problem is they only have like 4000 (no that is not an extra 0 in there that is 4000 people combined as friends on facebook...

    I believe the only wedding stuff I have posted were things I was tagged in.. I do have a PRIVATE group with my bridesmaids, mother, and MIL.. but that is it..

    I felt like commenting "Anxiously awaiting my invite or I can just show up since I will get all the details on facebook?" (sidenote: I am aware I will not be invited to this wedding)
    Yep I have one of these too. There are always posts like "Only 472 days to go!!!! I can't wait to marry the love of my life!!!" and I just can't help but think... Isn't it a little early for a day by day countdown? Lol

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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    The 20th is my deadline for RSVPs and we are still waiting for about half the guest list to respond. I keep waiting for the day I go to the mailbox and find like 8 cards in there but it hasn't happened.

    I did contact FMIL for a few phone numbers so I have them if needed to follow up next week. I've heard through the gossip chain that people are coming but no cards yet.

    I'm suprised I'm not itching to contact people yet- I assumed this is the task I'd be most antsy about.
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    spockforprezspockforprez member
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    Can't stand it when people discuss wedding things on facebook. Even when people post wedding stuff that's supposed to be funny (like buzzfeed 25 Wedding Fails or whatever) and tag me in it, I untag. 

    The only wedding-related things on facebook for me have been our engagement pictures and a cross stitch pattern I made that had our wedding date on it. I wanted to share it but couldn't exactly crop it out, so I just posted it and didn't worry about showing the date.

    Wedding countdowns on social media are THE WORST. Timehop showed me a mean tweet from about 3 years ago where I said something like, "Can't wait until this bitch gets married so I don't have to read her daily countdown anymore" lol, oops. I actually don't even remember which friend it was! I don't think she was on twitter, though, as I'm not a fan of subtweets. 
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    ryanandjoe4ryanandjoe4 member
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    FeeleyToBe said:
    The 20th is my deadline for RSVPs and we are still waiting for about half the guest list to respond. I keep waiting for the day I go to the mailbox and find like 8 cards in there but it hasn't happened. I did contact FMIL for a few phone numbers so I have them if needed to follow up next week. I've heard through the gossip chain that people are coming but no cards yet. I'm suprised I'm not itching to contact people yet- I assumed this is the task I'd be most antsy about.
    I was antsy, but I was good, and made my self wait until the week after our deadline for the stragglers that came in. it felt so good when it was done, but I am "a if its on my to-do list it must get done before I can relax person"..
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    julieanne912julieanne912 member
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    FeeleyToBe said:
    The 20th is my deadline for RSVPs and we are still waiting for about half the guest list to respond. I keep waiting for the day I go to the mailbox and find like 8 cards in there but it hasn't happened. I did contact FMIL for a few phone numbers so I have them if needed to follow up next week. I've heard through the gossip chain that people are coming but no cards yet. I'm suprised I'm not itching to contact people yet- I assumed this is the task I'd be most antsy about.
    Yeah I waited to start contacting people until like the Tuesday after our Saturday deadline.  We got a decent amount of responses on the deadline, and a lot of stragglers on Sunday and Monday, especially since we had an online RSVP option.
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    HappyAnjelHappyAnjel member
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    edited September 2015
    I'm stabby today because I told my husband I wasn't going to a dinner bc I already took 3 days off for a wedding im in (out of town).. 2 days off for his friends bachelor party (no one could watch our daughter).. a day for his friends wedding.. a day off to close on our house.. And one for meet n greet with daughters new school.. All In my first month at my new job. he left an email open saying we are going and we can't wait.. Then says to me "i said looks like we can go that's not definite " but he worded it as I'm going so now I'm sure they've paid and I'm obligated. (They are lovely.. But I really didn't want to take another day off!)
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    edited September 2015
    All of these: Always being expected to re-run projects multiple times because my bosses don't communicate the right information to me the first or even the second time, the server at my office always going down, having to work nights and weekends because of "busy season," clients who give pushback when asked to provide additional required information that they should have provided from the start, my parents (I live with them right now) deciding that they want to host their grandchildren, ages 11 and 7 respectively, during "busy season," the fucking phrase "busy season," and the word "stabby."
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