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Controlling bride?

brideine08brideine08 member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
in Attire & Accessories Forum
I have a relatively small bridal party, 4 girls. It was hard to narrow it down, but we didn't want a HUGE bridal party so I had to.  I was thinking of asking 10 or so girls I'm really close with to wear gold (one of our wedding colors) to our wedding. I don't care what shade or style of dress it is, or if it's just a gold top with a pair of pants. I just wanted a way for them to stand out as being special, and important in the life of my fiance and I. I haven't asked the girls yet because I'm not sure if asking them to wear a certain color would be too controlling on my part or stressful for them. I'm also afraid it might make my bridesmaids feel less special. I'm really not sure what to do and would love any input.

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Re: Controlling bride?

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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    You should not be dictating attire to guests. And these women are in fact just guests. Yes, it would absolutely be controlling, along with sending a message that's basically, "Well, I didn't choose you as a bridesmaid, but hey, I'm giving you a runner up prize! So wear this color." Please don't do this. Just let them be guests. Being a guest in an honor too. 
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    STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    Do not do this. Absolutely not. You do not show people that you care about them by requesting they wear specific clothing.

    If you want to show them how much you care, invite them to the rehearsal dinner, or invite them over to brunch, or send a thoughtful card.
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    brideine08brideine08 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Thanks so much for your input!! I'm not going to be asking them. I would hate to make any of them feel bad.
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    lerowebleroweb member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I agree don't do this. A corsage is a lovely gesture if you insist on doing something.
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    kvrunskvruns member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer

    too controlling. If someone asked me to wear a specific color to his/her wedding even though I'm not part of the wedding party I'd be annoyed and think that person was being controlling.

    As a guest if a bunch of people were wearing the same color I'd be like wow gold must be the "in" color for this wedding season, guess I'm not on the trend but wouldn't think they had some special role in the couples' eyes

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    jacques27jacques27 member
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    Don't "honor" your guests by making them do stuff for you - like wear a specific color.  Honoring them should mean you are doing something for them to show your love and appreciation.  I would be annoyed at having my attire dictated (heck, I have a wedding I'm going to as a guest in a few weeks and they put attire "requirements" on their invite and I'm annoyed by that). 

    Truthfully, I don't need a symbolic color to know my friends appreciate me.  I know they appreciate me and they know I appreciate them because we tell each other and spend time with each other and do little things for each other.  Just don't let your friendships lag because you're so focused on your wedding and spending time with your bridesmaids - that's really all that's needed.  You could write them a heartfelt note telling them how much you appreciate them.  You could do the corsage thing if it's in your budget, though truthfully I don't like using pins on my clothing and I find wrist corsages annoying (but I also don't wear watches or bracelets for the same reason), so it may be a know your crowd thing. 
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    knottie2b256f5c2ae42586knottie2b256f5c2ae42586 member
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    I think the photo idea is a good one
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    charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Agreed, please don't do this. Get them a corsage, invite them to the shower and b-party (if someone has offered to throw these for you) and do individual pictures with them. Also, if you're doing a seating chart have them (with their SOs or dates) at tables near you and FI or the dance floor, and point them out to photographers to make sure they get candids of them as well.
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Corsages, pictures, and an offer to get ready together would be lovely. Having them wear a specific color? NO.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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    kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Ya gotta love it when a first time poster comes on with an idea, is told it is a bad or rude idea and why, and she GETS it!  Addie had some great suggestions, but it is so refreshing to see a bride come on here and listen to good manners and etiquette!
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    GlamQueenBrideGlamQueenBride member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    kmmssg said:
    Ya gotta love it when a first time poster comes on with an idea, is told it is a bad or rude idea and why, and she GETS it!  Addie had some great suggestions, but it is so refreshing to see a bride come on here and listen to good manners and etiquette!
    It's also great to have a poster come here with an idea and be told in a civil manner why it's a bad idea. That matters too.
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    MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Knottie63139532 said:
    kmmssg said:
    Ya gotta love it when a first time poster comes on with an idea, is told it is a bad or rude idea and why, and she GETS it!  Addie had some great suggestions, but it is so refreshing to see a bride come on here and listen to good manners and etiquette!
    It's also great to have a poster come here with an idea and be told in a civil manner why it's a bad idea. That matters too.

    I agree.  I think more often than not, the majority of the answers do, in fact, begin with a civil tone.  The problem arises when:
    1.  The OP does not post for actual advice, but rather validation that her idea is awesome, when that is not the case., and
    2.  An overly sensitive poster takes benign phrases as personal attacks or considers them "harsh" comments, such as:
    "If a close friend of mine asked me to wear a certain color, I would be a little irritated."
    "You should not be dictating attire to guests"
    "Do not do this. Absolutely not. You do not show people that you care about them by requesting they wear specific clothing".
    "I'd be annoyed".

    Posters will read comments such as those listed above and respond with the predictable, "You don't know my friends/if they love me/that's how it's done here" defensiveness.  The issue isn't simply one of being a bride for the first time.  If it often also the first time on internet forums.  I think this is why the suggestion of "lurking" is so important, too.
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