Work related: the South and Sweetie

kimmiinthemitten · October 2015

So I have a very male dominated sales job. My company alone employs about 50 salespeople and I'm the senior of 3 female sales reps (with about 8 years on the job). Its a dealership style business, our main manufacturers' North American HQ is in the Carolinas as well as many of my customers.

I've been in business long enough to know that sweetie is inappropriate but also that not everyone who uses that term means it in a deragatory way. But it does seem that 99% of the time a colleague or customer calls me that they're from the South. I know we have a lot of Southern ladies on here so I was just wondering what your experience with the word is. Is it a cultural thing, an age thing, or on par with "Bless your heart?"

ILoveBeachMusic · October 2015

It is not on par with "Bless your heart". I would say it is more of a cultural thing. I'm 54, 60+ cousins call me sweetie. I'm not offended by it but then I'm not easily offended.

emmaaa · October 2015

I'm called "sweetie" on a regular basis by my seniors at work. And I'm guilty of calling people "sweetie" or "hun" as well. I see it as a cultural thing. Now, there are instances when you can just tell if it is being used in a derogatory way.

thefanciestbeckler · October 2015

It's a cultural thing. It's definitely not meant in a derogatory way. If you ever visit the South, you'll notice that regardless of age or sex, lots of people use terms like "sweetie", "darlin", "sugar", "honey" etc. to address you. I personally don't, but I'm not your typical "country" girl either.

ETA: I can definitely see how it would be weird for people from other parts of the country. It's a super familiar way to address people, but it kinda goes with the general sense of hospitality in the South.

holyguacamole79 · October 2015

In Texas, I don't get called sweetie in the office mostly because I'm in a corporate environment in Houston and few of my colleagues are locals (my project manager is actually from India).

My parents live in a rurual area near Austin and I definitely hear it more when I'm visiting them.

But, I still get called it here & there in Houston. The receptionist at one of my doctors is notorious for calling me sweetie or hon. I'm not offended but I am annoyed.

beachyone15 · October 2015

I mean....it really could be any of those things. I live in a big city in Texas so I don't hear it a lot unless I'm visiting a smaller town. So it never offends me because I know many people here say it. Although if I hear it from someone younger than me, I do think it's a little odd.

Heffalump · October 2015

beachyone15 said:

I mean....it really could be any of those things. I live in a big city in Texas so I don't hear it a lot unless I'm visiting a smaller town. So it never offends me because I know many people here say it. Although if I hear it from someone younger than me, I do think it's a little odd.

I'm in Charlotte, and all of this has been my experience, as well. Almost entirely older people, almost always when we're well outside the city, almost always seems like a harmless habit more than anything else. But it can sound odd when you're not used to it.

kimmiinthemitten · October 2015

holyguacamole79 said:

In Texas, I don't get called sweetie in the office mostly because I'm in a corporate environment in Houston and few of my colleagues are locals (my project manager is actually from India).

My parents live in a rurual area near Austin and I definitely hear it more when I'm visiting them.

But, I still get called it here & there in Houston. The receptionist at one of my doctors is notorious for calling me sweetie or hon. I'm not offended but I am annoyed.

I figured as much, since the use is so broad and not from the same core group of people. I always just wondered. Its odd because it's never happened in person, only on the phone! And when the northern connotation is placation instead of enderament, it stands out when someone says it!

holyguacamole79 · October 2015

kimmiinthemitten said:

holyguacamole79 said:

In Texas, I don't get called sweetie in the office mostly because I'm in a corporate environment in Houston and few of my colleagues are locals (my project manager is actually from India).

My parents live in a rurual area near Austin and I definitely hear it more when I'm visiting them.

But, I still get called it here & there in Houston. The receptionist at one of my doctors is notorious for calling me sweetie or hon. I'm not offended but I am annoyed.

I figured as much, since the use is so broad and not from the same core group of people. I always just wondered. Its odd because it's never happened in person, only on the phone! And when the northern connotation is placation instead of enderament, it stands out when someone says it!

Oh no, I get it in person (especially from this doctor's receptionist). But she says stupid shit all the time. My favorite was when she asked me if I worked. I said yes, and she replied "Oh. I thought you were a kept woman." So, calling me "honey" is pretty low on the tacky scale for her with me.

kimmiinthemitten · October 2015

holyguacamole79 said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

holyguacamole79 said:

In Texas, I don't get called sweetie in the office mostly because I'm in a corporate environment in Houston and few of my colleagues are locals (my project manager is actually from India).

My parents live in a rurual area near Austin and I definitely hear it more when I'm visiting them.

But, I still get called it here & there in Houston. The receptionist at one of my doctors is notorious for calling me sweetie or hon. I'm not offended but I am annoyed.

I figured as much, since the use is so broad and not from the same core group of people. I always just wondered. Its odd because it's never happened in person, only on the phone! And when the northern connotation is placation instead of enderament, it stands out when someone says it!

Oh no, I get it in person (especially from this doctor's receptionist). But she says stupid shit all the time. My favorite was when she asked me if I worked. I said yes, and she replied "Oh. I thought you were a kept woman." So, calling me "honey" is pretty low on the tacky scale for her with me.

Oh no she didn't. What did you say back?

holyguacamole79 · October 2015

kimmiinthemitten said:

holyguacamole79 said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

holyguacamole79 said:

In Texas, I don't get called sweetie in the office mostly because I'm in a corporate environment in Houston and few of my colleagues are locals (my project manager is actually from India).

My parents live in a rurual area near Austin and I definitely hear it more when I'm visiting them.

But, I still get called it here & there in Houston. The receptionist at one of my doctors is notorious for calling me sweetie or hon. I'm not offended but I am annoyed.

I figured as much, since the use is so broad and not from the same core group of people. I always just wondered. Its odd because it's never happened in person, only on the phone! And when the northern connotation is placation instead of enderament, it stands out when someone says it!

Oh no, I get it in person (especially from this doctor's receptionist). But she says stupid shit all the time. My favorite was when she asked me if I worked. I said yes, and she replied "Oh. I thought you were a kept woman." So, calling me "honey" is pretty low on the tacky scale for her with me.

Oh no she didn't. What did you say back?

Yeah, she did.

I just said "no. I work and I make more than my husband does. So you're gonna send this to insurance? Mmmkay, bye."

vikinganna87 · October 2015

I went to college in North Carolina and heard it all the time. There were other expressions that irked me, but never that one. I picture a diner in a small town, Anywhere, USA with a grandmother-age waitress calling me sweetie, honey, darling and it makes me feel good. If male coworkers used this expression on me I would notice it and depending on my mood either care or not care. Also depending on my mood I would say something or not say anything to call them out.

Slightly separately, sometimes I refer to good friends as sweetie in specific context to soften something up, like Sweetie, are you sure that's a good idea? But I only reserve it for people I really know well and deeply love. Didn't even think about it until this thread.

vikinganna87 · October 2015

kimmiinthemitten said:

So I have a very male dominated sales job. My company alone employs about 50 salespeople and I'm the senior of 3 female sales reps (with about 8 years on the job).

PS - GOOD FOR YOU. You could be like "you can call me whatever you want because my numbers will still be better than yours at the end of the month." That's implied so you don't need to say it. I spent 8 years in software sales, almost always the only female on the team and though I was motivated mainly by my customers it did give me a huge high to beat the guys every month. It would always piss them off. [I'm also a bit competitive]

kimmiinthemitten · October 2015

vikinganna87 said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

So I have a very male dominated sales job. My company alone employs about 50 salespeople and I'm the senior of 3 female sales reps (with about 8 years on the job).

PS - GOOD FOR YOU. You could be like "you can call me whatever you want because my numbers will still be better than yours at the end of the month." That's implied so you don't need to say it. I spent 8 years in software sales, almost always the only female on the team and though I was motivated mainly by my customers it did give me a huge high to beat the guys every month. It would always piss them off. [I'm also a bit competitive]

I had that moment with a local (newly acquired) coworker who was surprised I asked a qualified question during a product training. I responded with "Well, I am 5th in the company right now so I hope I haven't used up the last of my good questions!"

Lots of customers have conversationally referred to me as the Forklift Girl to third parties and every time whomever they are speaking with say "Oh you met Kim." Branding, bitches!

The sweetie though is always from men older than me. And it's usually in the context of "talk to you soon, sweetie." Still weirder than a chick in a dress selling forklifts

.

kimmiinthemitten · October 2015

kimmiinthemitten said:

vikinganna87 said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

So I have a very male dominated sales job. My company alone employs about 50 salespeople and I'm the senior of 3 female sales reps (with about 8 years on the job).

PS - GOOD FOR YOU. You could be like "you can call me whatever you want because my numbers will still be better than yours at the end of the month." That's implied so you don't need to say it. I spent 8 years in software sales, almost always the only female on the team and though I was motivated mainly by my customers it did give me a huge high to beat the guys every month. It would always piss them off. [I'm also a bit competitive]

I had that moment with a local (newly acquired) coworker who was surprised I asked a qualified question during a product training. I responded with "Well, I am 5th in the company right now so I hope I haven't used up the last of my good questions!"

Lots of customers have conversationally referred to me as the Forklift Girl to third parties and every time whomever they are speaking with say "Oh you met Kim." Branding, bitches!

The sweetie though is always from men older than me. And it's usually in the context of "talk to you soon, sweetie." Still weirder than a chick in a dress selling forklifts .

ETA - not a top runner this year, my looks must have run out;).

themosthappy91 · October 2015

vikinganna87 said:

I went to college in North Carolina and heard it all the time. There were other expressions that irked me, but never that one. I picture a diner in a small town, Anywhere, USA with a grandmother-age waitress calling me sweetie, honey, darling and it makes me feel good. If male coworkers used this expression on me I would notice it and depending on my mood either care or not care. Also depending on my mood I would say something or not say anything to call them out.

Slightly separately, sometimes I refer to good friends as sweetie in specific context to soften something up, like Sweetie, are you sure that's a good idea? But I only reserve it for people I really know well and deeply love. Didn't even think about it until this thread.

I definitely think the sex of the person saying it makes a big difference. I'm from the South and am very comfortable and not at all offended by women calling me sweetie- and I'm guilty of using "hun" myself- but something about that from a man just rubs me the wrong way. Not saying it is fair that I feel that way but it just seems so much more congenial coming from a fellow female.

fyrchk · October 2015

I'm used to it having spent time in the South. I was also called "Miss Fyrchk" by my friends kids when I was in my early teens so I definitely think it's a cultural thing.

I am guilty of using Sweetie or Hun in the past. Especially when I waited tables.

STARMOON44 · October 2015

I hate sweetie. At work I cut if off right away with "it's Jane." Socially depends on the situation. I also don't do Miss Jane. It's either Jane or Ms. Doe.

sarahufl · October 2015

My MIL (who is from Brooklyn) didn't realize that 'bless your heart" was derogatory. Which I thought was amusing.

Having been raised in the south and now living in New York, I will say I literally never get called sweetie (or honey, or <insert pet name here> by strangers) and certainly not in a business setting. However, when I still lived in North Florida (for 25 years) and ESPECIALLY when I waited tables at a diner frequented by elderly people- it happened basically every day. It was particularly bad when I did marketing for a general contractor, which was a very male-dominated field.

And FWIW, it bothered me (because I don't like pet names) but I don't think people use it in a negative manner. I just think it is really common and accepted.

themosthappy91 · October 2015

sarahufl said:

My MIL (who is from Brooklyn) didn't realize that 'bless your heart" was derogatory. Which I thought was amusing.

Having been raised in the south and now living in New York, I will say I literally never get called sweetie (or honey, or <insert pet name here> by strangers) and certainly not in a business setting. However, when I still lived in North Florida (for 25 years) and ESPECIALLY when I waited tables at a diner frequented by elderly people- it happened basically every day. It was particularly bad when I did marketing for a general contractor, which was a very male-dominated field.

And FWIW, it bothered me (because I don't like pet names) but I don't think people use it in a negative manner. I just think it is really common and accepted.

It really isn't always derogatory. It is often used in sort of a genuine-but-exasperated tone- like say my really really sweet coworker had been running around all day doing something and she somehow messed up whatever she was working on in the process and she came to me to vent about what an awful day it had been- I might be like "Oh bless your heart dear" in the same way someone would say "Oh sweetie"- it's a big misconception that it's always this bitchy thing to say IMO.

sarahufl · October 2015

themosthappy91 said:

sarahufl said:

My MIL (who is from Brooklyn) didn't realize that 'bless your heart" was derogatory. Which I thought was amusing.

Having been raised in the south and now living in New York, I will say I literally never get called sweetie (or honey, or <insert pet name here> by strangers) and certainly not in a business setting. However, when I still lived in North Florida (for 25 years) and ESPECIALLY when I waited tables at a diner frequented by elderly people- it happened basically every day. It was particularly bad when I did marketing for a general contractor, which was a very male-dominated field.

And FWIW, it bothered me (because I don't like pet names) but I don't think people use it in a negative manner. I just think it is really common and accepted.

It really isn't always derogatory. It is often used in sort of a genuine-but-exasperated tone- like say my really really sweet coworker had been running around all day doing something and she somehow messed up whatever she was working on in the process and she came to me to vent about what an awful day it had been- I might be like "Oh bless your heart dear" in the same way someone would say "Oh sweetie"- it's a big misconception that it's always this bitchy thing to say IMO.

I've always seen it used as a way of talking down to someone.

labro · October 2015

sarahufl said:

themosthappy91 said:

sarahufl said:

My MIL (who is from Brooklyn) didn't realize that 'bless your heart" was derogatory. Which I thought was amusing.

Having been raised in the south and now living in New York, I will say I literally never get called sweetie (or honey, or <insert pet name here> by strangers) and certainly not in a business setting. However, when I still lived in North Florida (for 25 years) and ESPECIALLY when I waited tables at a diner frequented by elderly people- it happened basically every day. It was particularly bad when I did marketing for a general contractor, which was a very male-dominated field.

And FWIW, it bothered me (because I don't like pet names) but I don't think people use it in a negative manner. I just think it is really common and accepted.

It really isn't always derogatory. It is often used in sort of a genuine-but-exasperated tone- like say my really really sweet coworker had been running around all day doing something and she somehow messed up whatever she was working on in the process and she came to me to vent about what an awful day it had been- I might be like "Oh bless your heart dear" in the same way someone would say "Oh sweetie"- it's a big misconception that it's always this bitchy thing to say IMO.

I've always seen it used as a way of talking down to someone.

It really depends on tone. My BFF's mom uses it all the time as a way of expressing sympathy and not in a bitchy or sarcastic way. I definitely agree with @themosthappy91. I've seen it used both ways, but it isn't always meant to be bitchy.

spockforprez · October 2015

Not in the corporate environment - not here in the city I live in now, nor in the rural area I grew up. Southern or not, I think that's inappropriate.

Now, visiting a retail establishment or restaurant? You're getting called sweetie, sweetheart, darlin, or hon a half dozen times per day. There's a BBQ place we go to a lot and I think I usually rack up 5-6 sweeties before we get the bill!

Work related: the South and Sweetie

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