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Wedding Woes

Pre-wedding jitters...UGH!!

Hello all!  This is my first post on the boards, but I'm having some trouble.  I am about 9 days away from the "big day", and I'm having some nervousness/jitters.  A little back-story here:

I got married the first time at 19 to a man who was abusive, both verbally and physically.  We were married for two years, only one of which were we actually together...the other year we were separated.  We finally divorced when I was 21 (which was April of 1996!), and I have not been married since.  During that time, I dated quite a bit, and was engaged twice (neither time did things work out).  I have also suffered from generalized anxiety disorder since my teenage years, and from depression since my mid-20's, so I KNEW the day would come when I would experience this.  I am not losing sleep, but the nervousness that comes with the thought of losing "some" of my freedom I've had for the last 19 years is a bit scary (will be 42 in December).  Upset stomach and not feeling hungry has been plaguing me for the last couple of days, and I know it will get worse next week as the wedding draws nearer (Nov. 7th!).  I'm assuming this is at least somewhat normal?  I'm ready to get married, and I'm marrying a man who is, truly, my best friend.  The wedding itself isn't the issue, and I think I will be okay once the whole thing is over and done.  Just looking for some guidance on how best to deal with the anxiety/nerves and what has helped others in the same boat.

Re: Pre-wedding jitters...UGH!!

  • I think everyone feels differently when it comes time for their wedding, some people are nervous and others are not. Are you still currently seeing a therapist/counselor? If you are you may want to see what you can do to set up an appointment before your wedding. If not, look back to some of the things you typically do to relax and calm the nerves your having. You know best what has worked for you in the past, so plan a day where you can take care of yourself and do what you need to do for yourself. 
    Have you talked to your FI about it? He knows you better than we do as well and may be able to give you some ideas, or at least let you know if he is feeling anxious as well. 
    image
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Honestly, I don't think an upset stomach is somewhat normal. 

    Can you talk to a professional about this? 
    ________________________________


  • I've been to professionals many times over the years.  This is typical for me to do when I have "life changing" or "life altering" events happen.  Today I'm perfectly calm.  Yesterday was not as good.  Tomorrow, who knows??  I'm sure that, as the time approaches and people begin showing up, I may calm down or it may get a little worse before it gets better.  I am on medications for both the depression and anxiety, and they do help, but sometimes even THEY don't get rid of the problem completely.
  • Oh, and my FI knows all about this...he has dealt with it on other occasions when I've been nervous/anxious and I work my way through it.
    MesmrEwe
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    I've been to professionals many times over the years.  This is typical for me to do when I have "life changing" or "life altering" events happen.  Today I'm perfectly calm.  Yesterday was not as good.  Tomorrow, who knows??  I'm sure that, as the time approaches and people begin showing up, I may calm down or it may get a little worse before it gets better.  I am on medications for both the depression and anxiety, and they do help, but sometimes even THEY don't get rid of the problem completely.
    Do you see a therapist or counselor? There are a lot of ways to manage anxiety and depression and medication is not the be-all end-all. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    justsie
  • I saw a psychologist for a LONG time regarding trust issues in relationships, but this was a while back.  I no longer have health insurance so I can't afford the $200/hr. visits.
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    So... I tend to come at things from a perspective of just logic. 

    What stuck out to me is that you said you're losing some of your freedom. What does that really mean? In reality, nothing. Since you're already in a relationship with this person, I assume you're already comfortable with finances, telling each other where you're going/when you're going out with friends, that kind of thing. You're not going under lock and key by signing a marriage certificate, right? So really, what does losing your freedom mean?  
    ________________________________


    MesmrEwe
  • Try to reframe the issue.  You say you are worried about losing your freedom.  That is a negative.  Think of it as having a partner. 

    As an only child who married later in life for the 1st time, I struggled with being married because I didn't know how to function as part of a team.  Over the years the idea of us against the world feels more solid.  I don't feel as though my freedom was constrained at all. I now feel like I have the best & most unconditional support ever. 
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