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Panic? Cold Feet? Or just "normal?

best4lastbest4last member
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in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

We have locked down and paid for everything for our February Wedding. This is both of our 2nd marriages. (The 1st was 23years for me, and 6 for Him).

It seems like the closer our Wedding Day gets, the more I just want to run! Are there any other Brides-to-Be feeling the same? 

So back to the original "Title"..... Panic, Cold Feet or Normal? (No Snarky remarks please.) Looking for a little advice...

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Re: Panic? Cold Feet? Or just "normal?

  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
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    best4last said:

    We have locked down and paid for everything for our February Wedding. This is both of our 2nd marriages. (The 1st was 23years for me, and 6 for Him).

    It seems like the closer our Wedding Day gets, the more I just want to run! Are there any other Brides-to-Be feeling the same? 

    So back to the original "Title"..... Panic, Cold Feet or Normal? (No Snarky remarks please.) Looking for a little advice...

    Do you want to run from him or run from the wedding itself?
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  • best4lastbest4last member
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    This is going to sound crazy, but life is really good for Us right now. I don't want that to change. I want to run to him. I want to marry him, and share our life.

    Perhaps it's the more a case of "the what if's..." ?

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  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
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    best4last said:

    This is going to sound crazy, but life is really good for Us right now. I don't want that to change. I want to run to him. I want to marry him, and share our life.

    Perhaps it's the more a case of "the what if's..." ?

    Couples' counseling.
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  • best4lastbest4last member
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    ;) Couples' counseling.

    We are in it now! Thanks!

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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    best4last said:

    This is going to sound crazy, but life is really good for Us right now. I don't want that to change. I want to run to him. I want to marry him, and share our life.

    Perhaps it's the more a case of "the what if's..." ?

    I think it's somewhat healthy to be a bit nervous.  It's a sign that you take the marriage seriously.  

    In addition to the legal aspect, what will change the status quo of your relationship once you get married?




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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    I don't understand the fear that things will change. What would change?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten member
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    What happened in your first marriage? Was the divorce ugly?
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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
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    As someone who is divorced and remarried, I get what you are saying. I was with my now H 6 years before we married. I knew I wanted to marry him, but when he actually popped the question, I had a little bit of panic. I liked our life as it was and had flashbacks to how my first marriage turned out, knowing that things were great at one point and then soured. I also feared getting divorced again. You don't want to ruin a good thing!

    Since you had both been married previously (same as us), I imagine he might feel the same as well. But, having been married previously gives you an advantage, as long as you are aware of the issues that caused your divorces and have worked through it. You know how marriage works, what it takes to make one work, and how things shouldn't change too much. You know the expectations and outcome going into it.

    Keep working with the counselor and remember that this new relationship is not the old one and marriage does not automatically equal divorce.

    Good luck!

     







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  • best4lastbest4last member
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    :)   Jells... thank you for reminding me that our relationship is not the old one! Our counselor has said that hundreds of times to me. I believe it's just an insecurity on my part. My former spouse cheated for at least 10 years. I wouldn't wish that on any person.


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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    best4last said:

    :)   Jells... thank you for reminding me that our relationship is not the old one! Our counselor has said that hundreds of times to me. I believe it's just an insecurity on my part. My former spouse cheated for at least 10 years. I wouldn't wish that on any person.


    I can somewhat relate.  The guy I dated prior to my husband cheated on me.  I doubted my ability to judge character for the first part of my relationship with my husband.  I'm sure things will be better this time around!




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  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten member
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    best4last said:


    :)   Jells... thank you for reminding me that our relationship is not the old one! Our counselor has said that hundreds of times to me. I believe it's just an insecurity on my part. My former spouse cheated for at least 10 years. I wouldn't wish that on any person.


    That's why I was asking about your last marriage. I assumed the divorce was heartbreaking and I think it's almost Pavlonian to have some anxiety and fears about the next one.
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  • best4lastbest4last member
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    Nice choice of words. I never truly thought of it as a conditional response to the circumstances.

    Thanks!

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  • CRBombshellCRBombshell member
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    Im scared that marriage is going to change things. I have no thoughts of leaving but both of our parents have been divorced "multiple times". So as the date nears Im starting to feel like were sentencing our selfs to an end.. (grew up in single family household, distorted view of marriage)
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