Attire & Accessories Forum

Wedding dresses are disappointing

I tried gown shopping for the first time yesterday. Not good.

The dresses themselves were objectively beautiful. I got that. But as soon as I put them on, I felt like I was trying on a princess costume for Halloween or something. And I looked around the shop and saw other women in similar dresses looking great. Some of them even called over that I looked great (I think they saw me getting more and more dejected). But I felt really off. Like I was a grown woman play-acting in public or something.

Also, the dresses feel kind of physically weird weird on my body. I guess I'm just not used to wearing such structured garments. And I have learned that I do NOT like Spanx.

Is there any way past this? Will it just get better with time and more dresses? I think I'd be more comfortable in a cocktail style little white dress, but that doesn't really match the formality of the venue. Should I maybe look at evening wear in general rather than an actual bridal gown?

Re: Wedding dresses are disappointing

  • I tried gown shopping for the first time yesterday. Not good.

    The dresses themselves were objectively beautiful. I got that. But as soon as I put them on, I felt like I was trying on a princess costume for Halloween or something. And I looked around the shop and saw other women in similar dresses looking great. Some of them even called over that I looked great (I think they saw me getting more and more dejected). But I felt really off. Like I was a grown woman play-acting in public or something.

    Also, the dresses feel kind of physically weird weird on my body. I guess I'm just not used to wearing such structured garments. And I have learned that I do NOT like Spanx.

    Is there any way past this? Will it just get better with time and more dresses? I think I'd be more comfortable in a cocktail style little white dress, but that doesn't really match the formality of the venue. Should I maybe look at evening wear in general rather than an actual bridal gown?

    I struggled to take it seriously too. There's a photo of me cracking up in the first gown (like bent over laughing) because I found the whole thing surreal.

    I have body issues and know however, that if I decide I don't care about the dress and buy one that's fine I'll regret it in photos to come forever. So, I have an appointment at David's Bridal in a few weeks and I'm going to go by myself. I'm going to listen to Jason Mraz and John Legend and all of the sappy music that makes me cry when I think of how lucky I am to have found FI and I'm going to try again.

    However I live in spanx so I have no advice there haha:).
    image
  • Yes, they it will feel weird and you will feel like a grown woman playing dress-up...until you find THE ONE. For me, it was very difficult. I used to model so I've tried on so many evening gowns in the past. I even did a bridal shoot once. So for me to try on a bridal gown and try to put it in the context of my own wedding is very, very hard because nothing blew me away. I still felt like I was playing dress up. Then, I found a gown I loved and it just clicked.

    Keep trying on wedding gowns before switching to evening gowns. You'll hopefully find something that makes you feel like a confident, regal bride who's about to walk down the aisle.
  • Just keep trying, you will find one that you feel comfortable in. I am very small and I felt the same way, like I was playing dress up in mommy's clothes, until I put on the dress I ended up buying.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited November 2015
    Have you tried David's Bridal?  I thought their gowns were less structured than many I saw from other manufacturers.
    My daughter was determined to find a gown that was NOT strapless.  In 2010, that was a problem.  Everything was big strapless ballgowns with varying degrees of bling.  She finally found what she wanted, but we went to five different stores!
    When you find your dress, you will know.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • CMGragain said:

    Have you tried David's Bridal?  I thought their gowns were less structured than many I saw from other manufacturers.
    My daughter was determined to find a gown that was NOT strapless.  In 2010, that was a problem.  Everything was big strapless ballgowns with varying degrees of bling.  She finally found what she wanted, but we went to five different stores!
    When you find your dress, you will know.

    I've read and heard tell that David's Bridal, sadly, has an appalling reputation for terrible customer service at many of its stores (it's a franchise operation), so even if one can find a suitable gown there, it's a crap shoot whether anyone will be willing to buy it let alone have alterations made to it on time without horrible attitudes from the staff.
  • I had a great experience at DB. I did heed advice from here, however, and did not use them for alterations. I had a great experience at the regular boutique I went to as well, though, and I didn't feel like I was playing dress up. I really enjoyed trying on dresses. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • Definitely go with what makes you comfortable. May I ask what your venue is? A nice cocktail dress is welcome almost anywhere, so unless your wedding is taking place in a palace, I don't think you would be too informal for it. 
    image



    Anniversary
  • Jen4948 said:
    Have you tried David's Bridal?  I thought their gowns were less structured than many I saw from other manufacturers.
    My daughter was determined to find a gown that was NOT strapless.  In 2010, that was a problem.  Everything was big strapless ballgowns with varying degrees of bling.  She finally found what she wanted, but we went to five different stores!
    When you find your dress, you will know.
    I've read and heard tell that David's Bridal, sadly, has an appalling reputation for terrible customer service at many of its stores (it's a franchise operation), so even if one can find a suitable gown there, it's a crap shoot whether anyone will be willing to buy it let alone have alterations made to it on time without horrible attitudes from the staff.

    Our experience was quite good in the DB in Bowie, MD.  No one pressured us.  We found some very nice dresses, but we bought elsewhere.  Daughter's #2 choice was DB.
    David's Bridal sells about one third of all the dresses sold in the USA.  They must be doing something right.  I wish they had existed when I was a bride.  They are wonderful for budget brides.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • I bought my dress from DB and had a great experience. Yeh, it wasn't like the service I had received in some of the boutiques I went to, but in a way I was relieved; I think I preferred the more informal style of DB and I had no problems. My advice would be to go on a weekday when it's quieter.
    image
  • I felt the same way in most of the dresses... heck I even felt that way in the dress I eventually bought.  It's just weird if you're not used to wearing those types of dresses.  It didn't click for me til they put the veil on.  

    Also this sounds silly, but I would suggest having your hair and makeup done a little nicer than normal.  That helped me feel more "in it" when I was looking at myself in the mirror.  
    Married 9.12.15
    image
  • I tried on once and I felt the same.  I have body image issues and have recently gained some weight.  I have my second appointment this weekend and am FREAKING OUT about it because I just did not feel - pretty... the first time.  I plan on doing hair and make up more than just a normal day and I'm following the advice of a friend to have a glass of champagne first. Not to get buzzed, just to loosen me up a little since I have a tendency to take things WAY too seriously.  Good luck!
  • Yes, they it will feel weird and you will feel like a grown woman playing dress-up...until you find THE ONE.
    I have to disagree here. Plenty of brides don't find THE ONE or get the feels or whatever, and that's okay.

    I definitely recommend looking beyond bridal stores for more options. Try Nordstrom and Modcloth. If a cocktail dress is what you want, then go for it.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker



  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited November 2015
    You just need to find a dress that makes you feel pretty.  No dress is going to turn you into a super model.  Be realistic.  You will try one on, look in the mirror, and think, "Oh, that's pretty!"  You just haven't found that one, yet.

    If you have been watching bridal porn TV (like Say Yes to the Dress) then stop it.  There is nothing realistic about that program.  Too many brides have inflated expectations.  It's just a dress, for heaven's sake.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • CMGragain said:
    Jen4948 said:
    Have you tried David's Bridal?  I thought their gowns were less structured than many I saw from other manufacturers.
    My daughter was determined to find a gown that was NOT strapless.  In 2010, that was a problem.  Everything was big strapless ballgowns with varying degrees of bling.  She finally found what she wanted, but we went to five different stores!
    When you find your dress, you will know.
    I've read and heard tell that David's Bridal, sadly, has an appalling reputation for terrible customer service at many of its stores (it's a franchise operation), so even if one can find a suitable gown there, it's a crap shoot whether anyone will be willing to buy it let alone have alterations made to it on time without horrible attitudes from the staff.

    Our experience was quite good in the DB in Bowie, MD.  No one pressured us.  We found some very nice dresses, but we bought elsewhere.  Daughter's #2 choice was DB.
    David's Bridal sells about one third of all the dresses sold in the USA.  They must be doing something right.  I wish they had existed when I was a bride.  They are wonderful for budget brides.
    Some of them are doing something right since your daughters had good experiences at the one in Bowie, MD and several other people have had good experiences.  But apparently there are several others where the staff give their customers hostile attitudes, fail to do alterations right, fail to place orders or get alterations done on time, and various other problems.  As I noted, it's a franchise operation, so conditions can vary widely from store to store.
  • I tried on once and I felt the same.  I have body image issues and have recently gained some weight.  I have my second appointment this weekend and am FREAKING OUT about it because I just did not feel - pretty... the first time.  I plan on doing hair and make up more than just a normal day and I'm following the advice of a friend to have a glass of champagne first. Not to get buzzed, just to loosen me up a little since I have a tendency to take things WAY too seriously.  Good luck!
    Go ahead and get buzzed even!  I may do that next time!  Just don't drive:).
    image
  • OP here - thanks for all the tips.  I actually have an appointment to try David's next week, so maybe that'll be the ticket.  I think I'm going to try some styles that are a bit different - maybe a bit less OTT.  I don't think my ball gown idea is going to work out - I felt like the handle stuck in a feather duster in all the ones I tried!
  • I felt the same way in most of the dresses... heck I even felt that way in the dress I eventually bought.  It's just weird if you're not used to wearing those types of dresses.  It didn't click for me til they put the veil on.  

    Also this sounds silly, but I would suggest having your hair and makeup done a little nicer than normal.  That helped me feel more "in it" when I was looking at myself in the mirror.  

    Yeah. The 2nd trip I made to David's was with my mom and a couple bridesmaids. One of them put together a fake flower crown so I could get the effect. I took my hair down out of its crappy bun, put the crown on, and had "the moment"! Made a HUGE difference!
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • OP, I absolutely recommend evening gowns. I purchased a white, beaded Sue Wong from Nordstrom.
    Nordstrom, Bloomingdale's, and even Macy's have evening collections and many are in white. As a bonus, the costs would be comparable or even better than David's. Also, you'll find something different than the typical bridal gown, if that's your thing. 

    I went the evening gown route because I'm pretty petite and have a boyish figure. There was no way I'd even bother trying on an A-line, much less a ballgown, because I knew I'd feel like a little girl playing princess.  I do like that my dress is nothing like anyone else I know personally has worn. 
    ________________________________


  • OP - not sure your budget, but BHLDN also has less structured gowns, you may find something there you love - good luck!
  • You might also try bridesmaid dresses. Many of them come in ivory and can be very formal.  My current top choice is a satin bridesmaid gown and it's A-line, but because it's not "bridal" it's not a huge skirt, but a nice flowy one instead.  Much more comfortable -- and I didn't feel like I was walking knee deep through sand.
  • I felt more comfortable in a small, local boutique than a large store. I had a terrible experience at a larger store and was pretty unhappy about dress shopping (they didn't have my size, bridal 10 and tried putting me in bridal 4s and 6s to see if id like it in my size, awful!) I told my consultant at the boutique my concerns (body issues, no strapless, evening formal wedding, past experience) and she listened and was fantastic. She asked a lot of questions about the wedding plans, FI, our style, and pulled things that I probably wouldn't have if I was looking for myself and they were great. I think an experienced consultant can go a long way in making you feel like you and not like someone playing dress up.
  • the trick is to find a really great salon but first you need to do some research look at different designers, mori lee, jasmine, bonny venus and allure are all affordable bridal lines and don't sell much over 2000 with most gowns being in the 800-1200 range, some salons stock older gowns still made by them as well but around 500-700.  figure out what you like and don't like on the gowns, do you want all lace? some lace? lots of beading and sparkle? some beading and sparkle, no sparkle no beading, less structured so a less fitted gown some times the designers have a section of real brides in the dresses and that might help you.  then call up some salons that have those designers and make appointments

    i went to a small mom and pop bridal shop let me tell you i was nervous at first because everything was on one wall and in bags and you couldn't really see the dresses  but the owner/ consultant was amazing and pulled so many dresses for me to try on 
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited November 2015
    OP here - thanks for all the tips.  I actually have an appointment to try David's next week, so maybe that'll be the ticket.  I think I'm going to try some styles that are a bit different - maybe a bit less OTT.  I don't think my ball gown idea is going to work out - I felt like the handle stuck in a feather duster in all the ones I tried!
    This often happens when you have a preconceived idea of what you want.  My daughter was looking for one style of dress, and only tried on THE ONE at my insistence.  Try on some different styles.  You may be astonished at how you look in a trumpet style gown, or a lace a-line.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • I know what you mean. I don't like the over-the-top princessy type stuff on me. I would have worn a (probably black) cocktail dress if not for the mother's wanting me to wear a "wedding" dress. I went for shorter and less formal. I went to David's. Bought the second dress I tried on (my mother asked "are you sure this is the one?" and I told her I was sure that I'd rather go to lunch than try on 50 more dresses, and that this one was as good as any). Had it altered elsewhere (because I bought it in my hometown and I moved to MW's city). It actually fit perfectly, the only thing I had some was cut 2" off of the length and added a better hook-and-eye above the zipper on the back.

    I actually found the customer service to be very good. I was in a freaking wheelchair and the lady there went out of her way to help me get in and out of the dress without putting any weight on my right leg/hip. It came in weeks earlier than promised. I bought the pink sash there, skipped the veil, and wore pink flats bought online (Tieks).

    Short story long, it only has to be as big of a PITA as you let it. It's a dress. You'll wear it for one night, when honestly you are too busy being happy to give a crap what you are wearing. I know I didn't.



  • blabla89 said:
    Yes, they it will feel weird and you will feel like a grown woman playing dress-up...until you find THE ONE.
    I have to disagree here. Plenty of brides don't find THE ONE or get the feels or whatever, and that's okay.

    I definitely recommend looking beyond bridal stores for more options. Try Nordstrom and Modcloth. If a cocktail dress is what you want, then go for it.
    Well, all brides eventually find "the one" or else they'd be naked. I wasn't talking about "the feels." I was talking about the dress that looks good on you, the dress you can see yourself walking down the aisle in.
  • OP here again - just checking in to say thanks for the reality check!  I hit up David's yesterday and even though I don't think I found the exact dress yet, at least I know I don't look or feel ridiculous in a nice simple sheath.  And it helped to remember that it is, in the end, a dress.  
  • You could also try on some tea length dresses.

  • I felt like I was playing dress up in most wedding dresses. And worse, that I was trying to appear sweet and innocent, like I was some 15 year old child bride whose white dress promised chastity and compliance. Eventually I figured out (at about 80+ dresses) that I didn't want to look "sweet" and that really helped. I started shopping for a wedding dress the way I would shop for any other dress and finally felt like myself. Just be true to you and keep an open mind. There were things I thought I would hate but really liked when on me. 
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