Long Engagement vs. being apart for first 8 months of marriage?

Re: Long Engagement vs. being apart for first 8 months of marriage?

• CMGragain member

  

  November 2015

  You will be a better partner for him through the years if you finish your education and prepare yourself for your future together.  How would getting married earlier change your relationship?  You sound very young.
  

  

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• Sammy0709 member

  

  November 2015 edited November 2015

  My best advice would be to finish school and then get married. Don't wish away your college education, focus on it as it is important. We lived apart as a married couple for about 6 months while he was stateside and we were long distance prior to being married so I do have some experience with what you're feeling. Of course I wanted to marry him as soon as he asked but I think that waiting to marry til after I finished school has given us a lot more success in life, careers, and our marriage. I know you just want to move on with your life together but, honestly, when we were separated while married I still didn't feel like we were going anywhere as a couple. We were at a stand still. It made it hard and it made me sad and I quit a really good job I probably should have hung on to for another 6 months because I just couldn't do it anymore. I can sympathize with you wanting to marry sooner but, what does it change for the positive? If the answer isn't that it will increase the strength of your bond, I would wait and really a tradition of exchanging vows and rings won't really make a difference in the bond you have. Communicating and enjoying your lives together whether you're married or not, far away or living under the same roof is the only thing that makes a difference in that. So, after all that being said, my advice is to wait. Get married when you can really be with him and start building the next chapter of your life together. It will be that much more special for you.

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• STARMOON44 member

  

  November 2015

  So you're a college sophomore? Which means you're 19 or 20. You should wait until you graduate. I know I know everyone hates to hear they are too young to get married and everyone thinks their love is special and different- but you aren't the exception. If a long engagement isn't what you want break the engagement. Go back to just dating. Finish school. See how you feel then.

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• lc07 member

  

  November 2015

  How does your FI feel about getting married sooner than you both had originally thought? Is there a school near him that you could transfer to that would be a wise decision and not de-rail the work you have done so far? 

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• Sammy0709 member

  

  November 2015

  lc07 said:

  How does your FI feel about getting married sooner than you both had originally thought? Is there a school near him that you could transfer to that would be a wise decision and not de-rail the work you have done so far? 

  I disagree with it not derailing what you've done so far. Moving and learning how to live together in your first few years of marriage are challenging it their own right. It will likely be difficult to focus on your college education the way you should if you move. Also, there's a good possibility that at least some credits won't transfer (been there dealt with that) so you'll be adding time to your education.
  
  

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• iluvmytxrgr member

  

  November 2015

  Being married wouldn't change anything about the situation.  You'd still be apart.  I'd finish school and save what you can for the wedding you want to have.

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