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Bridal Shower Etiquette (Please Help!)

Knottie1441321730Knottie1441321730 member
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in Pre-wedding Parties
Two of my bridesmaids have offered to throw me a kitchen shower, and asked me if a certain date worked for me. I had nothing planned for that date so I told them it would work, but a week later found out that it is the same date as one of my bridesmaid's brothers wedding. Nobody else invited to the shower is close to her family and would not be invited to his wedding, myself included. The only person that would not be able to make it would be that one particular bridesmaid.

I don't want to ask the two bridesmaids that are hosting to move the date, I am just thankful that they offered to throw me one and certainly don't want to start making demands. Not to mention they have already asked a restaurant to hold the date and I live 6 hours away from my hometown (where all of my BMs live), and that was one of the few dates that would've worked for me and hosts. The bridesmaid who wouldn't be able to make it is also throwing me a linen shower the following month.

My mom insists that I am being extremely rude to have a shower that day. I didn't think it was a big deal but I definitely don't want to come across as rude or inconsiderate. Should I ask the hosts to move the date?
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Re: Bridal Shower Etiquette (Please Help!)

  • redoryxredoryx member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited November 2015
    Knottie1441321730 said:
    Two of my bridesmaids have offered to throw me a kitchen shower, and asked me if a certain date worked for me. I had nothing planned for that date so I told them it would work, but a week later found out that it is the same date as one of my bridesmaid's brothers wedding. Nobody else invited to the shower is close to her family and would not be invited to his wedding, myself included. The only person that would not be able to make it would be that one particular bridesmaid.

    I don't want to ask the two bridesmaids that are hosting to move the date, I am just thankful that they offered to throw me one and certainly don't want to start making demands. Not to mention they have already asked a restaurant to hold the date and I live 6 hours away from my hometown (where all of my BMs live), and that was one of the few dates that would've worked for me and hosts. The bridesmaid who wouldn't be able to make it is also throwing me a linen shower the following month.

    My mom insists that I am being extremely rude to have a shower that day. I didn't think it was a big deal but I definitely don't want to come across as rude or inconsiderate. Should I ask the hosts to move the date?
    No, you are not being rude and don't ask the hosts to move the date. If your bridesmaid can't come because of the wedding, she can't come. No big deal. 

    Edit to add: why all the themed showers, like a kitchen shower and a linen shower? Why not just have one big shower? Are you duplicating guest lists? I mean, is your Aunt Edna invited to both because if so I'd start trimming guest lists because it's very gift grabby to invite people to multiple showers. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    No, you aren't being rude to have a shower on a day when one of your bridesmaids can't make it. Don't ask the hostesses to reschedule the shower-that would be rude.
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  • frenchiekinfrenchiekin member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    Don't ask them to reschedule.  It's ok that your BM can't make it.  She's also throwing you a separate one, so I can't see this being as a big of a deal as it may have been if this were your only shower (and even then, I wouldn't ask to move the date).  

    Ditto PP - make sure there's no overlap in the guest lists.  Nobody should be invited to multiple showers aside from the bridal party, and even then they are not obligated to attend or give multiple gifts.  


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  • Knottie1441321730Knottie1441321730 member
    First Comment
    Thanks everyone!! I knew my mom was the crazy one!

    And as for the multiple showers, I really don't know why themes have become popular. One would have definitely been fine by me, especially with the 6 hour drive. But, I had two people who really wanted to host one for me so I didn't want to turn them down after such a generous offer. The guests invited to the two showers are completely different though, apart from bridesmaids and both of our mothers. I guess it works out though by lowering costs for the hosts (especially if they don't know each other/want to co-host), they don't have to be responsible for the cost of as large of a group... maybe that's why it's become popular? Who knows...
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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Themes are not just becoming popular. When I was engaged, back in the dark ages LOL, we had themed showers: kitchen and linen. Lingerie showers were just starting because bach parties were unheard of at the time. I had three showers because there were three different groups (my friends, Mom's friends and family) that wanted to give showers. Times have changed....
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Knottie1441321730 said:
    Two of my bridesmaids have offered to throw me a kitchen shower, and asked me if a certain date worked for me. I had nothing planned for that date so I told them it would work, but a week later found out that it is the same date as one of my bridesmaid's brothers wedding. Nobody else invited to the shower is close to her family and would not be invited to his wedding, myself included. The only person that would not be able to make it would be that one particular bridesmaid.

    I don't want to ask the two bridesmaids that are hosting to move the date, I am just thankful that they offered to throw me one and certainly don't want to start making demands. Not to mention they have already asked a restaurant to hold the date and I live 6 hours away from my hometown (where all of my BMs live), and that was one of the few dates that would've worked for me and hosts. The bridesmaid who wouldn't be able to make it is also throwing me a linen shower the following month.

    My mom insists that I am being extremely rude to have a shower that day. I didn't think it was a big deal but I definitely don't want to come across as rude or inconsiderate. Should I ask the hosts to move the date?
    What if you changed the date to one that worked for this bridesmaid, then something came up with her at work or illness or something and she still couldn't make it?  Would your mom then require you to have the hosts call everyone up and reschedule again?  This is one guest.  An important guest, but still just one guest nonetheless.
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  • poodledoodleooopoodledoodleooo member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Agree with PPs on not moving the shower and wanted to add - I would actually request NOT doing themes. I know you're not throwing it, so it might be out of your hands, but as a guest, I really hate being told what to purchase off your registry (i.e. kitchen items only).

    What if someone wants to get you towels, but they are invited to the "kitchen shower"? They have to decide whether or not they'd break the "theme" or get what they want to get you. I personally would just get what I want, but I know others might complain about this.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    PoodleDoodleOoo said:
    Agree with PPs on not moving the shower and wanted to add - I would actually request NOT doing themes. I know you're not throwing it, so it might be out of your hands, but as a guest, I really hate being told what to purchase off your registry (i.e. kitchen items only).

    What if someone wants to get you towels, but they are invited to the "kitchen shower"? They have to decide whether or not they'd break the "theme" or get what they want to get you. I personally would just get what I want, but I know others might complain about this.
    Exactly.  I like buying the weird things off the registry; like tools, or camping gear, or board games.  If you limit me to only linens, I'm going to be bored.  And to sit there while you unwrap nothing but linens????  Oooh, blue queen size sheets!  Ooooh, beige dish towels!  Ooooh, green bath towels! Oooooh, more green bath towels!  OMG, shoot me now.
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  • db1984db1984 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I'd be surprised if the bridesmaid who can't attend wasn't aware of the plans for the kitchen shower/date to begin with.  Not a problem, Mom's overreacting.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    adk19 said:
    PoodleDoodleOoo said:
    Agree with PPs on not moving the shower and wanted to add - I would actually request NOT doing themes. I know you're not throwing it, so it might be out of your hands, but as a guest, I really hate being told what to purchase off your registry (i.e. kitchen items only).

    What if someone wants to get you towels, but they are invited to the "kitchen shower"? They have to decide whether or not they'd break the "theme" or get what they want to get you. I personally would just get what I want, but I know others might complain about this.
    Exactly.  I like buying the weird things off the registry; like tools, or camping gear, or board games.  If you limit me to only linens, I'm going to be bored.  And to sit there while you unwrap nothing but linens????  Oooh, blue queen size sheets!  Ooooh, beige dish towels!  Ooooh, green bath towels! Oooooh, more green bath towels!  OMG, shoot me now.
    Me too.  I'd rather not be limited like that.  Showers are a lot more fun when you can get the honoree a gift of your choice.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    While I'll echo that I'm not as big a fan of themed showers, the OP really shouldn't dictate the terms of the showers to the hostesses either. We should be clear that she should only offer her opinion if asked.
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