Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Party
Wedding Party
New Discussion
Options

Bridesmaid/Groomsmen responsibilities

MWVDMWVD member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Party
I keep reading these wedding articles talking about thanking your bridesmaids and groomsmen for all the hard work they do for you. This is my second wedding, the first one didn't work out and that was for the best. My current fiance is a much better match for me.
 Anyways, at my last wedding all but one of my Bridesmaids didn't do anything really. They bought the dress and showed up. The one bridesmaid designed me beautiful bridal invites. Also the Groomsmen didn't do anything helpful either. 
With this wedding I am not doing a maid of honor because we are choosing my sister and my fiance's two sisters and on his side my brother and his two brothers. Fiance's family lives out of town but my sister lives in town. I would like her to help but as soon as I brought up wedding colors the day after my engagement, she rolled her eyes so hard I thought they were going to fall out! Any tips on navigating this tension and utilizing my BM and fiance's GM?
Report Reply to Post

Re: Bridesmaid/Groomsmen responsibilities

  • Options
    holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    MWVD said:

    I keep reading these wedding articles talking about thanking your bridesmaids and groomsmen for all the hard work they do for you. This is my second wedding, the first one didn't work out and that was for the best. My current fiance is a much better match for me.
     Anyways, at my last wedding all but one of my Bridesmaids didn't do anything really. They bought the dress and showed up. The one bridesmaid designed me beautiful bridal invites. Also the Groomsmen didn't do anything helpful either. 
    With this wedding I am not doing a maid of honor because we are choosing my sister and my fiance's two sisters and on his side my brother and his two brothers. Fiance's family lives out of town but my sister lives in town. I would like her to help but as soon as I brought up wedding colors the day after my engagement, she rolled her eyes so hard I thought they were going to fall out! Any tips on navigating this tension and utilizing my BM and fiance's GM?

    She really has no responsibilities besides purchasing the dress and coming to the wedding sober. You shouldn't have any need to "utilize" them.




    Report Reply
  • Options
    MWVDMWVD member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    holyguacamole79 said:
    I keep reading these wedding articles talking about thanking your bridesmaids and groomsmen for all the hard work they do for you. This is my second wedding, the first one didn't work out and that was for the best. My current fiance is a much better match for me.
     Anyways, at my last wedding all but one of my Bridesmaids didn't do anything really. They bought the dress and showed up. The one bridesmaid designed me beautiful bridal invites. Also the Groomsmen didn't do anything helpful either. 
    With this wedding I am not doing a maid of honor because we are choosing my sister and my fiance's two sisters and on his side my brother and his two brothers. Fiance's family lives out of town but my sister lives in town. I would like her to help but as soon as I brought up wedding colors the day after my engagement, she rolled her eyes so hard I thought they were going to fall out! Any tips on navigating this tension and utilizing my BM and fiance's GM?
    She really has no responsibilities besides purchasing the dress and coming to the wedding sober. You shouldn't have any need to "utilize" them.
    That's my question, why do articles always talk about bridesmaids responsibilities? What are they suppose to be? If their only job is suppose to be to show up then why does everything I read mention all the hard work they did, it's not hard to stand there for 20 minutes.  Honest question.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    MWVD said:


    holyguacamole79 said:

    MWVD said:

    I keep reading these wedding articles talking about thanking your bridesmaids and groomsmen for all the hard work they do for you. This is my second wedding, the first one didn't work out and that was for the best. My current fiance is a much better match for me.
     Anyways, at my last wedding all but one of my Bridesmaids didn't do anything really. They bought the dress and showed up. The one bridesmaid designed me beautiful bridal invites. Also the Groomsmen didn't do anything helpful either. 
    With this wedding I am not doing a maid of honor because we are choosing my sister and my fiance's two sisters and on his side my brother and his two brothers. Fiance's family lives out of town but my sister lives in town. I would like her to help but as soon as I brought up wedding colors the day after my engagement, she rolled her eyes so hard I thought they were going to fall out! Any tips on navigating this tension and utilizing my BM and fiance's GM?

    She really has no responsibilities besides purchasing the dress and coming to the wedding sober. You shouldn't have any need to "utilize" them.

    That's my question, why do articles always talk about bridesmaids responsibilities? What are they suppose to be? If their only job is suppose to be to show up then why does everything I read mention all the hard work they did, it's not hard to stand there for 20 minutes.  Honest question.


    Those articles are generally written by the wedding industry (including the Knot). They want you to buy into the concept that the wedding (and all time leading up to it) is about YOU. We are here to help you keep perspective. Do bridesmaids offer to do things? Sure. We are just saying that you shouldn't expect / demand it.




    Report Reply
  • Options
    MWVDMWVD member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I think I may discuss forgoing bridesmaids all together. It seems like having to do gifts and all this to thank people for standing up wearing a dress of their choosing is kind of an additional stressor that is not really needed. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    MWVDMWVD member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I am not even asking them to buy a new dress. My colors are purple and grey, so as long as they have something purple they can wear it, plus I have a purple dress up for borrowing as well. So that's not to bad. I don't care about hair and make up either as long as their comfortable. I guess that's the thing, I don't really need a wedding party. If I'm doing everything myself and I would have to spend extra just to thank them for showing up, I'm kind of like meh? For my last wedding I did do gifts (nice necklaces). I have plenty of time to decide I just got engaged a week ago. Just trying to figure out my plans now. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    MWVDMWVD member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Good idea. I'm not even sure how big a wedding we want yet or anything. Just got engaged on thanksgiving! I'm hoping small!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    MWVD said:

    Good idea. I'm not even sure how big a wedding we want yet or anything. Just got engaged on thanksgiving! I'm hoping small!

    Congrats, by the way!




    Report Reply
  • Options
    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Nobody needs a wedding party, but if there are people you are close with and who you would like standing by your side that day, have a WP.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    glasgowtolondonglasgowtolondon member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I've been a bridesmaid about 5 times now and honestly it wasn't until I came to The Knot that I realised being a BM didn't come with a list of responsibilities. There have been some weddings where I've helped out way more than I should have had to, but it was expected of me. At the time I remember thinking that being a BM wasn't really much of an honour, but hey 'that's what you signed up for'. Now I realise why I felt a bit shitty - I was being treated in a shitty, entitled way. I don't want to do the same to my WP, and now I know better, I won't.

    BTW, one of these couples I am still close with but it has colored slightly how I look at them. One of the other couples I just straight up don't see anymore. I started to realise this behaviour was standard for them and that it wasn't a friendship worth maintaining.
                 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2015
    MWVD said:
    I am not even asking them to buy a new dress. My colors are purple and grey, so as long as they have something purple they can wear it, plus I have a purple dress up for borrowing as well. So that's not to bad. I don't care about hair and make up either as long as their comfortable. I guess that's the thing, I don't really need a wedding party. If I'm doing everything myself and I would have to spend extra just to thank them for showing up, I'm kind of like meh? For my last wedding I did do gifts (nice necklaces). I have plenty of time to decide I just got engaged a week ago. Just trying to figure out my plans now. 
    Wow!  We get so many posts from brides who are anxious to include everybody in their wedding.  Here is a bride who doesn't want to honor anybody!
    Do yourself and everyone else a favor, @MWVD.  Elope.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    Report Reply
  • Options
    MWVDMWVD member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2015
    @scribe95 @CMGragain  I think you misunderstood my post. It was just a question regarding what/if any expectations should be made by myself or by the people in my wedding. I don't see any need to be rude to me. Maybe I didn't word it the best way, but I choose to give people the benefit of the doubt when interacting online,especially because nuance and tone doesn't always translate well through internet forums. 

    Have a great day ! :)
    Report Reply
  • Options
    CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    MWVD said:
    @scribe95 @CMGragain  I think you misunderstood my post. It was just a question regarding what/if any expectations should be made by myself or by the people in my wedding. I don't see any need to be rude to me. Maybe I didn't word it the best way, but I choose to give people the benefit of the doubt when interacting online,especially because nuance and tone doesn't always translate well through internet forums. 

    Have a great day ! :)
    Your posts come off as very rude.  You are more concerned with yourself than with other people who will be invited to your wedding, whether they are attendants, or guests.  The "What should they do for ME" attitude is very unattractive.  I sincerely hope that you haven't talked to anyone this way about your wedding.  It makes you look very self centered.
    I was not being rude when I suggested eloping.  Most of the women in my family have had very romantic and happy elopements, and there are many ladies on this board who have done this.  It solves a lot of problems, saves money, and you can have everything your way.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    Report Reply
  • Options
    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    Best advise, don't utilize anyone for anything. I found that my not including the parents or bridal party members in any decision making processes, I basically had no stress when planning my wedding. We paid for everything ourselves, with the exception of my dress which my parents wanted to gift me since we were paying for everything else ourselves and my in laws insisted on hosting the rehersal dinner. The one thing I did take into consideration on colors was what color would look best on my BM because depending on skin tone & hair color, not everyone can pull off every color. I wanted a color that would compliment everyone. I did the reception planning, vendor picking, invites, etc with only the help of my now husband. It was great not having to listen to all the different opinions. I gave everyone a day of schedule so they just had to show up dressed. My BM opted on their own to throw me a shower, only input I had in that was the guest list. Day of wedding, only thing I asked of my BM was to help me get into my dress and then later to bustle it. I tried to keep things very simple in regards to their responsibilities so they could just relax and enjoy the day. The only interactions my BM & GM had were at the rehersal & dinner & then day of the wedding, even that was limited because at the reception they all went & sat with their SO's. Now if the BM decide to throw you a shower & a bachelorette party, how much work they put into that is all on them. They did ask me for input on my bachelorette party and I told them I wanted something simple and nothing crazy out on the town. I asked for that because I knew half of my friends aren't into that & also many didn't have the money either. So we had a girls night in with snacks & every guest was asked to bring a bottle of wine and we did a wine tasting event while watching chick flicks. It was a great night & ended up being perfect as I woke up the next day with a 102 fever & ended up on heavy duty antibiotics for the next week and half leading up to my wedding.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards