Etiquette

Is this too much to ask?

We are just starting to look at venues and we found one that we really like the feel of and is in budget. The place is a beautiful cabin with a huge deck and tons of outdoor space. It's in a valley surrounded by redwood trees and is exactly the sort of place we always imagined getting married. The ceremony and reception would both happen there. There are a couple of things about it that I'm unsure about. We are planning on only having about 40 guests, but about 30 of them would be OOT. The venue is really isolated though, it's about an hour drive on a winding road to the closest hotel. Is that too far to ask guests to drive? The venue also doubles as a retreat sometimes, so it can sleep about 20 people, but not in private rooms. There are about 4 or 5 beds in several large rooms. I know that quite a few of my guests wouldn't have any problem with that arrangement. We would of course cover the additional $1000 cost of renting the venue overnight if guests were interested in that option (I wouldn't guests to pay for a room that isn't private). So I guess what I'm asking is, is that too far to drive for guests that aren't comfortable with that overnight arrangement or will something like this be too much of a logistical nightmare and I should just look at other venues? Am I being one of those dumb people putting my vision before my guests? Thanks for any advice

Re: Is this too much to ask?

  • APDSS22APDSS22 O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A is OK
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    I would keep looking. Even if the guests would be ok with the communal sleeping arrangement under certain circumstances, I can't imagine everyone will want to stop partying at the exact same time. And depending on where the sleeping quarters are, that could present a challenge. Anyone going back to town might leave super early to avoid driving super tired at night in a strange area.

    Also, where would you guys, the newly wedded couple, go? To bunk with everyone else (romantic) or drive for an hour, exhausted by the day? Maybe you are different than I am and find the prospect of sleeping in a room with a bunch of people on your wedding night awesome. I was glad to have some time to just relax with my new husband and reflect on the day.

    OliveOilsMomswitSwoo00adk19
  • There have been a few posts from guests and wedding party members put in similar situations that you are asking of the guests and none of them were okay with it. A few smiled and put up with it but they didn't enjoy their time. @APDSS22 I vaguely remember someone posting on here or another board about a couple who stayed in a community type situation with their guests and had loud sex that everyone could hear, so that's an option some people take....shudder.....
    I agree with PPs, keep looking. 
    image
  • Keep looking. That isn't the perfect venue.
    PrettyGirlLostJBee85
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    Would it be possible to arrange for a shuttle service to take guests back to the hotel at the end of the night?

    I wouldn't mind travelling to a remote wedding, but I wouldn't be comfortable driving back at night along winding roads in an unfamiliar location. I also think you might increase that danger of liability if something were to happen on the way back, especially if it involved alcohol. If I had the option to ride in a comfortable shuttle bus, I'd be ok with it. Still, you'd have to consider that everyone won't want to stay for the whole time, so you might need two runs, and some people won't want to ride in the shuttle.

    I agree that I would keep looking. You could do some things to make it work if there's nothing else that really fits, but this is far from ideal. 
    VicTim328InLoveInQueens
  • APDSS22APDSS22 O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A is OK
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    @justsie That is truly terrible. When she said "not private" room in the OP, I read it as they would be sharing the actual room. Hopefully that would prevent that particular issue, but I guess you never know...

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
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    We are just starting to look at venues and we found one that we really like the feel of and is in budget. The place is a beautiful cabin with a huge deck and tons of outdoor space. It's in a valley surrounded by redwood trees and is exactly the sort of place we always imagined getting married. The ceremony and reception would both happen there. There are a couple of things about it that I'm unsure about. We are planning on only having about 40 guests, but about 30 of them would be OOT. The venue is really isolated though, it's about an hour drive on a winding road to the closest hotel. Is that too far to ask guests to drive? The venue also doubles as a retreat sometimes, so it can sleep about 20 people, but not in private rooms. There are about 4 or 5 beds in several large rooms. I know that quite a few of my guests wouldn't have any problem with that arrangement. We would of course cover the additional $1000 cost of renting the venue overnight if guests were interested in that option (I wouldn't guests to pay for a room that isn't private). So I guess what I'm asking is, is that too far to drive for guests that aren't comfortable with that overnight arrangement or will something like this be too much of a logistical nightmare and I should just look at other venues? Am I being one of those dumb people putting my vision before my guests? Thanks for any advice
    I think it's pretty inconsiderate to adult guests to ask them to come in from out of town, drive for an hour, and not get to stay in a private room.

    These two things make it not the perfect venue.  Find another one.
    KnickerGold
  • @APDSS22 The B&G had their own rooms, but there were other people staying in the same house. I'm not sure if I remember if in that case they also had to share rooms with someone else or not, that story just stuck out in my mind when you asked about where they were going to stay. 
    image
  • We are just starting to look at venues and we found one that we really like the feel of and is in budget. The place is a beautiful cabin with a huge deck and tons of outdoor space. It's in a valley surrounded by redwood trees and is exactly the sort of place we always imagined getting married. The ceremony and reception would both happen there. There are a couple of things about it that I'm unsure about. We are planning on only having about 40 guests, but about 30 of them would be OOT. The venue is really isolated though, it's about an hour drive on a winding road to the closest hotel. Is that too far to ask guests to drive? The venue also doubles as a retreat sometimes, so it can sleep about 20 people, but not in private rooms. There are about 4 or 5 beds in several large rooms. I know that quite a few of my guests wouldn't have any problem with that arrangement. We would of course cover the additional $1000 cost of renting the venue overnight if guests were interested in that option (I wouldn't guests to pay for a room that isn't private). So I guess what I'm asking is, is that too far to drive for guests that aren't comfortable with that overnight arrangement or will something like this be too much of a logistical nightmare and I should just look at other venues? Am I being one of those dumb people putting my vision before my guests? Thanks for any advice
    PPS have it covered but just curious about the sleeping arrangements. How do about 20 people fit in 4 or 5 beds?


    KnickerGoldInLoveInQueens
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
    Moderator 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary
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    lnixon8 said:
    We are just starting to look at venues and we found one that we really like the feel of and is in budget. The place is a beautiful cabin with a huge deck and tons of outdoor space. It's in a valley surrounded by redwood trees and is exactly the sort of place we always imagined getting married. The ceremony and reception would both happen there. There are a couple of things about it that I'm unsure about. We are planning on only having about 40 guests, but about 30 of them would be OOT. The venue is really isolated though, it's about an hour drive on a winding road to the closest hotel. Is that too far to ask guests to drive? The venue also doubles as a retreat sometimes, so it can sleep about 20 people, but not in private rooms. There are about 4 or 5 beds in several large rooms. I know that quite a few of my guests wouldn't have any problem with that arrangement. We would of course cover the additional $1000 cost of renting the venue overnight if guests were interested in that option (I wouldn't guests to pay for a room that isn't private). So I guess what I'm asking is, is that too far to drive for guests that aren't comfortable with that overnight arrangement or will something like this be too much of a logistical nightmare and I should just look at other venues? Am I being one of those dumb people putting my vision before my guests? Thanks for any advice
    PPS have it covered but just curious about the sleeping arrangements. How do about 20 people fit in 4 or 5 beds?


    I think she meant 4-5 beds in each of several rooms.


    Still, I agree with PPs.

    image
  • I agree with PPs that this venue doesn't sound ideal. I have experience with this from the guest perspective: A college friend got married a few years back at a very remote location. The closest airport was 1.5 hours away, and the only reasonably-priced hotels were about an hour away via windy mountain roads. There were really expensive hotels and B&B's closer, but we did not want to spend more than we had to. So, we rented a car, got a cheap hotel room, and had to drive an hour (part of which was on a dirt road) to get to the wedding. Granted, people were allowed to camp at the wedding site, but space was limited and we had an early flight the next morning.

    We ended up leaving right after dinner to avoid driving on mountain roads at night. The wedding itself was lovely, but the thing I remember most is what a pain in the ass it was to get there.

    My sister got married at our dad's house in the mountains, and though it was only 20 minutes to town and hotels, most guests left early because they did not want to do the drive on a windy road at night.

    So, while I don't think it's technically wrong to get married at a remote location, I think you would be doing right by your guests to find something more convenient for travel and accommodations. 
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • thefanciestbecklerthefanciestbeckler Chattanooga, TN
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited January 2016
    I agree 100% with PP's. Also, I like you, Knottie #'s. You have a good head on your shoulders.

    ETA words

    HeffalumpPrettyGirlLostJBee85adk19
  • I'm glad you're taking your guests into consideration above your vision. I'm sure as you keep looking you'll find the perfect venue that is better for guests to get to! 

    With remote locations I think it's ok to be a bit of a drive from the airport but if possible try to keep it an hour or under. However I think having lodging within ~15 minutes from the venue is pretty important. Shuttles are nice if you can afford them but sometimes it's just not possible and I think most guests are adult enough to know when to stop drinking in order to drive to their hotels. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I'd be OK with the drive, but DEFINITELY not with a communal room.

    And with that drive, I would expect your guests to leave early, as I agree not many would feel comfortable driving late in the woods on unfamiliar roads. I think the only way this would work is if you got a hotel block in town for all of your guests and provided a shuttle service to/from.

    But overall I agree, this is not the most ideal venue. 

    If you love the area, consider staying there yourselves after the wedding, or use it as an anniversary pic. You could also take some photos there (I would do this pre-ceremony, or on another day) if the scenery is what you are after. 
  • Hazzah! A new poster with a good head on her shoulders!  Please stick around!

    JediElizabethlnixon8adk19
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
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    So not only do guests have to travel into town for your wedding, they then have to drive an hour to get to your venue?  Yeah, I would say you need to keep looking.

    And sorry, but I don't know many adults who would be fine sharing communal rooms, even when it is paid for.

    This.

    I hated communal rooms in college, so I sure as shit don't want to have roommates at an OOT wedding. Especially if the cabin rooms are crappy, camp beds. If I need to go OOT for an event, I want to stay in nice, comfy accommodations, not something resembling a summer camp.

    I also think an hour drive from civilization and hotel accommodations is too fat out of the way for OOT guests.

    Sorry OP :/

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • I just want to add that I get pretty bad car sickness, and by the sounds of it I'd be showing up at your wedding ready to throw up.

    Good luck in the venue search, OP.  I was sick of looking at venues by the end.  My only advice is to figure out your must haves for logistics (distance to nearest hotel/airport, space, price) and eliminate any venues that don't fit right off the bat.  No use falling in love with a place that's going to put you in a tight spot of trying to make it work.  It's really not worth the headache.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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