BM and MOH Fashion Advice

collegechic · January 2016

These are the dresses I've selected for my girls (the one with straps is for the MOH). Wedding colors are navy, silver, charcoal, and blush. Not too sure how to go about accessorizing haha. Winter wedding, vintage and winter themed!

Torn on shoe color and style too! The wedding will be semi-formal, so leaning towards heels (we were thinking of having flip-flops at the reception for the guests for their comfort).

tigerlily6 · January 2016

My vote would be for something simple, delicate, and silver. Very pretty dresses, I don't think you need to distract much attention from them.

MobKaz · January 2016

Knottie15770957 said:

These are the dresses I've selected for my girls (the one with straps is for the MOH). Wedding colors are navy, silver, charcoal, and blush. Not too sure how to go about accessorizing haha. Winter wedding, vintage and winter themed! Torn on shoe color and style too! The wedding will be semi-formal, so leaning towards heels (we were thinking of having flip-flops at the reception for the guests for their comfort).

I'm just curious. Did your BM's have any input in the dress selection? I would not worry about shoes at all since the length of the dress is long. Shoes will be a non-issue. I would encourage your BM's to wear any neutral shoe that they currently own. There is absolutely NO reason they need to wear matching shoes. Please do not dictate to them the heel of their shoe, either.

Less is more when it comes to accessorizing. You can suggest your BM's wear silver jewelry, but nothing more specific than that. If you want them to wear matching jewelry, then the burden is on you to purchase it, and it should NOT be considered any type of BM gift. You are requiring it.

collegechic · January 2016

@MobKaz - My girls and I all had an agreement. I stayed within their budgets (being the lowest budget that was given to me) and would show them dresses for their opinion and for them to try on where they are and see how the fit is but ultimately they all agreed that it would my decision which dress was chosen. They also gave me (they, not me imposing or saying but them offering) a budget for shoes and accessories to play around with. Doesn't have to be anything fancy or expensive, but this was what they agreed (and proposed) prior to shopping process even starting. I plan to get them pretty silver necklaces with their initials, so they'll probably just have bracelets left from there.

MobKaz · January 2016

Knottie15770957 said:

@MobKaz - My girls and I all had an agreement. I stayed within their budgets (being the lowest budget that was given to me) and would show them dresses for their opinion and for them to try on where they are and see how the fit is but ultimately they all agreed that it would my decision which dress was chosen. They also gave me (they, not me imposing or saying but them offering) a budget for shoes and accessories to play around with. Doesn't have to be anything fancy or expensive, but this was what they agreed (and proposed) prior to shopping process even starting. I plan to get them pretty silver necklaces with their initials, so they'll probably just have bracelets left from there.

Thank you for clarifying the dress selection. When your first sentence begins with, "These are the dresses I have selected.....", it does sound as if no input from the BM's was considered.

I would like to reiterate my point regarding shoes. Shoes, particularly under a long gown, are a NON-ISSUE. There is no need for a budget discussion. They do not need to match. I already loathe the compulsion for matching dresses as it is impossible to find a dress that truly compliments all body types. Shoes are virtually impossible to suit comfortably. If your friends (remember, they are friends first) already own a pair of neutral shoes, there is no need to spend any additional money. If you absolutely insist that they coordinate their shoes, then please dictate nothing beyond a color.

No jewelry should be mandated by you. If you want matching jewelry, then that burden is on you. Your friends may have given you a "budget" for these things because they didn't, or couldn't be honest with you. Again, if you get them necklaces, it should not be considered any type of wedding party gift. You are requiring them to wear them the day of the wedding. Gifts do not come with requirements or strings.

chibiyui · January 2016

I agree with @Mobkaz on the shoes.

I bought my bridesmaids their shoes, metallic wedge sandals that I got for a steal cause I was working retail at the time. Despite how awesome the price was, I really should have just told them to wear whatever neutral shoe they felt comfortable in. There is one picture of their shoes. And when I saw that picture my first thought was "That's cute" my second thought was " Why do I need a picture of my bridesmaid's shoes? Why did I even care about my bridesmaid's shoes?"

So, as someone who has been there and done that, just drop the shoes. It really doesn't matter.

And those dresses are long, so the shoes won't be seen, and it could make it awkward for them if they change into significantly shorter shoes/flip flops for comfort hem wise.

collegechic · January 2016

I definitely do see the point with the shoes @chibiyui and I also didn't think of the hem change from heels to a shorter shoe. I'll probably just see what they got and go from there.

Definitely eases the stress for everyone haha.

And I appreciate your opinion @MobKaz . Like I said, I do see the point with the shoes. However, the way my friends and family who are in my bridal party decide how the budget and expenses are divided up - more referring to the jewlery in this case - is ultimately up to us. That's why every wedding is different.

If you're concern is their lack of involvement, or them not wanting to be honest with me, I can give you assurance that I have known all of them either my entire life or at the very least 4-10 years. The timeline was also a 3 year timeline, which allows ample time for discussion of things and saving. If you want to think I'm a "bridezilla" for asking my girls to provide their outfits, and have coordinated outfits with matching dresses, that is your prerogative. They know me well enough to know that's not the case.

tigerlily6 · January 2016

Meh, may as well throw my 2 cents in about shoes, I guess.

I have been in a wedding where all the BMs were requested to get a particular type of shoe, but we were wearing cocktail length dresses so I think she was wanting styles to match more. Because it was one of my best friends, and she essentially gave us a choice of several different shoes that we could collectively decide which one would fit our budgets and feet best, I didn't mind. I still own and love that pair of black open-toed heels. For me and the other BMs, it was an excuse to indulge and get a nice pair of stilettos that we could re-wear. I think this only worked because we were a small group, good friends, and everybody was on the same page about styles and prices.

However, any time I have been a bridesmaid where we had long gowns, shoes didn't matter. Maybe the bride would request a color, but even that didn't really end up mattering since nobody could really see our feet.

My BMs this summer will be wearing cocktail-length dresses. They already get to pick whatever style dress they want, so long as it is one of two colors, so I see no reason to get picky about shoe uniformity. Cream or beige is my only requirement. Heels or flats, open toed or closed, doesn't matter.

collegechic · January 2016

Agreed @tigerlily6 ! I never really thought of the length of the dress for some reason haha. I'll put the option of wearing neutral colors, or finding shoes they're comfortable with in a given color up to them and see the consensus. I was originally going to do short dresses until we decided on a December wedding so it never crossed my mind that the shoes wouldn't even be seen!

charlotte989875 · January 2016

Another plug for letting them choose their own shoes, especially long dresses. Also, if you want them to have matching jewelry for a particular look you have in mind you should provide it, even if they have you a budget. I'm sure you know them all really well and as such know that they have different styles. Inwas Ina wedding this September where the bride bought matching jewelry that she liked and told us to wear it for the ceremony. I did, and I will never wear it again. It's just not my style. If you want to buy them jewelry that you know they will like go for it! But please don't get them all the same thing just because you like it.

One last point, just because they gave you a budget for these things doesn't mean you actually have to use it! Think of all the other money they're spending on your wedding; dress, shoes, shower, gifts, b party, travel, wedding gift,etc.; just because they can spend more doesn't mean they should have to. Think about what is most important and go from there no assure you matching jewelry and shoes no one will see are not it.

jenna8984 · January 2016

Knottie15770957 said:

@MobKaz - My girls and I all had an agreement. I stayed within their budgets (being the lowest budget that was given to me) and would show them dresses for their opinion and for them to try on where they are and see how the fit is but ultimately they all agreed that it would my decision which dress was chosen. They also gave me (they, not me imposing or saying but them offering) a budget for shoes and accessories to play around with. Doesn't have to be anything fancy or expensive, but this was what they agreed (and proposed) prior to shopping process even starting. I plan to get them pretty silver necklaces with their initials, so they'll probably just have bracelets left from there.

Not being mean here, because you really are being cool about it, but why bother with this? Not a single person at your wedding is going to give a crap about the bridesmaids bracelet and it's not even going to show in pictures when they are holding a bouquet.

floridabride44 · January 2016

Knottie15770957 said:

@MobKaz - My girls and I all had an agreement. I stayed within their budgets (being the lowest budget that was given to me) and would show them dresses for their opinion and for them to try on where they are and see how the fit is but ultimately they all agreed that it would my decision which dress was chosen. They also gave me (they, not me imposing or saying but them offering) a budget for shoes and accessories to play around with. Doesn't have to be anything fancy or expensive, but this was what they agreed (and proposed) prior to shopping process even starting. I plan to get them pretty silver necklaces with their initials, so they'll probably just have bracelets left from there.

Don't mandate shoe color/style, especially for long dresses. Nobody will care what color shoes your bridesmaids are wearing. I promise. No one will be looking at their shoes.

And to echo previous posters... if you require certain jewelry (which you shouldnt. Let your BM's be individuals. These are your closest friends, not props) then it must be paid for by you, but cannot be considered a gift. It's not a gift if it's part of the "uniform".

Treat your friends like friends, not like props for a photo, please! They will thank you for it.

collegechic · January 2016

I really appreciate everyone's opinions, but can the conversation please move back to style tips and not advice about who's paying for what? Not trying to be rude or defensive or anything like that, but I posted this in hopes of receiving style tips, not budget advice. That's a conversation and decision that is entirely between me and my friends and cousins who are in the bridal party, regardless of what others think I "should" do. So please only style tips and ideas from here?

Maggie0829 · January 2016

Knottie15770957 said:

I really appreciate everyone's opinions, but can the conversation please move back to style tips and not advice about who's paying for what? Not trying to be rude or defensive or anything like that, but I posted this in hopes of receiving style tips, not budget advice. That's a conversation and decision that is entirely between me and my friends and cousins who are in the bridal party, regardless of what others think I "should" do. So please only style tips and ideas from here?

You can't tell others how to post. And when you post information on a forum people are free to comment on any part of that post, not just the parts you deem acceptable.

charlotte989875 · January 2016

My style tips are that you should let your BMs style their dresses however they feel best about themselves with things they already own.

Moppet82 · January 2016

Because the dresses are fabulous on their own (seriously, I especially love the BM dresses), I think that accessories should be kept to a minimum. If you still want to do necklaces, the earrings should be more on the delicate side, or just posts. However, IMHO, I wouldn't do necklaces; I would accessorize with bigger earrings like these.

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020756/uploads/editor/s7/kpq4cnfhv3wh.jpg

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020756/uploads/editor/x5/4bdkgestkq1s.jpg

floridabride44 · January 2016

Knottie15770957 said:

I really appreciate everyone's opinions, but can the conversation please move back to style tips and not advice about who's paying for what? Not trying to be rude or defensive or anything like that, but I posted this in hopes of receiving style tips, not budget advice. That's a conversation and decision that is entirely between me and my friends and cousins who are in the bridal party, regardless of what others think I "should" do. So please only style tips and ideas from here?

So you want "style" advice but not advice to help you treat your friends well? Seems like your priorities are out of line.

kimmiinthemitten · January 2016

Style tips: I love the dresses. Who gives a crap what shoes they wear. Let them accessorize themselves.

MobKaz · January 2016

Knottie15770957 said:

I definitely do see the point with the shoes @chibiyui and I also didn't think of the hem change from heels to a shorter shoe. I'll probably just see what they got and go from there. Definitely eases the stress for everyone haha. And I appreciate your opinion @MobKaz . Like I said, I do see the point with the shoes. However, the way my friends and family who are in my bridal party decide how the budget and expenses are divided up - more referring to the jewlery in this case - is ultimately up to us. That's why every wedding is different. :wink: If you're concern is their lack of involvement, or them not wanting to be honest with me, I can give you assurance that I have known all of them either my entire life or at the very least 4-10 years. The timeline was also a 3 year timeline, which allows ample time for discussion of things and saving. If you want to think I'm a "bridezilla" for asking my girls to provide their outfits, and have coordinated outfits with matching dresses, that is your prerogative. They know me well enough to know that's not the case.

If you insist that your BM's match from head to toe, void of any personal style or individuality, then your wedding will actually NOT be different than the thousands of brides who continue to insist on antiquated traditions.

There is nothing different, special, or unique about wasting money on things that have no bearing on your marriage, pictures, or vision. Wasting time fretting about shoes that will NOT be seen, or on jewelry that NO guest will recall an hour after the ceremony, simply makes no sense.

The best styling tip to offer is to allow your friends to style themselves in a way that makes them look and feel their best without wasting money needlessly.

lachattefatale · January 2016

Those are very striking dresses. I totally agree with Moppet82 about skipping the necklaces and focusing on some statement earrings or chunky bracelets. I'd probably look in the black/grey/silver range and save the pops of blush for the flowers (but I might be biased; we're doing chocolate and green with blush flowers). Something like this bracelet, maybe, or these earrings.

collegechic · January 2016

Thanks @Moppet82 those are gorgeous suggestions! The necklace I was thinking was just a very small and delicate little thing with their first letter initial on it.

Wow @lachattefatale those are super pretty! I never thought of pearls lolz, or even Etsy.

I was looking at places like Claires and Icing for some nice "looks expensive but isn't" stuff haha. Those are super pretty though, there was something similar on David's Bridal they really liked.

lachattefatale · January 2016

I know the type you mean, but I think part of the problem is trying to pair something really delicate with such a bold dress. The dress might swallow the necklace. You could go with a really bold statement necklace instead. But the initial necklaces are super trendy and wouldn't look *bad* or anything, just IMO not quite as good as something more substantial might look.

collegechic · January 2016

That's very true I never thought of it that way haha. Especially with the BM dress that's strapless. Something like this with smaller earrings?

http://www.icing.com/us/products/multi-strand-pearl-necklace-with-vintage-pavé-crystal-roses-82128

kimmiinthemitten · January 2016

Knottie15770957, why is it important to you to have matching jewelry for all of your BM's?

lachattefatale · January 2016

That necklace is gorgeous.

collegechic · January 2016

@kimmiinthemitten I don't think I said they all had to match. Just kinda be in the same family so to speak.

kimmiinthemitten · January 2016

Knottie15770957 said:

@kimmiinthemitten I don't think I said they all had to match. Just kinda be in the same family so to speak.

I'm not trying to trick you or anything, I'm just genuinely curious as to why that matters to you. I can't even figure out what I want to wear to my wedding, so I told my BM's to just get something black. If I can't pick out my clothes, I'm not picking out theirs LOL.

Obviously, there are brides here who care and brides here who don't. I guess I'm just interested in hearing the reasons from the other side.

collegechic · January 2016

Lolz @kimmiinthemitten , I can totally understand that. XD I'm torn between two dress styles myself - Daddy's princess or sexy.

For me personally, I have a very OC personality, though I don't consider myself to have OCD (it's true from my experience that everyone in the psychology field has their own stuff they're trying to figure out lolz), so that has a factor on why everyone looking at least somewhat uniform - not necessarily identical - is important to me. I also have a rather large party of 10 girls (11 counting my mother, who is my matron of honor and will be wearing something totally separate) so having everyone in something different but still same color, to me, looks a bit messy. With something subtle like jewlery it doesn't matter as much, and the shoes being the same color but whatever style they want I don't care about. But the dress being the same, with a different dress for MOH that's still a bit similar, which these two provide, was very important to me.

That's just me personally.

I can't speak for other brides who care haha.

charlotte989875 · January 2016

So I get liking things to be organized and neat. And it's good you don't care too much about shoes/jewelry. I don't think there's a problem with matching dresses (and for what it's worth I think they are beautiful).

Here's my last plug to just let them wear what they want: I hate yellow gold jewelry on me. I never have worn it, I've exchanged every gift I've ever gotten that is yellow gold. It's not my thing. My best friend OTOH loves it. Rarely will she wear white gold/silver. We've been in three weddings together (mine, hers, my sisters). If we had made each other wear particular matching jewelry one of us would have been unhappy. If someone would have bought gold jewelry for me for a wedding id wear it for the wedding because they asked me too but if never wear it again. Do you really want to spend money on matching/similar jewelry (or ask them to spend their own) on something that will get worn once? I wouldn't.

Also, you can't even see my BMs jewelry in my wedding pictures.

collegechic · January 2016

I have two friends who don't like wearing jewlery in the bridal party and at least one without pierced ears. For them, I'm loaning them my jewlery so they don't have to wear something they won't wear ever again. For my friend who doesn't have piercings, I offered to lend her one of my ear cuffs in case she wants to wear something there but she doesn't have to. For everyone else, they wouldn't be spending exorbitant amounts of money (I'm talking like, bracelets from places like Icing or Claires, cheap stuff that looks nice and can be worn again), and besides that they WANT to do it.

So you see @charlotte989875 , I'm not forcing anyone to spend money on useless expensive stuff or wear things they don't want.

MobKaz · January 2016

Knottie15770957 said:

I have two friends who don't like wearing jewlery in the bridal party and at least one without pierced ears. For them, I'm loaning them my jewlery so they don't have to wear something they won't wear ever again. For my friend who doesn't have piercings, I offered to lend her one of my ear cuffs in case she wants to wear something there but she doesn't have to. For everyone else, they wouldn't be spending exorbitant amounts of money (I'm talking like, bracelets from places like Icing or Claires, cheap stuff that looks nice and can be worn again), and besides that they WANT to do it. So you see @charlotte989875 , I'm not forcing anyone to spend money on useless expensive stuff or wear things they don't want.

You are missing the point. It is not just about the money. You have two friends WHO DO NOT LIKE WEARING JEWELRY and yet you are insisting they wear it anyway. Why does this have any bearing on your marriage? You said you have one friend that does not have pierced ears and she will not be forced to wear earrings. Why then, are you forcing your other two friends to wear a necklace?

I'm sorry to be blunt, and this may come across as snobby or catty, but when I think of shopping at Icing or Claire's, I envision scores of pre-teens shopping for jewelry. Spending any amount of money at those stores is like throwing money directly into the garbage. Why would you accessorize lovely dresses with (in your words) cheap stuff? Whether expensive or cheap, jewelry for these friends is useless.

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