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Kicking out a bridesmaid?

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Re: Kicking out a bridesmaid?

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    glasgowtolondonglasgowtolondon member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    kylexo said:
    STARMOON44 said:
     

    Agreed. If you want drama, have a big thing about this. If you don't? Just move on. This is why I think asking coworker's is a mistake. You just don't know if you're really close friends until after you no longer work together. 
    This is exactly it. Our friendship has totally changed since we saw each other every day, and if I were to choose bridesmaids all over again, she would likely not be included. 

    I am wondering what you all think about giving her the option to gracefully drop out at this point if she's not feeling up to it? After what happened this week and how she's already complained about having to fly to the other side of the country for the wedding I just get the feeling that she's trying to slow fade me. I'd prefer that I know whether or not she's going to be there before the wedding.X


    Boxes----'

    No!!!! Chill the eff out. There is no way to give her this option without giving the message that you would rather kick her but don't want to be the bad guy. Nothing about this is graceful, its rude. How long till your wedding btw?
                 
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    kylexokylexo member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    End of July.
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    glasgowtolondonglasgowtolondon member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Just stop making plans with her then. If you think she's trying to slow fade you then you have plenty of time to get your wish, she might decide for herself to drop out. Stop wasting your energy on this, in the end it won't have much impact on the day itself even if she does show up. 
                 
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    charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    kylexo said:
    STARMOON44 said:
     

    Agreed. If you want drama, have a big thing about this. If you don't? Just move on. This is why I think asking coworker's is a mistake. You just don't know if you're really close friends until after you no longer work together. 
    This is exactly it. Our friendship has totally changed since we saw each other every day, and if I were to choose bridesmaids all over again, she would likely not be included. 

    I am wondering what you all think about giving her the option to gracefully drop out at this point if she's not feeling up to it? After what happened this week and how she's already complained about having to fly to the other side of the country for the wedding I just get the feeling that she's trying to slow fade me. I'd prefer that I know whether or not she's going to be there before the wedding.
    Asking her if she wants to "step down" is likely going to have the same effect as kicking her out; you're telling her (indirectly in this case) you don't want her in your wedding party. This will most likely end your friendship abruptly. This may or may not have consequences for your FI at work. 

    If she doesn't want to be in the wedding or fly across the country she won't. Will it suck if she does this a week before the wedding? Yes. And she'll look bad, not you. 

    I feel like you want us to say that's it's totally fine to kick her out and there won't be an repercussions. That's just not the case. It's rude to ask someone to be in your wedding then tell them later you don't want them. Decisions come with consequences, and if you're ready to cut off all contact with this woman then fine, there's no etiquette police to stop you. 
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    kylexokylexo member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Cool, that totally makes sense. 
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    debbeaudebbeau member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Answer
    I don't think I would pursue it anymore. It will only make you more aggravated. She should have put her big girl pants on and just told you directly she would not be there. It was wrong but try and be the bigger person. 
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    YogaSandyYogaSandy member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    kylexo said:
    scribe95 said:
    She did a shitty thing. Made a plan with one person and blew her off for another without telling you. Having said that I don't think that's reason to kick her out. Put it in the back of your mind to not count on her fully and move on. 
    All she has to do is buy a dress and show up. Expect nothing more - nothing less. 
    She blew me off without telling me. All I've expected of her is the dress, showing up and not disappearing on me when she committed to going dress shopping with me over a month and a half in advance. A simple text saying she couldn't make it would have sufficed. Instead she lied to me and disappeared.
    I wouldn't assume she lied. Texts don't always go through. Sometimes you type it and don't press send properly and see it sitting there the next time you open that person's messages. You know this happens. Could she be lying? Sure. Does your "proof" mean she is? No. So don't assume she is. 
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    levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    YogaSandy said:
    kylexo said:
    scribe95 said:
    She did a shitty thing. Made a plan with one person and blew her off for another without telling you. Having said that I don't think that's reason to kick her out. Put it in the back of your mind to not count on her fully and move on. 
    All she has to do is buy a dress and show up. Expect nothing more - nothing less. 
    She blew me off without telling me. All I've expected of her is the dress, showing up and not disappearing on me when she committed to going dress shopping with me over a month and a half in advance. A simple text saying she couldn't make it would have sufficed. Instead she lied to me and disappeared.
    I wouldn't assume she lied. Texts don't always go through. Sometimes you type it and don't press send properly and see it sitting there the next time you open that person's messages. You know this happens. Could she be lying? Sure. Does your "proof" mean she is? No. So don't assume she is. 
    Ugh, I do that all the time.  It always ends up being to one friend in particular too, because I text super quickly, hit send, and then hit lock screen, and somehow the lock screen always ends up being faster than send.  Then she gets really hurt and asks me if she texts me too much, when the whole problem was I didn't wait for it to send.  Once again: unnecessary drama.  


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