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Ask guests if they plan to RSVP?

DizDiz&GrimDizDiz&Grim member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So, first off, I was forced by my FMIL to let her idiot husband do our invitations. Dumb*** didn't put an RSVP date on it! Here I am, 38 days from my wedding, and only 61 of the 160 people I invited have RSVP'D! 26 of those people are the wedding party, immediate family, and our photographer and DJ.
Would it be rude to start contacting people and asking if they're coming? Or do I just wait and see what happens? Both options sound good to me...
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Re: Ask guests if they plan to RSVP?

  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    DizDiz&Grim said:
    So, first off, I was forced by my FMIL to let her idiot husband do our invitations. Dumb*** didn't put an RSVP date on it! Here I am, 38 days from my wedding, and only 61 of the 160 people I invited have RSVP'D! 26 of those people are the wedding party, immediate family, and our photographer and DJ.
    Would it be rude to start contacting people and asking if they're coming? Or do I just wait and see what happens? Both options sound good to me...
    I answered you on Attire & Accessories; if you're going to post the same question on more than one board put XP in the title.

    38 days is still early for RSVPs anyway.  I'd wait til 2-3 weeks out from your wedding and then start calling people.  When does your caterer need final numbers?



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  • PamBeesly524PamBeesly524 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Your post sounds very condescending... You could have politely declined the offer. Did you get to proofread the invites before they went out?
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  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    DizDiz&Grim said:
    So, first off, I was forced by my FMIL to let her idiot husband do our invitations. Dumb*** didn't put an RSVP date on it! Here I am, 38 days from my wedding, and only 61 of the 160 people I invited have RSVP'D! 26 of those people are the wedding party, immediate family, and our photographer and DJ.
    Would it be rude to start contacting people and asking if they're coming? Or do I just wait and see what happens? Both options sound good to me...
    When is the RSVP deadline?  Don't contact anyone before then.

    When do you need final numbers for your vendors?  This is usually 2-3 weeks out, so at 38 days, you're plenty safe.

    Did you see these invitations before they went out? 

    I would have a glass of wine.  This is not worth getting overly wound up about right now.
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  • thefanciestbecklerthefanciestbeckler member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    PamBeesly524 said:
    Your post sounds very condescending... You could have politely declined the offer. Did you get to proofread the invites before they went out?
    This. Nobody can force you (assuming you're an adult) to let them do anything.

    38 days out is really early. Find out when the caterer needs the final numbers, and wait until closer to that date to start following up.

    My caterer didn't need final numbers until 5 days before the wedding. I waited to follow up with people on their RSVP's until that time.


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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    DizDiz&Grim said:
    So, first off, I was forced by my FMIL to let her idiot husband do our invitations. Dumb*** didn't put an RSVP date on it! Here I am, 38 days from my wedding, and only 61 of the 160 people I invited have RSVP'D! 26 of those people are the wedding party, immediate family, and our photographer and DJ.
    Would it be rude to start contacting people and asking if they're coming? Or do I just wait and see what happens? Both options sound good to me...
    How do you mean - forced?  Why didn't you just say no?

    Did you provide your FFIL with the wording and an RSVP date and ask to see the invitations before sending them?  If not, that's on you.  He's not a "dumb***" just because your invitation didn't contain the RSVP date - it was up to you and your FI to make sure he had the right information and proofed the invitation before you sent it out or allowed it to be sent out.
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    DizDiz&Grim said:
    So, first off, I was forced by my FMIL to let her idiot husband do our invitations. Dumb*** didn't put an RSVP date on it! Here I am, 38 days from my wedding, and only 61 of the 160 people I invited have RSVP'D! 26 of those people are the wedding party, immediate family, and our photographer and DJ.
    Would it be rude to start contacting people and asking if they're coming? Or do I just wait and see what happens? Both options sound good to me...
    Yah that's a great way to talk about your future in laws. 
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    levioosa said:
    I'm really turned off by your initial post.  Your in-laws were kind enough to take care of the invitations.  They made a mistake.  It happens. I'm also assuming you checked the invitations before they went out.  Take some responsibility for what happened.   PPs have good suggestions about the RSVP date.  You need an attitude adjustment, stat.  
    This. It's your FMIL's fault he did the invitations, and his fault that it didn't have a date. Do you take responsibility for anything, or is everything someone else's fault? 

    Wait until you're about 2 weeks from the wedding and then start calling. And learn to take responsibility for your own mistakes. 
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