Destination wedding dilemma

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  kmmssg mod

  

  February 2016 Answer ✓

  This isn't your decision to make alone.  You and FI need to sit down and decide how you will move forward.  You said he was ok with Mexico if his parents could be there.  You moved it for them.  Now they are complaining about his siblings.  He said it would be ok if they weren't there.  The cost has almost tripled.
  
  You two need to sit down and find your compromise.

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  [Deleted User] member

  

  February 2016 Answer ✓

  Knottie1431910776 said:

  I am in need of some serious unbiased perspective on a situation I am having with planning my wedding. I am going to keep the details as short and to the point as possible. My finace and I decided initially we wanted to have a destination wedding. My fiancé knew that none of his siblings would be attending but he was ok with that as long as his parents come. My parents are paying for everything and we really don’t have a budget but I don’t want things to get out of hand with the spending, so Mexico was the perfect option….until we told my finace’s parents about the plan. His father immediately said they would not be going anywhere that required them to fly. So basically, if you have the wedding in Mexico we aren’t coming…end of story. My fiancé and I were upset because we want them to be there. So we then decided to have the wedding in Florida which would give everyone about a 10 hour drive to make it. I will add this, the Florida wedding would be double, if not triple, what it would be for us to have it in Mexico but my parents were ok with that. When we gave this news to his parents his mother was very supportive and excited but his father immediately became negative and said that none of my finace’s siblings would be able to come because they couldn’t afford it(even though they have over a year to save up for it). After thinking about it, I came to the conclusion that there is no way I am going to allow my parent’s to pay that much more money for us to accommodate his family and his dad continue to be so rude and negative. So here we are now… I am wanting to go back to the original plan and have the wedding in Mexico, his parents have over a year to make up their mind about coming but at the end of the day this was our favorite idea and I think they should be supportive of that. My biggest concern is my future in laws resenting me and my fiancé resenting me. But at this point I am beginning to resent them. What should my next move be?

  You have to make a decision about what is most important; having his family there or having it where you want.  You can't tell people how to spend their money either; not his family spending money flying to a destination wedding or your family who has offered to spend money on your wedding.  You could always have a local wedding and Honeymoon in Mexico.  Best of both worlds, your families there to witness your wedding and the tropical location you want.

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  poodledoodleooo member

  

  February 2016 Answer ✓

  You two need to figure out what is most important and what your deal breakers are.
  
  Personally, I don't think I'd be willing to sabotage my relationship with my in-laws on my preference to have a destination wedding. I'd rather have something local where my VIPs can be there than one far away where only half my VIPs can be there. But this is your and your fiance's decision. You have to decide what is more important - accommodating your in-laws or having your dream wedding in Mexico. Neither is really a better option than the other, but you two will have to make a decision that works best for you two. Because as of right now, it looks like you're not going to get both.
  

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  ShesSoCold mod

  

  February 2016 Answer ✓

  Knottie1431910776 said:

  I am in need of some serious unbiased perspective on a situation I am having with planning my wedding. I am going to keep the details as short and to the point as possible. My finace and I decided initially we wanted to have a destination wedding. My fiancé knew that none of his siblings would be attending but he was ok with that as long as his parents come. My parents are paying for everything and we really don’t have a budget but I don’t want things to get out of hand with the spending, so Mexico was the perfect option….until we told my finace’s parents about the plan. His father immediately said they would not be going anywhere that required them to fly. So basically, if you have the wedding in Mexico we aren’t coming…end of story. My fiancé and I were upset because we want them to be there. So we then decided to have the wedding in Florida which would give everyone about a 10 hour drive to make it. I will add this, the Florida wedding would be double, if not triple, what it would be for us to have it in Mexico but my parents were ok with that. When we gave this news to his parents his mother was very supportive and excited but his father immediately became negative and said that none of my finace’s siblings would be able to come because they couldn’t afford it(even though they have over a year to save up for it). After thinking about it, I came to the conclusion that there is no way I am going to allow my parent’s to pay that much more money for us to accommodate his family and his dad continue to be so rude and negative. So here we are now… I am wanting to go back to the original plan and have the wedding in Mexico, his parents have over a year to make up their mind about coming but at the end of the day this was our favorite idea and I think they should be supportive of that. My biggest concern is my future in laws resenting me and my fiancé resenting me. But at this point I am beginning to resent them. What should my next move be?

  I bolded all the times you refer to you alone and italicized the times you refer to your and your FI together. At least 8 times it was "I think" or "my wedding". I counted four times where you reference you and your fiancé together. This is quite telling for me.

  This isn't you and your family vs. him and his family. Flip it around - how would you feel if your fiancé wanted to plan your wedding so that your parents couldn't attend (for whatever reason) simply because he didn't like something your parents said? These people are about to be your family and you'll likely have to deal with them for a long time. I suggest you start treating them like it.
  

  
  

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  [Deleted User] member

  

  February 2016 Answer ✓

  Set a budget.  Don't count on any money that is "promised" until it is in your account.  You should be paying for your own wedding, not counting on your parents, use their money as bonus money unless they decide to sign contracts themselves and write the checks themselves.  Also, know that all money comes with strings that could be location, adding people to the guest list, and a whole slew of other things.
  
  Make up a guest list.  I always suggest a couple layers of guests; the guests that I Must Have (parents), the Would Be Nice (siblings and best friends), and the With An Unlimited Budget (co-workers and poker buddies.)
  
  Find venues on dates that fit both requirements, planning the legal ceremony before you start worrying about the party.  If you only look at venues where your Must Haves refuse to go, you don't have a venue.  If you find the perfect place for twice your budget, you don't have a venue or you need to have an engagement that is twice as long so you can save money.
  
  It's his wedding too.  If he wants his parents there, you need to find a place where his parents will attend.  Will it really be a happy wedding day for both of you if nobody in his family attends?

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  APDSS22 member

  

  February 2016 Answer ✓

  What is it that you like about having a destination wedding that is pushing you to choose Mexico (cheap, but your FI might not convince his parents to come and you said he would want that) OR Florida (way more expensive but his parents would be there even if his siblings who he would like there couldn't make it.)
  
  If there is something specific you are looking for like a warmer climate or a beach or having a smaller guest list a third option might be out there that is a better fit with what your FI would like to have for his wedding that would still get you what you want to have.  Or maybe you could find a cheaper venue and help pay for his family to attend.  I suggest you and your FI sit down and make a list of what you both want for the wedding and try thinking outside the box about how to get the most things on the list done without making your parents spend a fortune.  
  
  You might also want to get a total ballpark figure for "too much" to spend before your parents reach their comfort limit and you realize you forgot to book a photographer or buy a wedding dress.  They might be okay with the numbers you've given them so far but weddings have many little (and not so little) expenses that add up. Prices have probably gone up on a lot of things and your parents may not have realized how much.  It's also easier to figure out which things you should not even look at when you have a finite number that you can't go over.

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  STARMOON44 member

  

  February 2016 Answer ✓

  Serious unbiased perspective? Have it somewhere his parents and siblings can afford to attend. Because your plan to insist on having it in Mexico is making you look real selfish. 

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  [Deleted User] member

  

  February 2016 Answer ✓

  Also, have you looked into the legal requirements to get married in Mexico.  I understand they require a blood test and legally translated documents from English into Spanish and back again.  Maybe a residency requirement of at least a few days, but that could be another country.  
  
  Is the Zika virus in Mexico?  Is anyone on your guest list pregnant or planning to be pregnant?
  
  In other words, if the price is the only thing that's good about this plan, is it worth it to change the plan?

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  Knottie1431910776 member

  

  February 2016 Answer ✓

  Thank you all for the advice. Some of it was hard to swallow but that was the whole reason I posted this on here, to get completely honest opinions. Bottom line I've been selfish so thanks for helping me get over myself and realize what's truly important here!

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