what should i do?!

Knottie04884434 · February 2016

im not a fan of my friend's on/off bf.
do i HAVE to invite him if they're still together when the time comes if it makes me uncomfortable?

also- is it necessary to allow guests 18+ to bring a date? my fiance and i want to keep costs down and we really only want close friends, family & colleagues with us!

i know it's my day and in the end i have the final say, but any advice would be great!
Thanks!!!

holyguacamole79 · February 2016

Knottie04884434 said:

im not a fan of my friend's on/off bf.
do i HAVE to invite him if they're still together when the time comes if it makes me uncomfortable?

also- is it necessary to allow guests 18+ to bring a date? my fiance and i want to keep costs down and we really only want close friends, family & colleagues with us!

i know it's my day and in the end i have the final say, but any advice would be great!
Thanks!!!

1) If it's her (or his) boyfriend, they are a social unit and he must be invited. The only exception would be if he poses a physical threat of some sort. I promise you you won't notice him.

2) You don't need to give truly single guests a +1. However, if they are in a relationship, you need to invite thr SO.

ETA: The minute you invite family & friends to your wedding, it ceases to be YOUR day.

SP29 · February 2016

Knottie04884434 said:

on/off relationship = SO?! not in my mind!
besides, my friend's m&d are def invited and i know too well they don't like him either!

This is not for you to decide.

If any of your guests considers them self in a relationship, then they are and you must invite the SO.

The invitation of an SO is when invites go out-so you can hope they are off again at that time, and then you're off the hook. Otherwise, yes, you have to invite this person.

Anyone in a relationship (there is no time frame or seriousness for a relationship) must have their significant other invited.

It's pretty rude to invite someone to support your marriage, your spouse, your love and relationship, while at the same time refusing to recognize theirs. You may not like your friend's SO, but (s)he is an adult and gets to choose who (s)he dates, regardless of what you or her parents think.

Also, if this SO really is terrible, the best you can hope is that your friend will come to his/her senses one day. In the meantime, if you make your friend choose, (s)he may very likely choose him, alienating her from her friends and family, making it harder to leave him in the future.

An SO is different than "and guest" or "plus one". A plus one is given to a truly single guest, and allows them to bring ANYONE they want. This is never required- so no, you do not have to oblige.

holyguacamole79 · February 2016

Knottie04884434 said:

i know im sounding fussy and what not, but trust me- i appreciate all the advice!!
thanks!!

We hope it helped!

APDSS22 · February 2016

Knottie04884434 said:

im not a fan of my friend's on/off bf.
do i HAVE to invite him if they're still together when the time comes if it makes me uncomfortable?

also- is it necessary to allow guests 18+ to bring a date? my fiance and i want to keep costs down and we really only want close friends, family & colleagues with us!

i know it's my day and in the end i have the final say, but any advice would be great!
Thanks!!!

If someone who is 18 or older when you are sending out invitations has a significant other at the time you are addressing your invitations, you must invite them together by name as they are a social unit.

You are correct that at the end of the day no one can make you do anything but is it worth alienating people you feel close enough to invite to witness you permanently attaching yourself to another human being by not inviting their significant other? Especially because you didn't invite their person because you wanted to save a couple bucks and that was more important to you. I think anyone who would do that isn't much of a friend at all.

Knottie04884434 · February 2016

on/off relationship = SO?! not in my mind!
besides, my friend's m&d are def invited and i know too well they don't like him either!

[Deleted User] · February 2016

(gets popcorn)

glasgowtolondon · February 2016

Knottie04884434 said:

on/off relationship = SO?! not in my mind!
besides, my friend's m&d are def invited and i know too well they don't like him either!

Who cares whether you think on/off equals a significant other. It's not for you to decide who is a social unit and who is not. If this couple are 'on' when invites go out, then clearly THEY see each other as their SO. Feel free to do as you please, as I suspect this isn't the answer you want, but you can never say you didn't realise it is rude to only invite half of a partnership.

Also, the reason you want to be incredibly rude to your friend is because you, and your friends 'm&d' don't like him? Quit acting like this is high school.

AddieCake · February 2016

If your friend considers her on-off boyfriend her SO, then he needs to be invited. It is not up to you what makes SO and what doesn't.

scrunchythief · February 2016

Knottie04884434 said:

on/off relationship = SO?! not in my mind!
besides, my friend's m&d are def invited and i know too well they don't like him either!

At what point does on/off become a SO? DH and I had a few on/off periods while dating; now we're married with a baby. How can you tell that this on period won't last?

banana468 · February 2016

Knottie04884434 said:

on/off relationship = SO?! not in my mind!
besides, my friend's m&d are def invited and i know too well they don't like him either!

If it was up to you then your friend wouldn't be doing what she wanted would she??

If they're together he gets invited.

He may be no prize but not liking him isn't a reason to dishonor your friend.

Knottie04884434 · February 2016

i know im sounding fussy and what not, but trust me- i appreciate all the advice!!
thanks!!

MobKaz · February 2016

Knottie04884434 said:

i know im sounding fussy and what not, but trust me- i appreciate all the advice!!
thanks!!

You're not sounding fussy at all! But you are sounding judgmental and rude.

You asked for advice and appear now to be dismissing it because it wasn't the advice you were looking for........"on/off relationship = SO?! not in my mind!
besides, my friend's m&d are def invited and i know too well they don't like him either."

You do not have to sit your friend and her SO near her parents. Problem solved.

Viczaesar · February 2016

I dislike the "answer" function, it screws up the order of posts.

what should i do?!

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