How do I handle a pushy stationer?

Knottie1455391931 · February 2016

My wedding is 30th September this year and I found the right stationer last month (January). The cards and menus looked amazing, so I didn't think much about the fact that she was a little patronising when I spoke to her.

I sent Save the Dates before Christmas so just need day and evening invitations as well as everything for the actual day.

Based on other discussions on here and other sites, I shouldn't send the invites out until early May and the RSVP deadline should be end of June at the earliest. The stationer wants to have a deadline of end of April, which seems far too early to expect my guests to plan for. She's pushing to get the final wording and deadline sorted by end of February which meant I had to sort out a wedding website far earlier than I expected to.

At first, it seemed like she just wanted confirmation that I was definitely hiring her so she could get my wedding date into her calendar so I paid the deposit plus the expected amount for the invites (final day payment is only due just before). This hasn't made her back off at all.

How do I politely but very very firmly tell her that the dates she's suggesting just don't work?

ILoveBeachMusic · February 2016

Actually for a September 30th wedding you shouldn't send the invitations out until around the first of August - 6-8 weeks in advance of the wedding. If you send them out too early, people may space the RSVP. RSVP deadline should be around 2-3 weeks prior to the wedding - your caterer shouldn't need a final number before about a week to 10 days before the wedding. 2 weeks gives you time to track down people who haven't RSVPd. If the RSVP date is too early, people may not be able to commit because of work schedules.

If you have all the details in place it doesn't matter if you order the invitations in February or April. For DD's September 5th wedding we ordered the invitations at the beginning of April because there was a good sale at the stationer's. That gave us plenty of time to get them addressed (they arrived at the end of May because we went back and forth on some wording issues). We mailed them at the beginning of July. RSVPs were due 3 weeks prior to wedding.

So tell your stationer, you will have the invitations ordered at whatever date you want. She shouldn't be telling you when to send them.

Jen4948 · February 2016

As long as you have the invitations ready to send 6 to 8 weeks before the wedding, the purchase date doesn't matter.

Knottie1455391931 · February 2016

Thanks @ILoveBeachMusic - it's good to have it confirmed that her dates are ridiculously early. I'm not sure if things are different in your part of the world, but every wedding I've been to has asked me to RSVP by 2 months before, still the timing she's given is way off.

It sounds like you're recommending I be extremely direct with her and not worry about being rude. Is that right? If so I'll give it a go *fingers crossed*.

@Jen4948 the date matters because she's only pushing me to get the wording finalised due to these early deadlines she wants me to have. The question was how to tell her that the deadlines will be the dates I choose.

Jen4948 · February 2016

I would tell her, "Thank you, but I will be purchasing the invitations according to my deadlines. I am not going to be sending them out earlier than 6 to 8 weeks before the date of the wedding, so that's when I need them by."

MairePoppy · February 2016

It seems like your stationer wants your money now, rather than later. That's the only reason I can think of her pushing you.

Tell her 'I feel uncomfortable with your pushiness on the timeline. If you continue to push, I'll have to take my business elsewhere.' This isn't rude, it's direct.

ILoveBeachMusic · February 2016

Knottie1455391931 said:

Thanks @ILoveBeachMusic - it's good to have it confirmed that her dates are ridiculously early. I'm not sure if things are different in your part of the world, but every wedding I've been to has asked me to RSVP by 2 months before, still the timing she's given is way off.

It sounds like you're recommending I be extremely direct with her and not worry about being rude. Is that right? If so I'll give it a go *fingers crossed*.

@Jen4948 the date matters because she's only pushing me to get the wording finalised due to these early deadlines she wants me to have. The question was how to tell her that the deadlines will be the dates I choose.

I'm in the US. Here it is not at all typical to have RSVP two months ahead. Yes you should be direct, but I would never condone someone being rude. Just explain, you have your timeline and will adhere to it. Like I said, you can purchase the invitations but don't need to send them right away. I just don't get why a stationer would care when you have your RSVPs due. After we picked up our invitation suite, we never interacted with our stationer concerning the wedding.

MairePoppy · February 2016

ILoveBeachMusic said:

Knottie1455391931 said:

Thanks @ILoveBeachMusic - it's good to have it confirmed that her dates are ridiculously early. I'm not sure if things are different in your part of the world, but every wedding I've been to has asked me to RSVP by 2 months before, still the timing she's given is way off.It sounds like you're recommending I be extremely direct with her and not worry about being rude. Is that right? If so I'll give it a go *fingers crossed*.@Jen4948 the date matters because she's only pushing me to get the wording finalised due to these early deadlines she wants me to have. The question was how to tell her that the deadlines will be the dates I choose.

I'm in the US. Here it is not at all typical to have RSVP two months ahead. Yes you should be direct, but I would never condone someone being rude. Just explain, you have your timeline and will adhere to it. Like I said, you can purchase the invitations but don't need to send them right away. I just don't get why a stationer would care when you have your RSVPs due. After we picked up our invitation suite, we never interacted with our stationer concerning the wedding.

There are pros and cons to ordering early. If you order early, you have more time to address the invitations. Con-No matter how wtell you plan, there is always a risk of changes beyond your control, necessitating a reprint.

I'm in the U.S. It's typical for my group to receive wedding invitations, at the very earliest 10 weeks out, with an RSVP date of 3 weeks or less. Once, I received an invite 4 months out, with an rsvp of 2 months out. That bride got antsy and started calling for the RSVPs a month before they were due! That was pushy, since it isn't the norm in our culture.

May I ask where you're from? And ditto @ILoveBeachMusic. Why does the stationer care so much about the RSVP info? Is she also making the place cards or other personalized items?

Viczaesar · February 2016

Knottie1455391931 said:

Thanks @ILoveBeachMusic - it's good to have it confirmed that her dates are ridiculously early. I'm not sure if things are different in your part of the world, but every wedding I've been to has asked me to RSVP by 2 months before, still the timing she's given is way off.

It sounds like you're recommending I be extremely direct with her and not worry about being rude. Is that right? If so I'll give it a go *fingers crossed*.

@Jen4948 the date matters because she's only pushing me to get the wording finalised due to these early deadlines she wants me to have. The question was how to tell her that the deadlines will be the dates I choose.

RSVP date two months early is still ridiculously early and rude to ask of your guests. That's when you should be sending out the invitations, not asking your guests to commit to being available.

Knottie1455391931 · February 2016

Thanks everyone for your advice. I feel a lot more comfortable pushing back now. I'm in the UK so being direct isn't exactly considered standard but in this case it seems called for.

doclago · February 2016

The invites don't need to go out until 8 weeks before the wedding.
I wonder if there is something else going on here....maybe she needs the commission money, or maybe the place is closing down...maybe it's a tax thing..

How do I handle a pushy stationer?

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