Tacky Tuesday

wink0erin · March 2016

@swazzle @speakeasy14 I would prefer calling. I just was unable during the day, and at night he was usually asleep by the time I was able to take a break from humans. I told him all of this. I thought for sure I had asked how he was doing (because one day I was so sick of schmoozing with people I actually hung out on the toilet for 15 minutes and texted him, hahaha).

Definitely glad he said something, but I worry that he may say he's ok with my travel but he isn't. That's more of me projecting past relationships though. It was one of the huge red flags in my last relationship that I wished I had noticed earlier... because it started out the same way (except I traveled less often back then).

speakeasy14 · March 2016

@wink0erin have you shared these concerns with him?

eilis1228 · March 2016

@wink0erin I agree with PPs. Not a huge deal, and it's great that he brought it up to you now rather than let it bottle up. I travel about once a quarter for work, and H and I always FT each other once a day, even if it's just for a few minutes. He knows I'm busy with meetings, but making a point to FT once per day shows that he's still a priority for me. Plus it's nice to see his face while I'm gone. Maybe since your BF is asleep by the time you're done, you could FT/call each other for a few minutes every morning when you travel simply to say, "Good morning"?

wink0erin · March 2016

@speakeasy14 Yes, we discussed last night over the phone. I told him where I was coming from with the past issues. I said I hate to invoke a situation with an ex but he needed to know why him telling me all this put me on edge. I think we are fine, but I guess I'll find out after my next conference or trip.

wink0erin · March 2016

@eilis1228 Great idea, but his phone won't facetime! Actually that was part of our convo too, his phone is old and keeps messing up, so he doesn't get all of my texts anyway. It is entirely possible that he didn't get a portion of my texts.

jenna8984 · March 2016

@swazzle woohoo that's great!!

@minskat30Woohoo, also great!! Have you decided on the spelling yet (anika, aneka)?

@wink0erin sounds like you both are getting somewhere productive by talking about both of your fears and irritations. Sounds normal to me and that neither of you did anything wrong, just needed to communicate your/his feelings sooner.

eilis1228 · March 2016

@wink0erin I'm cracking up that he's mad at your for not texting when it's possible that his phone didn't receive a chunk of your texts. Oh well, it's still good that you are both voicing concerns and creating a routine of sorts for when you travel. Even if he can't FT, a phone call every morning for a few minutes would achieve the same goal. Have you shown your BF your itinerary when you travel? I always show my H so he knows that I really am in back-to-back meetings for 12 hours at conferences and so that he also knows where I'm supposed to be at any given time in case something happens while I'm gone. Hopefully the next time you travel, everything will go smoothly for you two.

beachyone15 · March 2016

@eilis1228 - I hope you don't end up having to lose good people! They can be hard to find for sure.
@swazzle and @minskat30 - Good news for both of you! NEY needs you both to be healthy!

@wink0erin - It sounds like it was just a miscommunication. Now that you've both had a chance to discuss it, going forward I think you'll be able to judge if there are any red flags. But it sounds like he just misses you.

minskat30 · March 2016

@swazzle - Great news!

@jenna8984 - I've settled on Anika.

Of course, I'm only sharing the name here and with my mom/H's mom.

@wink0erin - I actually check in with H about twice a day when I'm out of town. I think when someone is out of town you miss them more...or at least that is our experience. When I'm in conferences all day followed by cocktails/dinner I make a point to take 15 minutes after the conference but before the cocktails to call...I need the break anyway since I'm sick of schmoozing at that point. I hear you on the ex situation though. Every time I was out of town for work with the ex he would call often and it wasn't really a "I miss you" call it was more of a "checking in on you and who you are with" call...which I hated. Sounds like the two of you can find a good balance....just keep communication open and try not to drag the baggage with the ex into your relationship with BF to the extent you can (I know it can be tough).

MissKittyDanger · March 2016

@wink0erin I agree with everyone else, and it's not difficult to see where you also come from with previous relationship issues - especially because of previous red flags.
Although as everyone else said, it's good you're talking about it and not bottling it up. Maybe before your next trip he should look at new phones? At least this way it can avoid technical issues!

wink0erin · March 2016

@eilis1228Before the trip I told him what days/hours I would be at the exhibit booth, what evenings had plans set in stone and when I would be at Disney, and as new plans happened I told him via text. I really thought I covered all my bases. Maybe that's why I feel bugged about it. I checked in as much as I really could for this particular trip.

My other thought was maybe we rely on texting too much and should tone it down, that way when there is a time period without response no one gets aggravated. Like back in the good ol' days when we had to wait by the phone or meet in person, lol!

eilis1228 · March 2016

@wink0erin Hmmmm then I definitely understand your irritation. It does sound like you checked in quite a bit and showed him how busy you were. As others have said, it probably just boils down to him missing you and his phone acting up. Before you travel next time, maybe sit down and talk with him about communication expectations and try to establish a time each day to check in with each other? And I guess make sure you remember to text him, "Hope you're having a great day!" or something like that. I still don't think this is a red flag, just a mix of miscommunication and technology issues. As you travel more, you guys will fall into a communication rhythm that works for both of you.

MissKittyDanger · March 2016

Random update: Matt has a skype interview with the recruiter and his coworker is also up for a job at the same location, he did the interview and feels like Matt could end up with the job.
He's pretty nervous, but who enjoys interviews? Lol! I'll keep you ladies posted but we're pretty excited at the possibility!

wink0erin · March 2016

I have to say, I love you guys. I feel better getting that off my chest.

I actually went back and reviewed my out-of-town texts with BF to see if maybe I missed something communication-wise, and I didn't. I texted multiple times a day with updates, asked how he was doing several different times, we discussed some current events, and I responded to anything he said within a few hours. I don't want to hassle him or say "I went back and read our conversations," (because that screams pettiness) but maybe before my next trip I can lay out expectations and plan for phone calls. It does make me a bit more confused about why he was so upset though.

@MisskittyDanger Vibes for the interview!!! I hope he gets it!

speakeasy14 · March 2016

@wink0erin hahaha we definitely rely on texting as a form of communication and expect instant responses. If my bf or I don't text for a few hours, usually one of us will send a "are you alive" text. It's kinda sad that this is normal communication now.

wink0erin · March 2016

@speakeasy14 I think I identified when he probably first got annoyed, when I was at Disney I hardly texted... because I was at Disney. Other than that It was pretty normal conversation each day. Not as frequent as usual since I was busy, but it was on par with a typical busy day.

I like texting for convenience, but it is seriously one of the worst forms of communication!

labro · March 2016

Attention attention - THIS was my dessert at lunch.

An amaretto cream shooter with almond cake, whipped cream, and a little toasted caramel wedge. There was also a little eye dropper filled with amaretto to infuse the almond cake with before consuming.

beachyone15 · March 2016

@labro - GIMME!
I have been cutting out sugar (as much as possible) for the last 2 weeks and it SUCKS.

minskat30 · March 2016

@labro

Image: https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2015-01/15/19/enhanced/webdr06/anigif_enhanced-buzz-22467-1421368483-26.gif

Swazzle · March 2016

@labro -

wink0erin · March 2016

@labro

jenna8984 · March 2016

speakeasy14 said:

@wink0erin hahaha we definitely rely on texting as a form of communication and expect instant responses. If my bf or I don't text for a few hours, usually one of us will send a "are you alive" text. It's kinda sad that this is normal communication now.

@speakeasy14 Same here! When one of us gets stuck in a meeting or something and doesn't respond for 3 hours, we write saying why "sorry- boss called emergency meeting!". Each of us are just so used to the other being there immediately that we feel the need to explain when we're not (even though the other person doesn't care and went on with their day lol).

I'm not gunna lie, there are nights when I want to watch my shows and he wants to watch his game so we are in separate rooms and we text each other things. Funny things, I love you's, game almost over? I guess this would be bizarre for a lot of people but it works for us and I don't find that we lack any intimacy (since we also have plenty of together talking time).

audrewuh · March 2016

@wink0erin My job has me traveling 4 out of the 8 weeks in June/July along with several trips throughout the school year. It took us almost four years to get into a routine both of us were comfortable with when it came to communicating while I was traveling. It sounds like you're a lot less stubborn than me and BF is a lot more forthcoming with his feelings than my H, so I think you guys will be just fine.

I agree with you that these feelings are coming from baggage with your ex. BF handled the whole thing well, telling you what it was that upset him and allowing the two of you space to talk it out. Don't beat yourself up about it. Neither one of you did anything wrong and now you get to experiment and figure out what works for the both of you.

@eilis1228 Maybe I'm a really horrible wife, but I rarely give H details like that. I usually give him a run down of the kinds of stuff I'll be doing and who I'll be doing it with. By now, he knows if I'm going to XYZ conference with ABC people, he'll be good to get a few texts in with me each day. And he's learned he doesn't want me calling him on mission trips or camps because that means something is horrible wrong and I'm ready to send a kid home or punch an adult in the face.

Even this past work trip, I was gone 36 hours and, for the first time ever, I had the hotel room to myself. I think we exchanged 5 texts (one to say I was back safely from mexico) and I remembered to call him and say goodnight as I was falling asleep.

eilis1228 · March 2016

@audrewuh Why would that make you a really horrible wife? Every couple communicates differently. Different strokes for different folks.

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