Thanks

Knottie2373582 · March 2016

Thanks for the feedback. I have my answer.

crowsgirl15 · March 2016

A fiancee, husband/wife, OR boyfriend/girlfriend is not a "plus one". Anyone in a relationship, regardless of how well you know their partner, should be invited WITH their partner, and both of them should be named on the invitation. It would be disrespectful of any relationship to not invite both sides of a social unit/couple.

Truly single guests are the only ones who are extended plus ones, and you are under no obligation to include a plus one for any guest.

However, it would be very rude to not invite the husband/wife, fiancee, or boyfriend/girlfriend of every guest. If you aren't able to do that, you should pare down the guest list.

Greenjinjo · March 2016

You might need to reconsider meal options/time of day of your wedding if you haven't budgeted for including friends significant others. You have said that you want to be respectful of their relationships and by not inviting couples (length of relationship does not matter nor does whether they live together or not) you are being very rude.

Keep in mind that whoever received a save the date must also receive an invitation.

JediElizabeth · March 2016

Knottie2373582 said:

I'm running into an issue with a group of my college friends who are now all asking to bring plus ones.
On our save the dates, we wrote a little blurb requesting people to contact us if they were interested in bringing a plus one, because we wanted to share our day with our closest family and friends.
One roommate from college asked if she could bring her fiancé I have never met. I said yes, since they are engaged.
However, that seems to have opened the floodgates to 3 other friends from that friend group asking if they can bring their boyfriends. Two live with their boyfriends, one just started dating a few months ago. However, my fiancé and I have never met any of them. The girl who's had the boyfriend the shortest is also a bridesmaid.
What do I do here? We are trying to keep our wedding under 150 guests, and have already had to make hard decisions of not inviting certain extended family members and friends from work/growing up. My other friends and fiancé's friends have not objected to not having plus-ones.
It's a money issue (each guest ends up being more than $100 for catering), but also, we sincerely want to spend the day with our closest friends and family, and don't want to be meeting anyone for the first time on our wedding day. I want my friends to have a fun time, and I want to be respectful of their relationships, but I also think that I wouldn't mind going to a wedding solo if all of my college best friends would also be there. It's not like they won't know anyone.
My bridesmaid then asked if she could pay for her boyfriend to come, which I was a bit taken aback by. I can't decide if I should be flattered or offended by that!
So far, the planning process has been pretty chill, and I really want to keep it that way. I'm just feel stuck in this situation.
Thoughts?

JIC

STARMOON44 · March 2016

Omg major eyeroll

1- people's significant others are not plus ones, they must be imvited

2- you literally TOLD THEM to ask about plus ones. Why are you now confused they did.

Viczaesar · March 2016

Knottie2373582 said:

I'm running into an issue with a group of my college friends who are now all asking to bring plus ones.
On our save the dates, we wrote a little blurb requesting people to contact us if they were interested in bringing a plus one, because we wanted to share our day with our closest family and friends.
One roommate from college asked if she could bring her fiancé I have never met. I said yes, since they are engaged.
However, that seems to have opened the floodgates to 3 other friends from that friend group asking if they can bring their boyfriends. Two live with their boyfriends, one just started dating a few months ago. However, my fiancé and I have never met any of them. The girl who's had the boyfriend the shortest is also a bridesmaid.
What do I do here? We are trying to keep our wedding under 150 guests, and have already had to make hard decisions of not inviting certain extended family members and friends from work/growing up. My other friends and fiancé's friends have not objected to not having plus-ones.
It's a money issue (each guest ends up being more than $100 for catering), but also, we sincerely want to spend the day with our closest friends and family, and don't want to be meeting anyone for the first time on our wedding day. I want my friends to have a fun time, and I want to be respectful of their relationships, but I also think that I wouldn't mind going to a wedding solo if all of my college best friends would also be there. It's not like they won't know anyone.
My bridesmaid then asked if she could pay for her boyfriend to come, which I was a bit taken aback by. I can't decide if I should be flattered or offended by that!
So far, the planning process has been pretty chill, and I really want to keep it that way. I'm just feel stuck in this situation.
Thoughts?

You're misusing the term "plus one." A Plus One is an unnamed "and guest"; you're inviting a single person to bring a person of their choice. True Plus Ones are never required; if somebody is truly single, i.e. does not consider anyone a significant other, you are free to invite them by themselves.

But what you're talking about above is not a Plus One. You're talking about significant others, and the rule is that you need to invite any and all SOs. You were wrong to do the bolded. It is your responsibility as the host to determine the name of any SOs of your guests and invite them by name. It is incredibly inappropriate and rude to a) put the onus on them to make sure that you invite their SO, and b) invite anybody at all without their SO. Either invite both or neither. Now that you've sent STDs you are obligated to invite both the recipient of the STD and their partner, regardless of how long they've been together, regardless of if you've met that person before. Figure out how many people that is (those who received STDs and their SOs). Then add some wiggle room for anybody who is currently single but starts a relationship between now and when you send your invitations (which shouldn't be sent more than 8 weeks before the wedding), because if they have a SO when your invitations go out you have to invite the SO, even if they didn't have one when you sent the STDs. That's your minimum number of guests. You can add more if you want, but you can't reduce that number.

MobKaz · March 2016

Knottie2373582 said:

I'm running into an issue with a group of my college friends who are now all asking to bring plus ones.
On our save the dates, we wrote a little blurb requesting people to contact us if they were interested in bringing a plus one, because we wanted to share our day with our closest family and friends.
One roommate from college asked if she could bring her fiancé I have never met. I said yes, since they are engaged.
However, that seems to have opened the floodgates to 3 other friends from that friend group asking if they can bring their boyfriends. Two live with their boyfriends, one just started dating a few months ago. However, my fiancé and I have never met any of them. The girl who's had the boyfriend the shortest is also a bridesmaid.
What do I do here? We are trying to keep our wedding under 150 guests, and have already had to make hard decisions of not inviting certain extended family members and friends from work/growing up. My other friends and fiancé's friends have not objected to not having plus-ones.
It's a money issue (each guest ends up being more than $100 for catering), but also, we sincerely want to spend the day with our closest friends and family, and don't want to be meeting anyone for the first time on our wedding day. I want my friends to have a fun time, and I want to be respectful of their relationships, but I also think that I wouldn't mind going to a wedding solo if all of my college best friends would also be there. It's not like they won't know anyone.
My bridesmaid then asked if she could pay for her boyfriend to come, which I was a bit taken aback by. I can't decide if I should be flattered or offended by that!
So far, the planning process has been pretty chill, and I really want to keep it that way. I'm just feel stuck in this situation.
Thoughts?

YOU opened the floodgates with your offensiveness regarding SO's. Guests should not be placed in a position of asking whether their SO's can attend because it is only proper and right for them to be included and invited. You "say" you THINK you wouldn't mind going to a wedding solo but unless/until you have been placed in that position, you don't really know how much it can sting and offend.

The only way to keep your wedding planning process "chill" is by being a good and proper host. Guests with SO's must be invited as a couple.

crowsgirl15 · March 2016

That might have been the fastest DD I've seen...

CMGragain · March 2016

OP, deleting your original post is very rude. It is also pointless, since you were quoted.

glasgowtolondon · March 2016

Well done, OP! A wedding of 150 where no one has a partner except you, what a class act. I promise you none of your friends will be talking about you and this will not taint your relationships with them in the long run. /sarcasm

ILoveBeachMusic · March 2016

STARMOON44 said:

Omg major eyeroll

1- people's significant others are not plus ones, they must be imvited

2- you literally TOLD THEM to ask about plus ones. Why are you now confused they did.

My eyes were rolling too as I thought "Not again!!"

downtondiva · March 2016

You don't want to have to meet anyone new on your wedding day?

That might be the absolute stupidest thing I've ever heard.

MobKaz · March 2016

Knottie2373582 said:

Thanks for the feedback. I have my answer.

The question, @Knottie2373582, remains. Will you respect the answer, and your guests, and include all SO's on your guest list?

monkeysip · March 2016

downtondiva said:

You don't want to have to meet anyone new on your wedding day?

That might be the absolute stupidest thing I've ever heard.

This drives me crazy. It's not like we're saying to invite random strangers to your wedding. They're NOT a stranger--they're your friend/family member's significant other. That should make them at least a little significant to you. You should WANT to meet them!

InLoveInQueens · March 2016

monkeysip said:

downtondiva said:

You don't want to have to meet anyone new on your wedding day?

That might be the absolute stupidest thing I've ever heard.

This drives me crazy. It's not like we're saying to invite random strangers to your wedding. They're NOT a stranger--they're your friend/family member's significant other. That should make them at least a little significant to you. You should WANT to meet them!

It's such a bullshit excuse too, what if your spouse has a distant aunt they love but that lives so far away, you've never met them but want to invite them? I really hate when people say "I don't want to have to meet anyone for the first time on my wedding day" because it makes no sense. It's not like you're inviting random people off the street, you're invite your closest friends and family and people that are significant to them.

I feel like we have to explain like twice a week that a plus one is for truly single people and someone's SO isn't a plus one and they should be invited by name no matter if you've met them or not.

If you won't respect their relationship how can you expect them to want to celebrate yours? This is a good way to show your friends and family just how little you care about them and just how much you care about yourself.

charlotte989875 · March 2016

InLoveInQueens said:

monkeysip said:

downtondiva said:

You don't want to have to meet anyone new on your wedding day?

That might be the absolute stupidest thing I've ever heard.

This drives me crazy. It's not like we're saying to invite random strangers to your wedding. They're NOT a stranger--they're your friend/family member's significant other. That should make them at least a little significant to you. You should WANT to meet them!

It's such a bullshit excuse too, what if your spouse has a distant aunt they love but that lives so far away, you've never met them but want to invite them? I really hate when people say "I don't want to have to meet anyone for the first time on my wedding day" because it makes no sense. It's not like you're inviting random people off the street, you're invite your closest friends and family and people that are significant to them.

I feel like we have to explain like twice a week that a plus one is for truly single people and someone's SO isn't a plus one and they should be invited by name no matter if you've met them or not.

If you won't respect their relationship how can you expect them to want to celebrate yours? This is a good way to show your friends and family just how little you care about them and just how much you care about yourself.

I feel like I say this on every post about this, but yes I met a lot of people on my wedding day. We got married in the city H and I went to grad school, where my family and his brother and SIL live. i had met his close family, but I met a lot of aunts, uncles, spouses that day. It was great! Again it's not like these are strangers, their your friends' partners, respect them like you would want you FI respected.

ernursej · March 2016

This really rubs me the wrong way. I went to a wedding where FI wasn't invited because we hadn't been going out for a year (time set out by B+G). All my friends got to have their SOs at the party. Looking back, I'm the only one still with my partner ... the rest moved on and are with different people. Time is not an indicator of seriousness of relationships. Invite all SOs. Leave wiggle room for truly single guests to enter into a relationship.

SP29 · March 2016

@Knottie2373582 You should really browse the various posts on this same subject. You will see lots of examples of people be offended by not being invited with their SO, as well as examples of how the reasons you gave for not inviting SOs do not hold.

As for your BM asked to pay for her SO- you should feel embarrassed that one of your guests feels the need to subsidize your party in order to have her SO invited.

As for all your friends asking to bring their SOs- the reason they are asking is because you made a large omission in not inviting their SOs in the first place, and they are asking because they are confused about your STD wording.

150 people is a pretty good sized wedding- considering you've left out a bunch of SOs, it's actually much higher. Unless you and your FI have GIANT immediate families, you need to look at your must have guest list and really re-consider inviting extended family, co-workers, and old friends. It is not that you cannot invite these people, but you need properly host the guests you do have before inviting more. Of course, if you have sent STDs to everyone already (which is why it is recommended only to send STDs to VIPs), then you MUST invite them. Your other option is to change the style of your reception to something more casual at a non-meal time so you can properly host a larger guest list.

And now for story time. DH moved away for university (before we were married). He made a great group of friends- I met hardly any of his friends while he was in school. After university, two of his friends got married and they correctly invited me by name on DH's invitation for their wedding. Their wedding day was the first day I met the bride and groom. We are now all great friends. DH and I have since moved, but we are planning a trip back to where our friends live and look forward to welcoming this couple's first child.

To say you are not interested in inviting a friend or family member's SO because you have never met them is very near sighted.

AddieCake · March 2016

I didn't even meet my own MIL, BIL & SIL until the rehearsal dinner. Get over the "strangers," people!

kimmiinthemitten · March 2016

But guys....now they're spending money not only on strangers but strangers getting drunk on their open bar tab. There's nothing speshul snowflakes hate more!

Image: https://media.giphy.com/media/l41m0353tjwne1Lwc/giphy.gif

glasgowtolondon · March 2016

kimmiinthemitten said:

But guys....now they're spending money not only on strangers but strangers getting drunk on their open bar tab. There's nothing speshul snowflakes hate more!

You know as well as I do that Speshul Snowflakes shouldn't have to pay for ANYONE to get drunk on their dime, Kimmi. These 150 guests flying solo are probably being treated to ice water and black coffee because Uncle Jack once knew an alcoholic.

kimmiinthemitten · March 2016

glasgowtolondon said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

But guys....now they're spending money not only on strangers but strangers getting drunk on their open bar tab. There's nothing speshul snowflakes hate more!

You know as well as I do that Speshul Snowflakes shouldn't have to pay for ANYONE to get drunk on their dime, Kimmi. These 150 guests flying solo are probably being treated to ice water and black coffee because Uncle Jack once knew an alcoholic.

<sarcasmfont> I'm not serving truly singles from the open bar because I don't trust their judgment. Clearly, they are incapable of finding a soulmate, so how can I trust them on the most important day of my life? They will be allotted one bottle of Cooks Brut per table to share for the toast. </sarcasmfont>

glasgowtolondon · March 2016

kimmiinthemitten said:

glasgowtolondon said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

But guys....now they're spending money not only on strangers but strangers getting drunk on their open bar tab. There's nothing speshul snowflakes hate more!

You know as well as I do that Speshul Snowflakes shouldn't have to pay for ANYONE to get drunk on their dime, Kimmi. These 150 guests flying solo are probably being treated to ice water and black coffee because Uncle Jack once knew an alcoholic.

<sarcasmfont> I'm not serving truly singles from the open bar because I don't trust their judgment. Clearly, they are incapable of finding a soulmate, so how can I trust them on the most important day of my life? They will be allotted one bottle of Cooks Brut per table to share for the toast. </sarcasmfont>

One bottle is all it takes. Best not invite them at all.

RomanceManaged · March 2016

I really don't understand that sort of mentality. Be happy other people want to share your happiness. Simple.

For instance, I have a really good friend I've known almost ten years. He's a serial dater, and I've had to have his envelope done three times in the last 4 months, since he's been in different relationships. It fucking sucks, but if he's considering himself to be in a relationship then I want to respect that. Invites go out in a month, and I'm hoping there isn't another change because I'm lazy and running out of envelopes.

lembaslover · March 2016

I really don't get how anyone can talk about 150 people being their closest family and friends. Maybe I'm just antisocial or it's that DH and I have small families...

But anyways for lurkers the amount of time you get to spend with guests at your wedding is astoundingly small and this is coming from someone who had 40 guests. We made table visits and talked to everyone and tried to dance with anyone we could and still it felt like such a short time with each person. I doubt you'll really notice these people's SOs or plus ones that you haven't met and you don't really need to say too much to them besides an 'it's so nice to meet you glad you came' as I doubt they are expecting to have a full on conversation with you if they know it's a large wedding.

Thanks

Re: Thanks

Choose Another Board

Search Boards