Wedding Etiquette Forum

2 Ceremony Invite lists

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Re: 2 Ceremony Invite lists

  • This is my ignorance on a Hindu ceremony, but can you have a Hindu ceremony at your current traditional ceremony/reception venue or MUST it be in a temple?  If you can have both ceremonies at the same location, do everything for everyone all in one day.
    My FI says the venue has to be equipped to handle parts of the ceremony, like a fire pit. Since our wedding venue doesn't even allow candles, I'm pretty sure a firepit isn't gonna fly :)
  • mollybarker11mollybarker11 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited March 2016
    Add0707 said:
     Invite everyone.  It's more chairs, there's nothing else involved.  I don't see how inviting extra people costs your future in laws anything at all.  Previous posters have listed a myriad of reasons why NOT inviting people might be a bad idea.  What's the downside to inviting everyone?  Really, what's the problem here?
    I'm under the impression 2 ceremonies = 2 receptions. I thought it would be rude to invite people to an event on the middle of  a Thursday afternoon then be like, "Check ya later, we'll all celebrate tomorrow night." But maybe that's been my incorrect assumption all along. 
    If I'm read your OP correctly, your rehearsal dinner is doubling as the reception for the Hindu ceremony right? You're right that you can't just invite people to that event and not thank them for coming by hosting a reception after so the more guests you invite to the Thursday event the more guests you must invite to the rehearsal dinner / reception.


    The way I see it you have three options:

    Option 1: invite 1/3 of your guestlist to all parts of the wedding and exclude 2/3 from the Hindu ceremony
    pros - intimate Hindu ceremony
    cons - offending the majority of your guests

    Option 2: invite only immediate family (both sides) to the Hindu ceremony
    pros - truly intimate Hindu ceremony
    cons - his friends aren't there
    If you've already invited others this option is not available. Verbal invitations count.

    Option 3: invite everyone to all parts of the wedding
    pros - no one hates you!!!
    cons - the Hindu ceremony may not be as intimate, but the fact that it's mid-afternoon on a weekday AND an event that won't have significance to a lot of your side means you will likely get a tonne of declines, so this isn't really a factor; the Thursday reception / rehearsal dinner would be more costly*
    *I strongly suggest you move the Hindu ceremony to Friday afternoon. You will save a tonne of money by being able to scale back the rehearsal dinner! Having to spend some extra time in traffic is NOTHING compared to the other cons.

    It seems so incredibly obvious that having the Hindu ceremony Friday afternoon is the simplest plan and would solve all your problems, like it's not even a question to me. Ask for more advice if you need it to go that route, there are some logistical wizards (witches?) around here!
  • A friend of mine is Catholic and her husband Hindu. They invited everyone to both ceremonies because even though one was her religion and one was his religion/culture they were both still their ceremonies. Their friends and families wanted to be there for both ceremonies because they reflected them as a couple.  Her friends and family still wanted to see "his" ceremony because they cared for him as well. 

    Either find a way to host everyone for both ceremonies or have the Hindu ceremony be private (no extra friend/ wedding party/ extended family) and invite everyone to the other ceremony. 
    If I could "love" that a million times, I would.
  • It is a really, really good idea to have both ceremonies on Friday.  Invite everyone to the entire event: Hindu and "western" ceremonies.  That way you aren’t rude to anyone, you don’t have a tiered event, nobody gets excluded, nobody feels hurt, and it all works out.

     After you have sent your printed invites, let people know by word of mouth that they are welcome to join you for the Hindu ceremony but it is also perfectly fine to just show up for the evening event.  Since this is a week day and the temple is geographically distant, I would think the majority of your guests are likely to skip the first round for logistical reasons.  You get your more intimate ceremony, and yet the people who really want to make the effort to be there can be.  Problem solved with no etiquette breaches and no hurt feelings.




  • I've been to a Hindu ceremony. It was almost 6 hrs. People wandered in and out and left to eat or nap. What my friend did was a Western style wedding first (she wore a white sari and he a suit), because it's way shorter, then the Hindu ceremony (in traditional Hindu wedding clothes) then an amazing reception with everyone. Not all her Hindu family came to the Western wedding and not all the Western people came to the Hindu ceremony, but everyone was invited to both ceremonies and the reception. You may be exhausted on the day of your Western ceremony if you have it over two days.
  • I've been to a Hindu ceremony. It was almost 6 hrs. People wandered in and out and left to eat or nap. What my friend did was a Western style wedding first (she wore a white sari and he a suit), because it's way shorter, then the Hindu ceremony (in traditional Hindu wedding clothes) then an amazing reception with everyone. Not all her Hindu family came to the Western wedding and not all the Western people came to the Hindu ceremony, but everyone was invited to both ceremonies and the reception. You may be exhausted on the day of your Western ceremony if you have it over two days.
    Brilliant idea, simply stated. 
  • I've been to a Hindu ceremony. It was almost 6 hrs. People wandered in and out and left to eat or nap. What my friend did was a Western style wedding first (she wore a white sari and he a suit), because it's way shorter, then the Hindu ceremony (in traditional Hindu wedding clothes) then an amazing reception with everyone. Not all her Hindu family came to the Western wedding and not all the Western people came to the Hindu ceremony, but everyone was invited to both ceremonies and the reception. You may be exhausted on the day of your Western ceremony if you have it over two days.
    Brilliant idea, simply stated. 
    To be honest, I'd do the reverse, especially if more people are expected for the Western ceremony. If I knew I didn't want to experience a 6 hour Hindu ceremony, I wouldn't want THE GAP between the ceremony I'm interested in and the reception. 
    I'd do whichever is supposed to be larger second, and in OP's case that sounds like the Western one is second. 
    ________________________________


  • Okay so I don't know where you are from, but I've seen combo weddings where there are Hindu elements with the big wedding. It usually takes place at a large Indian banquet hall the bride wears either a lengha or sari as do her maids (if she's incorporating them). The flower necklaces and rose petals are there as is the mehndi. The only thing not usually done is the white pony.

    So what I'm not understanding is why you have to have 2 ceremonies, just do one and incorporate the elements.

    As well, most of the weddings I've been to have been mixed events. The food is the best and it's always entertaining!
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