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Transferable invite?

bizzy592bizzy592 member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
We're working with a very strict cap from our venue, and made the decision not to invite all first cousins. I've got a million of them, and most aren't close. 

An aunt reached out to me, saying that her daughter really wants to attend the wedding, and her husband doesn't care to - so can her husbands invite be transferred to her daughter?

I told her that's fine, and she's confirmed that that's the plan.

So, two questions:

1. We're about to send out invites. Do I address it to husband and wife, or mother and daughter?
2. Is this a scenario in which b-listing is ok? As in - if we get a few cancellations, do I let her know we can accommodate both?

How do you all feel about transferring invites?

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Re: Transferable invite?

  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I would just invite aunt and cousin- she requested it and you're okay with it so I don't see a problem. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Since she's making this request before the invitations have gone out, I think you're fine.

    If she made the request after the invitations went out, it would be up to you if you wanted to grant it, but in general it's not appropriate to ask for a transfer of an invitation that's already gone out.
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  • scrunchythiefscrunchythief member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    This may vary based on your family dynamics, but inviting both your cousin and her dad, who she was supposedly replacing, might be a bad idea.  I could see that potentially causing hurt feelings in the other cousins you didn't invite.  
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  • thefanciestbecklerthefanciestbeckler member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I don't see a problem with it in this case. She specifically requested it, so it isn't really even b-listing in my opinion.

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  • bizzy592bizzy592 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Ugh, update. This is exhausting.

    She just called back to see if, instead of transferring it to that daughter (Daughter 1, who I'm not close to, but is nice enough) she could transfer to her other daughter (Daughter 2), who has battled drug abuse for years and has a litany of charges. Incidentally, daughter 2 asked me publicly on social media some months ago if she could come to the wedding, at which point I told her we weren't able to accommodate her. I'm unwilling to give her access to my life, knowing that if she doesn't stay clean, FI and I would be ideal targets for her.

    I was very direct with my aunt, that I'm not comfortable with her daughter 2 attending.

    So, definitely not letting my aunt know now if we can accommodate any additional guests, not risking it.

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  • kvrunskvruns member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    I have a strange feeling Daughter 2 might still be showing up since you already told her (I think) it was transferable, she will conveniently forget the follow up where you said you didn't want #2 there. I think that is where it gets dicey, it is ok to be transferrable for DD1 but not for DD2
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  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    My venue took me into the office, we counted my cards, wrote the number down and locked them in the safe. You might consider doing that in case your cousin shows up any way...not to be a worry wart, but she doubts oddly motivated too attend. GL!
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Since aunt called back and asked about Daughter 2, I would specifically put Aunt and Daughter 1 on the invitation, instead of Aunt & Uncle. I would also take the extra step and fill out the names on the RSVP cards.  That way it clearly states that Daughter 2 is not invited, without you having to say it again.  It does sounds like Aunt is trying to get Daughter 2 invited. 
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  • hyechica81hyechica81 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    I feel like even if you do this she will show up with #2 day of wedding. make sure venue is aware of that ahead of time and if she does show up they will instruct #2 to leave as she was not on the list and they cannot accommodate her 
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