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Wedding 911

Procrastinating Officiant or plain bailing?

Not sure what to do or if I'm truly worried over nothing. I tend to get anxious but I don't want to be complacently optimistic.

We're not religious so we wanted an officiant that is inline with what want. On the phone, the officiant we decided to go with seemed perfect. 

So our rehearsal dinner is coming up May 9th. Yes, it's Monday. We got a deal and everyone was onboard with it. Anyways, I still don't have a draft of the ceremony. With a template, I basically wrote the ceremony. We absolutely love it.

Being so close to the date, I'm getting nervous. A month ago, he told me two weeks. Three weeks ago, he apologized, citing computer issues and said he'd have it in two days. Still nothing...

Today I email him, his inbox is full. I'm grateful the deposit was only $100, but at this point, I don't want to have to find somebody else. 

By the way, the rehearsal is May 9th and the wedding is May 21st. What's everyone's thoughts? Find someone new now or calm down and give it more time?

Re: Procrastinating Officiant or plain bailing?

  • Curious as to why your rehearsal is so far out from your wedding day? The point is to rehearse the ceremony and that far out people likely won't remember what they're doing or you'll make some changes. I'd either forgo a rehearsal or have it closer to the wedding. 

    Have you you called the officiant directly? Seems like he has computer issues, but call him directly during business hours, leave a detailed message that you need to hear back by X date or you'll assume he is no longer interested in performing the ceremony. 
    OurWildKingdomOliveOilsMomwink0erin
  • Part of my wedding party is flying/driving in and I'm not doing the rehearsal the night before. Too stressful. My fiancee and I already have four kids between us and work full time so cramming everything into a couple days can't happen.

    We just want everyone to be a little familiar with what we're doing. 
  • I'm also curious if you're expecting your out-of-town bridal party members to fly/drive in for the rehearsal. If so, that may be less stressful for you, but it will be WAY more stressful for anyone who has to travel. I agree with PP - I would politely decline to attend a rehearsal two weeks ahead of time, on a Monday, if I didn't live in the area.

    I highly suggest rethinking the rehearsal timeline. Is there any chance to do it TWO nights before the wedding? My wedding was on a Saturday, and because our venue does Friday weddings, we had to do the rehearsal on a Thursday. Only two members of the bridal party were not planning to be in town by then, which was no big deal. Having it two days before was convenient for everyone, and it gave us another day and night before our wedding to relax.

    If the issue is with your venue, you can have your rehearsal somewhere else. Or not at all - most adults know how to walk in a straight line, and you can easily email them the details (like walking order, where they will stand, etc.). If having the rehearsal a night or two before the wedding is too stressful for you, I recommend canceling it altogether - easily the least stressful option!

    As for your officiant: I would call them ASAP. If you get an answering machine, I agree with @charlotte989875 that you should let them know you expect to hear back by X date, or you will be expecting your deposit back. Then, you can see if you can find a friend or family member or someone else who is willing to get ordained online through the Universal Life Church, and then they can officiate. The application process is easy, it's inexpensive, and it does not take very long.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • You certainly need to get in contact with him, but don't panic over a rehearsal. My officiant (found online) didn't come to it and it was fine. I had emailed her the ceremony, asked if she had questions, then she showed up at the wedding. She did however have good communication throughout (I emailed her about a month before to just double check her confirmation).


    Rather than having an early rehearsal, I would just not have one at all. Most people have been to a wedding, and know the drill. Having your children involved may be different, but you could just do a practice with them privately. 
    OurWildKingdom
  • Call the guy! My officiant didn't even come to the rehearsal, there really was no need she just came a little early to know where to go and that was it 
  • OP- you don't happen to be on Long Island, are you? Our officiant did the same thing, and when we finally got the "personalized ceremony" text, it was the worst cut and paste job I have ever seen. We fired him 10
    days before the wedding. If you are on LI, then I have a great officiant to replace him!
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