Malapropisms - my personal hell

anidorikiladra · May 2016

I have a coworker who tacks on "a minute" to sentences about things she is doing. So she will say "going to the back a minute". I desperately want to emphasize to her that she is missing a word in there. It's "FOR a minute". Without that word, your sentence makes no sense! Sadly, the example I gave is the most coherent way she uses it.

banana468 · May 2016

And I LOATHE the dropped infinitive.

If your floor is dirty it needs to be mopped. Do not say,"The floor needs mopped."

madamerwin · May 2016

lovesclimbing said:

H says "acrost" instead of across. As in "The table was six feet acrost." It really annoys me.

My H does that too! But only sometimes, and the one time I pointed it out he claimed he didn't say "acrost," even though he totally did. But it must be a family thing, because MIL says it all the time.

drunkenwitch said:
Also "I could care less". That means you still care. If you COULDN'T care less, you're done caring.

Yes! Why would anyone think "I could care less" would make any sense? Unless you are literally saying you care a little bit.

OurWildKingdom · May 2016

I have a coworker who adds "or whatever" to every other sentence. A middle-aged man should not sound like a teenager. Grr.

[Deleted User] · May 2016

You guys have already called out most of mine. But the other day a co-worker was telling me a story that I have to share. She had some people over to her place after a night out. Someone fell over and broke a corner off a glass end table. She was "just living. Absolutely living!" She kicked everyone out of her house, cleaned up, and went to bed. Sigh. How do you correct that without sounding like a douche?

kimmiinthemitten · May 2016

adk19 said:

You guys have already called out most of mine. But the other day a co-worker was telling me a story that I have to share. She had some people over to her place after a night out. Someone fell over and broke a corner off a glass end table. She was "just living. Absolutely living!" She kicked everyone out of her house, cleaned up, and went to bed. Sigh. How do you correct that without sounding like a douche?

I mean, she didn't die, so at least she wasn't lying.

Image: http://cuddlebuggery.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/rashida-jones-the-office-shrug-gif.gif

MairePoppy · May 2016

Not exactly a malapropism, but my friend's coworker would use an old saying whenever she goofed - 'I just pulled a boner.' Doesn't quite mean the same thing now as it did 50 years ago.

Tyvm · May 2016

@drunkenwitch have you seen Word Crimes by Weird Al? So good. I must admit I also learnt something watching it for the first time.

@Greenjinjo Every time I think of Word Crimes, I think of its potential to be abused. It is a parody, it is not an instructional tool (as an instructional tool it's: (1) poorly designed, and (2) ableist and classist - i.e., you're a "moron", "dumb mouth-breather", raised in a sewer, "a lost cause", etc. if you don't speak perfect English). It's particularly frustrating when randos refer to it as "like Schoolhouse Rock" because it really isn't. People who "don't know how to conjugate" or what a preposition is, aren't going to know by the end of that song. So, yeah. I'm always suuuuuuper careful of any references I make to that song. The song by itself is a parody, the way people use it and the way children [and adults] of poor educational backgrounds are exposed to it, are what concerns me.

And in light of everything else in this thread, there's been some introductory research on how "grammar police" are "less agreeable" (correlational), on the Big Five Personality Index. I'm not the world's largest fan of the BFI (or any personality index), so take that with a grain of salt, lol. The article is here, if you're interested in poking around a bit of a survey experiment: http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0149885

jenna8984 · May 2016

Some of my favorites from facebook- "my new apartment has a huge walking closet!", "I seen that movie last weekend".

madamerwin · May 2016

Another one: When people use "whenever" instead of "when". As in, when somebody is talking about a specific event in the past, like a party last Saturday: "It was so fun whenever Jim and Suzie came to our BBQ!"

I admit that I watch the Duggar shows once in a while, and those kids ALWAYS do this. I mean, there are definitely times when you can use either, though it changes the meaning of a sentence, but I cannot stand when people use "whenever" to refer to a specific, singular event.

SaintPaulGal · May 2016

Errant apostrophes drive me up the wall. Like, this is an extra step you are taking that makes your writing worse. Just don't do it! My boss is a huge offender, and he writes press releases and such.

My partner used to have a friend who did the missing infinitive thing. "This car needs washed." It was just one of many objectionable traits of that awful man. Thankfully they are no longer friends.

"Could care less" is probably my #1 pet peeve. HOW DO YOU NOT REALIZE THAT YOU ARE SAYING THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU MEAN?!? If you could NOT care less, it indicates that your caring is already as low as it can go. But if you could care less, you must care at least a little bit.

Two from my partner: he says that things are poignant when he means they are very important/noteworthy. Like "A new VP of sales was appointed today. That's very poignant for the business." He also pronounces the word "gnarly" as guh-nard-lee. I used to think this was a jokey way of emphasizing it, the way you sometimes do a funny accent or something, but now I've heard him say it several times over the course of our relationship and he has always pronounced it that way. There is one more he does that I am wracking my brain to remember, but he uses a very similar sounding word instead of one word he means all. the. time. If I remember I will post later.

sparklepants41 · May 2016

Another: "heighth" instead of height. Arrrrghhhh.

glasgowtolondon · May 2016

Pacifically instead of specifically.

Greenjinjo · May 2016

@Tyvm oh definitely! I understand it is a parody and there are some word choices that are questionable (specifically the ones you pointed out).

Had a quick look at that link you posted, looks interesting. Will have to check it out after work I think! Too early in the morning, not enough coffee!

Just thought of something else - 10 items or less at the grocery store. It should be 10 items or FEWER!

madamerwin · May 2016

Greenjinjo said:

@Tyvm oh definitely! I understand it is a parody and there are some word choices that are questionable (specifically the ones you pointed out).

Had a quick look at that link you posted, looks interesting. Will have to check it out after work I think! Too early in the morning, not enough coffee!

Just thought of something else - 10 items or less at the grocery store. It should be 10 items or FEWER!

Less/fewer and amount/number really get me.

"The amount of people here is surprising." WRONG.
"There are less birds in this tree than there were yesterday." WRONG.

I was taught that if it is measurable in specific units, then you should use "fewer" or "number". I am not sure why that is so confusing to people.

There is less liquid in that bucket, and also fewer cups of liquid in that bucket.

Sherbie25 · May 2016

OliveOilsMom said:

glasgowtolondon said:

I have a colleague who constantly misuses common phrases. It drives me up the wall. I used to correct her, but its all the gd time and there comes a point when you either have to zip it or you look like a real dick.

Today she was on fire, and no one else at work seems to notice. A few of her absolute favourites are:

- For all intensive purposes
- It's a mute point
- Flagging a dead horse
- Lets centre check that spreadsheet

I know it's harmless, but all the same....it's my irrational irritation. Anyone else feel itchy when someone does this? Any good ones to add?

You should try to convince your co-worker that it's a Moo Point. Then you can at least get a giggle when she that. It's just Moo.

It's a cow's opinion! (Joey from Friends)

SP29 · May 2016

Ha ha! These get me too.

DH and I use "irregardless" and "all of the sudden" just for fun, between us

.

"Hence why" also gets me now. It is either "hence" or "why", as they essentially mean the same thing. I use to say "hence why" myself, and I annoyed DH, so he started correcting me.... now it's got me.

Sherbie25 · May 2016

sparklepants41 said:

Another: "heighth" instead of height. Arrrrghhhh.

My FFIL! Even after I showed him the dictionary. I promise I'm not that person, he drags it out of me!

glasgowtolondon · May 2016

SP29 said:

Ha ha! These get me too.

DH and I use "irregardless" and "all of the sudden" just for fun, between us .

"Hence why" also gets me now. It is either "hence" or "why", as they essentially mean the same thing. I use to say "hence why" myself, and I annoyed DH, so he started correcting me.... now it's got me.

We use irregardless for fun too!

I once heard an HMV employee use the word 'gestate' incorrectly. Now we use all the time in almost any context. We are just too hilarious in my house

drunkenwitch · May 2016

And like I like totally like hate like the people who like constantly misuse like the word like.

You sound like a fucking idiot. For the love of humanity, like stop like talking.

MrandMrsMCO · May 2016

My future MIL calls Walmart "WalmartSSS". It drives me crazy.

kvruns · May 2016

a guy just posted on fb "Thank you Trump for giving prompts to Hispanics in this country......" Guess it was in relation so some Cinco de Mayo thing Trump posted, idk, but really "prompts" not "props". He does things like that all the time, so it's more of he is an idiot and less of a typo issue. And he's a teacher.

Heffalump · May 2016

glasgowtolondon said:

SP29 said:

Ha ha! These get me too.

DH and I use "irregardless" and "all of the sudden" just for fun, between us .

"Hence why" also gets me now. It is either "hence" or "why", as they essentially mean the same thing. I use to say "hence why" myself, and I annoyed DH, so he started correcting me.... now it's got me.

We use irregardless for fun too!

I once heard an HMV employee use the word 'gestate' incorrectly. Now we use all the time in almost any context. We are just too hilarious in my house

Whenever DH and I (or my brother and I) hear something questionable, we'll exchange glances and without fail, one of us will say

httplovelace-mediaimgixnetuploads11909db3faf0-4dd6-0133-4c6b-0e3f8b958f63gif

madamerwin · May 2016

I know this is veering away from malapropisms and into the territory of plain stupidity, but I read a product review online this morning, and TWICE in it, the writer used "dint" in place of "didn't". I mean, they DO sound the same, but did you not go to elementary school? Do you not realize "didn't" is short for "did not"? Had she done it just once, I would forgive it as a typo, but twice shows me that you really think "dint" is a word.

ETA one of my favorite Buzzfeed lists of all time: https://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/too-dumb-to-function

MCmeow · May 2016

Is English her second language? Just wondering because it is for me. I learned English at five but you wouldn't be able to tell from my accent, so common phrases can be confusing. Im very guilty of these things haha. Could be my Queens accent too. I say fustrated, scuze-me, yuge, pixxa, etc. and I avoid phrases because I'm going to misuse them, so I sympathize with all the people mentioned here

SaintPaulGal · May 2016

madamerwin said:

I know this is veering away from malapropisms and into the territory of plain stupidity, but I read a product review online this morning, and TWICE in it, the writer used "dint" in place of "didn't". I mean, they DO sound the same, but did you not go to elementary school? Do you not realize "didn't" is short for "did not"? Had she done it just once, I would forgive it as a typo, but twice shows me that you really think "dint" is a word.

ETA one of my favorite Buzzfeed lists of all time: https://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/too-dumb-to-function

Well in his or her defense, "dint" IS a word. It certainly doesn't mean anything close to "didn't," though.

madamerwin · May 2016

SaintPaulGal said:

madamerwin said:

I know this is veering away from malapropisms and into the territory of plain stupidity, but I read a product review online this morning, and TWICE in it, the writer used "dint" in place of "didn't". I mean, they DO sound the same, but did you not go to elementary school? Do you not realize "didn't" is short for "did not"? Had she done it just once, I would forgive it as a typo, but twice shows me that you really think "dint" is a word.

ETA one of my favorite Buzzfeed lists of all time: https://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/too-dumb-to-function

Well in his or her defense, "dint" IS a word. It certainly doesn't mean anything close to "didn't."

Well yes, of course. But she did not mean a blow or strike, or a hollow impression in a surface. That would have drastically changed the meaning of her review.

Spell check would not pick up "dint" as a mistake, the same as how it does not pick up "allot" when my colleague uses it instead of "a lot." But, in my opinion, spell check not picking up an error is no excuse for poor grammar/spelling.

[Deleted User] · May 2016

My FSIL says "supposably" all the time and it drives me crazy! I have even made a point to say it correctly and clearly in front of her hoping she would catch on but nope. She also says "Ill give it a world".

madamerwin · May 2016

Sherbie25 said:

OliveOilsMom said:

glasgowtolondon said:

I have a colleague who constantly misuses common phrases. It drives me up the wall. I used to correct her, but its all the gd time and there comes a point when you either have to zip it or you look like a real dick.

Today she was on fire, and no one else at work seems to notice. A few of her absolute favourites are:

- For all intensive purposes
- It's a mute point
- Flagging a dead horse
- Lets centre check that spreadsheet

I know it's harmless, but all the same....it's my irrational irritation. Anyone else feel itchy when someone does this? Any good ones to add?

You should try to convince your co-worker that it's a Moo Point. Then you can at least get a giggle when she that. It's just Moo.

It's a cow's opinion! (Joey from Friends)

Image: https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2016-04/27/10/enhanced/webdr05/enhanced-14286-1461768299-1.jpg

sarals24 · May 2016

I dated a guy who would always say "Let's get together sooner than later" instead of "sooner rather than later." I understood what he meant, but it was so annoying for some reason. When I broke up with him (for unrelated reasons) I brought it up, halfway in jest, and I think he was pretty offended. Oh well.

Malapropisms - my personal hell

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