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"Surprise" wedding guest?

zerostarzombiezerostarzombie member
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Yesterday, on the way to my 2nd wedding dress fitting, my mom and I were discussing guests and whatnot. I told her that our final number was 103, and she just said, "well, 104. There is a surprise guest coming." 

I just looked at her, confused. She then said, "It's actually way too hard to keep it a secret, so I'll just tell you." It was her best friend's daughter (who I used to see when I was little). She originally declined because she didn't have money for her airfare from Arizona to Pennsylvania, which is fine, and she's 7 months pregnant, give or take. But, I guess now she's coming? I just told her to tell me what she's eating and I will be happy to see her.

How do you guys feel about "surprise" guests? I'm not mad, just confused and glad mom told me before the actual date when our guest number needed to be finalized.
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Re: "Surprise" wedding guest?

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    charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
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    zerostarzombie said:
    Yesterday, on the way to my 2nd wedding dress fitting, my mom and I were discussing guests and whatnot. I told her that our final number was 103, and she just said, "well, 104. There is a surprise guest coming." 

    I just looked at her, confused. She then said, "It's actually way too hard to keep it a secret, so I'll just tell you." It was her best friend's daughter (who I used to see when I was little). She originally declined because she didn't have money for her airfare from Arizona to Pennsylvania, which is fine, and she's 7 months pregnant, give or take. But, I guess now she's coming? I just told her to tell me what she's eating and I will be happy to see her.

    How do you guys feel about "surprise" guests? I'm not mad, just confused and glad mom told me before the actual date when our guest number needed to be finalized.
    I had something similar happen too; a friend asked if her brother could come (not as a plus one, she and her H both RSVPed yes and we're both coming). I could accommodate him so I did. I was just perplexed as to why she asked two days after the RSVP date. Now if we didn't have room or it was too close to add numbers maybe it would have been a different story, but I just added him in.  I think I would have been upset if she hadn't told me or if I didn't have time to properly host him (a planned sweet, the meal he wanted, escort card etc). 
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    ei34ei34 member
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    I didn't mind them.  For me, surprise guests are those that show up day of your wedding.  Some of my guests brought additional guests (one's boyfriend RSVP'ed no but then came anyway, another had family in town and brought them along, etc.).  We wound up with 8-10 guests more than we'd told our venue.  Our venue handled it though.  I'm sure yours will be able to seat and serve meals to any extras.

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    holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    When you say she originally declined, does that mean she was invited?




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    zerostarzombiezerostarzombie member
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    charlotte989875 said:
    zerostarzombie said:
    Yesterday, on the way to my 2nd wedding dress fitting, my mom and I were discussing guests and whatnot. I told her that our final number was 103, and she just said, "well, 104. There is a surprise guest coming." 

    I just looked at her, confused. She then said, "It's actually way too hard to keep it a secret, so I'll just tell you." It was her best friend's daughter (who I used to see when I was little). She originally declined because she didn't have money for her airfare from Arizona to Pennsylvania, which is fine, and she's 7 months pregnant, give or take. But, I guess now she's coming? I just told her to tell me what she's eating and I will be happy to see her.

    How do you guys feel about "surprise" guests? I'm not mad, just confused and glad mom told me before the actual date when our guest number needed to be finalized.
    I had something similar happen too; a friend asked if her brother could come (not as a plus one, she and her H both RSVPed yes and we're both coming). I could accommodate him so I did. I was just perplexed as to why she asked two days after the RSVP date. Now if we didn't have room or it was too close to add numbers maybe it would have been a different story, but I just added him in.  I think I would have been upset if she hadn't told me or if I didn't have time to properly host him (a planned sweet, the meal he wanted, escort card etc). 
    That's pretty much where I'm at. I'm not upset at all, just glad she told me before hand because our venue charges per person for the ceremony and needs a solid number before hand. 
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    zerostarzombiezerostarzombie member
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    holyguacamole79 said:
    When you say she originally declined, does that mean she was invited?
    Yes, she was. She, and her husband, declined because of her pregnancy, they previously scheduled vacations and already used up their job vacation time, and funds were tight. Which is totally okay! It happens. Her mom is also coming, but doesn't know she is now, too...which I was like oh, alright. I'm excited she will be there, just didn't really understand the whole surprise aspect.
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    mollybarker11mollybarker11 member
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    eileenrob said:
    I didn't mind them.  For me, surprise guests are those that show up day of your wedding.  Some of my guests brought additional guests (one's boyfriend RSVP'ed no but then came anyway, another had family in town and brought them along, etc.).  We wound up with 8-10 guests more than we'd told our venue.  Our venue handled it though.  I'm sure yours will be able to seat and serve meals to any extras.

    I'm glad this worked out for you but if the venue charged per person (like OP's does), or if the caterer didn't have enough leftovers for 10 people, or if the venue wasn't able to suddenly squeeze a 10-person table complete with chairs & place settings into a room that was already set up with the hard numbers provided in advance it would have been an absolute mess.

    I can get the idea of one surprise long-lost friend but for a big event that has lots of wheels in motion it's kind of a gamble. Glad your mom let the cat out of the bag, OP!
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    lnixon8lnixon8 member
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    My Dad's single friend was given a plus one, rsvp'd for himself and then two days before called my dad asked if he could brig a date. My Dad told him fine but the rest of their friend group (around 12 guys that have been friends since they were 5) gave him a hard time about it. Caterer was fine with it, and I ordered a few extra chairs but that table was a little squished (one of the tables that "could" fit 10 but I planned for 8).


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    kvrunskvruns member
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    I would be really annoyed that they wanted to keep it a surprise and not tell me, mostly because of having to give final numbers to vendors, if you're making a seating chart there wouldn't be room for her at the table that might fit best, etc.  Being told ahead of time isn't a huge deal, just kind of weird that they were trying to do some surprise.

    It is also another good reminder for those on why not to B list since sometimes guests who declined now are free and would like to attend.

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    SP29SP29 member
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    Cool that she can come now, but I agree that I don't like the surprise aspect. As Addie said, that's what RSVPs are for. Now if she called you up a week before the wedding and said, "I can come!", well Yay! I'll figure it out with the venue, but at least I know.

    There is ceremony seating, reception seating, meals, cost. We had assigned tables with place cards that stated each guests' meal choice- I am sure the venue could figure it out for one person (though I imagine it being awkward if no one but MOB knew), but 8-10 people? No way. While we had a few extra spots at our tables, those "surprise" guests likely wouldn't be sitting their SO/friend/family member- I think that would be very awkward.
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    badbnagdwaybadbnagdway member
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    It's totally bizarre to me that your mother tried to keep an extra guest a secret from you, the hostess of the event. It's good you found out now. It's not so much that I would have minded an extra person but we had a seating chart so any "surprise guests" may have had to sit at the vendors' table. As it was actually we had probably 3-5 surprise no-shows. Those were especially frustrating from in-town folks who had told me within a week of the wedding that they were coming and then didn't show up for no apparent reason...
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    ElcaBElcaB member
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    Nope.

    Unless it's a close family member on military leave, I veto surprise guests. 
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    zerostarzombiezerostarzombie member
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    Thanks everyone! I agree. I'm glad she told me now because I already ordered place cards, and thankfully got some blank ones. And she will be sitting at the familk table, phew. But I'm definitely not a fan of surprise guests when I need solid numbers. 
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    CharmedPamCharmedPam member
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    edited May 2016

    I think surprise guests go under the same category as last minute cancelations (I mean people who just don't want to go or have something better come up etc. etc.  Not like emergency/unforeseen circumstance ones).  You pay/plan per person.

    edit: but I am glad she told you!


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    PaperTigersxPaperTigersx member
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    Just out of curiousity, what if someone does show up and there ISNT enough food or seats/tables? 

    i was an awful guest once and rsvpd late. (I was 18 and dumb lol) My table was clearly the last minute table. If anyone else had showed up, I don't know where others could have even fit. 
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    zerostarzombiezerostarzombie member
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    PaperTigersx said:
    Just out of curiousity, what if someone does show up and there ISNT enough food or seats/tables? 

    i was an awful guest once and rsvpd late. (I was 18 and dumb lol) My table was clearly the last minute table. If anyone else had showed up, I don't know where others could have even fit. 
    LondonLisa said:
    "Surprise guests" are for Taylor Swift concerts, not parties, dinners and certainly not weddings. What would have happened if you didn't have a seat for her? 
    I did ask the venue, and they said that if the circumstances were to arise, they could accommodate 2, MAYBE 3 people at most. They are very strict with numbers, and want them no later than 3 days (at the absolute latest) so they can know how much food to prepare, since their chef cooks a lot of seasonal dishes.
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    MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
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    There's an old saying "Save a seat for Elijah" but the idea being that always plan for the unexpected guest - or the one that calls the week of the wedding and suddenly can attend.  We planned an extra table worth of people for our wedding and every last seat was filled (we had 400 guests)...   We also had REAL surprise guests - one of the BM's had friends visiting unexpectedly from England that she wasn't sure what to do since they were staying at their house - we had the space/paid meals "Sure!  invite them along!" and just rolled with it.  It worked!  But it also was our attitude to just roll with it and not get worked up - at that point in the planning process there's not much you could have thrown at me that I'd have just let roll off... 
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    SP29SP29 member
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    PaperTigersx said:
    Just out of curiousity, what if someone does show up and there ISNT enough food or seats/tables? 

    i was an awful guest once and rsvpd late. (I was 18 and dumb lol) My table was clearly the last minute table. If anyone else had showed up, I don't know where others could have even fit. 
    Depends on the venue.

    Hope the guest is lucky and all the tables were not full to begin with. Hope the venue is OK with providing an extra meal.

    Otherwise, surprise guest is kind of screwed. I think though, that if it's one person, the venue shouldn't have much of an issue figuring out a place to squeeze someone in and provide an extra meal.
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    SP29SP29 member
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    PaperTigersx said:
    Just out of curiousity, what if someone does show up and there ISNT enough food or seats/tables? 

    i was an awful guest once and rsvpd late. (I was 18 and dumb lol) My table was clearly the last minute table. If anyone else had showed up, I don't know where others could have even fit. 
    Depends on the venue.

    Hope the guest is lucky and all the tables were not full to begin with. Hope the venue is OK with providing an extra meal.

    Otherwise, surprise guest is kind of screwed. I think though, that if it's one person, the venue shouldn't have much of an issue figuring out a place to squeeze someone in and provide an extra meal.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    FIL brought three extra people to our wedding without consulting with us first. Thankfully, we also had three no-shows who had RSVP'd, so it all evened out. But still slightly annoying considering that I'd put so much thought and time into our seating chart and also considering our extremely tight budget. 
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    kvrunskvruns member
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    avocuddle said:
    FIL brought three extra people to our wedding without consulting with us first. Thankfully, we also had three no-shows who had RSVP'd, so it all evened out. But still slightly annoying considering that I'd put so much thought and time into our seating chart and also considering our extremely tight budget. 

    as in you found out at the wedding that he invited 3 extras??
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    TyvmTyvm member
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    FIL brought three extra people to our wedding without consulting with us first. 
    Nope.

    Where do these people get off thinking this is a good idea?

    k thnx bye

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    zerostarzombiezerostarzombie member
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    Tyvm said:
    FIL brought three extra people to our wedding without consulting with us first. 
    Nope.

    Where do these people get off thinking this is a good idea?
    I agree haha. It's not like a BBQ. But everyone has their own way of handling it. 
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