Neighboring property hosting concert during my wedding

emilyrenee90 · May 2016

I'm two months out from my wedding and I just got an email from the Wedding Coordinator at my venue yesterday stating that the neighboring property is hosting their annual 4-H & FFA Fair concert Thursday night, the night of my wedding, instead of on the weekend like they always do. My venue does not host weddings the weekend right after my wedding for this exact reason, which is one of the reasons why we were able to book them for when we did. I'm supposed to meet with her on Friday but I'm at a total loss as to what to do right now. We still owe $1500 to the venue, due next Saturday. With only having two months until the wedding I doubt we will be able to find another location if they would even let us out of our contract and refund the deposits we have already paid.

The opening band starts at 7 with the main act, Chris Lane, starting at 8. Our ceremony was supposed to be at 5 and I'm afraid they might be having sound check in the middle of our vows, and we probably won't be able to play our music loud enough to cover the noise from the concert during the reception. All of my family just keeps making jokes about now we don't need to pay for a DJ except for the fact that neither one of us listens to country music... Our first dance is a Metallica song and the father/daughter dance is a cover of Guns N' Roses, both of which we might not be able to do anymore.

My mom is planning on asking for a discount on the venue fee and to see if they can add any perks for the inconvenience but that doesn't change the fact that this can basically ruin everything we have planned and spent so much time and money on. I've already looked through our contract and I'm pretty sure there is nothing we can do to get out of it since the concert is being hosted by the neighboring property and not our venue. All I want to do is cry and then go on a rampage leaving a massive path of destruction.

Tyvm · May 2016

Nothing much to add, really, but this is a bummer.
Can you move up the timing for everything? Ceremony at 2, followed by dancing, then dinner?

JaxInBlue · May 2016

This is just me but... I would try really hard not to blame or penalize your venue for this. It's not their fault what that a second venue (which sounds like a fairground, suggesting it is rather large?) changed their schedule, likely to accommodate a high profile event. I'd try to work with your venue to minimize your disruption, but I don't think I'd go looking for perks. Your venue isn't the one inconveniencing you.

I'm not sure what you can do if the noise will be as loud as you anticipate. Could you consider an earlier ceremony time? Moving indoors for the ceremony and dancing if you had planned things outside? In terms of way out there ideas, is there any possibility you could move to Friday night? (Probably impossible given VIP schedules, other vendors, etc., but hey - it's an idea.)

You may find some peace of mind in just embracing the inevitable. If you know how you need to have your spotlight dance(s) completed before 7 PM, that's going to help you structure your reception after your ceremony. Maybe it means you have your first dance right before dinner so you know the music won't compete and do your special people dances between dinner courses or starting at 6:45. And you know you've got a good chance of having a memorable wedding story - the reception that doubled as a Chris Lane concert.

So have a short pity party and then, as you get ready for your venue meeting, start thinking creatively about how to work around this issue rather than letting it stymie you. Your wedding will still be fantastic!

emilyrenee90 · May 2016

We can't really move it up because the property is open to the public until 4 plus most of my co-workers would then be unable to attend because they would still be at work. The only thing I can think of is to continue with the ceremony at 5 (and pray there's no "check, check 1 2" during our vows) then do all the special dances first thing before the concert starts and then dinner but that seems so backwards and fragmented. Luckily I'm making my own invitations and I'm behind and haven't printed them yet (was planning on finishing them this weekend) so if we can get out of the contract and find something I won't have to re-do or send out change of venue cards...

MesmrEwe · May 2016

For what it's worth - I've done shows at County Fairgrounds while there has been a Grandstand performance happening at the same time on the other side of the (backed) bleachers without a single issue with my sound nor theirs being interrupted. At most of the state fairs around here there are multiple performances happening at the same time and no issues with sound. A lot is going to depend on the logistics of the acoustics involved for if there's some form of sound barrier.

The only details I'd be worried about are parking for your guests, and making sure that your "letting out" times aren't on-par with the concert. For example, if you plan to be done at 10 and it's a 2-hour performance next door, that's the equiv. of driving during rush hour. OTOH, they may have a great pyrotechnics show that you can enjoy with your guests at the end of the evening - so that could be one trade-off.

It'll all work out! Worst case scenario you see if you can get out of your contract or move to an earlier start-time. ...And Nothing Else Matters <rift>... (sorry - couldn't resist LOL)

emilyrenee90 · May 2016

Both properties are county properties so I guess they are technically owned by the same entity (Carroll County) but operated and maintained by different people/offices. We knew that it was the 4H & FFA Fair at the AG Center that week but were told that it would not interfere in any way with our event at the Farm Museum.

All the Coordinator has said to me past informing me of the other site changing their concert night and apologizing for not knowing this sooner is that we will be able to hear it at the reception site which is why they no longer hold weddings on the first Saturday in August. Our ceremony site is right behind the reception site too so unless we change the ceremony site we have to worry about sound check and all that. We can move the ceremony site to anywhere on the property but we didn't like any of the other areas and also partially chose the area we were planning on using because it is the closest to the reception site and we have a lot of elderly and some handicapped guests to worry about.

I am meeting with her next week to discuss options but I just keep getting so frustrated about the situation. We have lots of family drama on both sides that is adding to my stress level and this is just pushing me that closer to "fuck everyone" territory.

emilyrenee90 · May 2016

MesmrEwe, that is our first dance song btw lol

charlotte989875 · May 2016

So could you move it to Saturday? They say they don't do weekends for that reason, but anyway you'd be willing to et married a few days later? Probably doesn't hurt to ask. If you haven't sent/printed the invites yet, but not be too much trouble.

crowsgirl15 · May 2016

charlotte989875 said:

So could you move it to Saturday? They say they don't do weekends for that reason, but anyway you'd be willing to et married a few days later? Probably doesn't hurt to ask. If you haven't sent/printed the invites yet, but not be too much trouble.

Seconding this! It sounds like they understand that this is an issue, and want to help you fix it. They don't have a wedding that weekend, could they host yours on Friday or Saturday?

AddieCake · May 2016

Another vote to moving it to Saturday.

emilyrenee90 · May 2016

We did send out save the dates and while we don't have that many out of town/state guests, all of those guests have already made travel plans. We have been talking to all of these guests figuring out when everyone was coming in and leaving with most leaving on Friday or Saturday morning while his brother and his wife were the only ones planning on staying until Sunday evening.

The entire bridal party and our parents have also requested off for Thursday and half work in jobs with weekend shifts so they would have to rework their work schedules.

We've also bought personalized stuff with our date on it already that we'd now have to completely scratch or reorder which is not in the budget.

Another reason for having it on that Thursday was that August 4 is a special date.

crowsgirl15 · May 2016

There's no easy answer here. It's an unfortunate situation for sure. But your only options are really only moving to a different day, moving venues, or dealing with the sound you don't want.

If it were me, I would try as best I can to change the date to the weekend. People have plenty of time to change their travel plans if given enough notice, and I'm not sure what would be personalized with the date that's crucial other than maybe napkins? I would scratch the personalization and ask the venue to switch my date to Saturday.

photokitty · May 2016

I'd call around looking for other venues BEFORE meeting with yours. That way you know if you have other options. Since they know it's an issue and wouldn't book the weekend bc of the concert, add to that they confirmed the concert on another potion of their facility, I would request a full refund if I could find a new venue. Changing the date didn't sound good to me due to inconveniencing your guests, as you said. Otherwise, I'd have no issue asking fit a discount. I'm sorry, that sucks!

charlotte989875 · May 2016

Sounds like you have a few options, and I agree none of them are great but you do have choices.

1) Deal with the concert during the reception and possibly the ceremony. If you can't move it earlier and there is sound check maybe move it inside so that it's not as loud.

2) Move everything to Friday or Saturday night. Start calling out of town guests and explain the situation. You may need new vendors because you're moving from a Thursday to Saturday during a pretty busy season.

3) Find a different venue on short notice so you can get married on the Thursday date that you want. Since it's the same night you probably won't need different vendors unless the new place is in a different area. Ask to get let out of your contract with the venue, but be aware that might not happen. Decide if you're OK with losing deposits and payments you've already made.

Id sit down and talk with your FI about what you two really want and what is most important to you; the date, the venue, outdoor ceremony, being able to dance/party with your guests to your music? Whatever is most important is OK, I would just have an idea of what you want before you go into the meeting with the venue. They'll be better able to help you if you have specific ideas of how you want to handle the situation.

MesmrEwe · May 2016

scribe95 said:

Well it's not your fault but you have to look past the special date right now and focus on how to make the best of a bad situation. You could contact the concert people and ask if they can avoid sound check during your ceremony; or move it to elsewhere on the grounds; or move to Saturday. Something has to give.

Here's the order of things... The coordinator for the FFA/4-H concert has a contact as basically a site liaison between the artist's booking agent/site manager. You'll want to be in contact with this person to have them ask right away about all things sound check. Some do a 15 minute one, others 5 hour ones, some do them in the middle of the afternoon when the roadies are done setting up, others two hours before, others are right away when the tour bus gets into town... But, 9:10 artists aren't complete dicks (there's always "that one" who fits the entire phallic aspect), and if they hear there's a wedding taking place next door between the hours of 5-5:35, the worst they'd do is a surprise come and play acoustically at your wedding and sing your Metallica as you're exiting and they're starting up. They don't want to be "the guy" who messes up your wedding. Really - most remember the years/decades of work it took to get to that level of stage as an "overnight success".. Find that information out first, and be gentle in your approach to getting it because sometimes it really is about sneaking in doing the sound check and exiting without drawing attention..

It's easier to work this stuff out now than last minute...

SP29 · May 2016

This does suck for you!

I understand about not wanting to change your date. You're locked in with vendors already, if they can't accommodate the date change you're stuck losing deposits plus finding new vendors. If you have any guests flying, a change fee and a flight on the weekend could end up being a few hundred dollars more. Changing booked time off work isn't easy.

I agree thought to sit down with your FI and decide what is most important. I also agree with PhotoKitty to look at some other venues and see if they are an option. I also don't think it poor form to ask your venue for a refund/ discount/ etc.

No, it's not your venue's fault the fair changed their date, but this is something they know about; they're running a business next door to a fair, I think it's part of doing business for them. I either think they should allow you to get out of your contract without penalty or they should be going out of their way to make everything run smooth for you.

I'd be curious to know how much you can actually hear the fair concert from your venue. Ceremony- yes, you might be able to hear it loud and clear, and that would suck. I would see if you can move the ceremony earlier if possible. But the reception, even if you can hear the fair music from outside, once inside the venue with your DJ playing his/her own music, I'd be surprised if you could actually hear the fair concert music.

emilyrenee90 · June 2016

So we had our meeting with the wedding coordinator, who almost broke down in tears when we were discussing our options because she was so upset that we have to go through all of this.

Things we found out:

1. It is an outdoor open air concert with speakers that are aimed in the direction of the reception building... The stage is about the distance of a medium sized parking lot away and can be seen from the building. We can't close the doors because their is no air conditioning in the building and we have to add a tent on the back of the building to accommodate all of our guests, so that wasn't really an option anyways.

2. There is no chance of changing the date to the weekend because the property that is having the concert has booked a demolition derby for the weekend since the concert isn't on Saturday like it has been for the past 10 years... I didn't really like that as an option but it's a moot point anyways.

3. We can get out of our contract and get a full refund. Our next payment was due on the 4th but she told us not to pay anymore until we made a decision on if we were still going to have it there. She gave us until the end of June to make a decision.

We have looked at a couple places but haven't found anything that is going to work that is in our budget. She said that if we can't find anything else and/or still want to have it there she will do everything she can to make sure everything goes smoothly.

I talked with FI and asked him what he thought about still having it there and just doing all the special dances in the hour- hour-and-a-half between the ceremony and the opening act and then just saying everyone have fun and listen to the free Chris Lane concert.

FI- "That's not really what you wanted."

Me- "Thank you Captain Obvious. What I wanted is kinda off the table right now and I've reached the fuck it level."

FI- Just stares at me

Me- "As long as at the end of the night I'm Mrs. Fleming and there's alcohol, fuck all the rest. Am I still upset, yes, but I'm trying to make lemonade. And honestly I'm too stressed with everything else to give a damn right now."

charlotte989875 · June 2016

emilyrenee90 said:

So we had our meeting with the wedding coordinator, who almost broke down in tears when we were discussing our options because she was so upset that we have to go through all of this.
Things we found out:
1. It is an outdoor open air concert with speakers that are aimed in the direction of the reception building... The stage is about the distance of a medium sized parking lot away and can be seen from the building. We can't close the doors because their is no air conditioning in the building and we have to add a tent on the back of the building to accommodate all of our guests, so that wasn't really an option anyways.
2. There is no chance of changing the date to the weekend because the property that is having the concert has booked a demolition derby for the weekend since the concert isn't on Saturday like it has been for the past 10 years... I didn't really like that as an option but it's a moot point anyways.
3. We can get out of our contract and get a full refund. Our next payment was due on the 4th but she told us not to pay anymore until we made a decision on if we were still going to have it there. She gave us until the end of June to make a decision.
We have looked at a couple places but haven't found anything that is going to work that is in our budget. She said that if we can't find anything else and/or still want to have it there she will do everything she can to make sure everything goes smoothly.

I talked with FI and asked him what he thought about still having it there and just doing all the special dances in the hour- hour-and-a-half between the ceremony and the opening act and then just saying everyone have fun and listen to the free Chris Lane concert.
FI- "That's not really what you wanted."
Me- "Thank you Captain Obvious. What I wanted is kinda off the table right now and I've reached the fuck it level."
FI- Just stares at me
Me- "As long as at the end of the night I'm Mrs. Fleming and there's alcohol, fuck all the rest. Am I still upset, yes, but I'm trying to make lemonade. And honestly I'm too stressed with everything else to give a damn right now."

That really sucks OP.

Take a few days off from damage control. You have some not good options, but you can get out of it with out losing money, which is really good. I'd stop planning for a few days and figure out what you do want. The "as long as we're married at the end of the day" is absolutely the right attitude to have. But that doesn't mean you don't have to care about the reception and your guests. Give it a few days then go back to the drawing board; maybe there are options you forgot about in all the craziness; have you checked parks, pavilions, libraries, universities? Might be able to accommodate a wedding on a Thursday on short notice. Maybe your guests will like a free concert?Good luck!

MesmrEwe · June 2016

emilyrenee90 said:

So we had our meeting with the wedding coordinator, who almost broke down in tears when we were discussing our options because she was so upset that we have to go through all of this.
Things we found out:
1. It is an outdoor open air concert with speakers that are aimed in the direction of the reception building... The stage is about the distance of a medium sized parking lot away and can be seen from the building. We can't close the doors because their is no air conditioning in the building and we have to add a tent on the back of the building to accommodate all of our guests, so that wasn't really an option anyways.
2. There is no chance of changing the date to the weekend because the property that is having the concert has booked a demolition derby for the weekend since the concert isn't on Saturday like it has been for the past 10 years... I didn't really like that as an option but it's a moot point anyways.
3. We can get out of our contract and get a full refund. Our next payment was due on the 4th but she told us not to pay anymore until we made a decision on if we were still going to have it there. She gave us until the end of June to make a decision.
We have looked at a couple places but haven't found anything that is going to work that is in our budget. She said that if we can't find anything else and/or still want to have it there she will do everything she can to make sure everything goes smoothly.

I talked with FI and asked him what he thought about still having it there and just doing all the special dances in the hour- hour-and-a-half between the ceremony and the opening act and then just saying everyone have fun and listen to the free Chris Lane concert.
FI- "That's not really what you wanted."
Me- "Thank you Captain Obvious. What I wanted is kinda off the table right now and I've reached the fuck it level."
FI- Just stares at me
Me- "As long as at the end of the night I'm Mrs. Fleming and there's alcohol, fuck all the rest. Am I still upset, yes, but I'm trying to make lemonade. And honestly I'm too stressed with everything else to give a damn right now."

Really - that is an AWESOME attitude to take given the circumstances!! Only thing to worry about is not having background noise during the ceremony and hey - Think of it as a free upgrade at $$/guest plus a pyrotechnics show... And remember "If this is the worst thing that happens surrounding all things wedding - life is not that bad!"

(that said - here's hoping there's a better venue nearby that'll fit your budget and guest count!!!)

OurWildKingdom · June 2016

MesmrEwe said:

emilyrenee90 said:

So we had our meeting with the wedding coordinator, who almost broke down in tears when we were discussing our options because she was so upset that we have to go through all of this.
Things we found out:
1. It is an outdoor open air concert with speakers that are aimed in the direction of the reception building... The stage is about the distance of a medium sized parking lot away and can be seen from the building. We can't close the doors because their is no air conditioning in the building and we have to add a tent on the back of the building to accommodate all of our guests, so that wasn't really an option anyways.
2. There is no chance of changing the date to the weekend because the property that is having the concert has booked a demolition derby for the weekend since the concert isn't on Saturday like it has been for the past 10 years... I didn't really like that as an option but it's a moot point anyways.
3. We can get out of our contract and get a full refund. Our next payment was due on the 4th but she told us not to pay anymore until we made a decision on if we were still going to have it there. She gave us until the end of June to make a decision.
We have looked at a couple places but haven't found anything that is going to work that is in our budget. She said that if we can't find anything else and/or still want to have it there she will do everything she can to make sure everything goes smoothly.

I talked with FI and asked him what he thought about still having it there and just doing all the special dances in the hour- hour-and-a-half between the ceremony and the opening act and then just saying everyone have fun and listen to the free Chris Lane concert.
FI- "That's not really what you wanted."
Me- "Thank you Captain Obvious. What I wanted is kinda off the table right now and I've reached the fuck it level."
FI- Just stares at me
Me- "As long as at the end of the night I'm Mrs. Fleming and there's alcohol, fuck all the rest. Am I still upset, yes, but I'm trying to make lemonade. And honestly I'm too stressed with everything else to give a damn right now."

Really - that is an AWESOME attitude to take given the circumstances!! Only thing to worry about is not having background noise during the ceremony and hey - Think of it as a free upgrade at $$/guest plus a pyrotechnics show... And remember "If this is the worst thing that happens surrounding all things wedding - life is not that bad!"
(that said - here's hoping there's a better venue nearby that'll fit your budget and guest count!!!)

If nothing else, you will have memorable stories!

Neighboring property hosting concert during my wedding

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