Bridesmaid Dress Question

Re: Bridesmaid Dress Question

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  JediElizabeth member

  

  May 2016

  Knottie1464036736 said:

  A couple months ago I was “asked to step down” as a friend’s bridesmaid. (Sidenote: Why use that phrase? You mean I could decline? /sarcasm). We had already ordered and paid for the dresses at that point, but the bride said when mine came in she would reimburse me for the gown. Since she kicked me out, rather than me needing to withdraw, I intend to hold her to that.

  My etiquette question, then, is this: do I offer her the dress back? I’m not aware of plans for a replacement BM. It’s a very nice dress that I would have worn again, but with all that’s gone on now I would just donate it to a homecoming/prom dress charity when they start up again. I don’t see the friendship as recoverable, sadly, so mostly I just want things wrapped up cleanly and courteously. Is offering the gown seen as vindictive? Or just the right thing to do since she’ll now be the one who’s paid for it?

  Thanks for any advice you might have!

  I'd offer it back. Something simple like, "Since you're paying, would you also like the dress?" 
  
  She doesn't have to know you'd donate it otherwise, and you don't have to bring up that it might fit someone else. Just keep it simple and short.

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  MesmrEwe member

  

  May 2016

  scribe95 said:

  If you buy it you keep it. If she buys it she keeps it. 

  
  This is my opinion as well... 

  However, until you have the money in-hand (key word here!!) the dress is yours and your responsibility.  You never know if she falls through, if you talk to the shop they may offer you a credit of some sort depending on where it is so that you can purchase something else you that you'd prefer off the rack instead...  The worst that can happen is they say "no"! 

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  Knottie1464036736 member

  

  May 2016

  Thanks for the responses! I've lurked on the Etiquette board for a little bit (and wish this bride had as well...) and everyone generally gives good advice A friend had told me she thought any offer would come across as catty to her, which seemed odd, so I wanted to seek out some other opinions.
  
  @JediElizabeth: I didn't have the intention of bringing up either when I spoke to her, I just thought someone might wonder either a) if a replacement BM wanted the dress or b) what I would do with it otherwise. Wanted to cover all my bases info-wise
  
  @MesmrEew: Sadly the place we ordered from is a small boutique with a no return, no exchange policy on BM dresses (we even had to sign a waiver on the order form acknowledging they'd told us as much!), so someone is just going to be stuck with the dress. Ideally, when the gowns come in, she and I can just meet near the shop when I pick mine up and do a swap.

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  AddieCake member

  

  May 2016

  Yeah, give it back if she pays you for it.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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  photokitty mod

  

  May 2016

  I'm assuming she wants the dress, otherwise she wouldn't be waiting until it comes in to reimburse you. If she didn't want it she would have just paid you when she agreed to pay for it.
  
  I was inn a wedding, the bride paid for my dress due to finances (i thought it was a local wedding when I agreed to be a bridesmaid, turned out it was a destination one) and she wanted the dress after the wedding. She was 5 sizes smaller than I, so I have no idea what she did with it, nor do I care. 

  ~xoxo~

  
  

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  Jen4948 member

  

  May 2016

  If she reimburses you for the cost of the dress, then I think you should give it back to her.

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  drunkenwitch member

  

  May 2016

  I say give the dress back no matter what and write it off as "crazy insurance". You don't need someone like that in your life.

  

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