How to create guest list when there may or may not be two bridal showers?

Re: How to create guest list when there may or may not be two bridal showers?

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  Jen4948 member

  

  June 2016

  I would accept your MOH's offer of a shower since she specifically made one and your aunt hasn't thus far. You might ask her if she would be willing to co-host with your aunt if your aunt asks about throwing you a shower.
  
  If your aunt says she wants to throw you a shower, tell her that your MOH is doing that and ask if she'd be willing to co-host with your MOH.
  
  If your MOH and aunt won't agree to co-hosting a shower, then there's no reason your aunt can't throw a separate pre-wedding party for you, but I would ask her not to make it a shower or party with gift-giving implications (although I'd be prepared to receive, but not open, gifts at her party).
  
  
  

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  kahluakoala member

  

  June 2016

  I think that when your aunt offers, you should graciously accept the shower but just have it be a lunch or party or some sort and not a formal shower. Does a couples shower still do the whole games / gift opening thing? The only one I attended was a very relaxed BBQ. Most people brought gifts (I think) but they weren't opened or anything at the party.

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  SP29 member

  

  June 2016 edited June 2016

  I would still not invite guests to two showers, though you could could have a shower and bridal tea or luncheon.
  
  Anything with shower denotes gifts, yes, even at a co-ed shower. The gift given at a traditional shower are still for the couple.
  
  Do you talk to your aunt regularly? Is there a way to casually mention that your MOH is planning a shower for July and see if she brings anything up? Such as, "Hey Aunt, MOH is planning to throw me a shower July 15th. I know you've been busy at work lately, is that a weekend you can be available to attend?" (or something like that :P). If she doesn't comment about wanting to host her own shower for you, I'd leave it be and plan on only one shower.
  

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  jacques27 member

  

  June 2016 edited June 2016

  CaitFins said:

  Hello!
  
  How should you go about choosing guests to suggest to the host of a bridal shower if you're in the middle about whether another shower will also be thrown?
  
  Two years ago, my aunt decided to throw a couples' shower for my sister and absolutely loved doing it. After it ended, she said, "I can't wait to throw you a shower too!" For the record, at the time she knew my FI was very likely going to be the man I would marry.
  
  My MOH just said she would like to throw me a bridal shower for the third week of July, and she would like a guest list for it as soon as possible. My aunt has not mentioned a shower thusfar, but she is excited for the wedding and has offered to help with whatever I need. I feel like there's still time for her to bring it up, particularly since my MOH only just has, and my aunt has been swamped with things for work for the past few weeks.
  
  I only have about 20-25 guests I would invite to a bridal shower, most of who are my relatives as well as my aunt's. I have heard that you definitely should not invite any guest to two showers. I'm a little torn on what to do about guest list(s). I don't want to leave people out, thinking there might be a second shower, and then miss inviting them to any shower event. I also don't want to offend them, if it would, by inviting them to two showers. My aunt was (or is) so looking forward to throwing one and she told me directly, while my MOH just decided to. I don't really want to tell my aunt she can't after all because, something along the lines of: "there aren't enough guests to go around, and my MOH beat you to it" - when she really didn't.
  
  I did just have a thought: do you think those who I have any concerns about wouldn't mind potentially receiving an invitation to two showers if, since one would be a couples' shower, their SO would be invited and could come along to one of them, so they have options and could still only go to one? Otherwise, the way I could think to split it would be inviting only 11 and 14 guests to each who might come, and I think the parties involved might be disappointed by the limited selection of guests. And again, I don't want to not invite some guests to my MOH's with the assumption that they could go to another one, and then there isn't another.
  
  Thoughts?

  
  
  Just because she may offer in the future to throw a shower, doesn't mean you have to accept the offer, either.  I know it's not what you want to do, but sometimes practicality has to win out.  (And she may not actually offer - two years ago she loved the idea, but if she's swamped at work right now, she may have forgotten or changed her mind and will be grateful someone else stepped up to throw you one.) 

  You have one definite offer and you have a small guest list that doesn't require being split into two different parties (assuming your MOH is willing to host up to 25 people).  If she offers in the future, thank her for the offer and tell her that you already have someone planning a shower and don't have enough guests for two.
  
  And, just because your wedding is happening (presumably soon) doesn't mean all parties that happen this year have to be centered around your wedding or have to be showers.  You can have a party for any old reason.  If you want to get couples together, throw a bbq or a beach day or an outing to a ballgame or whatever. 
  

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