Attire & Accessories Forum

Mother of the Bride/Groom dresses

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Re: Mother of the Bride/Groom dresses

  • I have to be honest, your posts are confusing.  I think you're so married to your plans (pun intended) that you can't see past your nose at this point.

    Contradiction 1:  If I have to have a Plan B, I lose out on $2,500. vs That's it, no wedding if the weather cooperates.

    What would you have done had you not come here and been urged to have a back up plan?  I'm guessing the show would go on (and still may).

    Contradiction 2:  If we move the ceremony to the reception venue there will be no room for cocktail hour vs If we move the ceremony to the reception venue there is no room for the ceremony.

    How is there room for the cocktail hour and reception, but not room for the ceremony?  I mean for your absolute worst case weather scenario you don't have 5 feet centered somewhere to stand and repeat your vows?

    There is a way to make this work if you need to, you just need to be willing to accept compromise.  My friend has planned for an outdoor wedding and they ended up with light rain right at the ceremony time.  So they did just what was suggested, got married in the center of the tent.  To make a new aisle, they just moved two tables about another 2 feet apart.

    image
  • From your description, it sounds like outdoors will work out fine. 

    However, it never hurts to have a good plan B just in case. I've been to weddings where the bridal party waits in vehicles outside the venue until they are ready for the processional to start. They just go straight from the car to the door and then walk down the aisle. Since you don't have another room, that is always an option. If you have a dance floor, there will be some room for the ceremony and seating there. I would talk to your venue because I would bet that they have some idea of how this has worked in the past or how it could work in your situation. Even if you move chairs around, that's pretty minimal disruption. 
  • Also, just my personal preference.....

    You said before that if you used the reception space, you'd have to kick people outside for the cocktail hour in order for the venue to switch the space (so people would be outside regardless). If it's really hot out, I would prefer to be outside for the cocktail hour than the ceremony. That way I can at least mingle, maybe find some shade, water or other drinks could be provided, can use the washrooms, etc. I would prefer that over being required to sit in one spot and being quiet (especially if the ceremony is delayed and you have to sit for a longer period of time just waiting).
  • I have to be honest, your posts are confusing.  I think you're so married to your plans (pun intended) that you can't see past your nose at this point.

    Contradiction 1:  If I have to have a Plan B, I lose out on $2,500. vs That's it, no wedding if the weather cooperates.

    What would you have done had you not come here and been urged to have a back up plan?  I'm guessing the show would go on (and still may).
    Why shouldn't it still go on as planned if the weather cooperates? And yes, if it rains, I lose the $2500 we paid for the venue if we don't use it. 

    Contradiction 2:  If we move the ceremony to the reception venue there will be no room for cocktail hour vs If we move the ceremony to the reception venue there is no room for the ceremony.

    How is there room for the cocktail hour and reception, but not room for the ceremony?  I mean for your absolute worst case weather scenario you don't have 5 feet centered somewhere to stand and repeat your vows?
    The restaurant is full of tables. Those tables are where people will sit for cocktail hour and dinner. If we were to move the ceremony there, we would have to move people outside so they could reset the venue. If I didn't have as many guests, this wouldn't be an issue. They're already having to rearrange and bring in extra tables. 

    There is a way to make this work if you need to, you just need to be willing to accept compromise.  My friend has planned for an outdoor wedding and they ended up with light rain right at the ceremony time.  So they did just what was suggested, got married in the center of the tent.  To make a new aisle, they just moved two tables about another 2 feet apart.



  • edited June 2016
    Ironring said:
    Also, just my personal preference.....

    You said before that if you used the reception space, you'd have to kick people outside for the cocktail hour in order for the venue to switch the space (so people would be outside regardless). If it's really hot out, I would prefer to be outside for the cocktail hour than the ceremony. That way I can at least mingle, maybe find some shade, water or other drinks could be provided, can use the washrooms, etc. I would prefer that over being required to sit in one spot and being quiet (especially if the ceremony is delayed and you have to sit for a longer period of time just waiting).
    I agree with this completely.  The wedding I attended a few weeks ago was supposed to be outside but was moved inside due to rain earlier in the day.  The venue seats and tables were already arranged for the reception during the ceremony.  We were escorted outside for cocktail hour while the band set up and the couple took pictures.  It worked nicely.  

    ETA:  regarding the attire, unless the venue has specific rules, there is no need to specify.  I wore a nice dress to the wedding I referenced and H wore a suit.  The grandfather of the groom wore overalls.  Nobody cared.
  • edited June 2016
    Ironring said:
    Also, just my personal preference.....

    You said before that if you used the reception space, you'd have to kick people outside for the cocktail hour in order for the venue to switch the space (so people would be outside regardless). If it's really hot out, I would prefer to be outside for the cocktail hour than the ceremony. That way I can at least mingle, maybe find some shade, water or other drinks could be provided, can use the washrooms, etc. I would prefer that over being required to sit in one spot and being quiet (especially if the ceremony is delayed and you have to sit for a longer period of time just waiting).
    There wouldn't be a cocktail hour. They'd just be waiting outside while the staff reset. IF the ceremony gets delayed, they'll be waiting in the air conditioned train depot because everyone including the bridal party rides over together. 

    eta- the restaurant doesn't have a liquor license so they won't actually be serving drinks. We will have beer and wine that people can help themselves to, but it won't be allowed outside in the parking lot. 
  • edited June 2016
    Ironring said:
    Also, just my personal preference.....

    You said before that if you used the reception space, you'd have to kick people outside for the cocktail hour in order for the venue to switch the space (so people would be outside regardless). If it's really hot out, I would prefer to be outside for the cocktail hour than the ceremony. That way I can at least mingle, maybe find some shade, water or other drinks could be provided, can use the washrooms, etc. I would prefer that over being required to sit in one spot and being quiet (especially if the ceremony is delayed and you have to sit for a longer period of time just waiting).
    There wouldn't be a cocktail hour. They'd just be waiting outside while the staff reset. IF the ceremony gets delayed, they'll be waiting in the air conditioned train depot because everyone including the bridal party rides over together. 

    eta- the restaurant doesn't have a liquor license so they won't actually be serving drinks. We will have beer and wine that people can help themselves to, but it won't be allowed outside in the parking lot. 


    While the staff resets for what? Why wouldn't the tables already be set?

    I went to a wedding last weekend that was supposed to be outside. It began drizzling like 5 minutes before the ceremony. The couple got married inside the reception building. There was no proper "aisle" so the bridal party just walked between tables and the couple stood in front of the head table during the ceremony. It worked just fine.

    Edited because I didn't finish my thought. The tables were already set for dinner during the ceremony. The cocktail hour was in a different room, but it didn't have to be.

    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • There wouldn't be a cocktail hour. They'd just be waiting outside while the staff reset. IF the ceremony gets delayed, they'll be waiting in the air conditioned train depot because everyone including the bridal party rides over to

    eta- the restaurant doesn't have a liquor license so they won't actually be serving drinks. We will have beer and wine that people can help themselves to, but it won't be allowed outside in the parking lot. 
    Riding to the ceremony in a train? That's really cool by the way. 
    The first bolded, if the bridal party is riding over together with everyone else, then I see even less worry about them finding a place to hide before the ceremony if it had to happen inside. 

    The second bolded, that's totally fair, but I would be totally fine with just water in this situation. It doesn't need to be alcoholic. 
  • Ironring said:
    Riding to the ceremony in a train? That's really cool by the way. 
    The first bolded, if the bridal party is riding over together with everyone else, then I see even less worry about them finding a place to hide before the ceremony if it had to happen inside. 

    The second bolded, that's totally fair, but I would be totally fine with just water in this situation. It doesn't need to be alcoholic. 
    We'll be in the caboose with the curtains down so people can't see us. The train is the reason we picked the site. 
  • I agree with this completely.  The wedding I attended a few weeks ago was supposed to be outside but was moved inside due to rain earlier in the day.  The venue seats and tables were already arranged for the reception during the ceremony.  We were escorted outside for cocktail hour while the band set up and the couple took pictures.  It worked nicely.  

    ETA:  regarding the attire, unless the venue has specific rules, there is no need to specify.  I wore a nice dress to the wedding I referenced and H wore a suit.  The grandfather of the groom wore overalls.  Nobody cared.
    I'm not. I've said it multiple times though I realize we're now on page 4 of this monstrosity of a thread and I don't expect you to have read every post.
  • Heffalump said:
    I agree with this completely.  The wedding I attended a few weeks ago was supposed to be outside but was moved inside due to rain earlier in the day.  The venue seats and tables were already arranged for the reception during the ceremony.  We were escorted outside for cocktail hour while the band set up and the couple took pictures.  It worked nicely.  

    ETA:  regarding the attire, unless the venue has specific rules, there is no need to specify.  I wore a nice dress to the wedding I referenced and H wore a suit.  The grandfather of the groom wore overalls.  Nobody cared.
    I'm not. I've said it multiple times though I realize we're now on page 4 of this monstrosity of a thread and I don't expect you to have read every post.
    TBH, your attitude has become really off-putting.  You contradict yourself on every other post ("they can deal for 30 minutes"/"we totes have a backup plan!" "dress code is dressy casual"/"GAH there is no dress code why do you keep saying that?!?!") so that it's no wonder people are confused.  And then you lash out at them when they're not the ones writing the contradictory posts.


    Tyvm said:
    It's literally 30 minutes. They'll stand in the train depot in the air conditioning before loading onto the train which will then take them to the peninsula where they will be uinloaded, seated, watch the ceremony, and get back on the train and back to the train station. The average high is 81. The ceremony is at 5. Heat will more than likely not be a problem. Average rainfall is .15 inches. Rain will more than likely not be a problem. 

    All I asked for was information regarding my mother's attire. 
    @DrillSergeantCat The TK Pearl Clutchers do not care what question you asked, if they foresee an etiquette mishap, they will pull it out of you and then proceed to tell you where you're going wrong. Regardless of what you actually asked. 'Just a head's up on that.

    That being said, you should really look at the "Plan to stand, or get wet" thread that was active recently in the 'Chit Chat' boards. It illustrates the general community response to forcing your guests to be uncomfortable for 30 minutes for the sake of the ceremony. There is a general rejection of the "know your people" concept on these boards, so you might have to take the Pearl Clutchers' advice with a sliding scale of importance.

    I guess you could just have the back-up ceremony plan be the train platform? Or is the reception site available?
    And I'm getting really fucking sick of this shit.
    Nope. I've never said there was a dress code. I said I'd like for people to dress a certain way, not that I'm asking anyone to do so. I mean, I'd like to win the lottery too...
  • Then where did this whole dressy casual thing come from????
  • So there's a lot going on here and I may have missed some things, but why can't the back up plan (used in case of too hot, rainy, too windy, whatever else calamitous weather situation arises in the worst case scenario) be at the restaurant? 

    It it could work like this; restaurant has tables set for cocktail hour/dinner and all guests sit at seats, bridal party waits in cars until everyone is seated, you have umbrellas covering the entrance so you don't get wet, have the table you are sitting at moved slightly back and stand in front of it, yes there probably no true aisle, but you have you WP walk in and either stand at their place or in a row behind you depending on set up, you walk in, say your vows, getting married (yay!!). Then you mingle with guests while the staff resets your table then you carry on with cocktail hour/dinner as planned. 
  • So there's a lot going on here and I may have missed some things, but why can't the back up plan (used in case of too hot, rainy, too windy, whatever else calamitous weather situation arises in the worst case scenario) be at the restaurant? 

    It it could work like this; restaurant has tables set for cocktail hour/dinner and all guests sit at seats, bridal party waits in cars until everyone is seated, you have umbrellas covering the entrance so you don't get wet, have the table you are sitting at moved slightly back and stand in front of it, yes there probably no true aisle, but you have you WP walk in and either stand at their place or in a row behind you depending on set up, you walk in, say your vows, getting married (yay!!). Then you mingle with guests while the staff resets your table then you carry on with cocktail hour/dinner as planned. 
    Because it's too hard to pout when you start using things like logic. 
  • Then where did this whole dressy casual thing come from????
    I said on the first page of like people to dress that way but not that I was installing a dress code b
  • "I think I'd like people to dress creative dressy casual, but again it's September in Oklahoma and can still be HOT."

    True, you didn't specifically say that you were installing a dress code, but what were people to infer from the above comment? Also, you yourself acknowledge the heat in your OP as I've quoted above, so maybe just stop trying to tell us all how we are getting it wrong. Either you want help from us to sort out a plan b or you don't, and if it's the latter then this ain't the place for you. If you stop thinking what big meanies we are for one minute you might see that were are trying to help you. Seriously.

                 
  • I felt like we could all benefit from a refresher course from page 1:

    I think I'll offer to go shopping with my mom since she asked what to wear, but I have no idea where to start. I think I'd like people to dress creative dressy casual, but again it's September in Oklahoma and can still be HOT. Ideas for mom?DrillSergeantCat said:
    What on earth does creative dressy casual even mean?!?
    DrillSergeantCat:
    At first it said creative black tie and I just didn't back space enough. It should just say dressy casual.
    @downtondiva I wasn't planning on telling anyone what the dress code is, which is why I said I'd like for it to be and not I demand it to be. I'm far from a bridezilla. 

    image
  • "I think I'd like people to dress creative dressy casual, but again it's September in Oklahoma and can still be HOT."

    True, you didn't specifically say that you were installing a dress code, but what were people to infer from the above comment? Also, you yourself acknowledge the heat in your OP as I've quoted above, so maybe just stop trying to tell us all how we are getting it wrong. Either you want help from us to sort out a plan b or you don't, and if it's the latter then this ain't the place for you. If you stop thinking what big meanies we are for one minute you might see that were are trying to help you. Seriously.
    Some of you have actually been nice and I appreciate that. I do feel that some of you have been trying to help and I feel some of you are just being snarky to be snarky. It can be hot at the beginning of September, but it's nice at the end of the month when my wedding is. The daily average high on the 24th is 80, that will happen around noon, five hours later, it will be much cooler and the sun will be setting. Being Oklahoma, there's almost always a breeze and the gazebo is surrounded on three sides with water, so that will further cool the area.

    The restaurant will work, but it's not ideal and honestly, it's not what I want and I would feel stupid doing it that way. I'd also forfeit the money paid to the ceremony venue as they require full payment a month in advance and at this point are refusing to give me a copy of the contract I signed. You guys honestly have me freaking out. I literally do not know what to do to have the wedding I planned other than pray and ask everyone else to pray, too. And this isn't just me, this is my fiance too. He picked this venue because of the train and he was so excited about that, that there was no way for me to say no. 

    If only 50-75% of the invitees show up, I can have the restaurant set up in a more traditional manner, I saw a party there last week with about 30 people set up in what will be the dance floor. I could then have it set up with rows and an aisle and then the chairs would just be moved back to the tables. 

    Yes, I'm pouting a bit. I feel like my dream wedding is being trashed. 
  • "I think I'd like people to dress creative dressy casual, but again it's September in Oklahoma and can still be HOT."

    True, you didn't specifically say that you were installing a dress code, but what were people to infer from the above comment? Also, you yourself acknowledge the heat in your OP as I've quoted above, so maybe just stop trying to tell us all how we are getting it wrong. Either you want help from us to sort out a plan b or you don't, and if it's the latter then this ain't the place for you. If you stop thinking what big meanies we are for one minute you might see that were are trying to help you. Seriously.
    Some of you have actually been nice and I appreciate that. I do feel that some of you have been trying to help and I feel some of you are just being snarky to be snarky. It can be hot at the beginning of September, but it's nice at the end of the month when my wedding is. The daily average high on the 24th is 80, that will happen around noon, five hours later, it will be much cooler and the sun will be setting. Being Oklahoma, there's almost always a breeze and the gazebo is surrounded on three sides with water, so that will further cool the area.

    The restaurant will work, but it's not ideal and honestly, it's not what I want and I would feel stupid doing it that way. I'd also forfeit the money paid to the ceremony venue as they require full payment a month in advance and at this point are refusing to give me a copy of the contract I signed. You guys honestly have me freaking out. I literally do not know what to do to have the wedding I planned other than pray and ask everyone else to pray, too. And this isn't just me, this is my fiance too. He picked this venue because of the train and he was so excited about that, that there was no way for me to say no. 

    If only 50-75% of the invitees show up, I can have the restaurant set up in a more traditional manner, I saw a party there last week with about 30 people set up in what will be the dance floor. I could then have it set up with rows and an aisle and then the chairs would just be moved back to the tables. 

    Yes, I'm pouting a bit. I feel like my dream wedding is being trashed. 
    Your dream wedding is lovely and I hope it works out for you, but since you don't control the weather there's a crucial piece that's out of your hands and you may have to compromise. It won't be your dream wedding if the weather doesn't cooperate.
  • "I think I'd like people to dress creative dressy casual, but again it's September in Oklahoma and can still be HOT."

    True, you didn't specifically say that you were installing a dress code, but what were people to infer from the above comment? Also, you yourself acknowledge the heat in your OP as I've quoted above, so maybe just stop trying to tell us all how we are getting it wrong. Either you want help from us to sort out a plan b or you don't, and if it's the latter then this ain't the place for you. If you stop thinking what big meanies we are for one minute you might see that were are trying to help you. Seriously.
    Some of you have actually been nice and I appreciate that. I do feel that some of you have been trying to help and I feel some of you are just being snarky to be snarky. It can be hot at the beginning of September, but it's nice at the end of the month when my wedding is. The daily average high on the 24th is 80, that will happen around noon, five hours later, it will be much cooler and the sun will be setting. Being Oklahoma, there's almost always a breeze and the gazebo is surrounded on three sides with water, so that will further cool the area.

    The restaurant will work, but it's not ideal and honestly, it's not what I want and I would feel stupid doing it that way. I'd also forfeit the money paid to the ceremony venue as they require full payment a month in advance and at this point are refusing to give me a copy of the contract I signed. You guys honestly have me freaking out. I literally do not know what to do to have the wedding I planned other than pray and ask everyone else to pray, too. And this isn't just me, this is my fiance too. He picked this venue because of the train and he was so excited about that, that there was no way for me to say no. 

    If only 50-75% of the invitees show up, I can have the restaurant set up in a more traditional manner, I saw a party there last week with about 30 people set up in what will be the dance floor. I could then have it set up with rows and an aisle and then the chairs would just be moved back to the tables. 

    Yes, I'm pouting a bit. I feel like my dream wedding is being trashed. 
    To the bolded: please keep in perspective that this is a plan b. This only happens if it's too hot or it rains. Chances are that your plans are absolutely fine, but you really need to think about your guests too, asking people to 'suck it up' isn't right. You may never need this, but if you were not prepared to compromise at all then you probably shouldn't have chosen an unpredictable setting for your ceremony. 

    I get it, this is the wedding you want and the wedding you paid for. It sucks you feel like it's being trashed but that isn't whats really happening at all, we're just trying to help you see that you need a contingency. Have a drink and sulk a bit, but definitely make a solid plan b.
                 
  • edited June 2016
    geebee908 said:
    Your dream wedding is lovely and I hope it works out for you, but since you don't control the weather there's a crucial piece that's out of your hands and you may have to compromise. It won't be your dream wedding if the weather doesn't cooperate.
    You're right. That's a fantastic point. Can I still stomp my feet and say "I don't wanna" though?
  • No one is trashing your dream wedding. It sounds pretty great to me. But it only sounds great if the weather cooperates. While you may like the delivery of some of the comments, you should take a deep breath, realize that your dreams won't come true 100% of the time, and be very thankful that you are being forced to think about this situation NOW instead of the day of the wedding. 

    Let's say this topic never came up. What would you have done if by some chance the weather was scorching hot, in the mid 90's and great aunt sue passes out? Or, if there's some sort of an unusual rain storm and it starts pouring rain or even hailing? Based on some of your responses, it sounds like you would have sat down and cried and had it ruin your wedding. 

    However, as annoying as it may have been to go through these scenarios now, you have TIME to figure out an acceptable plan B. It might not be perfect or as cool as a train, but you will still be married, people won't be side eyeing for poor treatment and your wedding won't be ruined. And you'll be thankful that you had the ability to plan a back up in advance. 

    Obviously, everyone on here hopes that your plan A goes well and you have a beautiful wedding. But they are just pointing out that life doesn't always work out that way. 
  • "I think I'd like people to dress creative dressy casual, but again it's September in Oklahoma and can still be HOT."

    True, you didn't specifically say that you were installing a dress code, but what were people to infer from the above comment? Also, you yourself acknowledge the heat in your OP as I've quoted above, so maybe just stop trying to tell us all how we are getting it wrong. Either you want help from us to sort out a plan b or you don't, and if it's the latter then this ain't the place for you. If you stop thinking what big meanies we are for one minute you might see that were are trying to help you. Seriously.
    Some of you have actually been nice and I appreciate that. I do feel that some of you have been trying to help and I feel some of you are just being snarky to be snarky. It can be hot at the beginning of September, but it's nice at the end of the month when my wedding is. The daily average high on the 24th is 80, that will happen around noon, five hours later, it will be much cooler and the sun will be setting. Being Oklahoma, there's almost always a breeze and the gazebo is surrounded on three sides with water, so that will further cool the area.

    The restaurant will work, I but it's not ideal and honestly, it's not what I want and I would feel stupid doing it that way. I'd also forfeit the money paid to the ceremony venue as they require full payment a month in advance and at this point are refusing to give me a copy of the contract I signed. You guys honestly have me freaking out. I literally do not know what to do to have the wedding I planned other than pray and ask everyone else to pray, too. And this isn't just me, this is my fiance too. He picked this venue because of the train and he was so excited about that, that there was no way for me to say no. 

    If only 50-75% of the invitees show up, I can have the restaurant set up in a more traditional manner, I saw a party there last week with about 30 people set up in what will be the dance floor. I could then have it set up with rows and an aisle and then the chairs would just be moved back to the tables. 

    Yes, I'm pouting a bit. I feel like my dream wedding is being trashed. 
    A backup plan is just that, a backup in case the dream wedding you plan (which really does sound lovely!) doesn't work out. No it's not ideal, but it's there in case it's raining or 100 degrees, or 50 MPH winds. Hopefully you don't have to use it. 

    As as for the second bolded, this you will know by that point if you have to activate the backup plan. You'll know the number of attendees so if you have to make the call to have it inside you'll be able to tell them how many people/how you want it set up. Again, hopefully you won't need to. 

    Im not trying to trash your wedding, just trying to point out that outdoor weddings require more coordination and having a viable plan in case the weather does not cooperate. This is not a reflection of you or your choices, it just means you need an alternate plan to properly host/treat your guests in the case of bad weather. 
  • Can't drink. I'm breastfeeding. Now I'm sulking about that too.

    I'm going to contact the farm today and see if they have a contingency plan, like allowing me to use the barn or a pavilion for no extra charge.
    Of course you can sulk if your dream plan doesn't work out! Just don't sulk for too long and then pull yourself together and be excited that you're getting married no matter what!
    And that sounds like a fantastic idea. I'm sure they've had to deal with weather issues at least once or twice in the past. 
  • geebee908 said:
    Your dream wedding is lovely and I hope it works out for you, but since you don't control the weather there's a crucial piece that's out of your hands and you may have to compromise. It won't be your dream wedding if the weather doesn't cooperate.
    You're right. That's a fantastic point. Can I still stomp my feet and say "I don't wanna" though?
    Yes of course you can! But be a good host and plan for the unexpected. I truly hope it all works out because it is a beautiful place.
  • To the bolded: please keep in perspective that this is a plan b. This only happens if it's too hot or it rains. Chances are that your plans are absolutely fine, but you really need to think about your guests too, asking people to 'suck it up' isn't right. You may never need this, but if you were not prepared to compromise at all then you probably shouldn't have chosen an unpredictable setting for your ceremony. 

    I get it, this is the wedding you want and the wedding you paid for. It sucks you feel like it's being trashed but that isn't whats really happening at all, we're just trying to help you see that you need a contingency. Have a drink and sulk a bit, but definitely make a solid plan b.
    Can't drink. I'm breastfeeding. Now I'm sulking about that too.

    I'm going to contact the farm today and see if they have a contingency plan, like allowing me to use the barn or a pavilion for no extra charge.
    It's 9pm in the UK, I'm having a glass of wine on your behalf  ;)
                 
  • It's 9pm in the UK, I'm having a glass of wine on your behalf  ;)
    Describe it to me? LOL JK. I'd love a good glass of wine or a beer. I just don't want to pump & dump.
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