Wedding Woes

I have everything I want, except this one tiny thing, and I'm obsessing about it.

Dear Prudence,
My fiancée is an amazing, hard-working woman who adopted two high-risk teens and raised them into smart young women. She is in great shape, bikes, hikes, and loves the great outdoors. We have sex three times a week, and she is meticulous about it. My problem is the lack of presentation—she hardly dresses up or does her hair in anything but a ponytail and only throws on lipstick for work. She is not a slob in sweats, but the only time I have seen her in a skirt was for a funeral. I have tried to bring up lingerie, and she laughed herself sick. We are both in our early 40s, and she is everything I want. Is it too much to ask for some pretty wrapping now and then?

—No Dress Up

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Re: I have everything I want, except this one tiny thing, and I'm obsessing about it.

  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216
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    Yes, it is too much. LW needs to get a grip.
    SP29spockforprezMesmrEwe
  • What a jerk! I'm sure he knew this was her style before he proposed so why is he expecting her to change now?

    I like wearing makeup and curling my hair on occasion but the norm for me is no makeup hair in a bun. DH always says I don't need makeup and I'm pretty sure I've gotten more compliments in yoga pants and a T-shirt then when I'm all dressed up. That is what LW's fiance deserves.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    OurWildKingdommonkeysip
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216
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    "Meticulous". What an odd word t use to describe your sex life.
    I missed that! 

    A couple of FW's closest friends suggested to her that she should dress more maturely, and my mother said to me in the early days of our courtship that FW needs to be more "femme" (she was wearing a lot of t-shirts and jeans at the time and now mostly wears camisoles and yoga pants or sundresses). I would never say either of those things because I like the way she looks no matter what, and even if I didn't, it's none of my business.
  • thefanciestbecklerthefanciestbeckler Chattanooga, TN
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    This is dumb. If these 2 people were together long enough to get engaged, they were together long enough for LW to know the way his/her FI presents herself.

    LW's FI leads a very active lifestyle, and it's likely that "pretty wrapping" (gag) isn't practical for her. Some people just don't like dressing up, and lingerie just isn't everyone's "thing". Get over it. If this is a dealbreaker, LW isn't with the right person.

    OurWildKingdomSP29
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI
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    How does LW see this ending:  "hey honey, you know how I've asked you to dress up more?  Well I asked Prudey and she agrees!"
    image
  • At this point in her life, she probably just doesn't feel the need to fit society's standards for how an attractive woman should dress and groom herself.  As long as she's taking care of herself (he said she's not a slob), then he needs to get over it.

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    SP29
  • atomicblondeatomicblonde The Shire
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    edited June 2016
    baconsmom said:

    Dear Prudence,
    My fiancée is an amazing, hard-working woman who adopted two high-risk teens and raised them into smart young women. She is in great shape, bikes, hikes, and loves the great outdoors. We have sex three times a week, and she is meticulous about it. My problem is the lack of presentation—she hardly dresses up or does her hair in anything but a ponytail and only throws on lipstick for work. She is not a slob in sweats, but the only time I have seen her in a skirt was for a funeral. I have tried to bring up lingerie, and she laughed herself sick. We are both in our early 40s, and she is everything I want. Is it too much to ask for some pretty wrapping now and then?

    —No Dress Up

    I don't think this is about dressing up at all. Why would he even mention lingerie if this is about her daily presentation? How does lingerie even come into play at all there???? There's no mention of him asking her about any other clothing choices that are appropriate for actual dressing up. Just lingerie. She's probably not a VS model, so that's not really appropriate anywhere.

    I think this issue is about him wanting her to "dress up" during meticulous sexy time, but he doesn't want to look like a complete ass for complaining that his wife won't sexy dress for him. 

    Honestly, I'd laugh myself sick, too, if DH's idea of dressing up was lingerie.

    Edited because WTF TK????


    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

  • I like the sound of meticulous sexy time. It appeals to my type A side.
    I agree - in the case of a quickie before you head out the door, meticulous sexy time would not muss up my hair. Brilliant!
    OurWildKingdom
  • Huh, I don't wear makeup, don't own much lingerie.  I just take off my top or walk around in one of BF's shirts. He is always happy that. Guess we're doing this wrong. 

    And I don't even want to know what "meticulous" sex is like. I prefer my sex to be funny and raunchy. 

    OurWildKingdom
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216
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    And I don't even want to know what "meticulous" sex is like. I prefer my sex to be funny and raunchy. 
    Me too!
    drunkenwitch
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