Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Moms and Maids
Moms and Maids
New Discussion
Options

Concerned for my bridesmaid

PiebarBridePiebarBride member
First Anniversary First Comment
edited June 2016 in Moms and Maids
Hey everyone,
   I have a friend who I asked to be a bridesmaid but the past few months have been very difficult. She is having some health issues and the medicine she is on is making her uncontrollable. Her emotions are all over the place and she has been sort of unreliable. I have been asking her as a friend to go talk to someone but she is refuses because money is tight or she doesn't have time. My mom and I have talked and are going to buy her dress for her but I am still really worried for her health. How do I tell her that she really needs to go talk to someone without it making it seem like I am cornering her or adding more stress to her. I just don't know what to do!?
Report Reply to Post

Re: Concerned for my bridesmaid

  • Options
    thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Hi there, 
    First, please change your username for internet privacy.

    My opinion is that if you've already been asking her to get help and she's refused, it's all you can really do. However, if she's using the "money is tight" excuse, ask her if her employer has an Employee Assistance Program. Some people aren't aware those exist or if their employer even has one. They can offer free or low-cost counseling. 
    ________________________________


    Report Reply
  • Options
    PiebarBridePiebarBride member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Thanks! I had changed my username but I guess it took forever to take effect! Should be better now!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    PiebarBride said:
    Hey everyone,
       I have a friend who I asked to be a bridesmaid but the past few months have been very difficult. She is having some health issues and the medicine she is on is making her uncontrollable. Her emotions are all over the place and she has been sort of unreliable. I have been asking her as a friend to go talk to someone but she is refuses because money is tight or she doesn't have time. My mom and I have talked and are going to buy her dress for her but I am still really worried for her health. How do I tell her that she really needs to go talk to someone without it making it seem like I am cornering her or adding more stress to her. I just don't know what to do!?

    Ditto PP.  You have already said something to your friend.  Keep the wedding out of your friendship.  Remember to ask her about herself and see how she is doing.  Sometimes (and I'm not accusing you of this, but previous posters have done this) wedding blinders go on and all you can talk about is the wedding.  Its also very nice of your to purchase her dress for her.

    As PP said, see if she has access to EAP.  It can provide her with a few free sessions.  Or also suggest she find an online support group.  As gently as you can, keep suggesting that she make an appointment with her doctor.  There may be a better medication option out there for her.

    Report Reply
  • Options
    charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    PiebarBride said:
    Hey everyone,
       I have a friend who I asked to be a bridesmaid but the past few months have been very difficult. She is having some health issues and the medicine she is on is making her uncontrollable. Her emotions are all over the place and she has been sort of unreliable. I have been asking her as a friend to go talk to someone but she is refuses because money is tight or she doesn't have time. My mom and I have talked and are going to buy her dress for her but I am still really worried for her health. How do I tell her that she really needs to go talk to someone without it making it seem like I am cornering her or adding more stress to her. I just don't know what to do!?
    Depending on what her health issues are and the medicine she is prescribed this may be a side effect that she just has to learn to manage. Her doctors may (or may not) be aware of the impact on her behavior and they might not have alternatives at this point. It also may take her a while to adjust to the medicine regime and she just has to wait it out. There's really no way to know.

    You've reached out to her and expressed concern for health, you've generously offered to buy her dress. I agree with suggesting EAP. You can't force someone to talk to a doctor or counselor if they don't want to. Just try to be there for her and encourage her to be in touch with her health care team if her symptoms don't subside or she can no longer maintain her normal activities. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I agree with PPs that you can recommend EAPs or other low-cost resources that might be available to your friend, such as through non-profits or public groups. It's also nice that you offered to purchase the dress for her.

    But it's up to her if she wants to avail herself of any help. All you can do is reach out to her as you have without mentioning your wedding 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I agree with PPs that you can recommend EAPs or other low-cost resources that might be available to your friend, such as through non-profits or public groups. It's also nice that you offered to purchase the dress for her.

    But it's up to her if she wants to avail herself of any help. All you can do is reach out to her as you have without mentioning your wedding.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its

    I may be reading between the lines here and making assumptions, but it kind of seems like you're saying "how can I help her?" but meaning "I'm worried she's going to be BSC and ruin the wedding."

    Keep the wedding out of this - her being a BM in your wedding is unrelated to whatever is going on with her. It sounds like you've already voiced concerned and nudged her to get help. That's really all you can do. Sorry you're going through this.

    *********************************************************************************

    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    JediElizabethJediElizabeth member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I have family like this. Unless you can refer her to a social worker or agency who can help her manage the system and get the care she needs at prices she can afford, there's nothing you can do but what you've already done. And even then, it's up to her to pick up the phone and call the person or agency.

    If she doesn't want help, she will keep making excuses not to get help. All you can do is be there for her.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    MandTFebruary62011MandTFebruary62011 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Most universities with a Master's in Counseling program have a free clinic where students practice prior to internship. They are heavily supervised and this can be a great resource.  You may want to look into local universities as a free option.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    southernbelle0915 said:

    I may be reading between the lines here and making assumptions, but it kind of seems like you're saying "how can I help her?" but meaning "I'm worried she's going to be BSC and ruin the wedding."

    Keep the wedding out of this - her being a BM in your wedding is unrelated to whatever is going on with her. It sounds like you've already voiced concerned and nudged her to get help. That's really all you can do. Sorry you're going through this.

    Exactly what I was thinking too.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Knottie1466018219Knottie1466018219 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    DrillSergeantCat said:
    southernbelle0915 said:

    I may be reading between the lines here and making assumptions, but it kind of seems like you're saying "how can I help her?" but meaning "I'm worried she's going to be BSC and ruin the wedding."

    Keep the wedding out of this - her being a BM in your wedding is unrelated to whatever is going on with her. It sounds like you've already voiced concerned and nudged her to get help. That's really all you can do. Sorry you're going through this.

    Exactly what I was thinking too.
    Wow.  You have no clue what she is really thinking or feeling about this situation.  Perhaps she is just super concerned.  Way to make this into drama.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    glasgowtolondonglasgowtolondon member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Knottie1466018219 said:
    DrillSergeantCat said:
    southernbelle0915 said:

    I may be reading between the lines here and making assumptions, but it kind of seems like you're saying "how can I help her?" but meaning "I'm worried she's going to be BSC and ruin the wedding."

    Keep the wedding out of this - her being a BM in your wedding is unrelated to whatever is going on with her. It sounds like you've already voiced concerned and nudged her to get help. That's really all you can do. Sorry you're going through this.

    Exactly what I was thinking too.
    Wow.  You have no clue what she is really thinking or feeling about this situation.  Perhaps she is just super concerned.  Way to make this into drama.
    I can see why you'd say that, but honestly 9/10 this statement is correct. I know you are new here, why don't you change your username and stick around. I promise you, you'll see why this was said.
                 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Knottie1466018219Knottie1466018219 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    glasgowtolondon said:
    Knottie1466018219 said:
    DrillSergeantCat said:
    southernbelle0915 said:

    I may be reading between the lines here and making assumptions, but it kind of seems like you're saying "how can I help her?" but meaning "I'm worried she's going to be BSC and ruin the wedding."

    Keep the wedding out of this - her being a BM in your wedding is unrelated to whatever is going on with her. It sounds like you've already voiced concerned and nudged her to get help. That's really all you can do. Sorry you're going through this.

    Exactly what I was thinking too.
    Wow.  You have no clue what she is really thinking or feeling about this situation.  Perhaps she is just super concerned.  Way to make this into drama.
    I can see why you'd say that, but honestly 9/10 this statement is correct. I know you are new here, why don't you change your username and stick around. I promise you, you'll see why this was said.
    How do I change my username?  Thanks for wanting me to stick around!

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards