Curious what The Knot thinks about this

SaintPaulGal · July 2016

Oh, and I have never encountered a wedding or other large event where you could order on the day of. That sounds horrendously complicated to execute well and in a timely manner. How does that even work? Is it basically like a buffet where they serve you behind the scenes? Do they cook to order with a huge delay? Inquiring minds want to know.

thisismynickname2 · July 2016

I'm curious if the $100 a plate includes alcohol. Even the fanciest city restaurants don't charge $100 for just steak (well, some can, but it's rare, no pun intended). If the young kids want steak, maybe the cost can be adjusted.

Something about adults who assume kids only eat chicken nuggets, mac and cheese, and cheese pizza really ticks me off.

Same as a PP, I have no memories of eating any meal different from what my parents were eating. I just had smaller portions.

delujm0 · July 2016

I'd call and clarify, but feed the kids the steak if that's what they want. I never ate steak as a kid (still don't) and would have been thrilled with the chicken nuggets. My sister routinely took down 16oz steaks as young as 4 years old, and then would ask for part of my mother's meal. We would go out to dinner, and this tiny 4 year old would look at the server and say "I will have the 16oz (whatever cut of beef it was, I can't remember), medium rare please" and the server would look at my parents like "seriously? you want me to bring her that?" and then she would basically lick her plate clean.

Don't get me wrong, she'd also eat chicken nuggets...but she far preferred steak. If the kid prefers steak, you should let them have steak. My sister would have been pissed if she got nuggets and then my parents had steak right in front of her - i can tell you right now, one of my parents would have been eating the chicken nugget meal so that she could have their steak, to avoid a scene. Offering one meal to some guests but disallowing other guests to order it is extremely rude. Kids are still guests. This is no different than people who offer their wedding party better meals than everyone else. If you don't want to pay $100 for a kid to eat, you shouldn't invite kids to the wedding. Or you shouldn't offer a $100/plate meal option to anyone. Either way.

climbingsingle · July 2016

thisismynickname said:

I'm curious if the $100 a plate includes alcohol. Even the fanciest city restaurants don't charge $100 for just steak (well, some can, but it's rare, no pun intended). If the young kids want steak, maybe the cost can be adjusted.

Something about adults who assume kids only eat chicken nuggets, mac and cheese, and cheese pizza really ticks me off.

Same as a PP, I have no memories of eating any meal different from what my parents were eating. I just had smaller portions.

Our venue came out to $130 per head, not including alcohol. So yes, that's possible.

[Deleted User] · July 2016

We ate what we were told, or were sent to bed with a spanking and no dinner at all.

flantastic · July 2016

A&B567 said:

We ate what we were told, or were sent to bed with a spanking and no dinner at all.

Okay? That still makes it the parents' decision of what to feed their children, and rude to host children in a lesser way than the adults.

ei34 · July 2016

climbingwife said:
.
Our venue came out to $130 per head, not including alcohol. So yes, that's possible.

Ditto. Gotta love NYC and its suburbs.

[Deleted User] · July 2016

flantastic said:

A&B567 said:

We ate what we were told, or were sent to bed with a spanking and no dinner at all.

Okay? That still makes it the parents' decision of what to feed their children, and rude to host children in a lesser way than the adults.

Yup. And we'll be providing all the same options to children as to adults at our reception.

climbingsingle · July 2016

A&B567 said:

We ate what we were told, or were sent to bed with a spanking and no dinner at all.

Not sure how that quite relates to this post, but thanks for sharing.

bleve0821 · July 2016

When I was in ski-wee as a 5/6 yo, chicken nuggets were the lunch offered every day. I HATED chicken nuggets, and I remember the instructors being angry because I wouldn't eat them. Ever. I would have preferred a burger or a steak. I'm still not a fan of chicken nuggets.

Chicken nuggets are not a universal kid's meal. If my kids didn't like the kid's meal choice, I would check the box of a meal they would eat. They have to be fed, too. It's that simple. Hosts should not dictate what guests of any age should eat, regardless of how much the plate costs.

MairePoppy · July 2016

The parents probably thought the chicken nuggets meal was an option, not a requirement, which is how it should be. Kids aren't less entitled guests at weddings. The couple should call the banquet manager and ask if they can have the cost of alcohol deducted from the children's steak dinners. I'd submit the orders that the parents wrote for their own children.

Substituting with chicken nuggets is the wrong answer. What if the children are gluten intolerant?

MairePoppy · July 2016

SaintPaulGal said:

Oh, and I have never encountered a wedding or other large event where you could order on the day of. That sounds horrendously complicated to execute well and in a timely manner. How does that even work? Is it basically like a buffet where they serve you behind the scenes? Do they cook to order with a huge delay? Inquiring minds want to know.

I've attended one wedding where the guests ordered table side from a menu of three dinners with appropriate accompaniments. We were served appetizer and salad, presumably while the meals were being plated. It didn't take any longer to serve than pre-ordered entrees, but it must have been expensive for the hosts to have extra of everything ready to serve.

madamerwin · July 2016

lovegood90 said:

I know this is the wrong answer and etiquette can curse me to hell, but there's no effing way I'd be feeding a 3 year old a $100 steak.

If people on here can say "I know it's incorrect etiquette but I'm not giving a 20 year old living at home their own invitation, because that's pointless and a waste of money," well...this is even more so IMO.

That being said, I do think it's strange that there's only one option for kids.

*dodges tomatoes*

Everyone should be offered the same food options at a wedding, period. Just because someone is a child doesn't mean they like chicken nuggets, and the host should not be deciding for anyone what they eat.

To the bolded: If you're referring to the recent post on Invites and Paper, you should re-read it. No one said that you should not send a 20 year-old their own invite simply because it's a waste of money and paper, though some of us (me included) said there may be exceptions to the rule.

And including a young adult on their parents' invite is not the same as choosing an inferior meal for some wedding guests: How one addresses an invitation will not affect the comfort of the guests at your event; dictating that they get one, cheaper meal option when everyone else gets a more expensive one will affect the comfort of your guests. If you're not prepared to feed each of your guests a $100 steak, then choose another, less expensive meal.

MairePoppy · July 2016

A&B567 said:

We ate what we were told, or were sent to bed with a spanking and no dinner at all.

I had a friend who had parents like yours. The kids had to sit at the table until they finished the food the parents put on their plates. My friend was a picky eater and very stubborn. Meal times were long and miserable. Most nights my friend took the spankings and bed, or falling asleep at the table, over eating her peas or liver. She was hospitalized multiple times for malnutrition in grammar school and became a constant truant and runaway in high school. Her parents could never figure out what was wrong with her. That was a very long time ago. These days, a pediatrician and social worker would probably catch on to the situation pretty quickly.

kahluakoala · July 2016

Agreeing with the consensus here. It's possible it was an oversight but it's possible it wasn't. Couple should call the parents to ask, but definitely frame it as "we want your kids to be comfortable and happy and full at our wedding!". Maybe they want chicken nuggets, maybe they don't, maybe the caterer can split the steak and give the kids both sides (a 3 year old shouldn't be eating a 12 oz steak, for example). Just ask!

thisismynickname2 · July 2016

MairePoppy said:

A&B567 said:

We ate what we were told, or were sent to bed with a spanking and no dinner at all.

I had a friend who had parents like yours. The kids had to sit at the table until they finished the food the parents put on their plates. My friend was a picky eater and very stubborn. Meal times were long and miserable. Most nights my friend took the spankings and bed, or falling asleep at the table, over eating her peas or liver. She was hospitalized multiple times for malnutrition in grammar school and became a constant truant and runaway in high school. Her parents could never figure out what was wrong with her. That was a very long time ago. These days, a pediatrician and social worker would probably catch on to the situation pretty quickly.

What?? That sounds extreme. I also grew up in an "eat what you're told and don't leave the table until you're finished" household. I was also spanked for discipline up until the age of about 6, but no spankings in conjunction with the meal thing. I was picky, whined and cried over some meals but ultimately learned to choke down peas. I was never truant, malnourished, nor a runaway, and am now a productive member of society. There was zero need for any pediatrician or social worker to get involved in my home life, trust me.

I think you have to have a lot of extra money lying around for groceries if you're going to cater to a young child's taste whims. Your friend's stubbornness sounds more like the issue than her parents trying to get her to eat what they're able to provide to her.

Off topic, but, really.

lyndausvi · July 2016

STARMOON44 said:

I think it's rude to offer a lovely dinner to some of your guests and chicken nuggets and fries are the only option for others. Offering a children's meal is a nice thing to do. Refusing to let them have other food because it is expensive isn't good hosting.

This

That said, I would call to confirm, especially the younger of the 2 kids.

FWIW - My husband has a kid's filet on his kid's menu. It's ordered as often as the chicken fingers.

I would also call the venue and ask for a kid's size filet at a lower cost. It's 2 kids, they might negotiate. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

banana468 · July 2016

thisismynickname said:

MairePoppy said:

A&B567 said:

We ate what we were told, or were sent to bed with a spanking and no dinner at all.

I had a friend who had parents like yours. The kids had to sit at the table until they finished the food the parents put on their plates. My friend was a picky eater and very stubborn. Meal times were long and miserable. Most nights my friend took the spankings and bed, or falling asleep at the table, over eating her peas or liver. She was hospitalized multiple times for malnutrition in grammar school and became a constant truant and runaway in high school. Her parents could never figure out what was wrong with her. That was a very long time ago. These days, a pediatrician and social worker would probably catch on to the situation pretty quickly.

What?? That sounds extreme. I also grew up in an "eat what you're told and don't leave the table until you're finished" household. I was also spanked for discipline up until the age of about 6, but no spankings in conjunction with the meal thing. I was picky, whined and cried over some meals but ultimately learned to choke down peas. I was never truant, malnourished, nor a runaway, and am now a productive member of society. There was zero need for any pediatrician or social worker to get involved in my home life, trust me.

I think you have to have a lot of extra money lying around for groceries if you're going to cater to a young child's taste whims. Your friend's stubbornness sounds more like the issue than her parents trying to get her to eat what they're able to provide to her.

Off topic, but, really.

Not really. I have picky eaters. I keep healthy basics on hand in case they refuse dinner. My 22 mo will scream if he hates something and the 5 yo is stubborn enough to not eat which leads to her vomiting the following morning. Has happened every time I play the "eat it or else" game. For someone to tell another parent what or how to feed their child is bullshit as long as the child isn't malnourished.

It's certainly possible to have a meal be over $100. The cost goes with how it can cost nearly $30k for an average wedding in CT.

I'd clarify that's what the parents intended and then see if you can get a child's portion.

lyndausvi · July 2016

MairePoppy said:

SaintPaulGal said:

Oh, and I have never encountered a wedding or other large event where you could order on the day of. That sounds horrendously complicated to execute well and in a timely manner. How does that even work? Is it basically like a buffet where they serve you behind the scenes? Do they cook to order with a huge delay? Inquiring minds want to know.

I've attended one wedding where the guests ordered table side from a menu of three dinners with appropriate accompaniments. We were served appetizer and salad, presumably while the meals were being plated. It didn't take any longer to serve than pre-ordered entrees, but it must have been expensive for the hosts to have extra of everything ready to serve.

I've attended quite a few weddings with table size ordering. SIL's wedding had SEVEN different options. They also had 4 courses.

DH has done them, but not often. He just doesn't have the kitchen space or staff to pull it off like where SIL's wedding was held. She had her wedding at a big banquet hall that has the staff and equipment to cook 382 dinners at one time.

GlamQueenBride · July 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:

I'm just in awe that a steak dinner is $100 a plate. We're offering an option of steak and chicken and with all the appetizers and the chocolate fountain it's less than $37 a person. I'd have a hard time offering a $100 meal to a 3 year old too, but then again I'd have an equally difficult time offering it at all.

Depends on the venue. At my venue, you have four packages to choose from. The least expensive is $90.00 per person (not including bar) and includes 10 entree options, from which you choose two for your guests to choose from. The most expensive is $155.00 per person and includes 25 entree options, from which you choose two for your guests to choose from. If it's a venue like that, the cheapest thing on the menu is $90 a plate.

GlamQueenBride · July 2016

thisismynickname said:

I'm curious if the $100 a plate includes alcohol. Even the fanciest city restaurants don't charge $100 for just steak (well, some can, but it's rare, no pun intended). If the young kids want steak, maybe the cost can be adjusted.

Something about adults who assume kids only eat chicken nuggets, mac and cheese, and cheese pizza really ticks me off.

Same as a PP, I have no memories of eating any meal different from what my parents were eating. I just had smaller portions.

What city? Because this is pretty typical for wedding meals in many cities. We looked into venues in Los Angeles, NYC, and Boston (all places where we have a lot of family) and $100.00 per person, excluding alcohol wasn't at all uncommon. In fact, a few of the places we had to immediately cross off our list was over $200 per person and some had a minimum of $20,000 for just catering, even if you had a guest list of 40 people.

lyndausvi · July 2016

GlamQueenBride said:

thisismynickname said:

I'm curious if the $100 a plate includes alcohol. Even the fanciest city restaurants don't charge $100 for just steak (well, some can, but it's rare, no pun intended). If the young kids want steak, maybe the cost can be adjusted.

Something about adults who assume kids only eat chicken nuggets, mac and cheese, and cheese pizza really ticks me off.

Same as a PP, I have no memories of eating any meal different from what my parents were eating. I just had smaller portions.

What city? Because this is pretty typical for wedding meals in many cities. We looked into venues in Los Angeles, NYC, and Boston (all places where we have a lot of family) and $100.00 per person, excluding alcohol wasn't at all uncommon. In fact, a few of the places we had to immediately cross off our list was over $200 per person and some had a minimum of $20,000 for just catering, even if you had a guest list of 40 people.

My DH runs a $150 steak at his restaurant as a special a few times a month. He always sells out of them. There are people who ask for him to call him when he is going to have it as a special.

We got married in South NJ. We paid $82 for just steak and crab cake (this was 8 years ago). Apps were additional. Heck plates and silverware were additional. (note- we didn't get married at an a-la carte place.)

SP29 · July 2016

I've been to one wedding that had table side ordering, and the rest had either a buffet or if a plated meal, required a meal choice with the RSVP.

IME, in the case of an RSVP meal choice, this has been at a banquet venue site where I assume they must order food for each event, as they aren't putting out meals every day, with not a lot of place to store large quantities, so the number of each meal matters. In the case of the table side order, the wedding was held at a restaurant, where I assume they are used to making large amounts of food quickly and daily and can stock and store what they need in a large kitchen. There was not a large time difference between ordering and receiving our meal with the table side ordering.

The table side ordering wedding was also only ~50 people, where as the other weddings were anywhere from 60-150 people.

Regarding the 100pp- I can easily see how it would cost this much. A lot depends on what the pp price is covering (apps for cocktail hour? 3 courses or 7 courses? steak only or steak and chicken?), but from what I noticed when looking at venues a lot of that price is paying for the venue itself. From what I found there wasn't a separate venue fee + food fee when the venue is the one providing the food, so you're paying for the venue, and a pretty venue is $$$. Location as well. Anything that I looked at remotely close to Toronto the price was easily double for the same package offering as what I found in my local city.

lyndausvi · July 2016

SP29 said:

I've been to one wedding that had table side ordering, and the rest had either a buffet or if a plated meal, required a meal choice with the RSVP.

IME, in the case of an RSVP meal choice, this has been at a banquet venue site where I assume they must order food for each event, as they aren't putting out meals every day, with not a lot of place to store large quantities, so the number of each meal matters. In the case of the table side order, the wedding was held at a restaurant, where I assume they are used to making large amounts of food quickly and daily and can stock and store what they need in a large kitchen. There was not a large time difference between ordering and receiving our meal with the table side ordering.

The table side ordering wedding was also only ~50 people, where as the other weddings were anywhere from 60-150 people.

Regarding the 100pp- I can easily see how it would cost this much. A lot depends on what the pp price is covering (apps for cocktail hour? 3 courses or 7 courses? steak only or steak and chicken?), but from what I noticed when looking at venues a lot of that price is paying for the venue itself. From what I found there wasn't a separate venue fee + food fee when the venue is the one providing the food, so you're paying for the venue, and a pretty venue is $$$. Location as well. Anything that I looked at remotely close to Toronto the price was easily double for the same package offering as what I found in my local city.

It really depends on the venue. DH's restaurant can only produce 100 a-la carte meals an hour at his restaurant. So he can't do table side-ordering for a huge banquet. Under 50 he can. However, he can pump out RSVP dinner for 300+ with not problem. For buffets he can do even more. Yesterday did one for 900 people. Although he had to bring in a 35+ refrigerated container just to store the food because he just didn't have the space.

My SIL's wedding was at a banquet place. They have events pretty much every day. They can pump out 300+ events with table side ordering with no effort. Their kitchen and storage is setup for those events. Based on history of other events they have a decent ideal the breakdown of what people will order.

ETA - size of the kitchen and staff make a huge difference. There are kitchens that are so big they have conveyor belts with staff just plating up the food like an assemble line. Tons of waitstaff just picks up the finished plates, takes them to the table and then they circle around for the next table.. It's can be pretty impressive to see the behind the scenes when it comes to these things.

MesmrEwe · July 2016

IMO - pick up the phone - there may be a dietary consideration that needs to be taken into account. But yea - not buying a 3yo a steak - just say'n! And, I don't care whether it's a $100 one or $10 one.

themosthappy91 · July 2016

thisismynickname said:

MairePoppy said:

A&B567 said:

We ate what we were told, or were sent to bed with a spanking and no dinner at all.

I had a friend who had parents like yours. The kids had to sit at the table until they finished the food the parents put on their plates. My friend was a picky eater and very stubborn. Meal times were long and miserable. Most nights my friend took the spankings and bed, or falling asleep at the table, over eating her peas or liver. She was hospitalized multiple times for malnutrition in grammar school and became a constant truant and runaway in high school. Her parents could never figure out what was wrong with her. That was a very long time ago. These days, a pediatrician and social worker would probably catch on to the situation pretty quickly.

What?? That sounds extreme. I also grew up in an "eat what you're told and don't leave the table until you're finished" household. I was also spanked for discipline up until the age of about 6, but no spankings in conjunction with the meal thing. I was picky, whined and cried over some meals but ultimately learned to choke down peas. I was never truant, malnourished, nor a runaway, and am now a productive member of society. There was zero need for any pediatrician or social worker to get involved in my home life, trust me.

I think you have to have a lot of extra money lying around for groceries if you're going to cater to a young child's taste whims. Your friend's stubbornness sounds more like the issue than her parents trying to get her to eat what they're able to provide to her.

Off topic, but, really.

Not as extreme as @MairePoppy's example but I also know two people (one cousin, one friend) for whom the whole "eat what you're told or else" thing did not work out well at all. Both have lifelong issues with food which they attribute in large part to epic battles they had with their parents over dinner every night from a young age.

Sternness has its place and plenty of kids benefit from parents who insist they clean their plate. But plenty of kids also end up fucked up about eating because of that mentality. It's really a know your kids thing- and yeah, if you have a stubborn kid that's going to mean weighing how often you are comfortable sending them to bed without food/watching them throw up if that's really the approach you're committed to.

I'm certainly going to try to get my kids to eat the same food as the rest of the family, but I'm also definitely going to be open to offering them a healthy alternative if it's that or regularly send them to bed without dinner.

MairePoppy · July 2016

thisismynickname said:

MairePoppy said:

A&B567 said:

We ate what we were told, or were sent to bed with a spanking and no dinner at all.

I had a friend who had parents like yours. The kids had to sit at the table until they finished the food the parents put on their plates. My friend was a picky eater and very stubborn. Meal times were long and miserable. Most nights my friend took the spankings and bed, or falling asleep at the table, over eating her peas or liver. She was hospitalized multiple times for malnutrition in grammar school and became a constant truant and runaway in high school. Her parents could never figure out what was wrong with her. That was a very long time ago. These days, a pediatrician and social worker would probably catch on to the situation pretty quickly.

What?? That sounds extreme. I also grew up in an "eat what you're told and don't leave the table until you're finished" household. I was also spanked for discipline up until the age of about 6, but no spankings in conjunction with the meal thing. I was picky, whined and cried over some meals but ultimately learned to choke down peas. I was never truant, malnourished, nor a runaway, and am now a productive member of society. There was zero need for any pediatrician or social worker to get involved in my home life, trust me.

I think you have to have a lot of extra money lying around for groceries if you're going to cater to a young child's taste whims. Your friend's stubbornness sounds more like the issue than her parents trying to get her to eat what they're able to provide to her.

Off topic, but, really.

IMO, spanking a kid to try get her to eat, forcing her to sit at the table till she falls asleep and/or sending her to bed hungry is extreme. Not only that, it doesn't always work. If it did, the parents wouldn't have to repeat the scenario.

STARMOON44 · July 2016

MairePoppy said:

thisismynickname said:

MairePoppy said:

A&B567 said:

We ate what we were told, or were sent to bed with a spanking and no dinner at all.

I had a friend who had parents like yours. The kids had to sit at the table until they finished the food the parents put on their plates. My friend was a picky eater and very stubborn. Meal times were long and miserable. Most nights my friend took the spankings and bed, or falling asleep at the table, over eating her peas or liver. She was hospitalized multiple times for malnutrition in grammar school and became a constant truant and runaway in high school. Her parents could never figure out what was wrong with her. That was a very long time ago. These days, a pediatrician and social worker would probably catch on to the situation pretty quickly.

What?? That sounds extreme. I also grew up in an "eat what you're told and don't leave the table until you're finished" household. I was also spanked for discipline up until the age of about 6, but no spankings in conjunction with the meal thing. I was picky, whined and cried over some meals but ultimately learned to choke down peas. I was never truant, malnourished, nor a runaway, and am now a productive member of society. There was zero need for any pediatrician or social worker to get involved in my home life, trust me.

I think you have to have a lot of extra money lying around for groceries if you're going to cater to a young child's taste whims. Your friend's stubbornness sounds more like the issue than her parents trying to get her to eat what they're able to provide to her.

Off topic, but, really.

IMO, spanking a kid to try get her to eat, forcing her to sit at the table till she falls asleep and/or sending her to bed hungry is extreme. Not only that, it doesn't always work. If it did, the parents wouldn't have to repeat the scenario.

IMO it's abuse.

MesmrEwe · July 2016

STARMOON44 said:

MairePoppy said:

thisismynickname said:

MairePoppy said:

A&B567 said:

We ate what we were told, or were sent to bed with a spanking and no dinner at all.

I had a friend who had parents like yours. The kids had to sit at the table until they finished the food the parents put on their plates. My friend was a picky eater and very stubborn. Meal times were long and miserable. Most nights my friend took the spankings and bed, or falling asleep at the table, over eating her peas or liver. She was hospitalized multiple times for malnutrition in grammar school and became a constant truant and runaway in high school. Her parents could never figure out what was wrong with her. That was a very long time ago. These days, a pediatrician and social worker would probably catch on to the situation pretty quickly.

What?? That sounds extreme. I also grew up in an "eat what you're told and don't leave the table until you're finished" household. I was also spanked for discipline up until the age of about 6, but no spankings in conjunction with the meal thing. I was picky, whined and cried over some meals but ultimately learned to choke down peas. I was never truant, malnourished, nor a runaway, and am now a productive member of society. There was zero need for any pediatrician or social worker to get involved in my home life, trust me.

I think you have to have a lot of extra money lying around for groceries if you're going to cater to a young child's taste whims. Your friend's stubbornness sounds more like the issue than her parents trying to get her to eat what they're able to provide to her.

Off topic, but, really.

IMO, spanking a kid to try get her to eat, forcing her to sit at the table till she falls asleep and/or sending her to bed hungry is extreme. Not only that, it doesn't always work. If it did, the parents wouldn't have to repeat the scenario.

IMO it's abuse.

If anything it promotes eating disorders... For what it's worth, in civilized society, chances are the child isn't going to actually starve. It's just not worth the battle to prove a point. At the end of the day, the kid will eat when they're hungry. Obviously, present healthy choices for snacks and they develop a taste for those foods too (apples, fruit, etc.) so when they don't eat a meal it's not the end of the world when 20 minutes later they ask for an apple or other piece of fruit. The "clean plate club" also leads to disordered eating in that they trample their body's own mechanism to distinguish between being full and still wanting to eat more.

TNDancer · July 2016

I agree clean plates are bad. My H still has this issue. He will finish his food even when he is full, or doesn't like the meal.

Curious what The Knot thinks about this

Re: Curious what The Knot thinks about this

Choose Another Board

Search Boards