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Am I prudish to feel some type of way about this

KwajKenDeanKwajKenDean member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So I am all about wedding etiquette, it's just the polite thing to do for hosting a celebration for your friends and family.  Well, I was in a wedding in March, I gave my gift for the shower as well as the wedding and we haven't received a thank you note for either. Am I a prude to think that this is rude to do? I thought the appropriate amount of time to send those out was up to 3 months? Or am I wrong? I feel a little used for the gifts, like that was an expectation that guest are supposed to bring gifts. I asked another family if they received thank yous but they haven't either. Has something changed in the 2 years since I was married?
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Re: Am I prudish to feel some type of way about this

  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    No. You're not prudish and things haven't changed. The B&G were rude in not sending thank you's immediately. They should be sent within two weeks and no later than three months. You might call and ask them if they received it. 
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    KwajKenDean said:
    So I am all about wedding etiquette, it's just the polite thing to do for hosting a celebration for your friends and family.  Well, I was in a wedding in March, I gave my gift for the shower as well as the wedding and we haven't received a thank you note for either. Am I a prude to think that this is rude to do? I thought the appropriate amount of time to send those out was up to 3 months? Or am I wrong? I feel a little used for the gifts, like that was an expectation that guest are supposed to bring gifts. I asked another family if they received thank yous but they haven't either. Has something changed in the 2 years since I was married?
    No nothing has changed, you should have received a thank you by now. Most people here will advocate for sending them as soon as possible, but yah 3 months is way too long. 
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  • KwajKenDeanKwajKenDean member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Very true. I just didn't know what word to use...maybe a snob? I don't know.
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  • anidorikiladraanidorikiladra member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Unfortunately this is becoming common for some people. I attended two weddings last August, and thank yous were late for both. One even just sent out a generic letter to everyone, and it wasn't sent until Christmas! My best friend's thank yous were late, but she did hand make all the cards and have a personalized note. In hindsight she realized it would have been better to have letters sent out quickly than making them all while in school. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I think some people just aren't good at TY notes.   That doesn't make them right but in some cases, I think they just forget.

    That's different IMO than thinking you don't need to do them at all.

    And some are taught that wedding TY notes have a year. 
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Nothing has changed.   People are just rude.




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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    Sadly, people's failure to write thank you notes is as rude and as common as it ever was.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    My aunt is currently hopping mad about not having gotten a TY for shower or wedding gift from a couple from about 2 months ago, nobody received a TY from a wedding I went to last fall (at least nobody from my circle), and it was like 6 months before I got a TY from my heinous cousin after her wedding. I guess some people just don't think it's necessary. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • fyrchkfyrchk member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment

    My cousin never sent thank you's. Her wedding was last September. I got married in June and sent thank you's as soon as we got back from our honeymoon. Apparently, my aunt browbeat my cousin about her lack of courtesy.

    My parent's friend's son got married in October and they also didn't send thank you's. I guess his father was planning on sending them on his behalf because so many family members were calling to ask if they received their gift. Again, I sent my thank you within two weeks and his mother used mine as an example of him being "rude and gift-grabby."

    I was so glad I got mine out because apparently those two have been talked about among my mom's circle for almost a year. And really, how hard is it to write a short note to thank someone who took the time out of their day to give you a gift??

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  • artbyallieartbyallie mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    When I got married 5 years ago, my mom got a slew of compliments from friends and family regarding my prompt thank-you notes. Everyone who mentioned it commented on how rare it is for people to actually send them these days and how much they appreciated it. Conversely, I think we've gotten one thank-you note out of the at least 4-5 weddings we've attended in that time period, and two of those weddings were close family members.
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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    AddieCake said:
    My aunt is currently hopping mad about not having gotten a TY for shower or wedding gift from a couple from about 2 months ago, nobody received a TY from a wedding I went to last fall (at least nobody from my circle), and it was like 6 months before I got a TY from my heinous cousin after her wedding. I guess some people just don't think it's necessary. 
    I don't think 2 months is all that bad (honeymoon, work). I would rather get a late TY than no thank you at all.
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  • KwajKenDeanKwajKenDean member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    banana468 said:
    I think some people just aren't good at TY notes.   That doesn't make them right but in some cases, I think they just forget.

    That's different IMO than thinking you don't need to do them at all.

    And some are taught that wedding TY notes have a year. 
    A year? I've never heard that before. I would think that around 6 months people would be calling the B&G to be sure they received their gift? 
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    MobKaz said:
    fyrchk said:

    My cousin never sent thank you's. Her wedding was last September. I got married in June and sent thank you's as soon as we got back from our honeymoon. Apparently, my aunt browbeat my cousin about her lack of courtesy.

    My parent's friend's son got married in October and they also didn't send thank you's. I guess his father was planning on sending them on his behalf because so many family members were calling to ask if they received their gift. Again, I sent my thank you within two weeks and his mother used mine as an example of him being "rude and gift-grabby."

    If I send a gift via UPS and do not receive a note of acknowledgment, I will absolutely follow up on that with the recipient.  I could care less if it causes them embarrassment.  Sadly, more often than not, I don't think they really care.


    I was so glad I got mine out because apparently those two have been talked about among my mom's circle for almost a year. And really, how hard is it to write a short note to thank someone who took the time out of their day to give you a gift??

    It's not hard at all.  It does require thought.  People that do not send out thank you notes are thoughtless.

    @banana468, I find the excuse that "some people aren't good at writing TY notes" almost worse than those who simply choose not to write them out of rudeness.  These are grown ass adults who hold down jobs that require written skills to a certain degree.  How hard is it to write, "Thanks for the crockpot.  We can't wait to use it".?  (*I'm not calling YOU out regarding the comment, just those who use it in their "defense".)
    I completely understand.    My point is that I think some people are just....daft?   It's different than plain greed.   It's more of a flighty rudeness 
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  • YogaSandyYogaSandy member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Just realized this week we never got a thank you card for BILs wedding. Makes me want to (only a little) reconsider the baby gift I ordered. 
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