Not giving an RSVP is rude . . .

Re: Not giving an RSVP is rude . . .

• lyndausvi mod

  

  July 2016 edited July 2016

  I think it's tacky.     How hard is it to call people to get an answer?
  
  I've told this story numerous times, but it's needs to be re-posted.
  
  I had 6 invitations that were not delivered.   Some had bad addresses, some not sure why.  Some of those were returned to us the week of the wedding.     Point - if the guest doesn't get the invitation, how are they to RSVP?
  
  I had another 5 or so RSVPs show up at our place a few days before the wedding.  These RSVPs had a postmark of 8 weeks before the wedding. POINT -  these guest DID RSVP as soon as they got the invitation but the good ole USPS didn't deliver them to us on time.
  
  A 2 guests just plain forget to drop them in the mail or in one case the RSVP fell between his seats. Out-of-sight, out-of-mind.    Meh, kind of sucks, but life happens.
  
  Basically, I think it's tacky to shame a guests for any reason.  Shit happens and sometimes it's not the fault of the guest.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

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• SP29 member

  

  July 2016

  I do think it is rude for a guest not to RSVP. I would also not expect a host to accommodate a guest who showed up at an event without RSVPing (I am assuming the host tried to contact the guest at least once), but I think these cards are over the top.
  
  No need to shame. If the hosts aren't prepared to provide a meal (which is fine), there would be no need for a place card anyway. And if the hosts/venue are able to accommodate the guest, what's the point of shaming them more? They (and other guests) probably realize they are out of place when the venue is running around to set an extra place setting somewhere.
  

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• ei34 member

  

  July 2016

  First and foremost I HATE "anyways" instead of "anyway".
  Making those cards seem like around the same amount of effort as calling the non-rsvp guests and confirming their rsvp.
  My husband's family is awful with rsvp'ing, as in they just don't. Wedding, kids' birthdays and baptisms, etc...no matter what the occasion, they don't respond. I just call them...it's annoying but I would never make place cards like that.

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• Jen4948 member

  

  July 2016 edited July 2016

  It's very rude not to RSVP, but these cards try to passive-aggressively teach the guests in question a lesson, and that's just as rude.

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• OurWildKingdom member

  

  July 2016

  Jen4948 said:

  It's very rude not to RSVP, but these cards try to passive-aggressively teach the guests in question a lesson, and that's just as rude.

  Exactly.

  

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• LD1970 member

  

  July 2016

  eileenrob said:

  First and foremost I HATE "anyways" instead of "anyway".
  Making those cards seem like around the same amount of effort as calling the non-rsvp guests and confirming their rsvp.
  My husband's family is awful with rsvp'ing, as in they just don't. Wedding, kids' birthdays and baptisms, etc...no matter what the occasion, they don't respond. I just call them...it's annoying but I would never make place cards like that.
  
  SITB
  
  That's because"anyways" is incorrect grammar, and I hate the person who made those ridiculous cards a lot more than people who don't RSVP.

  You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
  

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• scrunchythief member

  

  July 2016

  That way is super rude.  But I kind of like the idea of pointing out where extra seats are, in case someone comes when you didn't receive an RSVP from them, for whatever reason.  I can't think of a good way to put it on a place card though.

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• LtPowers member

  

  July 2016

  Without a Pinterest account, I can't quite see what's being discussed here.
  
  
  

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• cowgirl8238 member

  

  July 2016

  LtPowers said:

  Without a Pinterest account, I can't quite see what's being discussed here.
  
  
  

  They are place cards that say "I didn't RSVP but came anyways" and then have "Table 20" written below it.
  

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• cowgirl8238 member

  

  July 2016

  I think that someone who fails to take the time to RSVP is rude, but it is most likely unintentional so I don't judge.  Its the people that don't call you back when you follow-up on their missing RSVP that are annoying.
  

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• DrillSergeantCat member

  

  July 2016

  cowgirl8238 said:

  I think that someone who fails to take the time to RSVP is rude, but it is most likely unintentional so I don't judge.  Its the people that don't call you back when you follow-up on their missing RSVP that are annoying.
  

  My FMIL has flat out told me that if she has to make a phone call to someone she doesn't know, she's not doing RSVPing.

  

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• SaintPaulGal member

  

  July 2016

  Oy.
  
  Of course it's rude not to RSVP.  But it is so much ruder to make snarky little cards about it to shame your guest.  Blech.
  
  Here's what I intend to do: Wait for the RSVP date to pass.  Give it a couple of days to account for stragglers and slow mail.  Call anyone who has not responded.  Leave voicemails as required stating that I am checking in on whether they will be able to make it and that I hope to see them there.  Wait a couple of days for responses.  If I still haven't heard from someone at that point, call again.  This time the message says that my final numbers are due to the caterer in 2 days and if I don't hear back by then I will mark them down as a "no."  You shouldn't have to chase people like this, but if they were worth inviting in the first place they are worth a couple of 30-second phone messages.
  
  If someone shows up who I was not expecting to be there, I would do my best to accommodate them while being some mixture of annoyed and happy to see them.

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• photokitty mod

  

  July 2016

  We have an extra table, decorated, ready to go in case anyone showed up unexpectedly. He referred to it as the "late for dinner" table, but we most definitely didn't have escort cards for it.

  ~xoxo~

  
  

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• YogaSandy member

  

  July 2016

  I know of three people who didn't even receive my invitations. They got lost. Without calling, how do you (the card maker) know the RSVPs didn't get lost. 
  
  FTR - before I planned a wedding, I always thought things getting lost in the mail was a myth. Not sure why, that's just what I thought. 

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• levioosa member

  

  July 2016

  I think the worst part to me was the description under the picture.
  
  "For those who don't RSVP | Weddings, If I was thinking at the time, those that didn't RSVP would have a table but wouldn't be served dinner. Those folks could just sit there and enjoy the music and something to drink."

  
  

  Wow.  Really?  

  
  

  
  

  

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• OurWildKingdom member

  

  July 2016

  levioosa said:

  I think the worst part to me was the description under the picture.
  
  "For those who don't RSVP | Weddings, If I was thinking at the time, those that didn't RSVP would have a table but wouldn't be served dinner. Those folks could just sit there and enjoy the music and something to drink."

  
  

  Wow.  Really?  

  I missed that! That's even worse than the cards themselves.

  

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  July 2016

  I still feel bad about an RSVP I didn't return 2 years ago. 
  
  FTR we were moving and it was in a box that got lost, but still things like that stay with me. 

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