Who to invite to rehearsal?? S.O.S

Re: Who to invite to rehearsal?? S.O.S

• banana468 member

  

  July 2016

  SaintPaulGal said:

  disneyfan89 said:

  I know two people who had rehearsal dinners strictly with parents of the bride/groom and their wedding party. No +ones or dates. Nobody cared or cried about how rude it was because it was one financially better for the couple already stretched on their limit and 2 because...who cares lol?
  
  That being said if you are inviting everyone else's SO then everyone should get one, I would be annoyed if i was told no to mine but arrived and everyone else had theirs.
  
  So basically either they should all get one or none of them.

  If you can't afford a $5 deli sandwich for your very closest friends and family in the world and the partners those people have chosen for themselves, you are doing something very wrong.  Domino's even has $6 pizzas that feed 2-3 people each.  You don't have to have a lavish, fancy, opulent affair.  You just feed the people who gave up a chunk of their day for you, as well as their companions. 

  I feel the need to elaborate here too.   The RD is where you invite the people who generally spent more than all other guests on you.   Any time DH or I have been in a wedding, it involves at least one day off work, possibly a stay in a hotel and the expense of buying or renting the mandated clothing.     Your friends and family agree to all of this because generally up until  you asked them to be in your wedding, there was a friendship or familial relationship based on love and understanding and respect and the agreement comes with a smile and desire to make you and your betrothed happy.  
  
  The respect has to work both ways.   And in particular, when you're planning the events centered around the theme of legally joining your life to the life of your SO, it's absolutely mind-boggling that you want to invite these nearest and dearest friends and family to a meal where you will be next to your SO while you completely ignore their SO or simply their companion of the weekend THAT YOU INVITED.  
  
  So no @disneyfan89 , you can't have it both ways and it's simply inexcusable to invite people while dismissing their dates or SOs.   To do so is disrespectful to the very people you're trying to respect.   And by doing so, you've essentially said to the people you claim to love the most next to your SO that you don't care about their relationships. 
  
  I would much rather you change the dinner plans and go for deli sandwiches and canned beer if it means that you can do so properly.    
  
  To do anything other than that means you've completely lost sight of the big picture.   And that's a sad way to begin your life as a married person. 

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• lyndausvi mod

  

  July 2016

  SaintPaulGal said:

  disneyfan89 said:

  I know two people who had rehearsal dinners strictly with parents of the bride/groom and their wedding party. No +ones or dates. Nobody cared or cried about how rude it was because it was one financially better for the couple already stretched on their limit and 2 because...who cares lol?
  
  That being said if you are inviting everyone else's SO then everyone should get one, I would be annoyed if i was told no to mine but arrived and everyone else had theirs.
  
  So basically either they should all get one or none of them.

  If you can't afford a $5 deli sandwich for your very closest friends and family in the world and the partners those people have chosen for themselves, you are doing something very wrong.  Domino's even has $6 pizzas that feed 2-3 people each.  You don't have to have a lavish, fancy, opulent affair.  You just feed the people who gave up a chunk of their day for you, as well as their companions. 

  Yeah, I had a 100+ person open house with food and booze.  Total cost was about $1100, which breaks down to about $11 per head. We had premium liquors so we could have easily cut the costs by only only well liquors or just beer and wine.    
  
  Of course, I could have cut the costs even more by not inviting 100+ people.   However, WP with their SOs was non-negotiable.  Who does that?  
  
  At least in my experience an SO of a WP is often directly or indirectly involved with the wedding.    DH was in a wedding back in April.  It was OOT.   Do to issues with his tux we had to go back to the store 3 times.  Yep, I had to make 3 trips 25 minutes away from the place we were staying for a stupid tux.  The 3rd time it was just me as DH had other wedding obligations to attend.  
  
  I was the one who picked out the gifts, I was the one who had to watch my dogs for 4 days while DH went to Vegas for the b-party.  It was OUR money who paid for the b-party, the tux, the hotel, the airline, the rental car and the dog sitters.   
  
  Oh and the day of the wedding my DH was completely MIA.  So I basically spent the entire day by myself at an OOT wedding.   So you are really suggesting that I should just hang out by myself the night before also?      You sound like a real peach.
  
  Trust me, the SO might not be IN the wedding, but the WP's participation certain affects the SO directly or indirectly.    The right thing to do is invite them also.
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

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• lnixon8 member

  

  July 2016

  AddieCake said:

  PaperTigersx said:

  lnixon8 said:

  I've been on the other side of the bridesmaid SO debacle: I was told that at 21 I was to tell anyone that asked that my bf was my FI, great friends with bride and groom (he had never met either).But we lived far away, first non-family wedding for either of us so...
  
   Blew up in brides face after someone passed mic to (also 21, now DH) who made a toast using the wrong name for the groom. The other bridesmaids, cousins etc. were pissed when they found out.
  

  Why did you have to do this? 

  Or better yet, why did you AGREE to do it?

  Because other bridesmaids boyfriends and other guests SO's were not invited. I said I was TOLD to do that, not that anyone actually asked. I guess I could have questioned it but like I said, I was young and this was the first wedding I was in. I certainly didn't do anything even close to that for my RD or wedding.

  
  
  

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• SP29 member

  

  July 2016

  At any social event, the guests' SO should always be invited.
  
  A RD is a social event.
  
  Plus all of what Banana just said above .
  

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• horriblegb member

  

  July 2016 edited July 2016

  Hijack for a question I have been having issues with:  Our rehearsal has all SOs invited, but I have issues when it comes to our Grandmas.  My fiance and I only have one grandparent each, a grandma.  Our wedding is 100% out of town folks, most people driving.  My Grandma is being brought to the wedding with my dad's buddy, and his wife.  His grandma is being brought by his aunt to the wedding.  Do we invite the buddy, wife, and aunt?  At the risk of excluding his other aunt and other folks who wanted to go?  I am trying to figure out the right place to draw the line and I have struggled somewhat, maybe I am missing something obvious. 
  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  July 2016

  horriblegb said:

  Hijack for a question I have been having issues with:  Our rehearsal has all SOs invited, but I have issues when it comes to our Grandmas.  My fiance and I only have one grandparent each, a grandma.  Our wedding is 100% out of town folks, most people driving.  My Grandma is being brought to the wedding with my dad's buddy, and his wife.  His grandma is being brought by his aunt to the wedding.  Do we invite the buddy, wife, and aunt?  At the risk of excluding his other aunt and other folks who wanted to go?  I am trying to figure out the right place to draw the line and I have struggled somewhat, maybe I am missing something obvious. 
  

  You don't have to invite anyone besides your parents, your actual wedding party members, and everyone's SOs. But if you invite anyone else, their SOs need to be included too.

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• horriblegb member

  

  July 2016

  Right, we are inviting just our immediate family, their SOs (and children) and the bridal party, their SOs and children.  Thanks @jen4948 I dont know why the rehearsal dinner is giving me more heartburn than the wedding, it just feels more exclusionary!
  

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• ILoveBeachMusic member

  

  July 2016

  horriblegb said:

  Hijack for a question I have been having issues with:  Our rehearsal has all SOs invited, but I have issues when it comes to our Grandmas.  My fiance and I only have one grandparent each, a grandma.  Our wedding is 100% out of town folks, most people driving.  My Grandma is being brought to the wedding with my dad's buddy, and his wife.  His grandma is being brought by his aunt to the wedding.  Do we invite the buddy, wife, and aunt?  At the risk of excluding his other aunt and other folks who wanted to go?  I am trying to figure out the right place to draw the line and I have struggled somewhat, maybe I am missing something obvious us. 
  

  If you can swing it, I would invite the buddy, wife and aunt. If the Grandmas are fairly independent but just don't want to travel alone, I suppose you could not invite the people they rode with to the town.You know your family dynamics.

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• horriblegb member

  

  July 2016

  Ya I mean it is a little crazy, my dad took a surprising amount of issue with the fact that I was not planning to invite the buddy, which is where I get the guilt from.  I am thinking since it is giving me so much heartburn I should maybe invite them and get over it.  FWIW my parents are contributing money to the entire wedding, but the planning is all on us. 
  

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• horriblegb member

  

  July 2016 edited August 2016

  [repeat]
  

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• horriblegb member

  

  July 2016 edited August 2016

  [repeat]
  

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• PaperTigersx member

  

  July 2016

  I have a question related to the grandma thing too. FI grandmother offered to pay for me and my bridesmaids to have our hair and makeup done for the wedding. Grandmom isn't in the wedding, and thus my mom said we shouldn't invite her to the RD. (Plus, her kids from OOT will be over) but would this make her feel slighted? I know that must be a lot of money for our hair and makeup, but does that mean I need to invite her to the RD? 

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• ILoveBeachMusic member

  

  July 2016

  PaperTigersx said:

  I have a question related to the grandma thing too. FI grandmother offered to pay for me and my bridesmaids to have our hair and makeup done for the wedding. Grandmom isn't in the wedding, and thus my mom said we shouldn't invite her to the RD. (Plus, her kids from OOT will be over) but would this make her feel slighted? I know that must be a lot of money for our hair and makeup, but does that mean I need to invite her to the RD? 

  I would normally invite grandparents to the rehearsal dinner, but if she has her OOT kids over she might not want to come. Let her decide.

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• PaperTigersx member

  

  July 2016

  ILoveBeachMusic said:

  PaperTigersx said:

  I have a question related to the grandma thing too. FI grandmother offered to pay for me and my bridesmaids to have our hair and makeup done for the wedding. Grandmom isn't in the wedding, and thus my mom said we shouldn't invite her to the RD. (Plus, her kids from OOT will be over) but would this make her feel slighted? I know that must be a lot of money for our hair and makeup, but does that mean I need to invite her to the RD? 

  I would normally invite grandparents to the rehearsal dinner, but if she has her OOT kids over she might not want to come. Let her decide.

  Thanks! 

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• SP29 member

  

  July 2016

  PaperTigersx said:

  I have a question related to the grandma thing too. FI grandmother offered to pay for me and my bridesmaids to have our hair and makeup done for the wedding. Grandmom isn't in the wedding, and thus my mom said we shouldn't invite her to the RD. (Plus, her kids from OOT will be over) but would this make her feel slighted? I know that must be a lot of money for our hair and makeup, but does that mean I need to invite her to the RD? 

  You do not have to invite her to the RD because she is paying for hair and make up. The RD is to thank those who attended the rehearsal. However, it is very common to invite immediate family (including grandparents) to the RD. Thus, I would invite her and let her decide.
  

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