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So I'm an @$$...

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Re: So I'm an @$$...

  • A friend of mine says all the time, "I'm not racist, I just stereotype people." She got in some serious trouble at work a few years ago for telling a Muslim co-worker that her "friend says you're a towel head and a terrorist" then walking into an HR meeting with her sandal straps under her heels and proclaiming, "I'm sorry I'm coming in here looking all Asian." She almost lost her job over that. It becomes a trust issue. Can you (general you) be trusted to interact appropriately with people around you?  
    At first, I thought "How far would she have to go to actually be fired, then?" but I realized I probably don't want to know.

    I just...wow.
  • Heffalump said: 
    At first, I thought "How far would she have to go to actually be fired, then?" but I realized I probably don't want to know.

    I just...wow.
    I know. The only reason she was able to keep her job is because she agreed to go to counseling for her anger issues. She was really lucky that they didn't fire her, because she dealt with other people's clientele and I wouldn't trust her not to make some stupid, shitty remark not realizing who she was talking to. 
  • UPDATE:

    HR was already informed about the incident so that is no longer a concern.  I was spoken to and it doesn't make it feel any better.  I now realize that part of why I wanted to say something was to cover my ass...but I did honestly just want to get it out there.  I don't like the idea of keeping such matters away from the higher ups in a company.

    I want thank everyone who took the time to point out that I was wrong, and that my statement was indeed racist and insensitive.  While not easy to hear I will indeed work on this in the future.  I will not try to defend my words and have made my apologies.  I will not continue to dwell on this, and will certainly keep my work discussions more professional (aka only about work and not people/race/religion/politics/etc..) in the future.

    I am not expecting anyone to pat my back and say "good for you" because I am stating my intentions...I just wanted you to be aware that I listened.

    Why did you expect it to feel better? Did you expect them to say "oh what a silly thing to say. We know you're not racist despite everything you said and think, so it's okay? Don't worry your pretty little head about it!" Shit doesn't work like that. Or is it bc you didn't get to claim I'm not racist but I did say this, first? 
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  • Why did you expect it to feel better? Did you expect them to say "oh what a silly thing to say. We know you're not racist despite everything you said and think, so it's okay? Don't worry your pretty little head about it!" Shit doesn't work like that. Or is it bc you didn't get to claim I'm not racist but I did say this, first? 

    It was in response to a PP that said I wouldn't feel better by going to HR and I was simply stating that they were correct.  I wasn't expecting to say something and then make it all go poof!

  • ei34ei34 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    So the topic progressed to how in the past I had some bad experiences with Hispanic workers and sexual harassment in an environment where the management did nothing about it (expect switch my shift and leave him working there as normal).  Needless to say I left said job and was expressing to S my feelings about possibly being put in a similar situation again. Then we continue on to how there is a good chance that I will be working with many Hispanics and how I hope nothing bad happens. (I know maybe not the best topic but like I said we are friends and I was thinking at the time).


    I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that the Hispanic co-workers you're referring to are male.  OP, replace "Hispanic" with "male".  If you felt that working with men would cause trouble for you down the road, how employable would that make you?  It's not fair to lump an entire group of people together.

    As the wife of an incredibly respectful, kind Salvadoran/Dominican man and the mom of a biracial son, it makes me sad that in 2016, people think this way.  You're not alone, I hear plenty of "all Muslims are terrorists" or "all priests are pedophiles" etc.  And you seem sorry for what you said and you seem like a nice person from your other posts/responses and being sexually harassed does suck. But it does make me sad that groups are generalized and stereotyped.

  • OP, you cannot take back what you said.  You know that it was wrong, and you have admitted it and apologized.  You can change.  Make this a learning experience, and be very careful about generalizing about racial groups in the future.  Don't repeat your mistake.  If you can do this, then you are forgiven.
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  • cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2016
    indont know what I find more frustrating and rage-inducing; that you really hold those beliefs or that you thought having a conversation in a professional environment was acceptable, or that you really tried to explain to this woman who had to endure your comments and had the courage to confront you about them, that you're really not a racist. 

    White privilege is a very real thing. You made the work environment hostile for someone, who feared for her job if she brought it up. And you were barely punished. Do you think that if a Black man or woman, a Latino or Hispanic man or women were making sweeping generalizations about white men or women would have been treated the same way you are? 

    This is is not something you just need to "work on in the future" this is the reality that many Americans have to endure every day of their lives; listening to coworkers demean their ethnicity or race, make derogatory jokes at their expense, while fearing retailiation if they confront people. 
    1st Bolded:  I never once said to her that I'm not a racist or tried to defend myself beyond admitting that what I said was offensive and that I was sorry.  I did not stand there and babble on and on about anything.  I knew I was wrong and I owned it. 

    2nd Bolded:  This is not true.  I have been spoken to and will be placed on suspension and will need to complete sensitivity training before returning to the office.  While maybe this isn't punishment enough to some people, this is not "barely punished" either.

    ETA: Bolded
  • UPDATE:

    HR was already informed about the incident so that is no longer a concern.  I was spoken to and it doesn't make it feel any better.  I now realize that part of why I wanted to say something was to cover my ass...but I did honestly just want to get it out there.  I don't like the idea of keeping such matters away from the higher ups in a company.

    I want thank everyone who took the time to point out that I was wrong, and that my statement was indeed racist and insensitive.  While not easy to hear I will indeed work on this in the future.  I will not try to defend my words and have made my apologies.  I will not continue to dwell on this, and will certainly keep my work discussions more professional (aka only about work and not people/race/religion/politics/etc..) in the future.

    I am not expecting anyone to pat my back and say "good for you" because I am stating my intentions...I just wanted you to be aware that I listened.

    I read the whole thread, and I think this is the part that isn't quite meshing with people here. You didn't "say something racist". You are racist. You hold a racist belief, and voiced that belief in your workplace. It's not as simple as "you guys pointed out I'm racist, so now I'm not racist anymore!", and you don't seem to be getting that.

    You may not ever voice this opinion again. But I don't buy that a few critical words on a message board are enough to cure your racism. And it's the racism that people are responding to, not the comment itself.

    Also, I'll be honest, you should feel better from this interaction with HR. You should feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Because you should have lost your job for what you said.


  • Yeah, you definitely are more concerned about having made the mistake of SAYING ALOUD something racist than you are about THINKING RACIST THOUGHTS about these people. That's the issue that people are having here. And that's what you need to work on - not your discretion, but your attitude.
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited August 2016
    CMGragain said:
    Because I am a Christian.  I forgive her.  Just because I am white doesn't mean that I am not highly offended by racism.  My mother was very racist, and it caused me a lot of pain and embarrassment.  I have also been the target of racism in my former work.  I would not be friends with someone who has racist beliefs.  I will be friends with someone who has repented and changed those beliefs, though.
    I can forgive her.  I hope the people whom she hurt can also forgive her.  I am sorry if you cannot.  Hatred is destructive.
    Remember when you used the N word on this site? Like actually typed it out? 

    Remember when you defended the confederate flag? like, a lot, throughout multiple posts? 

    I do! You have frequently said SUPER racist things on this site so maybe don't chime in on this topic about how you forgive the OP? No one is saying they want to burn the OP at the stake. Just that she said and did something racist. And didn't think she was racist. And that is the problem with a ton of people in this country. People think you have to be running around the defending the confederate flag (ehem) and wearing a KKK robe to be a racist but there is a ton of racist behavior, words, etc like the OP did here. Important thing is to recognize it, live with it, dwell on it a bit, and think about how to fix that. I don't think OP has radically changed her beliefs since she first posted, so maybe the poster who used the N word can ease up on the "I forgive you, you've changed" BS 

    (also if you try to bring up that you were the victim of racism because you are an old white lady and were hurt by an 8 year old girl who said she didn't like you I will have to put my face in my pillow and scream so please think of my poor husband before you respond)
    You are so full of bull.  You have no idea.  This is not worth responding to.
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