Wedding Etiquette Forum

Wishing more people lurked and learned!

I've been lurking for about a year, learning as I read, and enjoying the discussions. My friends pretty much all got married five to ten years ago, when I was truly single. So between that and my lack of knowledge about etiquette, I never considered or cared whether I was given a plus one or not. Now at age 38, in my first long-term relationship, likely getting married in 2017, I've started to pay attention.

My boyfriend (dating for 1.5 years, living together for a year, none of which matters) recently received an invitation to a first cousin's wedding. And I wasn't included. Not by name, and not even a plus one. It really stings.

He had thrown the outer envelope in the recycle bin and was showing me the invitation. The RSVP card didn't have any indication on total invited. I asked him if I was invited and he wasn't sure. He retrieved the outer envelope and only his name is listed.

He isn't attending the wedding, we'll be moose hunting at the time. And I am going to encourage him to return the RSVP- he wasn't going to send it back since he isn't going to go.

So for future brides and grooms, please check in with the people you invite to your wedding. Don't rely on FB, our relationship is not "FB official" because we didn't feel the need. Check with your single friends and family to see if they are truly single.

Re: Wishing more people lurked and learned!

  • NBSquared2017NBSquared2017 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2016
    I received and invite to a wedding in Wisconsin a few years ago without a +1. I was not in a serious relationship at the time, but I did not know anyone except the groom. I declined because I didn't want to be 8 hours from home and alone at a wedding. I can imagine how annoyed you were as a SO. 

    Happy hunting! 

    ETA: He should return the RSVP, it's only proper to do so. 
  • Please insist that he returns the RSVP! (I know you can't ultimately make him do so). An RSVP is a response NOT an affirmation that you(general you) are attending. If he doesn't return it, I guarantee the couple will contact him to see if he is attending. I say this as a recent MOB.

    As for the cousin not including you by name, that is just rude!
  • Don't worry! I know it needs to go back and I will do my best to encourage him to send it back. I already told him he needed to send it back. I've kept the invite on the top of his pile of stuff and will bring it up again in the next couple of days.

  • Hello! Nice to see another Alaskan on here!
  • RSVP returned! Mom was visiting and had a friend break her ankle back home, so Mom wanted to make a trip to the post office to send a get well card. I said "This would be the perfect time to send the RSVP back, we'd be happy to drop it off for you!" And with that reminder, he filled it out and I put it in the mail.
  • @photokitty But if you're not close to cousin and only inviting them to keep the peace, then the person you're inviting them for should know if they are in a relationship. I agree that it's not always rude, but I feel like OP's cousin should have asked whomever they got the address from.
  • @photokitty But if you're not close to cousin and only inviting them to keep the peace, then the person you're inviting them for should know if they are in a relationship. I agree that it's not always rude, but I feel like OP's cousin should have asked whomever they got the address from.


    Not necessarily.  My family too has a large amount of cousins.  Even though my mom has attended showers and weddings for some of these cousins' children, she often can't recall the name of the spouse unless she sees them regularly.  I even sat at a table with some relatives once where they were debating the name of a spouse at a great aunt's birthday party!  So I can see there also being problems for the person insisting on the invite not knowing either.  They are only insisting on the invite most likely to keep the peace between the elder generation (their own) and not the younger generation being invited.

    I hope that made sense, it made sense in my head!

  • @photokitty But if you're not close to cousin and only inviting them to keep the peace, then the person you're inviting them for should know if they are in a relationship. I agree that it's not always rude, but I feel like OP's cousin should have asked whomever they got the address from.


    Not necessarily.  My family too has a large amount of cousins.  Even though my mom has attended showers and weddings for some of these cousins' children, she often can't recall the name of the spouse unless she sees them regularly.  I even sat at a table with some relatives once where they were debating the name of a spouse at a great aunt's birthday party!  So I can see there also being problems for the person insisting on the invite not knowing either.  They are only insisting on the invite most likely to keep the peace between the elder generation (their own) and not the younger generation being invited.

    I hope that made sense, it made sense in my head!

    yeah. That makes sense. 
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